Chapter 1

The door creaked loudly as Jackie Tyler pushed it open and walked into her daughter's flat. She noticed a bed sheet had been strung like a tent from the center of the living room. It hung down from a large plant hook in the ceiling and draped over the back of the sofa. She heard giggling coming from inside.

"I'm back!" she said to the sheet. Two heads popped out from behind it, a man with spikey brown hair and a young child with sandy blond hair like his father.

"Oh, look who it is," said the Doctor.

"Mummy! Come hide from the monsters!" said the small boy.

"Monsters?!" said Jackie frowning. "Doctor, what have you been teaching him? I leave for an hour and you're filling his head full of nonsense." She glared the Doctor. Then she changed her tone. "Tony, come here sweetheart."

"It was his game. I just made the tent," said the Doctor defensively.

"The monsters turn you into bones!" said Tony his eyes were wide and his face serious.

Jackie let out a hiss of disgust, and threw up her hands. "Oh, I'm gonna kill Pete." she said. "He let him watch the news this morning."

The Doctor let out a sigh of relief. He had been spared Jackie's wrath. Tony disappeared back into the tent. Then moments later the boy ran out from the other side of the couch and gave his mother a hug.

"Ready to go home?" asked Jackie.

Tony pouted. He raised his small arms up over his head. His hands formed little fists then he threw them down at his sides and stomped his foot. "No!" he said.

"You had fun with the Doctor didn't you?" asked Jackie. Her son nodded. "And you want to have fun with him again, right?"

"Yeah," he said somberly.

"Well, if you never leave how can you come back and visit?" she asked.

"But he's going to keep me safe from the monsters," said Tony.

"Oh, your mum can do that better than I can," said the Doctor as he disentangled himself from the sheet. He walked over to them, and knelt down beside the boy. "Mums and dads are like super heroes. They can do amazing things to protect their kids." Tony's eyes went wide.

"Really?"

"Yes, really," said the Doctor seriously. He glanced up at Jackie. She stared at him in disbelief. "But if she ever needs help she can always call me. We don't live far away."

Tony threw his arms around the Doctor's neck, and kissed him on the cheak. Then he ran off down the hall. He picked up a ratty stuffed toy that he had abandoned earlier.

"Tony, come back here and put your jacket on," said Jackie. The child slowly walked over to his mother.

"You're good at this!" Jackie said to the Doctor. She crouched down and helped her son into his coat.

"Well I should hope so. I was a father once a long time ago," said the Doctor quietly. He's eyes wandering to some distant point in the room while his mind drifted much further away.

"Rose never said," said Jackie looking up at him before zipping up her son's coat. "Does she know that?"

The Doctor nodded. "Yeah," he said quietly, "I mentioned it once or twice."

"So tell me again why aren't you at Torchwood today?" asked Jackie, changing the subject.

The Doctor shrugged. "You'll have to ask Rose. She didn't exactly give me a reason. My best guess is it's because she's the boss. When I'm around it's harder for her to be the boss." He let out a sigh. "Not that I try to get in her way or anything. It's just-"

"Because you used to be the boss?" asked Jackie. She finished zipping Tony's jacket and stood back up.

"Well, sort of, yeah."

"So what are you going to do with yourself every day then? Just hang about the house?" asked Jackie.

"Hey, give me a break I was only born last week. I'm still getting used to this," said the Doctor. He walked over the sheet and unhooked it from the ceiling. It fell to the floor in a heap.

Jackie frowned. "I'm sorry, I suppose your right. You'll figure it out," she said. "Thanks for watching Tony. He would've been bored at Suzan's."

"Anytime!" he said. They said their goodbyes and Jackie left with Tony, leaving the Doctor alone in the flat with his thoughts.

He felt strange having the memories of a 904 year old Time Lord when he had only morphed into existence from a hand in a jar nine days earlier. This was the only body he had ever had, but he remembered having many previous bodies. He also remembered what it felt like to have two hearts. Sometimes the strange two beat rhythm in his chest kept him awake at night. He decided the single heart wasn't better or worse. It was just different, but he still wasn't quite used to it. Anytime he exerted himself he could feel the blood surging through his human veins. The binary vascular system of a Time Lord responded in much the same way, but the force of the blood pumping felt more extreme now that he was human. The Doctor's human heartbeat often caused him to think of his friend Donna who played a role in creating him. He would never know for sure what happened to his best friend. He wanted to believe that she was still alive traveling with his doppelganger in his old universe.

The Doctor looked at the clock on the oven. It read "4:23 pm." He expected Rose would be home soon. He smiled to himself as he strolled from the kitchen to the living room and picked up the sheet. He carried it to the bedroom, and stuffed it in the hamper. Then he walked back, and flopped down on the couch. He grabbed the remote and flipped on the telly. He had tried the 'keeping busy thing' all day so he figured it was time to try the 'sitting and relaxing thing' that humans were so good at doing.

