This is the story i mentioned on my other fic, this is kogan, two of my friend told me to it kogan so i did.

The whole chapter is a flashback even when the point of view change

Thanks for reading this, hope you like

Actually this story was not meant to be for big time rush so its AU

Flashback:

November. Year 2004.

Kendall = 17 years old

Logan = 18 years old

It all began one day in November, it was a normal day, another day in which James was having a party at his house, well maybe it wasn't a normal day after all, they were in a party, celebrating anything in particular, but they were having fun that was for sure.

The guys, Carlos, James, Jet, Kendall, Henry and Logan were in the party as well as others good friends of them and of course as in every party at that age, there was that other good friend named alcohol.

Everything was going normal, it was 2 in the morning already, Logan and Kendall had drunk maybe a little too much, they were laughing about thing that weren't even funny, they were totally drunk, and to be honest it was not normal on them they weren't used to drinking till the point of being drunk, so it was unusual in them and they were feeling dizzy.

When they realized how bad they really were, they decided to go out and take some air, they went out of the house and sit outside on a place that they found to be comfortable, there was no one outside apart from them, the night was cold and they were sitting right next to each other, pretty close actually, it was not the first time they were sitting like that after all they have been friend for a long time now. Inside the house the party was still going, everybody was having a good time and was having fun.

I believe there is something really important that I should mention, Logan had a crush on Kendall and Kendall had a crush in Logan as well, but none of them knew what the other felt., it was a secret in both sides, after all it wasn't normal for a guy to feel attracted to another guy, or at least that was what the majority of the world thought. What is normal for a guy is to like a girl, not a boy. It was hard for them at first to feel what they were feeling, they try to deny it to themselves but they failed at doing that. They weren't homosexuals; they actually liked girls and had never felt attracted to another guy except from Kendall, in Logan's case and Logan, in Kendall's case. It was actually an estrange situation and that was what it was harder for them to understand what was happening with their feelings.

Now, back to the day of the party, Logan and Kendall were side by side, sitting really close to each other, talking about who knows what, in the state that they were, people talk about everything, even Logan, who wasn't a guy that talked too much, was talking a lot actually

They were having a great time, talking about life in general and enjoying the fresh air of the night, far away from the music and the party atmosphere. Logan was feeling really dizzy, as I said before he wasn´t used to alcohol, neither was Kendall, but who knows why that day they decided to drink more than they should have

At that moment Logan decided to tell Kendall "I'm a little dizzy"

then Kendall told him " Yeah, me too, and besides I'm freezing"

After hearing this Logan had the wonderful idea to hug Kendall to warm him up a little, well at least that was the perfect excuse to be even closer to the one he really liked, and besides he was freezing as well so that will warm him up as well.

"Better?" Logan asked him

"Yeah, much better" Kendall answered smiling and looking at Logan in the eyes

Logan smiled back at him, both of them were blushing, but were too drunk to realize it. They stayed like that for a long time, talking, hugging, and enjoying the moment and the contact. Without even noticing it, their heads were pretty close; therefore, their lips were really close as well.

Logan noticed the distance between them, they were so close, he couldn't stop looking at Kendall's lips, he was hypnotize by them, looking at how they moved every time that Kendall spoke, there was moment in which Logan had no idea what Kendall was saying, he was just looking at him and whishing he could just kiss those beautiful lips, that was not new anyways, he always wanted to kiss his friend mouth, but taking into account the state in which he was the desire was even bigger . Without noticing it Logan was licking and biting his own lips with want, he was so concentrated looking into Kendall's face, specially his mouth. At that moment:

"Logan are you listening to me?" Kendall said

Logan realized that Kendall was actually asking him a question, looked at him surprised and said

"What? Sorry I was .., what did you asked me? "

Kendall realized while he was talking that for a long time he had been the only one who was talking and that Logan was just smiling at him with that smile that he loved so much, especially when it was directed to him, he also notice that Logan wasn't looking at the horizon anymore and was actually looking at him, but he wasn't looking at his eyes, 'is he looking at my mouth?' Kendall thought. Besides he realized that Logan was not playing attention to him since he had asked something to him and he didn't even answer.

Realizing that definitely Logan wasn't hearing a thing he was saying and was actually looking at his mouth and because of the effects of the alcohol, he decided to do something he never thought he would ever do in his life, he tilted his head, close his eyes, and without even thinking what he was doing, he kiss him. He did what he had wanted to do so many times before but didn't because he never had the guts to do it before and because he was afraid.

Logan responded to the kiss without understanding what was really happening 'Why is Kendall the one who is kissing me this time?' Logan though. Then he decided not to think anymore and enjoy the moment, there will be a lot of time to think, to regret, and to think a little more but now it was the moment to enjoy, it was a unique moment, who knows if this was going to happen again, so he decided to shut his mind down and kiss Kendall.

Kendall couldn't believe what he had done but what really shocked him was the fact that Logan was kissing him as well instead of pushing him away and tells him to leave. 'however if he does that, he would be being very hypocrite" Kendall thought but then stop thinking and just kiss him.

