A/N: Couldn't get this one out of my head.. It's been torturing me for months now so I had to write it down.

Forget everything they've told you about romantic Edward. He isn't in this story. If you want him, there are thousands of other stories out there. This is Assward, Manwhoreward, Bastardward, every frickin' bad version of -wards you can think of. Just wait and see. This is gonna be a god damn mess, I'm just putting it out there. BUT it is a Bella and Edward story, I will never write anything that isn't. N-boy just adds to the excitement ;)

Let's begin, shall we? Oh, and I'm music coordinating this one. Every chapter has it's own theme song, and a quote can always be found right at the top.

Robyn - Hang with me

Prologue

For 3 years, I had known exactly how my life would turn out. I would marry my wonderful, loving boyfriend and we would live happily ever after. There was nothing that could change that future, because there wasn't anything else in the world that I would ever want more.

But I had been wrong, so wrong. Because something would enter my life like how a comet hits the earth and in just one moment, everything I had ever wanted, desired, planned and hoped for completely vanished, leaving no trace or memory that it had ever been there in the first place.

I knew, somewhere deep inside, that he was the man who would be my doom. He was the man who would rip me to shreds and put me together again, only to tear the pieces apart even further the next time. He who would be the life and death of me, and the obliteration of everything I had once known. It would be so much stronger, so earth shattering that I could not avoid it, even if I had wanted to.

When you can chose between what is good for you, and what is not, the choice might seem obvious at first. It is when you start craving the bad, when you want the dark and disturbed instead of the light that things get really complicated.

Especially when good and bad are so, so closely related…

Just don't fall recklessly, headlessly in love with me
Cause it's gonna be all heartbreak blissfully painful and insanity

-E

o o o

"I love you, Bella."

"I love you too. I'll miss you, you know." I smiled, reaching up on my toes to get a goodnight kiss from my boyfriend. His lips met mine and moved against them in the same wonderful way that they always did. Soft, gentle, warm... He was everything I'd ever wanted, everything I ever would want. Not many people know that when they are only 24 years old, but I was certain that I had found the person I belonged with. I had known that for 3 years now, and everyday, I fell more and more in love with him.

"I'll call you tomorrow before I leave, okay?" he said as the kiss ended, running his fingers softly against my jaw. I nodded and then stretched up to give him one last quick kiss before turning around and walking up the stairs to the gate. Opening the door, I turned around and saw him watching me, his smile still as warm and loving as ever.

"Stop staring, you're making me blush." I joked, causing him to laugh.

"As if anything could ever make you blush, Bella."

"I could think of a few things…" I smiled conspiratorially, "but I won't go into that now, so you'd better take off before you miss your flight."

He groaned slightly, "Temptress."

"That's why you love me" I said, "I'll see you again Sunday. It'll be the best birthday you've ever had, I promise."

"I'll hold you to that. You know my entire family is coming, my mom is really looking forward to seeing you again."

"I can't wait to see them, it's been so long. I'm glad they're all here for your 25th birthday, I know how much it means to you."

"I am too. See you soon, sweetheart."

I almost walked back down to kiss him goodbye one more time, but managed to restrain myself. Instead I walked inside and blew him a kiss before the door closed, then leaned against it for a minute, smiling like a fool. How could he still make me all giddy after 3 years? I would often find myself just staring at him, getting lost in those familiar features that I loved so much.

Dark brown hair, deep blue eyes and a smile would melt my heart every time I saw him. Yes, I was head over heels for Nathan. He was the love of my life, of that I was sure.

We had started out as friends in high school, and after a few years that friendship turned into something more. I would never forget our first kiss, that slightly awkward but at the same time wonderful moment when our relationship transformed into something else, something new and unexplored. We had been together almost every day since then.

Nathan was leaving Seattle for a couple of days on business, something he didn't do very often. But now he was handling a big client, and I knew he wanted to do everything he could to do a great job. Including leaving his girlfriend to fend for herself over the weekend while he travelled to New York. Nathan was working in advertising, he had gotten the job thanks to great connections and a brilliant mind, and he was moving quickly up the career ladder, despite his young age.

I was still struggling to make something out of my life. The competition between newly graduated students with a degree in English literature was hard, really hard. I was currently working at a small coffee shop in the city while applying to jobs at different publishing houses. Well, right now I was on a break. There is only so much rejection that a person can take.

Sometimes the thought of working in an office, doing the same thing day in and day out, really scared me. I was afraid of getting stuck, of not wanting anything else out of life than just have somewhere to go during the day and receive a pay check once a month to pay the bills. I guess part of me longed for something out of the ordinary, maybe a chance of not having to have an everyday routine.

