Chapter One: Meeting Creepy Old Men
Children, stay away from that man. Come away from the stranger. Don't take anything from him – you don't know where it's been. Dipper felt his eyes wander to the piles of photo albums laying near his feet, towards a photograph of his parents and their parents; there was his mother, his father, aunts and uncles – and there was that man. He was a face Dipper just couldn't recognize. He looked old enough to be an uncle but too young to be a grandparent; Dipper's own parents acknowledged the presence of this strange man at family events by forbidding them to go near him. He was usually clad in a navy blue suit, black tie and white dress shirt with ragged black loafers, but although he dressed nicely with his grey speckled hair combed back, there were stains on his jacket and an almost foreboding aura surrounding this man. Mabel once claimed she got close enough to smell him, and that he smelled like pickles and baking soda. Dipper didn't care enough to get close to the man without getting heebie-jeebies, but that was what drew him closer and closer mentally to the man; there was something weird about him…something Dipper had to uncover.
He rose to his feet and shoved a few photo albums under the bed with the heels of his shoe; as he stood in the center of his and his twin sister's bedroom, the door flew open and a resounding shout of "Dipper!" echoed through the room. Dipper turned to acknowledge who had called his name but instead was greeted with a mouthful of sweater and long brown hair; he let out a surprised gasp and tumbled in a heap, wrapped up in a ball of sweater, hair and braces. "Dipper! Come on!" the bundle of sweater said as it stood up. Dipper opened his hazel eyes and let out a sigh as he recognized who the sweater was – the sweater brushed her hair behind her ears to reveal a female Dipper face, complete with ruddy nose and hazel eyes filled with stars. "Mabel, what have I told you about jumping on me?" He brushed off his vest and folded his arms. "You don't like it, but this time I had an excuse!" she announced proudly, placing two fists on her prepubescent hips. "Mom and Dad are letting us meet that creepy old man from last week!" she blurted, her lips moving faster than the words came out; for a while Dipper saw himself within her face, and he could see his own face twist in confusion at the phrase creepy old man. "Wait…do you mean…" Dipper began, and his sister finished his sentence. "The creepy old man from the park last week who kept feeding the squirrels and trapping them in bags." Mabel fumbled with the hem of her sweater excitedly, something she had done since she was old enough to wear sweaters; she had always worn oversized sweaters that matched her mood. She had an entire closet full of them – sweaters with puns, sweaters with cute pictures and ironic sayings and even sweaters with pictures of other sweaters. It was almost weird, but their parents encouraged her strange behavior.
"What are you talking about? Mom and Dad don't let us near him." Dipper stood in front of his bed again, hiding the photo albums from view, but he was too slow. Mabel had already lunged for them.
"Ooh, what's this?" she asked in a sing-song voice, flipping through the pages and examining all of Dipper's notes; Dipper felt his face go completely red, matching the spotty complexion on his naturally ruddy nose; he and his sister had slight discoloration of the skin, and unfortunately for Dipper, his was in his nose. Mabel's was in her cheeks, a much less obvious spot and it made her look like she was always blushing. Mabel lay on her stomach in the middle of the room kicking her heels above her head and scanning Dipper's notes with enthusiasm. "Oh, you were just looking at his picture, huh?" Dipper raised an eyebrow. "That's the guy we're meeting?"
"Yep! He's talking with Mom and Dad right now." As if on cue, Dipper could hear raucous conversation proceed downstairs, and he felt his stomach flip. "Why are they introducing us to him now?" he wondered aloud, and Mabel stood. "I don't know. Maybe because they were talking about getting rid of us for summer vacation," she said, stepping closer to her twin brother; her socks rubbed against the carpet, and she raised a finger to shock her brother, letting out a high-pitched giggle as he winced. "Mabel, stop it!" he laughed, shuffling his feet across the carpet as well. They continued shocking each other until they collapsed in a heap. Mabel spoke.
"Hey, Dipper."
"Yeah?"
"Do you remember last week when Auntie had that picnic and that weirdo showed up? Dad kicked him out." Dipper did remember; there was a knock at the door, Dad had opened it, there was a loud fuss and then a slam as the door was slammed shut and tightly locked. Dipper also remembered feeling the need to reassure Mabel as she slumped in her chair and they both waited quietly until their father walked back into the room adjusting his tie nervously. It was just the wind, he lied. Let's eat! Mabel had piled her plate full of food while Dipper felt unease settle in his stomach. Why didn't his parents want this man near them? Was he dangerous? Was he a convict? Was he a con man of some sort?
"Mabel, how do we know this man isn't a con man or something?" Dipper asked, rubbing his arm. Mabel stopped and looked him. "What if he isn't, and he's a really sweet guy with a ton of candy in his pockets?"
"I'm not taking candy from him. You heard what Mom said."
"Oh, bologna! Mom also says to wash your feet before putting shoes on!" Mabel laughed. "Besides, he's downstairs right now, so come on!" Mabel tugged his sleeve to pull him downstairs. Dipper complied; he felt his heartbeat move towards his throat. This was it…he was finally going to meet the old man that crashed their parties and ate all their food.