Something about ultimatums, wide open doors, strings and promises.
1. I'm own nothing.
2. I'm not native english speaker. So if you notice grammar or another mistakes plz review and i will correct them.
Rory Gilmore purposefully moves through the campus. She has a mission and although she still feels a headache after yesterday, she is sure that she now wants to do. She needs to finish this, Logan needs to understand that she can no longer continue this way, she needs strings, obligations, she needs a boyfriend, not a temporary escort. Rory can no longer withstand his disappearance, dating with other girls. She needs confidence in him and in them, and if he is unable or unwilling to do so, they better stay just friends.
Logan reads the newspaper when she knocks on the door, happily greets her and asks what happened. She immediately gets down to business and says that she can no longer do this. Rory says all her thoughtful speech and ends up with the fact that she wants something else and maybe it is better for them to remain just friends.
"I don't like ultimatums", - his expression is serious and protected.
"This is not an ultimatum'', - she weakly objects, - "this is my decision."
Logan interrupts her, raising his hand: "This is an ultimatum, Ace, and you know it", - he sighs, - "I thought that we had a contract and we were both satisfied with it. But it's pretty clear that you aren't. But, I don't want to lose you, Rory. You know, I could just tell you that I will become your boyfriend, that I will do it for you, try to do it and everything will be fine. But ... first I need to ask you a question. Are you ready for this Rory? You want the strings, I understand, but are you ready for coming along with them? Are you ready for the fact that as soon as our families learn about our relationship, they will immediately begin to plan our wedding and future children? Ready for the fact that part of that you will do will be perceived not as your achievements, but through the prism of what you are girlfriend of the heir Huntsbergers? Ace, you know me, most of the time I pretend that all this absolutely doesn't matter, but this doesn't become less real. I don' have many open doors, there is only one door, the entry into which I delay, as I can, but I know that one day I will have to do it. But you, Ace. I know what you want, I know your dreams. You want to be a foreign correspondent and work in the Times once. Perhaps it could been my dreams, but Ace, I know for sure that the Times will never take Hantzberger to work, and I also know that they will never take the girlfriend heir of Hantzberger either. This is not fair, but it is as it is. I have known this all my life and I have had time to get used to it, but, Rory, are you ready for this? ".
Rory seems to have poured a bucket of cold water on her. When he began to speak, she wanted to argue with him, but the further, the more she understood that he was right. Yes, her grandparents will be happy that she has finally found a socially acceptable boy, but they can also really start planning a wedding even before the end of the evening. What about her mother? Lorelai doesn't like Logan, she didn't like him from the beginning, and after grandparents vov - renewal and their subsequent non-string transaction, her attitude towards him only worsened. So the news that he is now her boyfriend obviously will not delight her. But then ... Then it only gets worse. The funny thing is that he is right, she saw the attitude of Doyle and others towards him in the newspaper, she knows that everything he does is really not evaluated for him, but rather because who he is.
But even though she is Gilmore, she never thought about it in relation to herself. When he talks about open doors, about the possibilities of which he will never have and about changing these opportunities for her, she realizes that this is true and everything inside her freezes. "I can't", - she thinks in a panic, - "I have been working for this all my life, I have been dreaming of this since childhood, it is really my dream to become a foreign correspondent and once work in the Times. I can't ... I'm not ready. "
He reads the answer on her face and smiles sadly, - "Yes, that's what I thought."
Rory doesn't know what to say to him, doesn't know how to make it better, how to do it correctly, but he doesn't require an answer from her. He just hugs her for a minute, kisses her on the forehead and quietly says: "Just friends."
"Just friends.", - she quietly agrees.
"And so my friend", - he leaves her, - "Can you tell me what happened to you and why you have a tile mark on your cheek?"
"It's a long story. I had a hard night, including myself too much punch and Paris Gellar. You know, I think I need to go and take a shower and then sleep".
"Ok", - he agrees, - "But I will be waiting for this story someday".
Rory hugs him once more and quietly leaves.
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You slowly walk to your dorm. Just think, no more than 30 minutes ago, you practically ran along this road, knowing exactly what you want to do and what results to achieve.
Now ... Now you are no longer so sure of yourself and the world around you. Ordering the largest macchiato cup from a barista, you are looking for a free bench and trying to find your point of tranquility again.
