Author: MarieAmethyst
Title: I've Got To Stop Smoking That Pipeweed
Rating: PG
Genre: humor
Disclaimer: Sadly, I do not own anything here.Just the idea. ^_~
Dedication: To Jaya onesan, who helped inspire this in one of our usual insane chats.
Author's Note: Pure silliness. Don't read if you can't handle the mental image of a Nazgul in a thong. ^_~
On a side note, one month left until FotR hits theaters!
~*~
Frodo opened the door of his hobbit hole,Bag End,quietly. It was mid evening,his usual time to sit and reflect about the day over a good smoke. Today was no different.
The hobbit sat down on a chair placed before the door. Pulling out his pipe, he quickly lit it before raising it to his mouth and taking a testing puff. Satisfied, he sat back and blew a few smoke rings idly.
The day has been like the previous before it; calm with nothing exciting happening. Just the way he liked them. His uncle, Bilbo Baggins, might enjoy an odd adventure every now and then, but Frodo was perfectly content to live each day the same as the one before it. Sighing happily, he gazed around at his beloved Shire that was spread before him, then froze in shock.
Coming down the lane below was a green scrap of material, and nothing else. Eyes widened in shock, Frodo tried to see it more clearly, before realizing it was a thong!
"Oh my," he whispered to himself in amazement. Thongs were quite unsensible, so of course hobbits were strictly against them. But what truly amazed the hobbit was the fact no body could be seen at all! "I must be dreaming; no thong could just walk down the lane like that!"
Mouth hanging open and pipe all but forgotten in his hand, Frodo stared avidly as the floating green thong continued down the lane until it stopped near a tree that grew at the edge of the hill.
"What happened to your clothes?" a low voice asked from behind the tree. The hobbit strained to hear more.
"You know how good a card player Sauron is. He won everything I owned, including my robes. The *beep* only let me keep my thong because he said it amused him, the sick *beep*. Quit laughing before I bash your head in!"
"I warned you not to play against Lord Sauron, you idiot! You walked all the way from Morder in just that?"
"Shut up. Just give me the spare robe you brought already."
"Say please."
"Give it here already, you *beep*!"
"My my, what a temper you have today." A black gloved hand came from behind the tree holding an equally black robe, which was grabbed by an unseen hand. It was thrown over a body, covering the thong. "And to think I was just beginning to enjoy the view."
"You are asking for it. Tell the others and I will make sure you don't live to see the next age."
"You mean you haven't already noticed? We're dead, amigo. Been dead for awhile. Nice muscles though, I should have noticed them before..."
"What did I do to be tormented like this?! I just wanted to help take over Middle Earth, nothing more!" The newly clad form began to stalk back the way it had come.
"Hey, wait up! I wanna help take over Middle Earth too!" Another black clad form raced from behind the tree and joined the other. Soon they disppeared.
Frodo sat rooted to his chair. He could not believe what he just saw and heard, nor did he want to. Finally looking at the pipe in his hand, he stood, and tossed it aside. "I've got to quit smoking that pipeweed," he muttered before walking inside and shutting the door.
Title: I've Got To Stop Smoking That Pipeweed
Rating: PG
Genre: humor
Disclaimer: Sadly, I do not own anything here.Just the idea. ^_~
Dedication: To Jaya onesan, who helped inspire this in one of our usual insane chats.
Author's Note: Pure silliness. Don't read if you can't handle the mental image of a Nazgul in a thong. ^_~
On a side note, one month left until FotR hits theaters!
~*~
Frodo opened the door of his hobbit hole,Bag End,quietly. It was mid evening,his usual time to sit and reflect about the day over a good smoke. Today was no different.
The hobbit sat down on a chair placed before the door. Pulling out his pipe, he quickly lit it before raising it to his mouth and taking a testing puff. Satisfied, he sat back and blew a few smoke rings idly.
The day has been like the previous before it; calm with nothing exciting happening. Just the way he liked them. His uncle, Bilbo Baggins, might enjoy an odd adventure every now and then, but Frodo was perfectly content to live each day the same as the one before it. Sighing happily, he gazed around at his beloved Shire that was spread before him, then froze in shock.
Coming down the lane below was a green scrap of material, and nothing else. Eyes widened in shock, Frodo tried to see it more clearly, before realizing it was a thong!
"Oh my," he whispered to himself in amazement. Thongs were quite unsensible, so of course hobbits were strictly against them. But what truly amazed the hobbit was the fact no body could be seen at all! "I must be dreaming; no thong could just walk down the lane like that!"
Mouth hanging open and pipe all but forgotten in his hand, Frodo stared avidly as the floating green thong continued down the lane until it stopped near a tree that grew at the edge of the hill.
"What happened to your clothes?" a low voice asked from behind the tree. The hobbit strained to hear more.
"You know how good a card player Sauron is. He won everything I owned, including my robes. The *beep* only let me keep my thong because he said it amused him, the sick *beep*. Quit laughing before I bash your head in!"
"I warned you not to play against Lord Sauron, you idiot! You walked all the way from Morder in just that?"
"Shut up. Just give me the spare robe you brought already."
"Say please."
"Give it here already, you *beep*!"
"My my, what a temper you have today." A black gloved hand came from behind the tree holding an equally black robe, which was grabbed by an unseen hand. It was thrown over a body, covering the thong. "And to think I was just beginning to enjoy the view."
"You are asking for it. Tell the others and I will make sure you don't live to see the next age."
"You mean you haven't already noticed? We're dead, amigo. Been dead for awhile. Nice muscles though, I should have noticed them before..."
"What did I do to be tormented like this?! I just wanted to help take over Middle Earth, nothing more!" The newly clad form began to stalk back the way it had come.
"Hey, wait up! I wanna help take over Middle Earth too!" Another black clad form raced from behind the tree and joined the other. Soon they disppeared.
Frodo sat rooted to his chair. He could not believe what he just saw and heard, nor did he want to. Finally looking at the pipe in his hand, he stood, and tossed it aside. "I've got to quit smoking that pipeweed," he muttered before walking inside and shutting the door.