Two hours later, Rose walked in the door with her arms full of grocery bags. The Doctor was still sitting on the sofa. He switched off the telly, reclined his seat, and tilted his head backward to look over at her. The flat was open concept. The kitchen and living room merged together so he could see her at the counter rummaging through bags.

"Hello. How was work?" he asked.

"Fine," said Rose, but she didn't look over at him. If she had looked up, she might have noticed the bright red t-shirt and comfort fit jeans that hung loosely on him.

"Was the store busy?" asked the Doctor, "You know you could have phoned me. I could have gone."

"It's fine," said Rose. She continued to put stuff in the cupboards, and still didn't look over at him.

The Doctor turned back around facing the telly. He leaned forward to close the recliner with a click. "Good. Fine. Great. Brilliant!" said the Doctor in short clipped breaths.

"What are you on about?" asked Rose.

"I might have been born last week, but I'm not an idiot," said the Doctor as he got up from the sofa and stood in the living room facing her. "I know 'fine'. I know what that means, and just in case I needed reminding, I spent the last two hours watching daytime soaps."

"I don't know what to tell you. Work was fine. I'm fine. There's nothing wrong," said Rose. She glanced in his direction, but she looked past him rather than at him.

"Yes, I know, but you could have said 'good' and you didn't," said the Doctor as he casually strolled into the kitchen. "I use the word fine too, you know. It's not a woman's exclusive. I've used it. Sometimes I use 'alright' and rarely do I mean it."

"Okay Sigmund Freud," said Rose, "but sometimes a banana is just a banana." She placed a bunch of bananas on the counter.

"Not this time," said the Doctor staring at her, "I can tell."

"Look, there's nothing wrong!" said Rose. She rummaged through the last grocery bag pulling out food that needed to be kept cold. "It was an ordinary day. Well as ordinary as you get at Torchwood." She stuffed some frozen dinners in the freezer without making eye contact. "How was your day?"

"Oh we're doing the how was your day thing? Brilliant! Been years since I've done that… Well centuries," said the Doctor tilting his head back. "My day was good. You know, apart from my girlfriend telling me to give her some space. I went shopping, got some clothes, cleaned the loo. You should see it! It's sparkling now. I bet Mickey never did that for you." Rose shot him a look, but said nothing. She could tell he was about to regale her with a long list of everything he did today, and she promised herself she wouldn't start a fight.

"Your mum stopped by, and I looked after Tony for a bit. We built a fort, and hid from the monsters! Oh, and before that I went for a walk," continued the Doctor, "I met one of our neighbors. Do you know, Fredrick, the elderly man walks with a cane?"

"Yeah, nice man," said Rose.

The Doctor walked into the kitchen grinning. "Do you know what he does every afternoon? He picks up litter. The man struggles to climb stairs. Yet he walks the block every day, and bends over collecting stray bits of rubbish. I gave him a hand. Fredrick Freeman, an ordinary man, saving the universe one piece of rubbish at a time. I think it's brilliant! Human beings, and I'm one of them now. Look at me! What do you think?"

Rose finally looked over at him for more than two seconds. Her mouth hung open as she noticed his clothes for the first time. She'd traveled through all of space and time with that man, well a version of him anyway, and he never changed his style unless it was a disguise. All of history and he wore the same two suits with a pair of trainers.

Rose's reaction only made him grin more, but he didn't wait for her to answer him. "Oh and I watched the news, sad stuff. They found a second infant skeleton early this morning and apparently a small dog the day before. No one can figure out who's doing it. This time the boy was still in his baby buggy found in a locked-"

"Bookshop, yeah, I know," Rose interrupted, "I had my team looked into it. They still couldn't find anything alien so they turned the case back over to the police."

"If there is alien involvement I could find it," said the Doctor, "I just need to build a new sonic screwdriver first. Anyway, the weird thing about this case is no one's been reported missing this time. No one has any idea who that child is."

"I know. It's weird," said Rose distracted. She didn't take her eyes off the Doctor.

"I'm not sure I like the way you're looking at me," he said, "What is it? What's wrong?"

"You're wearing jeans and a t-shirt," said Rose.

"Yes, I am!" said the Doctor flashing her a grin. "It's what people wear, isn't it?"

"So that's what you bought?"

"Yeah, I left the card over there," said the Doctor pointing at a small basket on the counter. Rose continued to stare at him. She almost hid the despondent look on her face, but the Doctor knew her too well to be fooled. "Oh come on, you've see me change worse than this, and I still got the shoes." He lifted his left foot and pivoted it around in a circle. When Rose shook her head, he put his foot back down and frowned. He stuffed his hands in his pockets but the stiff denim dug into them so he pulled them back out.