The truth is that although your words to Logan were not an ultimatum, some small part of you still hoped that he would not let you go and say that he loves you and wants to be your boyfriend. And you refused to be absolutely not ready for the fact that in becoming a couple you have to sacrifice something, not only to Logan, but to you. Moreover, you are a girl with plans and lists and you absolutely didn't take into account your risks and future plans.
It's funny, but on the whole you can admit that you always got what you wanted. Yes, you studied a lot, worked, set goals and achieved them. Sometimes you could not immediately formulate your desires clearly, but over time, you still understood exactly what you wanted.
Your mother raised you to be a truly motivated person. A girl with her own ideas, desires and principles. And also she instilled in you a disgust for nepotism and everything that accompanies it.
During these two years in Yale, you saw a lot of your peers who boasted of their wealth, their possibilities, without having any clear direction in life or their own desires.
To be honest, you were often condescending towards this type of people who think that they can get everything they want simply because of their last name without any effort.
Today you are faced with the other side. Perhaps they can really get everything they want, but nobody is interested in their real achievements. And if these achievements are noticed, they will not be evaluated as a personal contribution, but will be written off to the influence of their family.
When you first met Logan and his company, you reacted rather negatively to his devil-may-care attitude to life. Of course, when you slowly became closer, and started to like him as a guy, you found a lot of positive qualities in him, but you didn't fully understand this indifference to the wonderful opportunities he has.
Now you understand Logan Hantsberger much more and oddly enough you understand much more about yourself. And not everything you understand, you like. But Logan is right - this is the reality and you cannot change it. You can't just get everything you want without sacrificing anything in the process.
Slowly going to the room, you tell yourself that you did everything right. You have dreams, goals, and desires, and you can't just sacrifice them, not even for the sake of relationships in college, but for their ghost. All this is truth, but that doesn't make you any less bitter.
At the Branford, you take a long hot shower, put on your favorite pajamas and, falling asleep, you think that soon everything will become easier, you will return to yourself, the purposeful Rory Gilmore. Rory, who will be able to achieve all her goals and will one day be Rory Gilmore, correspondent for the New York Times. However, for the first time in your life it doesn't sound as inspiring as usual.
After a couple of hours, your mother wakes you up, asking how everything went with Logan, and you say that this is over and you decide to remain just friends. Despite the fact that your mom doesn't like Logan, she will comfort you by saying that things will get better and since Huntzberger couldn't appreciate what he had, he's a fool and you will be fine. And all you have to do is just roll over to get rid of everything connected with Logan Huntzberger. You say that you have already started to wallow, and that everything is really for the better, since he was not ready for a relationship. To yourself, you think that not only Logan was not ready for the relationship, but you too.
You don't say that to your mother. Lorelai Gilmore doesn't know compromise and always gets what she wants. That is why now she cann't understand you and your feelings. Maybe she will agree with you, and hold you, saying that you are a good fellow. Or maybe she will not understand your indecision and say that if this is what you want, then you should not be afraid and jump. And that you will surely finish all of what you want, regardless of who you meet. Only this is not true and you are ready to admit it. And the truth is, you're not ready.
You say goodbye to her and look at the dark ceiling. "Just friends," you say softly. You need to get used to it.
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Four days later, when you are pressed against the wall in Logan's room and he does unimaginable things to your neck, you begin to rethink the whole concept of this "just friends" thing. You had lain all the rest of the weekend, eating ice cream and thinking about what happened, even making a few lists of pro - con. And they all confirmed that this is the right decision for you. So on Monday you got up, got ready and went to class, telling yourself that you would be better soon. And honestly, you thought that he would avoid you after all this uncomfortable conversation just as Marty started to avoid you a few months ago. You saw him several times, and each time Marty saw you, he just turned around and went the other way. You thought Logan would do the same. But you could never predict Logan Huntzberger's behavior, so after your second grade he was there with a cup of coffee and a smile on his face. And you have to admit that you were glad of it. The truth is that it is always difficult for you to meet meet new people, and during this time Logan has become your friend, and you would not want to lose him, even if you cannot be in love with him. So you took a cup of coffee, and had your usual banter talk, as if nothing had happened. So today, when he appeared in the editorial office and offered you to drink coffee together, you happily agreed, and this is how you ended up moaning his name in his room and begging him not to stop.
