A/N: What is UP? Haha I'm a little hyper tonight but I'm excited to finally put out a new piece. I'll warn you that this is a bit different than what I normally write. I'm trying to work on the detailed aspects and length of my stories. So this was a test run of that, not so much my crazy twists and bends in stories.
Dedicating this one to Trey Cooper! Thanks for being such an awesome follower! I'm always on the look out for your comments! ^o^
This is a song fic based on the song "purist of happiness." I simply love the chorus and the music to it 3 figured it fit the idea well. .com/watch?v=7xzU9Qqdqww
Onward~!
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"Na na na na, Na na na na."
She had decided a long time ago that the world was unfair.
The girt and grime of battle stuck to the pale flesh that covered her arms and legs, dirtying the once clean surface. Once vibrant pink hair was now riddled with dirt and mud, clinging to the beads of sweat forming on her face. Bodies littered the area. Some enemies, most friends.
Her body ached as she tried to move. But every stretch of skin stirred painful memories. She could still see the way Ino shook, her body falling victim to the violent tremors of shock. Her ears could still hear Hinata screaming in the distance, and her heart felt heavy at the memory. Somewhere in front of her she could vaguely make out the dark auburn hair of Neji, strewn against the blood soaked ground. With stiff movements she pulled herself from the ground to sit on her knees.
They sky over head was darkening even though it was only mid day. The claps and booms of thunder echoed in her mind as she felt the chilling drops of water slowly fall from the sky. She couldn't tell if she way crying with the way the rain fell against her face, mimicking the tears in falling from her eyes.
"If I fall, if I die, know I lived it to the fullest."
Sakura's mouth opened as she turned her head to the clouded sky, feeling the cool drops of rain cleanse her worn body. At first nothing came out, not a squeak or a scream. The muscles of her neck strained and twitched, hands clutching the collar of her shirt and twisting the torn clothing. Her body lurched forward, her fists slamming into the ground, small bits of dirt and pebbles flying at the power behind her trembling form. Wild green eyes stared fixated on the ground before her, ragged breaths heaving in her chest. The rain fell faster, pouring down around her as it formed rivers out of blood. With a violent movement her head threw back, and the scream that filled the endless sky was drowned in the thunderous storm.
"If I fall, if I die, know I lived and missed some bullets."
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It had been weeks since her return to the village. Bandages were still carefully wrapped around what remained of her injuries as she stood tall before her Hokage. The tension in the room was palpable, and she thought for a moment that her tongue could taste the bitterness in the air.
"What did you say?"
Tsunade's voice rang in her ears like the after effects of an explosion. She knew that the words she a mumbled only a moment ago could never be taken back. Squaring her shoulders she took another deep breath, staring down her once beloved mentor.
"I want to resign my position as a ninja for the Village Hidden in the Leaf."
"I'm on the pursuit of happiness and I know."
The skin of her cheek stung from the sharp blow she could have avoided. But she was done running like a child from her future. Sakura could hear the heavy breathing of in front of her, chancing a glance back at the grown woman. Tsunade's cheeks were flushed and her eyebrows drawn, fingers pinching tightly at the bridge of her nose.
"Don't do this, Sakura."
They had all taken the same oath. It was considered the highest insult to their village. There was no such thing as an 'honorable discharge' in this nation. The day they sold their souls in the name of protection was the day they lost the rights to their own lives. For them there was no freedom, though they fought everyday to protect it.
"Everything that shines ain't always gonna be gold."
"I can't do it anymore."
Sakura's whisper was broken, and for the first time since she entered that office a tear fell from the corner of her eyes. She couldn't watch the people she loved die. She couldn't be the one to tell the families that they lost their daughters, or to tell children that their father wasn't coming home. She couldn't live with the nightmares plaguing her every sleeping moment and the memories every time she closed her eyes.
In the corner her old teammates stood, unable to say anything. Naruto looked ready to jump Tsunade for the slap she dealt, but Sai's hand on his shoulder told reminded him it was not his place to interfere. For a moment there was a flicker of something akin to sadness in the cold ink user's eyes before the stone walls around his heart rose again.
"I'll be fine."
Kakashi's eyes caught hers for a moment and she could tell he was disappointed not only as her team mate, but as her lover. Sakura knew her words were rash, but there would be no dancing around this. She could only hope he understood her position, could only pray that he would understand the darkness forming in her heart.
Something in his uncovered eye told her he did.
With a heavy sigh Tsunade placed her hand on the younger girls shoulder. A reassuring squeeze did nothing to reassure, and the message was lost on a broken child. The woman resolved herself and looked down on her student, trying her best to offer a smile.
"You obviously haven't fully recovered. Go home. Take some time off and we will talk about your reactivation later."
