The damage is done

The police are coming too slow now

I would have died

I would have loved you all my life

.

.

.

My senses started to slowly come back to me as I took in the cold hard surface I was laying on. My thoughts could only be gathered in pieces. My name was Hanna Marin. I live in Rosewood with my Mom. My best friends were Emily, Spencer, Aria, and Ali. The rest was history. I could feel something, hands maybe? Who's hands? Why did they have such a weird rubber texture? All I could manage was staring into this blissful darkness, hoping I would awake sometime soon. Those hands, I could still feel them going from working on me gently to furiously. My hair was just pushed behind my ear, and my cheek was caressed so delicately.. I wonder if I could had blushed right then if the darkness hadn't taken over.

I painfully managed to finally open my sea blue eyes, taking in my surroundings. White walls, a hard single bed. This definitely wasn't my frilly pink bedroom. I suddenly was even more frozen in place, if that was even possible, when I saw the wires...? The wires were connected to me. All over. I could barely look down with the brace on my neck. Every sound was heightened; my breathing was heavy, I could hear a clock ticking second by second, and an awfully annoying repetitive beeping sound. It was almost in rhythm with my breathing. I shot up when I noticed someone sitting in the guest chair to the right of this rock hard bed I just wanted to get out of. He grabbed my hand and started rubbing it trying to soothe me, telling me to lie back down. I obeyed easily enough, maybe because he was so cute.. and generally looked freaked out of his mind.

"What am I doing in the hospital?" I said a little over a whisper, my voice raspy.

"Hanna, I need you to tell me the last thing you remember." The handsome British doctor barely managed to get the words out. I laid there on that stupid bed for the longest time, trying to expand my thoughts but it was nearly impossible. All I could think about was the darkness, I didn't want to talk, just to desperately go back to sleep. The doctor was just staring deeply into my eyes, which wasn't making it any easier. I analyzed his name tag carefully. Hmph, well hello Dr. Kingston, did you know you're really freaking me out right now. His eyes looked so tired and dead inside. Eventually after analyzing him until my brain decided to start working I finally had a memory flow into my thoughts.

"I'm supposed to be at Ali's sleepover.." I said starting to get nervous that she was waiting on me and was going to be angry for being late. "Where is my Mom? I need her to drive me now."

"Ali, as in.. Alison Dilaurentis?" Wren said concerned at my choice of words.

"Yes, she's going to kill me if I ditch out on this!" I said as the panic in my voice started rising. He immediately got up from the seat and started going for the door.

"Wait, where are you going? Please don't leave me." I begged, I was so confused and just wanted someone I actually knew to tell me what was going on. I went for the wires connected to my arms, furiously trying to rip them out so I could just get out of here when Dr. Kingston ran over to me and immediately stopped me from my plans.

"What do you think you're doing, Hanna? Are you trying to kill yourself? These wires played a very important role in helping you survive and still are." He said with anger. I couldn't help but start to tear up, afraid that he was mad at me for something I didn't even understand. My throat got dry and tight as I choked back the tears and looked down.

"Oh no, no.. Hanna. I'm so sorry baby. I didn't mean to get mad. I'm just so scared, I almost lost you, and when I saw you going for the wires I-" he spoke quickly with his British accent when I interrupted.

"Did you just call me 'baby'?" I said as my eyes grew wide. I stared into his when I saw something shatter. Not literally, like a plate that fell off the kitchen counter or the old lamp you and your best friend broke while playing baseball in the house. Something deeper than that, I could feel something shatter in me; I could see something break within Dr. Kingston's eyes. Like whatever wall he had up, suddenly came tumbling down. A single tear fell from his eye and he blinked quickly, wiping it away and sitting down at the edge of my bed.

"You were in a car accident... with me." He got all choked up on his words again, about to completely lose it.

"I was in a car? With you? Why..?" I said confused, trying to regain memory of what he was telling me.

"Because you're my girlfriend." He turned away after he said it, just staring at the wall deeply in thought. Was this guy crazy? Should I press the emergency button on the wall?

"You're not my boyfriend, you're a doctor who I've never even met before." I said somewhat annoyed with how weird I felt in this situation.

"Exactly, Hanna! You don't get it. After the accident, I rushed you here. But you suffered way worse than I did. All I have is bruised ribs. You have amnesia, Hanna! Do you understand that? You don't remember the past 3 years of your life! And it's all because I was taking you on some damn date when some jackass decides to run a light and slam right into your side of the car. Because of me, just wanting to spend time with you, to take you out, because of me you have lost a very important time period in your life and chances are might not be able to recover it ever again. Do you know how that makes me feel? I lost my loving girlfriend, you don't remember anything about us, about me, about Alison! Alison died two and a half years ago Hanna! You can't even remember the death of your best friend because of me. I should be blaming that damn car for running the light, but because of me we were in the wrong place at the wrong time. Maybe if I had driven a little bit slower, or faster, took a different road, everything would be the way it should be. I'll never be able to forgive myself for doing this to you Hanna."

And with that, he quietly left me in the tiny hospital room trying to make sense of what just happened.