A/N: Hello everybody. I've always wondered what exactly about the Robot Rumble scene that didn't sit right with me. And then I realised.
Enjoy.
Disclaimer: I do not own Iron Man or anything associated with it. Please don't shoot me. I didn't do it.
Tony had called Pepper down to his workshop to show her the CT footage from his birthday party, or rather, the Robot Rumble that followed. He told her that he had some very important things to discuss.
"See that, Pepper?" he said, pointing at the screen. "That's a major security flaw right there."
Pepper peered at the little screen. "You were the major security flaw, Tony."
"No," said Tony patiently, "I mean that the Mark II actually shot at me! Didn't Jarvis come in at any time and dissuade Rhodey from taking the shot? And look! He didn't even mess with the aim. I swear, everyone's trying to take me out. Vanko, Happy, Rhodey, Rhodey again, the Hammeroids-"
"Hammer drones."
"Hammeroids. But, being Hammer tech and all, they didn't stand a chance."
"Hammer drones. And I distinctly remember you having to repair the suit for major structural damage after the fight."
"Uh, one, numbers have to count for something, and two, that's was the Vanko bit."
"Forgive me if I'm wrong, but didn't Natali- Natash- that girl say that you must have let Rhodey use the suit, because there were 'redundancies to prevent unauthorised usages'?"
"Well. You see, the thing is, uh-"
"Tony, spit it out."
"Thereweren'tactuallyanysecuritymeasures. I knew- well, I thought that I could rely on Jarvis to, uh, ensure no one used the suit who shouldn't," Tony said, glaring upwards at the ceiling.
"Sir, you have never instructed me on who can and cannot use the Iron Man suit. Colonel Rhodes is a friend of yours, and he has once expressed an interest in trying the suit. He seemed perfectly permitted to do so."
"But Jarvis," Tony wailed, "you are not, under any circumstances, allowed to fire upon my person. Not even if the pilot seems okay."
"If Rhodey had not been able to defend himself, he would have sustained multiple injuries. You were prepared to shoot him, sir!"
Tony rubbed his eyes. "No, only because he wouldn't back down. I was bluffing, and then had to defend myself!"
"If I may," Pepper intervened. "You were very drunk. Very, very drunk."
Tony sighed. "Okay, we'll just forget it. But I am going to put together a list of people who are not authorised to fly the suit. Jarvis, please compile a file with everyone who is not Anthony Stark and call it, 'Banned From The Suit'. Then save it on every available hard drive for easy reference. You are not to give permission to anyone on that list to use the suit. Are we clear?"
"Tony, I think you've missed the point-"
"Now, Pepper, don't you think I know what I'm doing?"
"But sir, what if you've gone rogue?"
"Look, I can tell you-"
"Or if someone's taken over the suit?" Pepper interjected.
"I can override-"
"Perhaps there is a virus?"
"There won't-"
"What about if I'm in danger, and I need the suit?"
"Pepper-"
"Or Rhodey, or a civilian, sir?"
"Jar-"
"What about you, Tony? What if you're hurt, and we need to fly the suit to get you out of there?"
"See-"
"And if there's a security malfunction? What then, sir?"
"We've established there's not any-"
"In an emergency, Tony, what will happen?"
"I can't-"
"Sir, there are responsibilities-"
"Look, shuddap, okay, I get it," said Tony, exasperated. "No list, then. But you, Jarvis," Tony shook his finger at the ceiling, "are under express orders to never fire upon me. I won't go rogue, and you're not shooting at me even if the suit's offline and unresponsive. Actually, especially never shoot at me when I'm offline and unresponsive. I would be having enough troubles in that situation."
"Affirmative, sir."
"Jarvis, I mean it- oh, you said yes? ...That's good, then."
Pepper hid a smile as the uncertain and slightly overwhelmed look on Tony's face. She and Jarvis had it down. They'd found this method to be the best at dissuading Tony from stupid and/or problematic ideas. Like this one.
"Right," said Tony, pulling himself together. "That's sorted, then. No shooting Tony. And no list."
He looked thoughtful. "Probably a good thing, too that. I think I have a cousin named Anthony. It could cause difficulties."
R&R?