Draft: Falling Out: Enter Kane

by Stigma Storm Stiglord of Stig

This is and shale forever be heralded as the single greatest Fan-fiction-precursor to have every been written. When you look back at what a failure your life has been by the time I finish writing the first volume you're eyes will implode at the realization of just how epic this draft was for what started a literary awakening. Na Im totally kidding and just wanted to write something

Okay so here's what I think. There are a bunch of scenes I feel are missing. The face that the guys leg is broken makes me feel that we are missing out on a real struggle. How he can simply incapacitate the guard so swiftly. You need something to establish the terror he feels while even attempting such a feat. I would write it like this:

James takes a swig of Nuka-Cola standing from the table.

James: "Heh, your going to be royally fucked with a leg like that. Don't pass-out on me now or we just might toss your sorry ass to the to ghouls in the sewers. I hear ghouls find stupid-asshole to be a delicacy. Ha! Ha! Ha! He tosses the Nuka-Cola bottle at my leg, he misses."

Broken-Leg Guy: "If that's so why don't I hear them beating down the door to get to you?"

James: "Oh so your a smart-ass huh? I got something for smart-asses. You like fruit?"

James takes a long hard drag from his cigarette, the a dull crackle of burning embers echos across the room. He creeps closely toward me before throwing his greasy hand over my broken leg, gripping the tender wound and twisting his wrist tightly.

Broken-Leg guy: "Aaaaahhh!"

James: "Sorry kid, we don't have any sundays, but have a cherry!"

James thrust his bright burning cigarette in my knee cap, driving the but in my skin. I scream in agony as James cackles wildly at my torment. I flail across the floor frantically as James laughter bellows across the room, keeping a firm grip on my wound to keep me put. I can't stand the pain! I can already detect the smell of burning hair and skin from my leg. In a blind fit I felt across the floor for something to grab. I feel something smooth. It was James Nuka-Cola bottle. I hold the bottle firmly from the neck and smash it to shards across James smug fucking face.