I shook my head slightly, giving up that thought. It did no good do dream of such things, I should stay realistic and make the most out of the life I had. And since Nathan was in it, I figured I would be alright.

That night, I slept a little restlessly without Nathan at my side. It's scary how you get so used to having someone there with you, and how hard it is when they're gone.

I was thankful that I wouldn't have to sleep alone the next night. An old boyfriend of my close friend Alice was having a dinner party and had invited us both to come, since he and Alice were still on very good terms with each other. Alice and I had grown up together and stayed best friends to this day. She was a tiny little ball of energy that one, always up for anything and she usually always brought me along. Nathan wasn't sure he liked the effect Alice had on me since he was often the one who had to pick us up when we had been drinking a little too much and gotten lost somewhere. When you added my other best friend, Rosalie, into the mix, you could be sure that the night would bring disaster. She was the most lively, social person I had ever met. There probably wasn't a single person in Seattle that she didn't know or had friends in common with. She was the queen of networking. Rosalie had joined our little group when she moved from Los Angeles to Seattle for school, ending up in the same college dorm as me and Alice.

On Saturday night, Alice arrived at my place around 6. I smiled as I saw Rose trailing in behind her.

"Rose!" I exclaimed, hugging her fiercely. She had been away on vacation for 2 weeks now and I didn't know she'd be back already.

"Hi, Bella!" Rosalie smiled, looking gorgeous as usual. Her blonde hair was a shade lighter, and her skin had a golden, sun kissed tone. Being in the sun really agreed with her.

"How was France?" I asked excitedly, hungry for details. If anyone knew how to enjoy themselves during vacation, it was Rosalie.

She beamed, "Absolutely wonderful! Oh, Bella, we have to go there together some day. I know you would love it." she then went into a minute per minute account of her trip, gesturing wildly and throwing in the occasional French word here and there. We got ready together, fighting over who would get the best spot by the mirror and borrowing each others makeup as usual.

By 7.30 we were all dressed and ready to go. While Alice called us a cab, I sent a text to Nathan, telling him that I was about to head out and that I missed him. I didn't know if he would answer since it was much later in the evening in New York. He would probably be turning in early to prepare for work the next day, but as we left the apartment, I got a text back.

Have a great night, and don't let Alice drink you under the table. I miss you too, baby. I'll talk to you soon.

Smiling to myself, I put the phone back into my bag and climbed into the cab after Alice.

o o o

Tyler Crowley had arranged a wonderful dinner party. There were 18 people there except for us. I recognized a few of them; Ben and Angela Chaney had been in my biology class back in high school, we hadn't kept in touch after graduation since I had moved from the small town of Forks, Washington, to go to college and they had both chosen to go to the east coast to finish their studies, but it was really great meeting them again after such a long time. They had already been a couple back then, and Angela told me that they'd gotten engaged a few weeks ago and were to get married next summer.

After enjoying a wonderful meal, we were all making small talk and sipping wine while Tyler and his girlfriend prepared dessert in the kitchen. I was seated next to Alice and a colleague of Tyler, Heidi, who was telling me more than I really wanted to know about her personal life. I felt like her psychiatrist rather than someone she had just met and whose name she probably didn't even remember.

Perhaps I should start charging her by the hour…

Alice was caught up in conversation with a handsome, tall, blond man whose name I believed was Jasper. I knew Alice really well, so I could tell that she was already very into him. She was leaning towards him, a flirtatious smile on her lips as she listened to him talk in a southern drawl about the positive effects of solar panels and the importance of recycling to help the environment. I suspected that Alice was more focused on the way his lips moved than what he was actually saying. Tyler had actually told Alice that he had an old friend who would join them that night, and had insinuated that they might hit it off. I admired Alice's ability to remain friends with her old boyfriends, she was such an easy person to get along with and she never held grudges. Well, there was the exception of that shithead Eric Yorkie who she had dated back in high school…

While Heidi blabbered on and on about her ex boyfriend and how he was the biggest jerk on the planet, I picked up my phone to see if Nathan had texted me again.

He hadn't, so I had no choice but to put the phone down and make another effort to pretend to listen to what Heidi was saying.

I glanced around the room, seeing Rosalie texting on her phone with a grin on her face. Oh Rose, who's the guy you've ensnared this time? I shook my head, smiling, as she looked up to see me watching her. She rolled her eyes, mimed "I'll tell you later" and then went back to talking to the red haired woman to her left.

