One-Shot: Your Not so Smart Now, Are Ya?

By: Legal Humor

Disclaimer: I do not own AVP. I do on the other hand own my characters.

I watched with a smug sneer on my features as my so called former master; note how I say former as in ex-master lay in a puddle of his own emerald colored blood. He gazed up at me with pure revulsion in the very depths of his stunning ginger colored eyes that I've steadily grown to despise.

He snarled and said five words that I've been waiting to hear from him for a long time.

"How dare you betray me!"

Using his appendages he turned himself onto his stomach and utilizing his forearms proceeded to slowly crawl away. My smirk only got wider as I effortlessly caught back up to him in four short strides. I stood in his path and he looked up at me with a thrashed up face that seemed to beg for sympathy. It's amusing how the circumstances are completely reversed so now he is basically pleading for my good graces. If this whole predicament wasn't serious then I probably would have ordered him to kiss my foot or something. I stared him down and he quickly looked away…ah submission…he sure is whipping out all the stops to save his ass. It's too bad I've wanted to do this ever since he unwillingly claimed me his captive.

Pfft!

"You're not so smart now, are ya?" I shouted down at him.

I squared my foot back ready to punt the shit out of his big ass bobble head. A deafening roar penetrated the air causing me to delay my actions and slightly wince. I snapped my head in the direction and growled.

I looked back down at Valex.

Damn! I should have known he world have called in reinforcements.

He was still looking in the direction of his quickly approaching allies when a look of hope and relief wash over his coarse face and he looked up at me with a bold smirk.

I glowered down at him.

"This is not over," I said in his language.

I quickly rounded him and began to walk away.

"Hold your place slave," He bellowed.

I stopped but not because he told me to but mostly from complete shock.

Who the hell does he think he's talking to.

"I'll forgive you for everything you've just done," He said.

He was about to say something else but I cut him off. I pivoted around and faced…well em…looked down at him.

"I don't need your crapy forgiveness!" I yelled.

Ok if he wasn't pissed before he defiantly was now. His mandibles opened and his body inflated preparing to admit a roar but I beat him to it.

"Oh shut the fuck up!" I yelled roughly kicking him on his side.

The blow some how managed to flip him back over on to his back and he hissed in pain. I ran off through the camp quickly finding the tent that held all the weapons. Most weapons I've seen, some I've experienced first hand their results and pretty much all I have yet to even touch let alone wield. I immediately started grabbing and shoving anything and everything I could safely secure to myself. I stuffed a bunch of these weird triangular shaped things in my Capri pockets. I smoothly slid a petite dagger in my bra without incident. I slung a disk like weapon over my shoulder like some kind of Gucci handbag; ha! I grabbed a…the hell…is this a pipe. I know they have spears or something but what the hell is-

...

Okay I'm not sure what happened next but I suppose I pushed some type of button or something because as soon as I did that-

Zink!

On both ends of what I thought was a harmless pipe out came two deadly tipped blades which by the way almost sliced off my fingers! It defiantly scores a perfect 10 on the intimating meter.

I jumped and shrieked dropping the spear in the process. I fearfully stared down at it like some women would a roach. I scowled it for a moment before shaking my head.

I defiantly wont be taking that along, I thought.

My heart can only take so many surprises a day.

I badassified myself with a few more neat weaponry to the point when every time I moved even a inch the sound of metal clinked and clattered which was a continuous reminder of how much more of a threat I now possessed. Something in the corner of my eyes caught my undivided attention and I slowly looked. My jaw slightly sagged as my eyes fell upon one of those cool 3-D monitors the Yautja's wear on their wrist.

"Oooo...pretty pretty," I said outstretching my arms and quickly advanced. Once up close I now realized it was hung up and I'm not much a math person but if my estimation was right then...damnmit! I'm to short.

Lets see...5'5 tall me...about a 7 foot tall shelf...this = that I'm a fucking midget! Once again life likes to point out my disadvantages. What a asshole!

I stood on my tippy toes wiggling my fingers.

"Come...to...mama," I muttered.

After my pointless attempt at trying to grab the wrist computer I gave up. I longingly stared at it rocking back in forth on the ball on my feet.

At that moment another roar erupted near by.

Ok...they were now super close now. I having no choice had to leave the wrist computer and take what I had. As I lifted the cover of the tent I stopped dead in my tracks at the site of a young teenage girl strapped to a post...she was perhaps another one of Valex's slave...or maybe one of the other Yuatja's slave. I looked at the exit to this place and back at the girl and back at the exit. Damn! It would be so easy to escape this hellhole. If someone up there was testing my good will then this sure fit the bill.

Another loud roar echoed of the jungle, I looked at the girl.

What to do...?

Author's Note: Hope'd you enjoy and please leave a review.

Thank you,

-L.H.