Hands of Lust

Some kill their love when they are young,
And some when they are old;
Some strangle with the hands of Lust,
Some with the hands of Gold:
The kindest use a knife, because
The dead so soon grow cold.
-Oscar Wilde, The Ballad of Reading Gaol

Harry hadn't slept in weeks and it wasn't just because of the hard stone beneath his body or the awkward angle the chains kept him twisted into. His mind was racing, imagining everything that might happen – to him, to his family. The only clamour louder than the fear of what was coming was the self-recrimination over what had already been done. Harry leaned his head back against the stone which dripped with the condensation of dozens of bodies sweating and breathing in the same space, and wondered for the thousandth time if he could have fought harder, if he could have resisted. If he could have refused Draco.

He shifted on the hard floor.

It would have been relatively simple to escape had he but a wand; that was, no doubt, intentional. Malfoy would want him to think of everything he had lost.

And he had lost so much to Draco, who had given him such passion and brought him to devastating ruination.

Two years previously: London, 1851

The carriage jerked slightly as the horses negotiated the corner onto Oxford Street, the sunlight on the brisk spring day illuminating the elegant facades of Grosvenor Square. Inside the carriage, Harry kissed his wife's temple gently. "You see? We've arrived in London. We'll be there soon."

"At last," said Ginny, rubbing her swollen stomach. "I seriously doubt the wisdom of this custom. Two full days in a jerking carriage is far from comfortable at the best of times, never mind…" She indicated her belly and shifted her weight, pulling away from Harry to gaze out of the window.

"I know," Harry sighed. "But you know other means are unsafe for you in this delicate condition." The possibility of an error in the Floo existed, no matter how many safeguards were in place, and no one wanted to imagine what would happen should an expectant mother splinch herself.

Ginny wrinkled her nose. "As though I have not heard the same from every Healer, every relative, every… everyone! Everyone has an opinion," she said, glaring at Harry as though he were responsible for all the evils of the world. "I have done this twice before, you know." Her voice grew sharper with every word.

Harry reached out and took her hand, stroking his thumb over her knuckles. Usually that would be enough to calm Ginny at least a little but this time her spine stayed defiantly stiff.

Harry looked out of the window. "Perhaps the railway will extend to Godric's Hollow soon."

Harry wasn't particularly enjoying the journey to London himself. Mercifully James and Albus had slept most of the way; Harry doubted his long-term ability to contain their natural exuberance in such a small space.

He wondered idly if Ginny would give him another son this time, or if she would instead give birth to the daughter she so longed for. Names had already been chosen for both contingencies: in the latter case it would be Lily for his departed mother. In the former it would be Sirius for his godfather, to whose London residence they now travelled.

As Sirius had never married, Harry was heir to the Black title and fortune - which brought both freedom and responsibilities. Harry had had the importance of "going to town" for the birth of a child drummed into his head but had had to work hard to convince Ginny this time; she would much rather have gone to her mother at the Burrow. Harry had understood, but convention dictated their actions in this case and Ginny had rather sullenly agreed. Where her previous pregnancies had given her a glow, this most recent seemed instead to have sapped the vitality from her completely and Harry was ashamed to admit that he was looking forward to her confinement, allowing him some time with Sirius.

Harry had barely begun to think of his godfather before the carriage pulled to a stop outside his residence at Grimmauld Place. Most unconventionally it was Sirius himself who flung open the door, his long-suffering house-elf Dobby at his heels, muttering to himself about how it wasn't proper for Master Sirius to open his own doors.

"Harry!" Sirius cried. "Ginny! Wonderful to see you."

Sirius, Lord Black, had virtually raised Harry from infancy and it was with pleasure that Harry now greeted him.

"Sirius," Ginny returned, smiling. She was obviously tired; even with Harry's assistance she stumbled a little as she stepped down from the carriage.

"My dear, you are exhausted. Come on, in you go, nothing to be ashamed of."

Ginny flushed a little, it not being at all the done thing to refer to her condition even obliquely, but she followed Dobby inside willingly enough even as Harry woke his sons.