The kiss became more intense, until they had to break away, gasping for air, they were looking at each other with such intensity in that moment. After the kiss, Kendall try to apologize but Logan shut him up with another kiss.

Inside the house everything was like before, no one was aware of what was happening outside, everybody was on their own world enjoying the party and talking, some of them, specially their best friends had noticed theabsence of Logan and Kendall but they had seen them going outside to take some air so nobody asked anything, after all it wasn't rare to see the two of them together, they were all good friends, but lately Logan and Kendall were getting closer, they had started to spend more and more time together than before .

Kendall POV

We were at James's party, I was a little drunk and I don't even know why I had drunk so much, it is not usual on me, Logan was as drunk as me or even more so we decided to go outside the house to take some air, I remember telling him that was cold, just as comment, I never thought he was going to hug me at that moment to keep me warm I'm not complaining, it's more I loved it when he did that, I think I even blushed a little, it might sound rare but I have had a crush on Logan for a long time now, well anyway, now we are sitting next to each other, outside James's house, one of Logan's arms is around me and one of mine is around Logan, we are pretty close to each other, it's a real good feeling being here with him like this, I feel like a fifteen years old girl when her crush hug her, with the difference that I'm not a girl and I'm not fifteen, anyway, we are talking now, well I'm talking, Logan stopped talking a few minutes ago, he is just listening, I think, he is just looking at me and smiling, what a wonderful smile he has, agh,, again I'm feeling like a girl, but I can't help it I just like it so much when he smile like that, I believe he isn't listening to me, he is just so quiet, oh wait, Is he looking at my mouth?, no, impossible, I'm hallucinating, he may be thinking about something, well, let's see if he hears me…

"Logan, what time is it?" there was no answers

"Logan are you listening to me?" of course not but I had to ask it anyway

"What? Sorry I was .., what did you asked me? " he told me. And definitely he wasn't playing attention to what I was saying, however, now that I think about it I don't even know what I was telling him, it wasn't something important for sure, but I was talking to no one, it's frustrating to know that.

Oh, we are so fucking close, I haven't noticed that before, now that I look at him our mouths are so fucking close too, I'm dying to give him a kiss, what a beautiful mouth he has…. OMG what I have I done? I kiss him, I can't believe it, what I'm doing? I don't know, I might be crazy, what happened to my self-control? Oh yeah it disappeared with the alcohol. Oh god, I want to scream and turn back time, what have I done? Ruin my friendship with Logan forever? But wait, why is he kissing me back? What's going on? I don't understand anything, why didn't he push me away? Why is he kissing me? I'm so confused, but who cares about confusion?

Fuck the confusion, this might be the best moment of my life, I'm sitting beside Logan and we are kissing, what else can I ask for? At this moment I think that nothing, it feels like a dream, I'm in heaven, I'm not cold anymore, I do not feel the cold, the only thing I feel now are Logan's lips against mine, and it's the best feeling in the world, it's something I have never felt before, I had kissed girls before, of course, but I have never felt what I'm feeling right now, it's incredible , I have never been this turned on in my life while kissing someone, this feels so fucking good, and he is such a great kisser. Oh god, this is paradise.

I hope this whole situation ends up well, at least I want us to remain friends, I don't want him to be my boyfriend either, I like him, yeah, I like him a lot actually, but I don't know, that would be a little rare.

This is so wrong, I mean a boy kissing a boy, this is totally wrong, but at the same time it feels so good it's hard to believe that it's actually wrong. I better enjoy this moment and stop thinking too much…

Now I'm scared, we aren't kissing anymore, he is breathing heavily, so do I, and my heart is pounding for fear and because of the kiss, it's a mixture of different feelings and I still don't understand anything.

I think this time is my turn to talk first; after all I was the one who started the kiss, not him.

"K..K…Logan" I can't even speak, don't know what to say, I'm so scared and I don't even know why, I'm totally confused, suddenly I'm feeling more sober than ever and five minutes ago I was feeling drunker than ever, I think I need another drink, I'm hating myself right now. Oh, he is looking at me and I can see he is as confused as I am, his smile is gone now, he looks so serious but at least I can't see any anger in his eyes or anything that shows me that our friendship is over now, that's a good sign, I hope.

He is not talking either, oh I should say something, it's getting a little awkward, come on Kendall, you can do it, it's not that hard just open your mouth and said something.. here I go..

"K.. Logan, I don't know what to say, I'm sorry, I just got caught up in the moment, I'm sor... " What? Is he kissing me? He is not angry, he is actually kissing me, I must be dreaming, this is unbelievable.

I don't know why I'm so shocked and surprised about what is happening, I mean, there has been a lot of insinuations and flirting between us, however I just took those comments that he sometime did as a joke and I know that he took mine as a joke too, but I never thought I would ever be able to kiss him like I did today.

"Don't say you are sorry, there is nothing to forgive" He told me, he is so serious; he is looking at me so vividly. He looks at me like that and I feel I'm dying from emotions I can't even contain any more, I really like him, I can't hide it anymore, I won't hide it anymore, be brave Kendall.

