Thanks for clicking on this! :) Alrighty, so this is a gift fic for a friend of mine who goes by the name of Fruity Sangheili on this site. She had drawn some smashing art for my story, 'Transcendental Mysteries', and I felt bad and borderline parasitic for not repaying her in some way. Since I have the artistic finesse of a water buffalo, I decided to return the favor and thanks by writing a silly little oneshot for her that is based in the universe of her story 'Life on the Nickel' (which you should definitely check out btw.) For the subject of this oneshot, I focused on a pairing she created for the story; her OC Lani and Blitzwing.

I had plenty of fun writing this ridiculous, crackish fic and hopefully Fruity Sangheili and my other readers will enjoy this! If this fic grosses out anyone or offends them, I'm sorry but this is not to be taken seriously AT ALL. Anyway, please read on and enjoy! :D

Fruity, I hope you enjoy this story more than anyone else who'll read it :3 I think and hope you will love every single moment of it. Thanks again for the art and for everything else (you know damn well what I mean XD)

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Lani or 'Transformers' at all. Nor do I own any of the TV shows mentioned/featured... Yes, I am poor and own nothing.

Love Me Like I Love You

Lani Acaster was disappointed although she didn't want to lead her friend on to believe that. For the past week, she had been looking forward to having a girl's night out with her good friends Alexis and Carmina but it was shot down. A last minute altercation on Carmina's part had put an end to the ladies' plan of having dinner at a newly opened French restaurant. She was irked by this little update but she shrugged it off, knowing that there were plenty other times and opportunities for the trio to get together.

"Honestly, sweetie, I am sorry," Carmina spoke into the earpiece.

"No, it's fine," Lani dismissed, speaking softly into the receiver. "Things happen so I understand. I won't be completely bored tonight anyway."

"We'll definitely reschedule it for another night. Again, sorry about it."

"No worries. I'll find something else to do. You and I both know that living in my house isn't a boring thing anymore."

"Isn't that the truth there? Alright, bye-bye!"

"Bye."

Carmina hung up. When Lani heard the dial tone, she turned off her phone and set it aside with a sigh.

"I just wanted to go out tonight and have some peace and quiet with my friends," she thought to herself. "But I guess I'm stuck with the Beast again. Alone."

She heard a loud, obnoxious, almost grating spray of laughter originate from her living room. Lani exhaleded heavily and exited the kitchen where she was pacing around earlier while talking to her friend. She had a good idea of just what she'd be in for but she really cared nothing of it at the moment.

When she entered the living room, she caught sight of her peculiar guest curled up on the floor and sitting inches away from her entertainment center like an engrossed child. The shrunken Decepticon mech was sitting on the floor, holding a sofa cushion rather tightly in his servos. His optics were huge and unblinking as he watched the show on the TV that captured his attention.

"It's huge!"

"Enormous!

" Incredible!... Massive! It's so gigantic!"

"Ze little Humans are so fascinated by ze big giant zhing!" Random laughed heartily. "Poor little Humans!"

Lani inched closer, watching the show unfold on her TV screen. She narrowed her eyes and studied it.

"What is this?" she asked.

"Gurren Lagann," he replied without looking back at her. "I like ze chick vith ze bikini top! She's hot!"

"Hmm, that's not surprising thing to hear from you…" She tapped her foot meditatively for a moment and spoke to him a second later. "I've got some news… for me at least. The dinner's been called off tonight and that means I'm not going anywhere."

Blitzwing looked over his shoulder, at last giving Lani his undivided attention. For a moment, he wished he was a chameleon so he could rotate the optics in his inorganic orbits in a way in which he could look at her and watch the anime show at the same time. He tried to do this but ended up looking cross-eyed and he ended up donning an expression on his faceplate that one would call "derpy". The jack-o-lantern visage shook his helm, making himself dizzy from trying to visually multitask.

"Zat means I von't be alone!" he said cheerfully. "Zis is vonderful! I get to spend some time vith jou!"

"Yes, that's another reason why it's kinda like bad news for me…" Lani said a bit nervously, just knowing how unstable he was. "You see, Blitzwing, you've been up my ass so much since I brought you in." She cringed slightly at herself, a little ashamed of herself by being so blunt and inconsiderate. "Sorry but I'm just telling the truth… Please don't be mad at me." The young woman bit her lower lip. "Look, I'm sure you heard about personal space before, right..?"

The triple changer only stared back at her, his eerily sunny grin not lessening in its enormity. It was as if he had frozen altogether and was incapable of movement. This made her very extremely uncomfortable since she knew that when she scolded him, someone else had to open up his big, fat mouth and say something otherwise or contrary to her.

Without warning, his faces swapped out and she found herself looking at a very displeased and grumpy looking Hothead. A huge, ugly frown was on his face and Lani could only imagine what his optics looked like behind his visor.

"Vhat are jou trying to tell me?" he fiercely insinuated. "Are jou saying zat jou vant me out of jour house?" The pillow he held in his servos looked like it was about to burst and disperse its cottony insides everywhere. "I have to say jou got some nerve to say zat!"

"No, no, no!" she said rapidly. "I didn't mean it like that! I'm not kicking you out! You know that I genuinely do enjoy your company, Blitzwing. It's just that sometimes you're too…clingy and…there."

"Oh, no, I understand," Icy replaced Hothead. Lani was almost thankful he showed up since he was the most levelheaded out of the three personalities. "I could imagine zat jou saw ze dinner as a little retreat since jou have been cooped up vith me. Zhey are jour friends too so I understand jou have an obligation to zem as vell."

"Well… I'm glad you understand that. I'm sorry if I offended you earlier."