Later, when you are in your dorm, you rationalize everything that happened and come to the conclusion that this is just a single relapse. In the end, you slept together for several months and you can say you're used to it so there is nothing strange in what happened. It's just a habit you'll get rid of soon. So, that's all right. You promise yourself not to do this anymore and that very soon you will become just friends and it will not be strange.
The second time, you have a really hard day and you are annoyed and cannot remember a single line from the textbook that you read in the library and he calls you. Hearing your irritated tone, Logan appears in the library twenty minutes later with macchiato and blueberry muffins and tries to cheer you up, but you are really tense and it was such a damn bad day ... So the next thing you know is that he presses you to the stack in the little-visited part of the Yale library and you think that a little more and you will come stronger than ever in life, and then your head is wonderful empty. After everything is over and you feel relaxed and contented, you tell yourself that this is the last time and from now on you will fight against temptation and gladly eat the cupcakes he brought.
The third time you have to admit that you have never been strong in the fight against temptation and, apparently, you will not be. This time you can't even blame him, because it was you who called first, it was you who was looking for him, and you knew exactly why you do it.
You didn't discuss all this, the two of you had enough last time, and you honestly don't want another round of "who are we and what are we doing?"conversation. Apparently just like he.
You don't tell your mother not about the first, not about all subsequent cases. You already know her opinion on this and don't want to have the same argument again. Sometimes you think that your mother can be compared to the power of nature, she is strong and insurmountable and always gets what she wants. But, on the other hand, Lorelai also doesn't know the compromise between what she wants and can get. It is always only her way. She will doesn't want to understand your reasons and will say that if you want it, you should get it and don't care about the consequences, you will cope with them. But you are not so sure about that. The truth is that you have come to the realization that you cannot enter two doors at the same time. There is always a choice. The second option will always be lost after the final decision. And you do not want to make this particular choice at the age of twenty; moreover, you are not ready to make it. You think this is your first college life lesson. And this is your compromise between what you want and what you can or can have. Now it is your choice, only yours and for the first time you do not need other opinions, is it a mistake or nor.
So when Paris practically catches you and Logan hurries out of your bedroom through the window, you practically demand that she not say anything to Lorelai about it. Paris doesn't understand, Paris is evil and you can understand why.
"I thought you were done with Huntzberger", - she practically barks, - "He can't make a commitment, you can't do more casually, and you just stay friends."
"Yes.", - you agree.
"Then what is it? Has he finally matured? Are you a couple now? Then why are you hiding? "
"Not. We are not a couple. This is difficult, Paris. ", - you don't know how to formulate.
"Then explain it.", - she demands.
"He is Huntzberger" , - you say, and for the first time in this conversation you look straight into her eyes, - "He is Huntzberger, and I want to work at the NY Times after graduating from college."
"Oh, Rory" - her expression becomes sad. After a second, she says, - "It would be much easier if he was just Smith, right?"
"Yes.", - you laugh sadly, - "And I'm just Jones. But he is not Smith, and I am not Jones, and this is what we will have to deal with. "
"I will say nothing to Lorelai.'', - she solemnly promises, and you see the understanding in her eyes, - "But .. Rory, just be please ...".
"I will, I promise", - you interrupt, -"Don't worry, Paris. Everything will be OK".
She sighs and changes the subject and somehow you are grateful for that.
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In any case, your relationship with Logan changed after that conversation in his room. You no longer have dates, he doesn't make surprises for you as with ice cream in the dining hall, you don't kiss in the corridors or in the editorial office. Instead, you drink coffee, spend time in a pub with Colin and Finn, sometimes attend a party together and watch movies. And sometimes he stays in your room for the night, or you are in his. You hear talk on campus that he is still coming out with the girls, but you no longer saw him on a date with someone. When you are with friends, he never flirts with others and on LDB events or their parties, he is with you. And somehow you start talking, really talking more. He talks about his sister and her engagement, and you didn't even know that he has a sister. He shares with you his thoughts about various events, talks about the books he reads and involves you in planning the last LDB event. In response, you tell him more about Star Hollow, your studies, and you are advised with him how to try to get an internship in a newspaper, you show him your articles and he helps you to edit them. One night he shares his plans for the summer: a wild trip to Europe with Colin and Finn, and, unexpectedly, invites you to join them. For a second you just want to say yes and go with them, but then you realize that your family is unlikely to react to a trip to Europe with three boys and you have already applied for internship in several newspapers and you refuse. He no longer raises the subject.
