I admit, this was inspired by similar stories. But I couldn't help myself! Here's a list of things new recruits on the Enterprise are required to know. If you have any suggestions, I'd appreciate them very much!
The Cadet's Guide to the Enterprise(aka-Things you should know if you'd like to live longer)
1. Any person with whoopee cushions will be transported to the next unexplored planet we come by. This person will be wearing a red shirt.
2. The Doctor is not. . .The Doctor. He has no idea what the TARDIS is and wants you to get out of sickbay.
3. Chekov's 'wodka' should not be put in any of Scotty's scotch bottles.
4. Or vice versa.
5. Deanna Troi is not a mutant, a telepath or a Jedi.
6. You are not allowed to ask Q to conjure up some hot girls.
7. Data is not a Transformer.
8. Stop asking Kirk what her name was this time. You are risking ending your life earlier than you would have liked.
9. Ferengi are not allowed onboard.
10. Neither are Klingon.
11. Or Romulans.
12. Or any hostile species.
13. Only the captain may sit in the captain's chair.
14. Contrary to popular belief, Captain Picard is not frenemies with Gandalf, nor does he possess any type of power.
15. Though he is Vulcan, Spock is sensitive about his Pon Farr and does not appreciate your mocking of it. Doing so may result in a visit to sickbay, and possible death.
16. No, Kirk's favorite song is not Baby, never was Baby and never will be Baby.