It's not Goodbye (Chapter one)
"From now on it's just the three of you," were the last words we heard from our manager. Those last words that made our hearts throb and our eyes water. The three of us stood there, not saying a word, still trying to take in those words.
"J-just…the three of us?" Junsu took a few steps backwards as if about to pass out, "What does he mean?" Junsu let a tear escape his eye. Yoochun's eyes widened and he took in a deep breath.
"WHAT THE HELL?" Yoochun shouted, slamming his fist onto the wall, "They think they can just split us up like that? Who do they think they are? It's OUR life and i intend to live it how I want to." Jaejoong sighed and put his arm around the crying Junsu.
"It was OUR decision, Yoochun," Jaejoong's eyes watered, "We knew this was coming. But it'll be okay, it's not like it's the end of Tohoshinki, right?" He tightened his grip around Junsu.
"Yes, it is," Yoochun chuckled, his voice trembling, "It's the beginning of JYJ, and the end of Tohoshinki…" he walked out of the room, slamming the door after him. Both Jaejoong and Junsu stood there, the tears pouring out of their eyes. What were they going to do? Without Yunho and Changmin, they felt nothing but emptiness…
(After gameshow, on the way home)
"So that went well, right?" the manager smiled, "Well, get a good night's rest tonight, because don't forget about the promotions tomorrow. Big night, don't want to look tired for that, do we? Lots of singing to do." The rest of the ride home was silent, just the way it was supposed to be.
When the three members arrived home, Jaejoong sat himself at the dining table gestured for Junsu to join him. Yoochun knew that Jaejoong wanted to have a talk but he was tired and he was sick of this. He headed back to his bedroom.
"Yoochun," Jaejoong sighed, "Come here, I want to talk about this."
Yoochun sighed, "Talk about what, Jaejoong?" he half-shouted, his back still facing Jaejoong, "Talk about us splitting up? Talk about how Tohoshinki has ended? Hm? Talk about how messed up we are? Talk about what we feel like? Don't you get it? This isn't just something that a talk or a hug can fix. This is permanent," he turned around, eyes fuming with anger.
"Yoochun, let's just talk about this, alright?" Jaejoong stood up.
"What do you expect? That we could just talk about it? Let out our emotions and we'd feel better? I don't need this right now. I don't need you feeling sorry for me and acting like the leader. You'll never be the leader!" Yoochun shouted, glaring at Jaejoong.
"Well, do you think I need this as well? You say you don't need this right now but what about me, huh? I'll never be the leader, I know, because only Yunho can rightfully fill that place, but at least I'm trying. I'm trying my hardest to keep this band together, I'm trying to step in and do the right thing. Do you think that on top of all of this, I need you here telling me what I'm doing? I know what I'm doing, and I don't need you to criticize my methods because I know that no matter how upset and broken I feel right now, what you're doing is no better. So if you don't want my help, fine, but don't act like you've got me and this band figured out," Jaejoong said sternly and left the room. Yoochun and Junsu both stood there, taking in his words.
"What's happening to us?" Junsu inhaled, trying to hold back his tears, "Why is this happening to us? We did nothing wrong. I did nothing wrong. Is it wrong to love music, Yoochun?" Junsu cried.
"No, Junsu," Yoochun leaned against the wall, "It's not."
"Then why are we getting a punishment for something we never did," he shouted, "Our music touched people's hearts, Yoochun. We created real music that people loved. Why would anyone take that away from us?" Junsu wiped his eyes which were now red.
"I don't know," Yoochun sighed, "I just don't know…"
(After performances)
"Yoochun," Jaejoong sighed, "I heard your voice unhinging at the end of your long notes. Are you alright?" Yoochun ignored him, staring at the television.
"Yoochun," Jaejoong tapped him on the shoulder, "Is your voice okay?" Yoochun shrugged Jaejoong's hand off and continued to ignore him.
"PARK YOOCHUN!" Jaejoong shouted, standing in front of the television.
"What?" Yoochun shouted back, glaring into his eyes, "My voice is fine. What? You're trying to tell me that I'm bad? That you're better? Is that it? You don't have to pretend to be nice. Just be a man, and tell me that I suck! Seriously, I don't care anymore," he got up, "I'm done here. I'm done with this, man!"