"I mean look at you! Jeans and t-shirt!" said Rose. She pulled out the remaining frozen dinner from a shopping bag, and absentmindedly placed it on the counter. "Jeans, I can't believe it."

"People wear suits to go to work. I wasn't going to work. So, I thought, why not. What do you think?" asked the Doctor. He spun around. "How do I look?"

"Red's not your color."

"It's maroon," said the Doctor defensively.

"No, the first shirt you ever wore was maroon. That's red," said Rose.

The Doctor shrugged. "That's what the girl at the shop said. Anyways I got different colors blue, tan, and black. If you don't like it, I suppose I could wear this one to clean the gutters or mow the lawn."

"It's a flat. We don't do those things," said Rose.

"Oh, but we will someday! You and me, a proper house just outside the city," said the Doctor with a grin. Rose's eyes filled with tears quite suddenly. The Doctor's eyes went wide and then his face turned serious. Sometimes he hated being clever, because it usually meant he was right even when he didn't want to be. He really wanted to be wrong this time. He wanted to believe that everything was still good between them.

"What'd I say? What's wrong? Forget the house. We don't have to have a house. This flat is nice. I'm happy here so long as I'm with you."

"No. It's nothing. It's fine," said Rose, but her face said otherwise. She sniffed back tears. She didn't want to do this. She promised herself she wouldn't do this. It wasn't his fault. None of it was his fault.

"And there's that word again. Don't fine me Rose Tyler," said the Doctor angrily. Rose only cried harder and he instantly regretted his tone. He stepped over to her, put his hands on her shoulders, and looked into her eyes. "Tell me," he pleaded, "I've done something to upset you. I'm sorry, Rose. I'm new at this, or you could say rusty depending on your point of view."

"You haven't done anything," said Rose pulling away from him. The Doctor took a step back. "I thought I could do this, but I can't. You look like him. You sound like him. But you're not the Doctor."

"What, just because Torchwood gave me this paperwork with the name John Smith? My birth certificate says I'm 35. Do I look 35?" asked the Doctor, trying and failing to lighten the mood. Rose gave him a look, and his face turned serious again. "Rose, I can be there for you, the way he never could," he said stepping close to her. He reached for her hand, but she pulled away.

"And do you want that?" asked Rose.

"Of course I want that! Why wouldn't I want that?"

"You miss it. The traveling… the adventure… I can see it in your eyes."

"It's not easy for me, but I am trying," said the Doctor. He looked hurt and Rose hated to see that look on his face. "I missed you, Rose," he continued, "Traveling without you…If you asked Martha or Donna they would have told you. They knew. They were good friends. They helped me make do, but they never replaced you. No one ever could." The Doctor choked back tears. "I don't usually say goodbye. I hate goodbyes. But for you I burned up a sun, Rose, just so I could talk to you one last time."

Rose shook her head. "No, he did that. He missed me, and I think he still does," she whispered.

"He feels the same way I do. We're the same," he said matching her serious tone. She glanced at him and then her gaze fell on the floor. "He left you here! He left! I didn't! I'm still here!" His voice grew louder. "There is a reason he didn't say it back, and I think you know what it is."

"Yeah, it's so you could say it instead. He tricked us! He tricked us both," said Rose between gasps for breath. "If you hadn't been created, I'd be with him right now. I'd be there with him. You've done nothing wrong, but you're a constant reminder of that. I promised myself I would look after you. I was wrong. I can't do this! I'm sorry. I thought I could, but I can't. You can't stay here. I need you to go," she said. She sniffed back tears, hung her head and put her hand on her face.

"What?!" said the Doctor even though he had seen where this conversation was going. He was so used to fixing things by talking until a brilliant solution presented itself that he hoped he could turn this around. He breathed in sharply. He opened his mouth to speak, but his jaw just hung there until it slowly closed and turned into a frown. He didn't move. For a moment he didn't think he could move. He just stood there staring at her.

Rose reached into her purse on the counter and pulled out her wallet. She flipped it open and slid out a card. She thumbed it over a couple times and then handed it to the Doctor. "It's a gift card mum and dad got me last Christmas. "It's still got 500 credits on it." The Doctor stared at Rose. He took a shallow breath as he took the card from her. He swallowed, struggling to keep his composure.

"You're serious," he whispered. Rose looked down at the counter not wanting to look into his eyes anymore. The frozen dinner had begun to thaw. Patches of frost on the outside of the package turned to small beads of condensation. She focused on that for a moment, but she made no attempt to put it away. She felt his gaze still on her. She took a deep breath and forced herself to look back up at him.

"I'm sorry I just can't," she whispered.

"That's it, after all we've been through? 500 hundred credits to start a new life!" shouted the Doctor barely believing the words coming out of his mouth.

"My dad can help you out if you need more," said Rose.