"Once I get it."
With a sharp nod Sakura took her orders. She did her best to bite her tongue and leave with some sense of decency. Finally moving from her spot she felt Tsunade's hand slip from her shoulder. She felt the sting of the wound she received on her calf but held her head high, walking without a whisper of a limp.
Pale fingers grasped the door handle to the room in a white knuckle grip, the cool metal underneath her skin reminding her that she was indeed alive unlike so many others. With a shiver she took one final look over her shoulder.
"I'll die before I'll fight."
"I'll be good."
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Kakashi woke up to the heart wrenching noise of her screams. Panic seized him as he sat up quickly, tired eyes trying to catch up with his body in the search for her. In the corner of the room she was huddled, tears crawling down the contours of her face as her body trembled violently.
He was quick to slide off the bed, instantly feeling the cold of the night nipping at this flesh. Quickly he was beside her, mumbling soft words and meaningless phrases. It's going to be alright. But he knew she wouldn't be alright that easily. She was plagued with the memories of her friends falling around her. Sleep was supposed to be an escape, but one would quickly realize there is no escape from your own mind.
"Tell me what you know about dreaming, dreaming."
He knew the dreams would come. He had seen many soldiers fall helpless to the taunting of their own mind. Like a sick movie it would play, over and over again. He couldn't imagine what she was seeing. He could only pull her close to him as she clung desperately to the fabric of his shirt. He could only comfort her quietly like one would a child waking from a nightmare.
The shaking stopped as small sobs subsided. Fresh tears managed to spring into her eyes and fall in a melancholy rhythm on his floor. Battle worn hands threaded softly in her long hair, calming the young woman as she whimpered softly in his arms.
"You don't really know about nothing, nothing."
Somewhere in the back of his mind he recalled the trembling heap of flesh he used to be. He could never forget the way the memories came and went, crashing like waves against the shores of his reality. To someone like that there are no words of comfort. There are no promises of a better tomorrow, or sweet whispers of a brighter future.
Their lives were never designed to be bright. No one ever sat down, thinking about their jobs and saying 'oh yea, it'll suck but it'll be fine after a while'. No one fooled themselves with thoughts that they were going to be just fine. They were the grit of the earth, living just to kill. Living just to die.
"Tell me what you know about them night terrors every night."
Her cries quieted and soon the small noises of heart ache were few and far between. With ease he lifted her into his arms, carrying her back to the bed they often shared. Her bright pink hair contrasted against his black sheets in a way that still took his breath away, even as she looked up at him with a tear streaked face.
As if caring for a child he pulled the covers over her stilling frame, his hand gently pushing aside her haphazard bangs so that he might lean over and bestow a kiss upon her forehead. He bit his own tongue then, pushing back the pain at the thought that she was no Sleeping Beauty; he couldn't save her from her troubles with such a simple gesture.
Kisses only worked in fairy tales.
"5am, cold sweat."
Time passed slowly in the small confines of those four walls. He lost track of how many nights she woke up crying, lost count of the small tremors that wracked her body every time she woke. It was a night like so many others that he watched her, unable to sleep in the warm place beside him. He could still find her emerald gaze in the darkness. Lamp lights from outside leaked through the cracks of his blinds, spilling warm light across the features of her face.
His fingers slowly traced the patterns it formed on her perfect skin; perfect to him even with the scars from battle. He felt the soft touch of her hand on his own skin, her thumb gently moving against his cheek. He listened to her muffled whimpers and the soft way she pleaded with him in the dead of night.
"Make me forget."
"Waking up to the Skies."
Who was he to deny her fragile being?
He moved slowly, resting his weight on his free arm as his fingers traced their way from her face, down the long line of her neck. Leaning forward his lips caught hers; capturing the soft sigh she gave as he slipped the string of her tank top of her shoulder. Kakashi swallowed her small moans as his fingers teased her chest, passing over her shirt to trail down her toned stomach.
Once he had reached the hem he was moving back up, cupping her breast in his battle worn hand. The rough pads of his fingers contrasted beautifully with her soft skin, drawing out sounds that she desperately tried to conceal. Butterfly kisses swept over her neck, scorching his mark on her skin. Her back arched as he took her neglected nipple into his mouth, the only thing in his way the flimsy cloth of her top.
"Tell me what you know about dreams."
She rolled her hips once and shuddered at the feel of his fingers. Her clothes now lay forgotten somewhere in the darkness of his room along with his own. Her fingers flexed against his muscular shoulders as his thumb pressed against a spot that could make her scream. But tonight was about something gentler, something he rarely showed her.