Just as Heidi went into a detailed description of every frustrating characteristic her ex boyfriend had, the doorbell rang, causing all the conversations in the room to halter. I looked to Tyler, who had a confused expression on his face as he got up from his chair, whispering to Charlotte, his girlfriend, before leaving the room to answer the door.

The chatter started up again, and I reluctantly turned back to Heidi who was the only one who hadn't stopped talking when everyone else had.

"Everyone" Tyler's voice was heard over the conversations, "it appears we have a late arrival. This is my old college friend, Ed."

Heidi stopped talking, staring over my shoulder with her mouth slightly open. I frowned, then turned in my seat to see who it was that had the power to make Chatterbox fall silent.

There was something familiar with the man standing next to Tyler in the doorway. He was tall and broad shouldered but with a lean, toned body. His eyes were a deep green, a striking colour that I knew I had seen somewhere before. Those hypnotising eyes were set in a face that would have any male model crying with envy, and any woman to give up her soul to be with him. Prominent cheekbones, a strong, angular jaw and perfectly straight nose, it was like someone had taken the most perfect features imaginable and set them all in one extraordinary beautiful face. On top of his head was a wild mess of the most unusual coloured hair. Bronze, I suppose you could call it. It stood on end as if he had been running his hand through it constantly during the day, or as if he had just had been rolling around the sack with someone…

But where had I seen him? Why did I remember those eyes, but not the face? I couldn't figure it out, so I figured that I was mistaken.

My phone buzzed in my pocket just then, and I quickly reached for it and answered. Sending an apologetic smile to the other guests, I got up and left the room, but not before receiving a very strange and unnerving glance from the green eyed man. His eyes met mine when I looked up at him as I passed, and I felt a jolt go through me as his eyes pierced mine.

Swallowing hard, I tried to remember how to put one foot in front of the other as I walked into the kitchen. How the hell could someone make me dizzy with just one look? I shook my head, figuring that I was just woozy from standing so quickly when I had been sitting down for so long and also because I had been drinking a fare share of wine in an effort to cope with Heidi's ramblings.

Yes, I decided, it must be the wine.

I leaned against the kitchen table, casting a glance into the dining room where Ed was shaking hands with the guests one after another. He moved so gracefully, like he was extremely comfortable in his body. It was hard to look away as he smiled and chatted to the people around the table.

Suddenly I remembered the reason I had left the dining room.

"Shit." I mumbled, putting my phone to my ear. "Hello?"

A familiar laugh sounded through the phone, "Well hello to you too sweetheart."

"Nathan" I breathed, relaxing instantly. "How are you? Why are you calling so late?"

"Couldn't sleep." he answered, "I miss having you in the bed with me."

I smiled, "Likewise."

"How's the party?"

I turned and glanced towards the dining room again, but this time I didn't see Ed. "It's nice. I think I'll be heading home soon, I'm pretty tired."

"Sounds responsible. So I guess Alice hasn't gotten her hooks into you yet?"

"The night is still young…" I grumbled. If Alice tried to convince me to go out after this I would have to put my foot down for once. I had work tomorrow, and I didn't want to show up looking and acting like a zombie.

We talked some more, and I could hear that his voice got more and more slurry, a sure sign that he was dozing off. When he yawned into the phone, I told him to get some sleep and that I would call him when I got off work the following day.

"Okay, you're right. Hearing your voice is almost as good as having you here to help me sleep." he said, and I knew he was smiling sleepily at the phone.

"I'm glad I could help" I laughed softly.

"I love you, Bella."

"Love you too."

I hung up the phone, still smiling, and turned to head back to the party.

Before I could blink, I bumped into something that was hard, warm and smelled wonderful. A man, I realized quickly, looking up to apologize.

My words stuck in my throat as my eyes trailed upward, taking in the black dress shirt, open at the collar, slightly tanned skin at the neck, scruffy cheeks, crooked smile and then those smouldering green eyes.

I staggered backwards, but his hands shot out to grasp my shoulders. I almost jumped at the contact; it felt like a current running through my body as his warm hands rested on my naked skin.

What the hell?

"Careful there. Don't want you falling." he said in a deep, velvet voice that made the muscles in the lower part of my stomach clench. Such an attractive voice…

I steadied myself, grabbing hold of the counter. "I'm alright. You just startled me, that's all."

He dropped his hands from my shoulders, and some strange, unwelcome part of me was disappointed when he did.

"I just went to get another bottle of wine." he said, his eyes never leaving mine. I began to squirm, I wasn't used to being watched like this. He didn't seem to notice my discomfort, instead he took a step closer so that our bodies were almost touching.