Sirius had employed a nanny for the duration of their stay, a Scots girl named Morag MacDougal. It was with no considerable relief that Harry left James and Albus, now fully awake, in her care and closed the door to Sirius' study.

"Brandy? I think you need it, my boy!" Sirius said, giving that barking laugh of his.

Harry grinned reluctantly. "Sirius, you'll never change." The sight of Sirius in his study, the dark wood and oriental carpet always made Harry feel at ease. He supposed it was what he associated with home in the way most people would regard their parents. It was in here that Sirius had explained all manner of things to Harry as his father would have. The talk on the rights of a husband had been particularly memorable.

Sirius' own grin was unrepentant. "I should hope not indeed. Well, here's to you," he said, handing Harry a glass. "Third child coming soon, Harry. You're doing well."

"Ginny does most of the hard work," Harry objected.

"But I'd wager she makes it just as hard on you." Seeing Harry grow still, Sirius went on, "All women do, from what I understand."

"You have found this in your wealth of experience as a husband?" Harry could not resist asking.

Sirius made a face. "We're not all made for family life. Sit down, sit down."

"Thank you, no," Harry said, grimacing. "I have been sitting for the better part of two days."

"Indeed the journey is long. Your wife needs her rest, I think?"

Harry looked down at his brandy, rotated it around the glass. "This one has been hard on her."

Sirius nodded. "I could tell. She did not look herself at all."

"As you say." Harry took a long drink of his brandy. The action did not go unnoticed.

"Has it been causing problems?" Sirius asked sympathetically.

Harry never knew how to handle Sirius on the rare occasions when he became serious about something. "I would rather not-"

Sirius held up his palms, "Fine, fine." He seemed a little relieved. "Well, let's see, all the preparations here are in place. Morag's a fine girl for the boys, and I have engaged a Madam Pomfrey to act as Healer."

"Lucky you have room enough for them all. I can't thank you enough for-"

Sirius waved Harry's thanks away. "What else would I do with my money but take care of family?"

"Squander it in gaming hells?"

Sirius snorted. "I assure you, those days are far behind me. It's all dining with respectable families these days. Puts me in mind – while I know your wife needs her rest, it does put rather a spoke in the wheel. I had accepted an invitation to a gathering this evening. Thought Ginny could do with a bit of society before being shut away for months."

Harry ruffled his always-messy hair. "I doubt she will be up to it, though the thought is kind." The thought was typically Sirius – well-intentioned but utterly inappropriate.

Sirius nodded. "Well, I shall have to attend of course – and it would be terribly poor if I were not to bring any guests after having Mrs Bones extend the invitation."

Harry sighed. "Very well, I shall ask Ginny, and when she says no I will accompany you."

"Capital!" Sirius beamed. "It's decided!"

~o0o~

Ginny had already taken a sleeping draught by the time Harry went to check on her, so he need not have braced himself for her displeasure at going out without her. Ginny had been fractious recently, which was not at all like her, and Harry found himself hoping against hope that it was merely the effect of pregnancy.

He did not mention anything of the kind to Sirius. Remus, who had been married himself, he could have spoken to but Remus was not due to visit town again for many months. Harry wondered if he could bring himself to put such thoughts into writing. It had been some time since he had received a letter from Remus, now that he thought on it. He said as much to Sirius on joining him in the parlour.

"Remus? He is a school master now!" Sirius said, shaking his head in disbelief. "Gone back to Hogwarts of all places!"

"He was good," Harry said, remembering. "I liked having him there. But the restrictions against werewolves…"

"There weren't many left able to teach," Sirius said. He was jovial so often that on the rare occasions when he was serious, it sent shivers down Harry's spine. "Most of the Aurors dead, almost all of the Order dead. He is chained up like an animal at the full moon, but he is useful to them so they let him be."

Harry swallowed. "It is hard to know whether that is a desirable state of living."

Sirius' lip curled upward, baring his teeth. "We are all war heroes and he is still on the fringes of society."