His body shook slightly at the force of his control. She felt like something fragile underneath him, a breakable girl he hadn't seen before. He captured her lips in a searing kiss as he felt her knees against his hips. His tongue trailed sensually against hers and he couldn't help the smirk that formed as she moaned softly beneath him. His own moan slipped between his lips as he entered her, slowly moving in the way he knew drove her crazy.
"Dreams."
Fingers twisted in the sheets beside her head, her back arching as she panted with each skillful thrust of her lovers hips. Sakura cried out, her head tilting back as he was kissing her neck once more, driving only the thought of this moment into her mind until there was no room for the doubt and sadness of yesterday.
The fingers of his free hand traced her hips gently, tickling the sensitive skin as she squirmed in his arms. Her soft moans and pants had his mind reeling, his hips keeping their slow yet forceful pace. She continued to beg through her cries, eyes pleading with him in the darkness.
"Please…"
"Tell me what you know about night terrors."
Soon she was sitting in his lap, his legs crossed as he held her closely. She loved the feeling of control she had, rocking her hips against him as he moaned. Both of them moved together, knowing the dance they had begun as if at had been engraved into their minds. Her forehead rested against his shoulder and she could hear her heart hammering in her ears.
She proved that he wasn't the only one that could kiss, moving to suckle at his own ragging pulse. He grunted lowly before pulling her hips against his heavily, grinning at the sudden cry she gave and the ones that followed. Her arms looped around his neck as she hung onto him, allowing him to control her body.
"Nothing."
One of his hands slowly trailed the side of her body, reaching to caress her chest before rolling her nipple between his fingers. She gasped and shuddered, her pink hair sticking to the back of her neck as she moved to trail her fingers through his hair. Her tongue traced his lower lip before she nipped at it softly.
His lips barely brushed against hers, their mouths open as they each gasped at the feelings they awakened in one another. He watched with half closed eyes as she bit her lip gently, worrying the flesh between her teeth. He took the moment to nip at the same spot before watching her eyes close and her head tilt back. Her body trembled and her mouth opened in a final silent cry as her resolve crumbled before him.
"You don't really care about the trials of tomorrow."
In the aftermath of their activities she listened, ear pressed against his chest. His heart beat in pattern with hers, thrumming beautifully from their love making. He watched as for the first time she fell into a peaceful sleep, kissing her forehead gently as he pulled the sheets around their tired forms.
"Rather lay away in the bed full of sorrow."
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"Come away with me,"
He felt like a star in a dramatic movie. Only he couldn't be her hero. He couldn't go against everything he was raised to do, everything he had ever known. He lived to fight and he fought to live. Over the years it had become a second nature to him and he wasn't sure he could give it up.
But emerald eyes were pleading with him. He knew she would never be happy here, in a world where she had to watch people she loved died. He knew she was too innocent for this place, knew that her mind was likely to break should they try and force her back onto that battlefield.
"I'm on the pursuit of happiness."
"We could be happy together, Kakashi."
Small fingers clutched desperately at the fabric of his jacket. He could feel the way she trembled and saw the uncertainty in her eyes. She was terrified of his rejection. She was going out into a life she had never known, and the one person she wanted with her would likely never leave his home.
"We could find a town far away from here, somewhere where there are no ninja, where there are no hidden villages."
It was heartbreaking. The bag slung over her shoulder felt heavy even though she had packed as lightly as she could. In a week she was supposed to become an active ninja once again, and she knew she had to escape while she could.
"I know everything that shines ain't always gonna be gold."
"I can't."
His whisper broke whatever she had left of her heart. Sakura's face fell forward, her forehead resting on the broad chest she had come to love. She could hear his steady heart beat even though hers was going wild.
"Do you plan to fight forever?" She asked quietly, already knowing his answer. He was the best, a solider they could never live without. No matter where he ran they would send hundreds after him. It was his life and his honor to die on the battlefield for his village.
"I'll be fine."
"What about children, a family?" She raised her face to look up at him once more, a few tears dripping down the sides of her face. Her eyes closed as she felt familiar hands cup her cheeks, wiping them away with the pads of his thumbs. "Do you want them to live in a world where everyone they love dies?"
"Without you I won't have a family," He whispered brokenly. She realized for the first time that he deciding to stay was just as hard as her deciding to leave.
For a moment they simply stood in each others arms, enjoying the peace they knew they would never share again. She tried to burn this memory into her mind, tried to hold on forever to the feel of him holding her and the smell of woods that accompanied him wherever he went.
"Once I get it."
"They'll make me hunt you." He whispered finally, knowing it was time she go. She needed to escape while she could.
"Just try and catch me." She challenged with a playful voice and a pained smile. Pushing herself on her tiptoes she planted one last gentle kiss on his lips. She felt a tear on her cheek that wasn't hers, and gave him one last beautiful smile before turning to leave the small apartment she called home.