Obviously, this man had no respect for personal space.

Yeah, like you're complaining…

"Uhm…" I mumbled, fidgeting with the phone in my hands, "I think the wine cooler is over there, next to the glass cabinet." I gestured with my head, finally looking away from his scrutinizing stare.

He was still for a moment but I didn't look up at him again. This had to be the strangest first encounter I had ever had.

"Thank you" he said then, walking past me and letting his hand gently touch my arm in the process. Again with the current… What was that?

When I returned to the table, Alice looked away from Jasper, raising her eyebrows in a silent question. I smiled what I hoped was a normal, unaffected smile and turned to Heidi, for once happy to have her mindless chatter to focus on.

What had just happened in there? Why did he affect me so when I didn't even know him? Who was he? And most importantly, why did I want to go back in there?

Another 40 minutes passed, during which I pretended to listen to the Chatterbox but really only watching Ed in my peripheral vision. He was talking to some blonde woman whose name had escaped me. She was a friend of Charlottes, that's all I remembered. Right now, I doubted she had any idea what her own name was, as she was staring at Ed with lust filled, starstruck eyes. He was charming her tiny little skirt off, I was sure of that. When she didn't stare, she laughed enthusiastically at something he'd said and touched him innocently on his arm or hand.

Well, maybe not so innocently…

He didn't seem to mind though. I had never seen a man who appeared to be so extremely comfortable in his own skin, neither had I met a man who had a whole table of women not so inconspicuously glance his way whenever the other men weren't watching. Even Alice sneaked a peek every now and then while Jasper was busy re-filling her wine glass or got so excited about what he was talking about that he didn't seem to notice if Alice was really listening. Interesting man, that one.

I had been drinking a bit more wine than I probably should have, considering that I had to get up at 8 o clock the next morning to go to work. Had I followed my original plan, I'd been in bed by now, sans headache and slight dizziness.

Why I didn't stick to my plan? Well, I'm afraid to admit that the reason I hadn't yet departed was sitting across the table, showing the blonde woman something that involved him holding her hand in his and tracing the lines in her palm. She was watching him, hypnotised, while he talked in a voice too low for me to hear. He was wearing a small, sexy smile as he gently trailed his fingers over her skin. Palm reading? No, surely not. He was probably just pulling some sweet talking crap so that he could get some tonight. Though he didn't look like the type of guy who would ever need talking in order to get a girl to undress for him.

Swallowing the last of my wine, I took the opportunity to call on Alice's attention while Chatterbox was typing away at her phone. Probably sending hate mails to her ex…

"Hey, Ali? I'm going to the bathroom then I think I'll call it a night." I said, retrieving my bag from the table, "Are you and Rose staying?"

"I think so, Rose is meeting up with some guy later, and I'm not quite ready to go yet." she winked, gesturing towards Jasper, who was now examining if the table cloth had been made from recyclable materials.

Good luck with that one, Alice.

"Okay, I'll see you tomorrow then." I kissed her cheek and got up, said a quick goodbye to Heidi, waved to Rosalie and then went to thank the host couple for a wonderful evening. I pretended not to notice that Ed had let go off the blonde woman's hand and was watching me with intense eyes.

The bathroom was located in a narrow hallway close to the entry, I snuck in quickly to do my business and then threw a look in the mirror before I left. My long, brown hair was in desperate need of a haircut, I noted before opening the door and stepping back out.

I then bumped into someone for the second time that night, once again being held upright by a pair of soft, strong hands. It didn't take me as long to realize who it was this time, as I recognized his scent immediately.

Intoxicating…

"Well, you seem strangely keen on being in my arms, don't you?" he laughed quietly.

I shook his arms off, frowning at him as he watched me with an amused expression.

"You seem strangely keen on sneaking up on me." I fired back.

"Sneaking? I wouldn't call it that, I would instead say that you are shockingly unobservant."

"Are your only talents to make people trip over you, insult them and read their palms?" I was really irritated by this point, this guy had some nerve.

He seemed to muse over what I'd said for a while, tapping his finger to his chin. I thought of slipping past him, but something in me told me to stay. Not my moral part, obviously.

"In fact, I do have a few more talents, some of them which I think you'd like."

"If it doesn't have something to do with winning the lottery, I think I'll pass."

"Well, some have said it's even better than winning the lottery." he winked, "Care to try for yourself?"

"I'd much rather take the cash, thank you."

I began to step around him, but he took one step to the side me and forced me to stop. Wordlessly, he walked towards me with his eyes intent on my face, his face void of any former humour. I stepped back, spellbound by the look in his eyes.

