Breathe. Clear your head.
These words echoed through my ears as my heart was beating as hard as a drum, my own fears soon enveloping me. As I tried to calm myself, I slowly drifted back into my own dream world, wondering what exactly was I doing here. What difference will it make if I do it?
All it takes is one step.
Things took a turn for the worst, and I found myself wondering why I'm still putting up with the amount of lies and cheating. I have changed far too much to dive back into this life. It's either that though, or death.
Do it.
To think that she lied to me makes me choke on the air. It hurts so much I cannot possibly express it.
Are you a coward?
It's not a question of courage. It's not a question of bravery, or stupidity. The question is how attached are you to your life. What is it that keeps you alive?
Nothing.
I'm standing just outside the window. People seem so far away…
Clear your head.
I take a deep breath, and I look down again. I'm afraid of heights, but this time, I'm smiling at what I see. Because what I see is not the height itself. It's freedom.
It can be yours. Just do it.
What if I'm wrong? What if she can make it right again?
Concentrate.
Concentrate. Breathe. It's not as easy as it sounds. These are the moments in life where you have time for your thoughts. These are the moments where you can think about what life is worth, if it's worth something. Nothing comes to my mind… I can't seem to find value in this world.
Clear your head.
I can hear someone knocking on the door… no, pounding on it. I know who it is already, but I don't care. Not this time.
Ignore it.
I can only hate myself for still loving her. I can only hate myself. No one else.
Close your heart.
My cheeks are wet. Why are they wet? This isn't how it's supposed to be.
Now is not the time.
I have to go, I can't bear this anymore.
All it takes is one step.
The door breaks open and I can hear her walking up to the window, each step makes my heart cry out to her. She is afraid, I can feel it… but I am, too. I wipe my eyes as I stand up slowly. I think I'm ready now.
"Wait." Her voice is shaky but I can hear her feelings behind it. She doesn't want me to go. But I have to.
She takes another step forward. I can hear her sobbing quietly, her body shaking with fear that I have never known. Not until this very moment.
"I never meant to hurt you" she cried. I turn around, only to see her extended hand offering me an escape from my own haunting thoughts. It is far too late for that, I'm afraid.
In all my life, I've never been happy, up until now. Seeing the violet hair swing around her perfect frame amazes me on so many levels I cannot even describe. I'm so sorry. You're just too pretty in your pain.
I smile at her sadly. I can see the surprise on her face. She doesn't understand yet. She takes a step forward again. She's only inches away, yet I feel like she is miles away.
She takes hold of my hand and tells me it's going to be alright.
It is going the be alright. Because I'll make it right. Believe in me.
And as she smiles again, I let go of her hand. Her eyes open wide in understanding. Can you see it now?
I take a step backwards. This is my reward. This is my freedom. This is all I have.
This is my only escape.