"It is not fair," Harry acknowledged.

With visible effort, Sirius turned his thoughts away from his dear friend and gave Harry a piercing gaze. "You know there will still be a great deal of interest in you. Many people will wish to meet the famous slayer of Dark Wizards, Harry Potter."

Harry sighed. "Which is precisely why I avoid town when I can. I infinitely prefer a quiet life."

"You always did," Sirius sniffed. "Much more like your mother than like James in that respect."

Harry always loved to hear such titbits about his parents, but he wished Sirius would not always sound so disappointed when Harry did not perfectly mirror James.

"In any case," Sirius went on, "we should be going. Arrival times are precisely worked out, you know. You remember the Floo address?"

"Bones Estate, Sirius, it is not too taxing," Harry replied dryly.

"Then after you!" Sirius said with a sweeping gesture.

Harry rolled his eyes, but he went, green powder in hand. At the other end, a butler was waiting to greet him with a "Good evening, sir!" and Harry passed him his cloak and top hat, privately thinking how ridiculous it was to wear such things just to take a Floo journey.

Sirius appeared right behind him, and, having also divested himself of his outer garments, they followed the butler to be announced, waiting at the entrance to a room almost the size of Harry's entire home at Godric's Hollow, with an enormous fireplace at one end, elaborate chandeliers sending rainbows of light down to the marble floors… Harry barely knew where to look at the display of such opulence.

Sirius quirked a smile at Harry. "Ostentatious, don't you think?"

Harry smothered a laugh as the announcer cried, "Lord Sirius Black and Harry Potter Esquire!"

At once a hush fell over the previously bustling room before the conversation picked up promptly at twice the previous volume and speed. Harry prayed that he would do nothing to embarrass himself as he and Sirius proceeded to where Mr and Mrs Bones waited to greet them, both well-dressed but to look at them definitely people with preoccupations other than fashion.

"Sirius," Mrs Bones said warmly. "And Mr Potter, of course. How do you do?"

"How do you do?" Harry returned politely. "So kind of you to include my wife and I in your invitation. Unfortunately she is much tired from the journey."

"I quite understand. Sirius does not think of these things," she said with a reprimanding look at the man in question.

A woman about Harry's age looked around from behind Mr Bones; Harry dimly remembered her as their daughter, Susan. Ginny wrote to her from time to time, so Harry made a point of speaking to her now.

"Miss Bones, good to see you again," he said.

"Thank you, Mr Potter," she returned a little impishly.

Harry smiled at her and proceeded into the gathered throng. Many of Sirius' old acquaintances were present. Some he greeted with pleasure and some with mere politeness. But Harry did not see Sirius' jaw actually clench until the arrival of, "Lord and Lady Malfoy, and Lord Draco Malfoy!"

Sirius' back immediately went rigid and Harry turned to look at the people who had elicited such a reaction. His view was obscured by the people between him and the entryway, but he could see Lord Malfoy clearly enough – a tall, older man with unfashionably long hair and extremely fashionable and expensive robes. His wife was also blonde and wore pale blue; Harry could not see the third member of the party from where he stood.

"Malfoy," Harry said, trying to remember. "The name is familiar, but I don't recall seeing either of them before."

Sirius grimaced. "They recently returned from a long sojourn in Italy. The woman is my cousin Narcissa. Extremely apt, no woman ever loved herself so much. Her husband…" But then another man came to speak with Sirius and press his embarrassing thanks on Harry, and Sirius forced himself to return to his better manners.

Harry glanced over to the Malfoys a few times more. He had known Sirius all his life; the man had virtually no contact with any of his family. Harry had met his cousin Andromeda and her husband on several occasions as a young boy but that had dwindled down to nothing after he began school. It seemed incredible now to think that there was a great swathe of Sirius' family of whom he knew next to nothing.

As Harry moved to turn away, his attention was caught by a stranger who had evidently caught him looking. A man about his own age, blond and lithe, was looking at him as one might look at a plate before eating from it. Discomfited, Harry looked away.