"Its fine Kendall, don't worry, I get it, it was just because of the alcohol" I remember those last seven words that he said and while listening to them I can feel a huge pain in my chest and now I am noticing something in his eyes is that Sadness? Hurt? I'm not sure and that makes the pain grow even more.

"I was caught up in the moment as well" He continued as seriously as before, he move his arm from, me, we are not hugging anymore, now I feel cold again, I feel empty now I have to say something to make it all good again, I don't want him to look at me like that, well, now he is not looking at me anymore , I have to tell him how I really feel about him, can't hide this anymore, and now I know have the courage to say it.

"No, Logan it wasn't just the alcohol, and I think you know it, I'm tired of hiding what I really feel"

"Kendall.." I didn't let him finished what he wanted to said, now I know he feels the same, if not he wouldn't have kissed me, I'm not afraid of rejection or losing him as friend anymore, because I know that won't happened, I can't lose this chance, this is now or never .

"Logan, listen to me, please, it wasn't because of the alcohol, yes it helped, if it wasn't because I was drunk I would have never done it, I know that, but.. but.. Logan I just wanna tell you that.." I don't even know how to say it, he is not serious anymore, he is just smiling, with that beautiful smile that kills me, and his eyes are no longer sad or confused. Those eyes just are showing Happiness? I'm not a professional eyes' reader but Logan's expression have always been so obvious, If he is happy or sad you can notice that just by looking at his face.

I think it would be better just to show him what I feel, and that is what I'm doing now, I'm kissing him, I'm trying to show him everything I feel for him in this kiss.

This kiss is more intense than the others, it's full of love and passion I can feel that he feels the same as I me. I think I'm starting to believe that sometimes words are no necessary to express what you feel, sometimes actions speak louder than words, I m starting to understand that phrase, and it's true, I can feel in my heart and my whole body that Logan feels the same even though neither of us has expressed that in words.

I don't know what will happen tomorrow, and I don't even know if want to know what will happen tomorrow when we'll be totally sober and remembering this. I just want to enjoy this moment and Logan's company I don't wanna think about the future.

Normal POV

After a while, they returned to the party, it was 3:30 in the morning, inside the house everything was like before, well, almost everything, Henrywas pretty drunk and was the center of attention of several of the guests some of them where even laughing about him , he would hardly remember anything the next day, and more considering that it was the first time in his life that he was that drunk, but well that party was different it seems like a lot of people had drunk more than usual.

Carlos was flirting and talking with a girl, James and Jet were talking with some friend so Kendall decided to go with them and pretend that nothing had happened before, Logan went with other friends and then tried to stop Henryfrom keeping embarrassing himself. When the party was over the only ones who stayed were Kenny, Jet, Logan, Carlos, Kendall and James as they were James's best friends they stayed helping him to clean everything, talking about the party and other thing, taking care of Kenny, that was in pretty bad, conditions and asking Carlos uncomfortable questions about the girl he was with till they went to sleep, well at least four of them went to sleep, Logan and Kendall could stop thinking about what had happened that day, they both were thinking that what they had done was in some point wrong, it wasn't normal for a guy to like a guy at least not normal for a lot of people and even more in those years. However they were really happy about what had happened, it was something both of them had wanted for a long time, but they couldn't stop thinking about what would happen the next day.

Logan POV

Yesterday was James´s party; we are still at his house, it's 2 pm and they are all sleeping. Yesterday I drank a little too much, yeah, definitely more than usual, but I remember everything, I remember being outside with Kendall, I remember hugging him because he was cold, I remember that he kissed me and I kissed him and then he kiss me again and we were kissing, hugging and talking for a long time after that, I was so happy at that moment, I never thought that would actually happen one day, I have had a crush on Kendall for a long time now, and kissing him was the best thing ever, however after we went inside the house I didn't saw him until the party was over and we were cleaning the house , we haven't talked about us yet, we were all just talking about the party and making fun of Carlos. I'm so confused now, does he remember what happen? After all he was pretty drunk before we were outside and for what I could see when we were talking after the party was over, it seemed like he kept drinking after we enter the house.

Anyways I'm confused because I can't believe that he actually kissed me, the whole night was like a dream come true, I'm not a romantic guy but Kendall sometimes makes me feel as if I was a thirteen years old girl in love and that was how I was feeling yesterday, this is ridiculous. I don't know what will happen today or tomorrow and what is worst is that I don't even know if I want to know it, I dunno what I want to happen neither, I'm scared, not knowing what the future will hold is not nice at all and besides What will people think about us? Well I don't really care about what people say but What would my dad say? What would my Grandpa say? And what about our friends, what would they think about us? This is so wrong, so wrong, yesterday shouldn't have happened, thing were fine the way they were, I know it's going to hurt, what I feel for Kendall is real and even more after what happened yesterday feeling his lips against, mine was the best sensation in the world, kissing other girls was nothing compared to what I felt while kissing Kendall, however I believe that the best thing would be to forget everything about that night, it will hurt I know, and besides I don't even know if Kendall remember what happen or if he wants to remember, everything he said yesterday has no meaning, we were both drunk, so, yeah forgetting everything would the best, I'm sure …