He caught her wrist before she could get out the door, pressing her into the cold wood as his lips claimed hers in one final tragic moment. When he pulled back the taste of his goodbye lingered on her tongue and the eyes that bore into hers spoke more words than his lips ever would.
"Don't let me find you."
"I'll be good."
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"I'm on the pursuit of happiness and I know,
Everything that shines ain't always gonna be gold and;
I'll be fine, once I get it.
I'll be good."
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Far out in the country side of a distant land a young woman sat, knees pressing into the earth as she hummed softly. Delicate fingers yanked and pulled at weeds surrounding a small garden she had planted years ago. Medicinal herbs and plants were growing larger and the lines of carefully arranged greenery stretched out before her. Short choppy brown hair tickled the exposed skin of sun kissed shoulders while the straps of her tank top itched slightly at her skin. But her vibrant emerald eyes still bore into the world around her, a part of herself she could never alter.
The long grass of her front yard swayed softly in the summer's breeze, cooling the surrounding area from the stifling weather. Looking up she noted that the sky was a deeper blue than she had ever seen in her childhood, and the air felt fresh with every intake of her greedy lungs.
Behind her stood the only home she'd ever need. It was small and the wooden walls showed their true age with every passing season. She knew that the steps inside still creaked softly with every pass of her bare feet, and that the walls whispered to her on windy nights. A small dirt road wound its way down a distance that felt like forever, eventually leading to the main road which leads to town.
"I'm on the pursuit of Happiness."
It was a small place where everyone knew each other. She often help the old and sick, working most of the time at the shabby building they called a hospital. But it was enough for her. She had no dreams of something bigger; no want for something better with her life. She was perfectly content in a nothing town, being herself nothing worth note.
Slowly she collected more herbs, making a mental check list of the things she needed. Each piece was placed carefully into the woven basket at her side, until she decided that she had plenty for what she needed to make. Standing up she gently brushed the dirt off of her thigh length shorts, the browns and tans contrasting with the dark grey fabric. She continued humming her song as she bent down to pick up her forgotten basket, the material of her orange top folding and shifting with each movement.
"I know everything that shines ain't always gold."
Her hum died in her throat as she looked into the distance. It stood beside the soft blue mailbox posted a few yards from the house. The bright whites and reds of a forgotten mask called to her, and she swore she felt her heart stop. There was no mistaking the lone black eye staring at her from behind the wolf like face. There was no mistaking the tense way he held his shoulders or the spiky tuffs of silver hair lifting off his head.
She vaguely registered the sound of her basket hitting the ground after slipping from her limp hand. The small plants she had been collecting all morning spilled out onto the soil they had come from, though they would never know its true comfort again. His hesitant step forward had her taking one back in turn; unsure as to what game he was here to play.
"I'll be fine."
He paused in his movements and she swore she saw a flicker of hurt in that lone eye. Slowly she watched the way gloved hands came up to cup the material of his mask, pushing it up slowly to rest a top his head. No fabric covered the beautiful face she had once fallen for and she cursed herself for the familiar butterflies lingering in her stomach.
Old boots stepped slowly through the red dirt road as he drew closer to her, coming to stop a mere arms length away. Without a word he knelt and collected the small plants she had dropped, safely storing them back into the basket they had come from. Sakura watched, tears forming in her eyes, as he straightened himself clutching in his hand the worn handle of her basket. His eyes caught hers as he extended his arm, offering it to her as she tried to hold back her cries.
"Once I get it."
"Mommy?"
Everything stopped the moment a soft voice called out to them. Her heart wrenched at the pain that flickered through his uncovered eyes. Somewhere inside himself he cursed whatever took him so long to find her. It had been 5 years since she left the village, five years since she walked out his door with a silent promise not to let him find her. Of course she would have someone. Of course she would be happy without him.
With slow movements he turned his gaze to the door, his heart hammering in his chest. He expected to see a toddler barely able to stand, waiting with her husband at the door way. But instead he found a boy who looked almost five years old, clutching onto the door frame tightly as he watched the scene outside unfold. Spiky silver hair poked out from behind the wooden frame and breath taking green eyes froze Kakashi in his tracks.
"I'll be good."
"Good."
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FIN
A/N: Well I hope you all enjoyed my newest piece. ^o^ Honestly I've had writers block and a half so this was a fun story to struggle with.
This particular fic amuses me because it started as a paragraph in an entirely different story I'm working on. But something about it didn't fit so I moved it to its own document and let it grow.
Hope you all continue to read! If you ever want to talk to me about any of my work or chat about anything feel free to PM me. I appreciate all of you're support and positive energy ^_^