I really should be writing up the next chapter of Misery Never Misses, but I feel like its going no where and I need help, and my friends aren't helping --
If I owned Naruto, then all the boys would want to screw Naruto
Light penetrated the glass and streamed into the bedroom window of Hyuuga Neji. As we look at the unusually messy covers, strewn across the bed is someone that is quite obviously NOT the obsessively neat, stick up his ass Hyuuga. Rather you find blindingly bright blonde, almost yellow, hair resting on an innocent pillow which was receiving drool it never deserved.
"Please refrain from soaking my favorite pillow with your saliva. It is quite revolting to look at." Ah. There is the universally loved Pretty boy. Though it is difficult to pull off the 'I don't give a damn and stop looking at my hair' look when said hair is soaking wet and sticking to your forehead and your cheeks are flushed pink from the heat of the shower.
"Shhhuuuutt up! Do you know how hard it is to get a decent night sleep with you around? Its always 'Naruto, take your pants off so I can screw you senseless' or 'Naruto, you aren't tired ALREADY, are you?' Are you a fucking nympho?" Naruto rolled over to give a half glare at Neji, the effect ruined by the adorable pout and his chaotic hair. Neji reached out and yanked the covers off the bed, dragging the blonde with them. "What was that for? You could have just asked me to get up you know."
Naruto dragged himself along the floor, still resting on his stomach as him elbows did all the work. "Why are you getting me up so early anyway? Its Saturday, I should be sleeping in and eating ramen!" He continued complaining about the hours his boyfriend kept as he brushed him teeth, making everything he said sound like a gargling man drowning.
"After you harassed me for two weeks you forgot that you wanted to go buy our kimono today? And I thought that you were serious about getting the ceremony right this time." Neji shot Naruto an amused look accompanied by a trademark smirk.
"Hey, it's not my fault that the Kimono maker sized them wrong the last time, and Sakura is really scary when she's mad! And admit that it was Lee's fault the first ceremony went wrong the first time. Well, technically we could blame Kakashi-sensei for giving him a glass of sake before hand. Stupid pervert." Poor Naruto and Neji's civil union ceremony had been postponed twice due to various incidents. The first ceremony had been a complete disaster, as Lee had gotten drunk and destroyed half of the building before it even started. The second time had been a more subtle reason. Naruto had wanted to get custom kimono made, but when they arrived at the compound hours before the ceremony it turned out that the kimono were the completely wrong sizes. Later, Sakura had gotten into an argument with Naruto about the ceremony, begging him not to go through. Neji got involved and it ended in a full out screaming match between Naruto Sakura and Neji.
"We're going to get it done this time, dammit! Even if Orochimaru rises from the dead and dances naked, we are DOING IT." Panting heavily, Naruto's eyes shone with determination. "I'm still not happy about you demanding that I change my name though. Why can't I just stay Uzumaki Naruto? I like my name!"
Approaching from behind Neji wrapped him arm loosely around his little lover's waist "I just want everyone to know that you're my little wife." Cream eyes crinkled in amusement and Naruto's face turned red with anger and Neji waltzed out of the bedroom into the hall. If any of the Hyuugas were still asleep, they were most certainly woken by the screams of a furious soon to be Hyuuga.
"Black doesn't look good on you at all!" Naruto opened his mouth to say something but was cut off by the oh-so-evil seamstress "I REFUSE to make an orange kimono, and I know that you were about to suggest it. Maybe blue, to bring out your eyes." The grey haired kimono maker bustled about the room, ignoring the icy look that Naruto was shooting her way as he stood on a block in the middle of the room. Neji moved to confer with the old woman about colors. Apparently the Hyuuga was enjoying the idea of dressing his boyfriend up.
"What am I, I fucking doll? THIS ISN'T FUNNY! STOP LAUGHING NEJI!" Enter killing glare here.
"Naruto, silence yourself. You were the one who wanted to get new kimono, and she's right, black looks dreadful on you and if you were to choose we would all end up looking like morons. This is my 'wedding day' if you will, and I want to arrange what colors I will be seeing in pictures 20 years from now." After turning back from reprimanding Naruto, who was now sulking, he and the evil lady with needles finally picked colors for the kimono. "Navy blue will do nicely for you. It will look very nice with the Hyuuga symbol on the back."