"That's not what…" The Doctor swallowed. He threw the card back towards her. It spun and landed on the floor. "Keep it," he said in a harsh hush tone. He turned and walked back over to the couch. He picked up the white shopping bag with the clothes he bought earlier that day.

"I'm just trying to help," said Rose, "You'll need something to get started. I'll ask my team to see if they can place you in a job. Wilson found people who fell through the rift in Cartiff jobs. I'm sure he can help you."

"I don't need their help!" said the Doctor. He dropped the shopping bag on the floor by the door with a loud thud. He turned away and walked down the hall. He went into the bedroom closet and pulled out three pinstriped suits, four ties, and a second pair of black and white trainers that he bought earlier in the week. He gathered up the pile in his arms. He looked around the room, the room he shared with Rose the last week or so. It wasn't the TARDIS, the ship he lived in most of his life, but it had started to feel like home. He stared at the bed where they had held each other close each night. Normally it was unkempt. However, this morning he straightened the bed and even fluffed the pillows. He thought it would impress her. The ordinary nature of it impressed him. He had lived many lives but none of them were ordinary. He thought he had adapted well to living in an ordinary, stationary home with the extraordinary woman he loved. It wasn't enough, or perhaps it was too much. He was too human.

Suddenly he threw the armful of suits, and shoes against the closet door. He was surprised yet satisfied with the loud crack as the metal hangers hit the wood. He realized he was also angry with the Doctor, the Proper Doctor, the man who made him. Perhaps Rose was right. He tricked them. He tricked them into staying behind in this world. The full Time Lord knew his hybrid clone would say the words Rose wanted to hear, so he forced himself not to say it. "Does it need saying?" The Proper Doctor had said.

It didn't need saying. Rose loved the Proper Doctor anyway and she knew he still loved her. But both Doctors knew Rose deserved someone who could say it back, and the Proper Doctor never could. Saying it out loud was like a promise, a promise he could never keep since he could never grow old with her. The Time Lord could never have that life. In short, the Proper Doctor could never be him, but Rose didn't want him. He was an accident, a mistake.

Losing his second heart, his ability to regenerate, and everything else that made him a Time Lord had been difficult. Losing the TARDIS has been worse. He had accepted it easily, because he found Rose again after those years of living without her. He had the chance at an ordinary life. Now he didn't even have her. When he thought about it he should have seen this coming. Rose had kissed him not the Proper Doctor, but as the TARDIS made that terrible wheezing sound which meant it was leaving forever she had pulled away from him. She ran after it. He didn't. He had wanted to keep kissing her and he was the Doctor! That was his TARDIS leaving him forever.

Rose poked her head around the corner. "I heard a crash. Is everything alright?"

"Yeah, everything's alright," said the Doctor. He spoke in a harsh voice. "In fact, everything's fine." He picked up the pile of clothes and stormed past her out of the room.

"I'm sorry," said Rose following after him back into the kitchen. "I was serious about Torchwood. I don't want to see you out on the streets."

"You don't want to see me ever again. You've made that clear," said the Doctor. "Don't worry, you won't. I'll stay away."

"I don't mean never. We can still be friends."

The Doctor thrust the suits into the white paper shopping bag. It crinkled loudly and the hangers made a small tear near the handle. He tossed the shoes on top. "No, we can't!" He shouted, "I have his face! How can you be friends with me?"

Rose frowned but said nothing. He went to the kitchen and grabbed the whole bunch of bananas Rose just bought. He knew she bought them for him. She said nothing as she watched him put them into the bag. The Doctor went back into the living room, picked up his mobile from the arm of the sofa, and stuffed it into his pocket.

"I'm sorry." Rose whispered.

"You asked me to stay with you," he said turning around quickly to look at her. "I asked you if it was too soon, too quick. I asked if you needed some time to get used to it! You told me no! You said you were already used to me. You said-" he stopped short, unable to finish the rest of his sentence. Mucus clogged his nose, and the tears threatened to overwhelm him. "You said I was still the Doctor!" His voice broke, full of emotion. His face contorted trying and failing to hold back the tears. "If I'm not him, who am I? Who am I, Rose?"

"I don't know. I'm sorry," said Rose.

The Doctor turned the latch on the door and picked up the shopping bag. He glanced back at her over his shoulder, and then he was gone. The door clicked closed. Rose ran into the bedroom and was about to throw herself on the bed when she noticed how neat it looked. She never straightened the sheets unless she was putting on fresh ones. Tears poured down her face. She left the room, and headed to the loo to grab a tissue. That also was a mistake. He was right the room did sparkle, and it smelled like apple grass. The metal faucets shown for the first time since she moved out of her parents' house two years ago. The mirror was free of all those nasty specks of tooth paste and water drops. If her eyes weren't so full of tears, she would have been able to see her reflection clearly for the first time in weeks. She grabbed the box of tissues, ran into the living room, and flung herself on the couch instead.