"I am so sorry, Mr Lynch, I find myself unused to such large gatherings," Harry said in response to the man's expectant expression. "I find myself so easily distracted by the noise and the crowd."

Sirius' hand on Harry's back reminded him, do not appear a country bumpkin! but Mr Lynch merely smiled. "Of course, it takes time to adjust whenever one spends long periods outside London."

"When one is tired of London one is tired of life," an unfamiliar drawl interjected. "Or so Samuel Johnson said, and who would argue with so prolific a man, despite his being a Muggle?"

Harry looked at the speaker instinctively. It was the man he'd seen before who'd caught him staring at the Malfoys. Had he crossed the room just to speak with Harry? From a distance he had appeared handsome; this close he was oddly beautiful. His was not a conventional beauty, the angles of his face much too sharp for that, but he exuded a certain magnetism and he was staring right into Harry's eyes.

"Lord Draco, may I present Mr Potter. Harry, Lord Draco," Sirius said without inflection.

Harry always knew how he was expected to react to an introduction by the tone in which Sirius delivered it. On this occasion the tone and expression clearly spoke of a man too influential to be given the cut direct, but nonetheless not someone whose acquaintance could be considered desirable.

Yet Harry could not look away from the face in front of him. Lord Draco seemed to shine in the lamplight, all pale skin and pale hair and pale eyes. Harry dimly registered that he should have looked washed out but instead he appeared radiant with some inner light. His lips, pouting and pink, belonged on the face of the world's finest courtesan, not the son of a nobleman. Harry felt as though he had been struck by a Bludger. Confused by his reaction he felt his face begin to flush.

"Harry?" Sirius had to prompt him.

The knowing look on Lord Draco's face sent Harry into a panic; he could barely bring himself to shake the man's gloved hand.

Grey eyes smirked at him. "But of course, Mr Potter. I remember you from school."

"Indeed?" Harry swallowed. "I believe you must be much changed."

"Well, of course I was in Slytherin house," Lord Draco said. "We did not often fraternise with the other houses."

"Quite." Harry remembered him now. He had been thin and sarcastic and had taunted other students; Harry had not developed friendships with such people.

Lord Draco smirked again and Harry found himself distracted from his thoughts by watching those lips curve into different shapes. He shook his head to clear it, perturbed by his abstraction.

"In any case," Lord Draco went on, reaching into a pocket, "here is my card. It is never too late to form an acquaintance. Good evening to you, Mr Potter. Lord Black."

The rest of the evening passed in something of a blur, Malfoy's card burning a hole in Harry's pocket where it lay nestled against his pocket watch. Harry met admirers and renewed old acquaintances as best he could, but he could feel those smirking eyes on him every time he moved.

At last they were making their goodbyes and returning through the Floo to Grimmauld Place. Standing back in the parlour, Harry felt as though he could breathe again for the first time that night.

Sirius offered him a nightcap and the two moved to his study. Harry knew Sirius had something on his mind; as usual it did not take his godfather long to voice it.

"Harry," said Sirius hesitantly, "do you not remember Lord Draco's father? He was in the Inner Circle."

Harry nodded, his stomach flipping as old memories came alive. "A staunch supporter of the Dark Arts. Pleaded Imperius to avoid Azkaban."

Sirius nodded. "The Bones' only receive him because he retained his place on the Wizengamot. His family is among the darkest. The Ministry have been trying for years to confiscate their library of dark texts but somehow the Aurors are never able to find it when they search."

Harry absorbed this. "His son is like him?"

Sirius shook his head. "Lord Malfoy is corrupt, cunning, ruthless and smart. His son is but a wastrel. He runs up gaming debts and abuses everyone around him. He is not a person I would wish to see developing influence over you." There was a definite edge to Sirius' voice, something unfamiliar in his eyes.

Startled, Harry protested, "You believe me so easily persuaded?"

"I believe young Malfoy to be trouble," Sirius said flatly. "If you are wise you will not allow him the opportunity to prove it."