"….You're kidding, right? You can't seriously expect me to wear a clan symbol on my back at our WEDDING. Its just so tackyyyyyy". Naruto's disbelief surprised the seamstress. Did the boy not know that when a non clan member was marrying a clan member he was considered a member thanks to his spouse?
"As my spouse you will be a member of the Hyuuga clan. It will be expected of you to wear something that will symbolize your joining of our clan. Some males have their wives wear rings engraved with the clan symbol. You are lucky that I am not demanding that you constantly wear something that shows your allegiance to the family. The Uchihas were a family that were strict in clan member possession." Naruto rolled his eyes at that. Of course Sasuke's family would have an undesirable trait of possessiveness coupled with the stick up his ass.
"Can we just get these fitted at go to lunch already? I'm getting sick of being poked with a measuring tape." The lady huffed and finished taking his measurements and sent them on their way.
"NNNNAARRRUUUTOOOOOOO!" A pink blur darted out of the Yamanaka flower shop in the directions of the two men making their way down the street to the new ramen stand (enter a few minute pause for the author to stop being depressed thanks to watching Munich, since this is supposed to be a happy fic).
"Oh, god no. She's going to want to talk about flowers again. Save me Neji! She doesn't like you, so if you stand in front of me and glare she might leave me alone." Naruto moved to cower behind Neji, but it was wishful thinking. Sakura reached behind Neji, just barely glancing up with a disapproving frown, to grab Naruto and pull him along side her back to the shop. Neji followed close behind. He knew what girls were capable of, after all, he was a teammate of one of the psycho breed. This is why he decided to be with Naruto instead of a girl.
"We are going to need lots and lots of roses. How about some yellow ones? You like yellow, right? Daffodils! I LOVE Daffodils! And its great that you guys are having a spring wedding because the Sakura trees will be in blossom! We need lots of bright colors to make everything look joyful! Oh- Inopig and I found a great spot for the ceremony! There's this pretty little hill with a mini natural waterfall and lots of very pretty trees!" Sakura's inane babble continued in this manner for the next half an hour as she and Ino selected flowers that would go well in the spot that had apparently been picked for their ceremony.
Neji was for some reason allowed to sit in the corner peacefully while his fiancée was hauled around the room by two overly enthusiastic females infected with wedding fever. Pale eyes closed painfully when he developed a headache after 20 minutes of constant squealing. Maybe he should have just let Hinata-sama help arrange everything. After all, she was the girl. Didn't all girls love designing wedding flowers?
Naruto's shrill shriek broke Neji out of his musings "Oh, FUCK NO. I am NOT going to carry a bouquet! I am not a girl, DAMMIT! DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THAT!" Ino and Sakura stood still for a moment, then looked at each other and broke out into hysterical giggles.
"Naruto, one of you HAS to be the bride. I'm pretty sure Neji isn't the uke in this relationship, so you are the girl!" Ino's cheery statement make Neji "cough" and evil pink blob and vile flower girl giggled even harder while Naruto gave the Hyuuga a betrayed, wide eyed look.
"NEJI YOU TRAITOR!"
"So, are you two going to buy a house once you are married?" One pair of blue eyes and a pair of white eyes looked up from ramen and sushi. The blank look in both of their eyes said that the answer was a resounding 'we didn't even think about that'. The Gondaime sighed in irritation. "Are you two planning on just living in Neji's family's part of the Hyuuga compound? I'm sure that Hizashi-san would be willing to allow you a house or apartment of your own after the union." Neji ate another piece of sushi as he mulled over the thought of their own section of the compound. It would be very nice to have their privacy, as some of the Hyuuga family members were not exactly thrilled with the idea of two gay men in their homes.
"I will approach Hinata-sama about it. It would be best to have her talk to her father about the idea. They are on much better terms lately, and we would have a better chance if she is the one to ask." Naruto's eyes lit up as he said this. Apparently he was quite taken with the idea of their own homes. Next someone was going to stick the thought of children into his head and then they would have a real problem.
"Well brat, I guess I'll have to throw you a house warming party after the big day. Get you a few bottles of sake for nights on which you want to kill the Hyuuga. He'll make a housewife out of you soon enough!" The Hogake's grin was hidden by the shadow of Naruto rising up in agitation.
"WHY THE FUCK DOES EVERYONE THINK I'M THE GIRL!"
DDDOONNNNEEE! That was fun. This is my day's rambling. Chapter two coming soon.