My dear readers… (as in you, lulu)

This chapter will be, by far, the most lighthearted chapter in this whole series (Yes, a series). DO NOT BE FOOLED. This will be a cake full of angst iced with sarcasm.

Forward: Smirk

1972

Severus Snape was sitting in a cupboard. This was by no means a favorite past time of him and he could hardly wait to get out, if only he could. Indeed, he was locked into said cupboard, wandless and about to scream his arse off.

He hammered at the wooden (spell reinforced) doors, and screamed at the top of his rather large lungs. And sighed. He also sighed. Finally, he pulled out a quill from the only thing that was inside the musty, dusty, cupboard, his backpack, and started carving into the wall absolutely anything he felt like. This was by no means poetry, or sonnets about the sunshine. Most of it was rather unmentionable, and sadly lacking in any form of optimism.

So this story begins.

Four years later….

Thank fully not spent in the cupboard.

The potions apprentice was now stalking down the halls; or sulked rather. His worn, charcoal grey (once black) book bag was now swung over his shoulder and he was heaving three hardback textbooks in his uniform-clothed arms. He barely was able to sense the jinx coming at his back, and once he did he was in no shape to block it. He spun upon his now four legs and glared at his terrible, evil, cruel, villainous arch-nemesis; James Potter and his cronies.

Potter was laughing luxuriously, wand twirling to an idle jig in his short fingers. Severus glared. "What now Potter?" he asked, already with wand in the ready.

"Dude," said Sirius Black, who was by no means serious and so much of a light wizard that it was nauseating, "you need to, like, take a chill pill." Sirius took it upon himself to give his poor victim a 'chill pill' and indeed flew a cheering charm at him.

The Werewolf, standing next to him, nudged him in the ribs and 'whispered' into

his ear, "You didn't send one of your full-strength ones, did you?"

"Look for yourself," grinned the reckless teenager. Remus did more than look, he

stared.

Snape had overcome the great tragedy of his overstock of legs, and was now indeed tap-dancing with all four of them while singing in a horrid falsetto voice " You are my sunshine, my only sunshine, you make me happy, when clouds are grey."

"Sirius" hissed the amber-eyed teen, glaring at him through his quirked lips.

"YOU'LL NEVER KNOW DEAR, HOW MUCH I LOVE-"

"What?" chuckled Sirius, as James fell upon his shoulder, laughing like a maniac.

"YOU, PLEASE DON'T TAKE MY SUNSHINE-"

"YOU THREE!" came a shriek from McGonagall as she cancelled the spell on poor, victimized Severus ("away?")

"You have to admit he was a heap more manageable that way." Muttered Sirius to Lupin as McGonagall lectured them. Peter, who had just arrived at the scene of the crime was mouthing her sentences word for word behind her back.

Snape smirked from behind her, and galloped silently down the hall to look up the counter curse for his legs, and look for his favorite potions book. No matter how sinister his smirk was, he was going to get back at the 'stupid meddling, bumbling, flustered, pompous, persecuting, hair-brained, imbecilic idiots'.

Teaser of Chapter 1

He stared at himself in the mirror, steam clogging all but his toweled-off circle

What was happening? Who was this bastard staring at him back at him? Surely, not even after these years this could not happen to him.

He couldn't help but get at least a spark of appreciation for his sinister appearance. He looked more like 20 than 16. There were painted lines around his eyes and mouth, easily showing his displeasure without a single statement. There was a sharp rap at the door and he instantly put away his razor.

He opened up the door just enough for a sliver of his glaring eyes and growled at the venturesome classmate.

"What?" he spat out.

Nott glared back, his repartee was no-where near the caliber of the first attack. Snape's lip curled.

Nott gave him a lazy look "There are other people who would like to use the facilities, Snape."

The bathroom-ensconced boy simply gave a sharp bark of laughter, his lip curling, "Too bad I'm a selfish bastard then, right Nott?"

With that he slammed the door into Alfonzo's upturned nose.