And this is how it goes. You are friends. Well, friends with benefits.
In the following weeks you sleep, eat, drink coffee, talk to your mother, go to classes, study, write for a newspaper. On Fridays, you go to dinner at your grandfather and grandmother, and then, returning to Yale, you go to the pub or directly to Logan's room. Before the final week you take part in the last event of the LDB this year and although, like last time you have your own tent, you spend the night in his. Finals come and go, and at the beginning of the last week of classes you received a letter from the Stamford Eagle Gazette. You have a three-week internship in June and Logan is the first person you show a letter of admission. He laughs and turns you around and says that you should have a party in honor of Rory Gilmore, the future great journalist. You laugh and remind him about the remaining exams. Two days before graduation, Doyle solemnly informs you that you are chosen as editor-in-chief Yale Daily News for the next semester. You are proud and think that your life is now practically following your ideal plan.
On the evening of the last day of school, you join Logan, Colin and Finn and several other acquaintances in the last bar jump this year. If someone said a year ago that you would voluntarily take part in it and moreover enjoy it, you would decide that they are crazy. But you are having fun, you are laughing, and looking around you realize that during these two semesters, these people have become your friends and you are well with it.
The night ends in Logan's room, and when you lie in his bed tired but relaxed and happy and you are almost asleep, you hear him quietly saying, - "I will miss you this summer, Ace.'', - and mumble your agreement. You will miss him too.
In the morning you have a long breakfast, and then the boys help load the boxes into your car. You briefly hug Colin and Finn and wish them to have fun in Europe. When they leave, you look at Logan. He opens his arms and you hug for a long time, and then he knocks on your nose and says: "Have a good summer, Ace."
"I will", - you laugh and get into the car. Leaving, you don't look back.
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Rory Gilmore's Summer at the same time is similar and unsimilar previous ones. She still lives in Stars Hollow, drinks Luke's coffee, helps her mom in the hotel and works in Stars Hollow Books. She and Lorelai have long movie evenings; they have fun at city meetings and take part in city festivals. But there are differences.
The first difference is that Logan is still taking part in her life. The first couple of weeks were just sporadic calls. But then they develop a certain routine. He regularly sends an email with photos, and one day there is even a video of Finn rolling cheese from the mountain to his loud laugh. Several times he sends her postcards from different European cities and once a week, usually on Thursday, he calls her and they have a long conversation. He tells her about Europe, about their adventures with the boys, about Finn's new antics, about the bookstores and markets that he found and on which she definitely needs to go sometime in the future. In response, Rory shares with him stories about her internship, her mother, and the antics of Kirk and Taylor. They discuss the books, films, and all that they read. It's strange, but now she can really say that Logan Huntzberger is one of her best friends.
The second difference is that, compared to previous years, Rory is much more in Hartford. In those three weeks when she has an internship in a newspaper, she travels to the city every day, returning to Stars Hollow only late in the evening.
But even after completing her internship, she travels to Hartford quite often. To the horror and boundless surprise of Lorelai, she spends more time with Emily and Richard. Sometimes it's just lunch at their house with long conversations with the grandfather in the library. Sometimes Rory attends charity evenings with Emily and even begins to attend some DAR meetings. Somehow she even turns out to be involved in the planning of one of the charitable events and this causes a rather strong dispute with Lorelai. Her mother doesn't understand why Rory do it, and why she wants to spend time with the people she ran away from. Rory tries to explain the reasons, but it seems that she is not very successful. In the end, she tells her mother that this is simply one of the ways to get useful contacts as a journalist in the future, and a fragile truce comes at the Gilmore girls' house. Rory still continues to travel to Hartford, slowly becoming closer to her grandparents, and increasingly learning the big world and the rules of the game of the world of big money.
She explains to herself that she wants to learn how to cope with this, because eternal avoidance is not an option and this makes Emily and Richard happy and Rory wants her grandfathers to be happy. She prefers not to think about other reasons.