My back hit the wall.

"What do you want?"

"I think you know. And I think you want the same."

Is this guy serious? I've never been hit on like this, he was pulling out all the stops.

I shook my head as he came nearer. There was no way I was letting this guy get any closer, I was already in enough trouble as it was. This was not proper girlfriend behaviour, I knew that.

Nathan, Nathan, Nathan… I chanted to myself, trying to conjure up his face in my mind. I came up strangely blank, and at the same time I felt a warm hand skim the edge of my dress, barely touching my thigh.

"I don't want this." I whispered hoarsely, hopefully fooling at least one of us.

He chuckled, "Your body says otherwise."

"You don't know me, and you don't know my body." I said, though I wasn't so sure on that last one. He seemed to be one of those few men who knew how to read a woman's body just by how she moved.

"Then maybe you should introduce yourself…" he spoke in a low, seductive voice. Tingles were sent racing up my back, along with a warning chill.

His fingers moved to grace the skin on the backside of my thigh, and before I knew it, he lifted my leg and moved forward so that he was pressed against me, hitching my leg around him.

My breath caught at the sudden movement, and then sped up as the sensation of that especially hard part of his body pressed against me just there…

The warning chill was now an earsplitting fire alarm, beckoning me to regain my senses and stop this.

"Do you feel it?" he breathed, close to my ear.

Of course I feel it, it's poking me in the hip.I wanted to snap at him, but I didn't. Because I did feel what he was asking about, it was almost touchable in the air around us.

Desire, want, attraction. All of it, and then some…

His face pressed into my hair, and my forehead rested on his shoulder as I tried to breathe and look for some inner strength to stop this madness. He smelled so good, and his body against mine was just…

"Bella! What the hell is going on here?"

Mind snapped back in place. Leg dropped. Ed shoved to the side. A blush covering my cheeks as I snuck past Rosalie before she could grab hold of my arm or my neck.

I ran out and into the bitter, darkening night and didn't stop until I reached my front door. Opening it, I slipped inside and then slid down the wall until I hit the floor, covering my face in my hands.

o o o

Sunday afternoon

I stood in the foyer, shaking hands and hugging all of Nathan's relatives as they trailed in one after another. He was standing beside me, keeping a hand on my lower back as we greeted the guests and welcomed them to come in and make themselves at home in his apartment.

I hadn't said a word about what had happened Friday night, not to anyone but Rose and Alice. I was kind of forced to do so since Rose had been terrorising my phone the entire night and following day after she'd found me with Ed. I might have skipped the part about how I hadn't really made any effort to discourage his flirting, and also the part about how I had been dreaming of our encounter for the last two nights…

I kept telling myself that it didn't matter. I would never see him again, so I didn't have to dwell on it. There was no point in telling Nathan, because nothing had really happened.

Yes, I was quite skilled at lying to myself. To others too, it would seem.

After greeting the last of his cousins to arrive, Nathan went into the living room that now housed 23 of his relatives, all of them chatting and laughing loudly. I smiled, hung the last coat up and turned to join them.

There was a knock on the door just then. Confused, I opened it to see if we had indeed forgotten a cousin or aunt despite our counting.

When the door fell open, I staggered backwards, hand over my heart.

He was standing there. He, as in Ed. He was standing in the doorway, a slight smirk on his face as he regarded me with raised eyebrows.

I shook my head once and then looked over my shoulder to make sure that no one was close enough to hear or see.

"What the hell are you doing here? Are you seriously stalking me?" I half whispered, outraged.

One corner of his mouth turned up, he leaned against the doorframe, looking dangerously handsome and confident. I though about slamming the door shut and squeezing his fingers.

Tempting…

"I'm not stalking you, Miss Swan." he said in that seductive tone of his. Then straightened up, looking at something over my shoulder. "I'm here to see the birthday boy."

My eyes grew huge, I swallowed hard before slowly turning around to see Nathan standing a few feet behind me, an expression of total shock on his face.

"Edward?" he sounded as if he couldn't believe the sight before him.

"Edward?" I echoed.

And then realization dawned on me. Ed was Edward Cullen.

Edward Cullen, as in Nathan's adopted older brother.

I might have turned green.

Edward smirked and winked at me before stepping forward to take Nathan's hand.

"Happy birthday, little brother."

I have partial writersblock. Right now, all I can focus on is this one and finishing up BCI. The others will come too, I promise. Just needed to get this one out there.

I would love to hear from you if you think it's worth continuing!