"What do you mean? You're done?" Junsu, got up, standing next to Jaejoong.
"I mean exactly that. I'm done with all this. I'm done with the stupid schedules. I'm done with the tears. I'm done with all of it. I'm done with Tohoshinki…or what's left of it," he ran into his room. Just seconds later he came out with a large suitcase.
"Yoochun," Jaejoong ran after him, "Come back. What are you doing? We need you right now," the tears poured out of his eyes.
Yoochun ran to his car, loaded his suitcase into the back and got into the drivers seat.
"YOOCHUN!" Jaejoong shouted, banging on the car window. Yoochun rolled the window down and sighed.
"Jaejoong, I'm sorry," he shook his head, "I have to go, I can't take it anymore."
"I thought you loved music, "Jaejoong cried, "You once told me that you loved how our music was different. The first time you wrote a song, you told me that you loved that feeling. Of accomplishing something as beautiful as music. You told me you wanted this life, even if it was hard. You told me that no matter how many hardships, you loved music and you would spend your life doing what you love. Is that not true anymore? Do you not love music? Do you not love us?" Jaejoong grabbed Yoochun's arm.
"I still love music, Jaejoong," Yoochun shook his head, "I love it more than anything in the world and of course I love all of you, but this isn't the music filled life that I wanted. This isn't what I want. When I told you that I wanted to spend my life doing what I wanted, I meant writing music and performing on stage with you guys, with my brothers. I didn't want this. This life is meaningless without the other two, you know? So I'm sorry, but I'm done," Yoochun drove off into the darkness of the night.
"WHY DIDN'T YOU STOP HIM?" their manager shouted across the room, "I don't care what it takes, but he NEEDS to come back! He thinks he can just walk out? That's too irresponsible." Jaejoong and Junsu stared into thin air, not listening to a word their manager was saying, "YAH! Kim Jaejoong! Are you even listening?" their manager shouted even louder, "Do you understand how important this is? You can't sing with only two people! He can't just leave like that!"
"What's the difference?" Jaejoong sighed, "Yunho and Changmin left just like that."
"They didn't choose to leave, hyung," Junsu shook his head, "We left, and they couldn't."
"So? Isn't this the same?" Jaejoong turned around, "Yoochun's leaving and we can't! Basically, without Yoochun we're done for. We have nothing! Not only is Tohoshinki gone, but so is JYJ!"
"So what do you want to do about it? Are you going to leave as well?" their manager belted, pushing Jaejoong onto the couch, "Are you going to? Huh? I thought you were the one that said we needed to stick together. What about that, huh? I won't let you leave." Jaejoong glared up at the manager and stood up so that their faces were only inches away.
"You can't stop me," Jaejoong hissed before packing his bags and leaving.
"Omma," Junsu said into his mobile phone, "There's been a slight change of plans. Turns out that I'm coming back to Korea for a few weeks to see Changmin and Yunho," Junsu smiled, before he boarded the plane to Korea.
When Junsu arrived outside the "DBSK" apartment he rang the doorbell and he was thrilled to see Changmin open the door.
"CHANGMIN-NIE!" Junsu shouted and pulled Changmin into a hug, "I've missed you," he almost cried out. Changmin smiled and patted Junsu on the head, "I've missed you too." When Junsu went inside the two were joined by Yunho at the dining table.
"Basically, we're nothing without you guys," Junsu shook his head, "we can't do it without you! Do we look like we're doing okay to you? Basically, what's left of Tohoshinki is me. Yoochun left first and then Jaejoong left shortly after. Please come with me," Junsu begged, getting onto his knees.
"Junsu!" Yunho tried to help him up, "Don't do this! You KNOW we can't. It's too late." Junsu ignored him and remained on his knees.
"I'm not asking much from you," the tears poured out of Junsu's eyes, "I'm just asking that you come back with me. I know that Tohoshinki might not be together at the moment, but please, just help Yoochun and Jaejoong gain faith in us again. Remember when they said, "Always keep the faith"? They meant it. Even though Tohoshinki is not together right now, we will always keep the faith. I just want us to remain together as a group of brothers, even if we're not a band at the moment," he grabbed Yunho's hand, "Please, hyung! Just help me. I don't usually beg for anything but right now I'm begging you! Help the others keep the faith in us, in Tohoshinki!" Yunho glanced at Changmin and then looked back into Junsu's hope-filled eyes. He sighed and pulled Junsu into a hug.
"I know how you feel," he tightened his grip around Junsu, "And I would never want you to feel this way. I would've never thought of you being hurt this badly. So, I'll come with you. We're still in this together. We're still Tohoshinki. If we have to fight this challenge and keep the faith, we'll do it together," he smiled as Changmin joined into the hug.
"Do you even know where Yoochun and Jaejoong are staying?" Changmin sighed, hopping into the taxi, "They could be anywhere, Japan or Korea. In Korea they could be at a hotel, with their parents or even at their own place. In Japan they could be anywhere as well. How are we going to find them?"
"I know where they are," Junsu smiled, "I got our manager to trace their credit card trails and it led us to the same hotel. Guess they're both staying there without knowing it," Junsu shrugged and directed the driver to a specific hotel. When they arrived, Junsu asked what room numbers they were in and it turned out that the two were both in the café, sitting at opposite ends of the room.
"I've never seen them like that before," Changmin sighed, "Those two are bestfriends. I've never seen them sitting away from each other like that."
"YAH! JAEJOONG, YOOCHUN!" Yunho shouted across the room. Immediately they both turned around and smiled when they saw Changmin and Yunho standing there. They both ran over and threw themselves into their brothers' arms.
"When did you come?" Jaejoong let the tears escape his eyes.
"It doesn't matter," Yunho smiled, "What matters is that we're together, right?"
"We came to talk to you guys," Changmin smiled.
"We know that its been difficult for you all," Yunho said, "But we have to hold on, yeah? Right now this is the biggest difficulty there's been in our journey! So we have to keep going. Right now me and Changmin won't be able to be with you during your performances and albums but we're still Tohoshinki. We'll be with you, not as performers but as brothers. And even though we're not together as a band, you need to keep the faith. There's still hope, there always will be," Yunho's eyes began to water.
"There won't be a time when Tohoshinki isn't really together," Junsu giggled, tears rolling down his cheek, "We'll always be one," he smiled. At that moment Yoochun burst into tears and they all embraced.
"I love you all," Yoochun wept into Jaejoong's sleeve. The five of them knew that this challenge was hard to overcome, but they would always keep the faith.
(Thanksgiving Concert)
"Remember, don't be nervous," Yunho hugged the other three, "Just sing your emotions. Me and Changmin will be right here the whole time, supporting you through it all," he smiled.
"Thank you," Yoochun hugged Changmin, "We love you guys." With that, the three members walked onto stage and the concert began.
"This is going to be our last song, and it's a song that contains our feelings. Please listen to it, 'W'," Jaejoong bowed:
On the night sky appeared the letters that the stars formed
I still believe it wasn't a coincidence
In the same darkness, At the same distance
A 'W' kept being painted to be able to find you
To be able to find you
It will sparkle even brighter
Keep in mind that I love you,
Surely
One day we will meet
Everytime I close my eyes I think of you
It's obvious you are still right here
Still wishing for your happiness
One by one we will climb those steps
While continuing to think about our future
We're waiting for you
Surely
One day we will meet
Everytime I close my eyes I think of you
It's obvious you're still right here
Until that day that we meet again
We'll keep protecting your place
Believing that one day we'll laugh together with you again
Please hold on…
Even though time is flowing
No matter how much pain we're carrying
You are forever our pride
On the night sky appeared an image of you whispering to the stars
This isn't goodbye
Even now I believe that
Under the same sky
Painting the same dream
We continue to search for that 'W'
Forever shining brightly
Keep in mind that I love you
I miss you….
Surely
One day we will meet again
Everytime I close my eyes I think of you
It's obvious that even now you're right there
Until that day that we meet
We'll keep protecting your place
Believing that one day we'll laugh together with you again…