"Not at all." Without tearing his gaze from her, he grabbed the clicker on the floor and pressed the 'power' button on it and shut it off. "But now jou have no obligation…"

Lani felt her stomach turn to rot. There was a sensual tone in his voice and she instantly knew what that was going to boil down to. Her heart beat a little faster and she felt overwhelmingly anxious and tense.

She knew that he loved her as he knew that she loved him. Both had come to see that they had developed deep affections for one another and that their bond had strengthened since he had temporarily moved into her residence. At first, she was fond of all the affection he showered her with but as time drew on, the affection evolved into something more primal and somewhat animalistic. Lani had felt passion for Blitzwing too but she was much more reserved and guarded when it came down to outwardly expressing it. Blitzwing was entirely on the opposite end of the spectrum in the meantime.

"Yes, I have no obligation," she said, swallowing hard. "I think maybe I'll read a book or watch a movie or something. Heck, maybe I'll get out of the house for a little bit and do some shopping so we can both get out of each other's faces… How do you like the idea of being the king of the house for a few hours?"

"I already am," Hothead smirked boastfully. "And I vould very much like it if jou ruled it vith me."

"Oh, that's very flattering…" She subconsciously took a step backwards when the downsized jet-tank rose up from his seat on the floor and progressively inched closer to her. "But honestly, how does that sound? You can watch all the nasty things you want while I go out…" Lani shuddered when she caught him watching a porn presentation on HBO at some ungodly hour in the evening. "I'd take the offer if I were you."

"Since jou have novhere to go, I vould very much love it if ve spent time togezher since ve love each ozher very much," Random said rather innocently.

Lani continued to back up until she found herself pinned against the wall. He noticed this too and chuckled amusingly. Blitzwing closed the space between them and they were literally only centimeters away from each other.

"I have a slight case of genophobia!" she said a little too quickly.

Blitzwing cocked his head to the side, trying to decode what she just said. He stared back at her with a puzzled look on his face as he tried to figure out what 'genophobia' actually was.

When Icy replaced Random, an imaginary light bulb appeared over his helm.

"Oh, so zat's vhy jou get so flighty and anxious vhenever I get a little too close and intimate vith jou," he said, tapping his chin. "How curious…" The gentlemanly persona tenderly placed a servo on her arm. "I vill take zat into careful consideration, Lani. Trust me, jou ought to know zat I von't hurt jou or place jou in harm's vay…"

"I'm afraid of what you and the other two are gonna do to me!" she blurted out. "It's really creeping me out! And the thought of…" She whined pitifully and wrung her hands. "It hurts to even think about it and I'm a virgin..!"

"Vell, allow me to vhisk jou off and be jour guide to ze vonderful vorld of lovemaking!" Random said a little too happily.

"NO! Keep the dick away! I can live without it happily!"

"But it can't live vithout jou!"

She screamed when his lips attempted to close in on hers. Lani ducked beneath him and scrambled away from the lusty Decepticon to take refuge in the dining room.

Cackling menacingly, Blitzwing followed her closely. He managed to chase her to the other side of the dining room table, trapping her and leaving her little room to maneuver around and try to escape from him.

"Don't make me scream 'rape' at the top of my lungs!" she warned him. "I swear to God, I'll do it and the police can take you and then the government can drag you off to fucking Area 51 for all I care!"

"How cruel of jou," Hothead said in a mocking tone, pretending that he was offended by her words. "Zat's not very nice."

"Neither are you!"

"I'm not gonna play games vith jou, Lani! Come here, NOW!"

"NO! Back off! Please, leave me alone! Will you fuck off for five minutes?"

"Vith jou of course, sveetspark."

Growling in ire, Lani hastily opened up the china closet off to her left. Without even caring, she grabbed a ceramic plate and chucked it at Blitzwing's helm.

He dipped down to dodge the projectile and it shattered on the wall behind him, chipping some plaster in the process.

"Must jou be so difficult?" Icy asked rhetorically. "Zhere really is nozhing to be afraid of, Lani. Vhat, do jou zhink I'm going to split you in half vhen I try to…"

"SHUT THE FUCK UP!" She screamed shrilly.

He ducked a little too late when a glass bowl shattered against the brim of his helmet instead of in the middle of his faceplate. Blitzwing recoiled from this and instinctively put his servos up to his face. A glass bowl could do very little, if any damage to a being such as himself but he still needed a moment or two to recover from its impact.

While he was momentarily preoccupied, Lani promptly left the dining room, crossed the living room and ran over to the bottom of the stairwell. Half running and half jumping, she clambered up the stairs in a fevered attempt to distance herself from him. She knew there was no escaping him but she hoped that all this evasion would at least discourage him from getting what he wanted.

When she made it to the top of the stairs, she heard whooping laughter that sounded like a hyena. She then could hear his heavy footfalls against her floor as he approached the stairs.

"If jou put up a fight during zis, I can only imagine vhat ze actual sexy time vould be like!" Random chirped. "I vant jou even more now, my buttercup!"

"FUCK," Lani thought.

Before he could reach the stairs, she took flight again, running all the way down to the bathroom at the end of the hall. She almost tripped over the carpet in the restroom but caught herself before she'd give herself a concussion by smashing her skull off the side of the bathtub. Lani set her hand on the door and slammed it shut, not caring if he heard it or not; her house wasn't as big as a mansion and it was obvious she couldn't hide for long. For the first time in her life, she never felt so happy that she had a lock on the bathroom door and she clicked the dial in the doorknob, forbidding him from entering. She fumbled into the tub and pulled the shower curtains, attempting to hide herself in whatever way possible.

"Come out, come out vhere ever jou are…" Random half sang. He intentionally walked loudly up the stairs, pounding his stabilizing servos off them to add suspense to the air.

Through her curtains, she could see the fading sunlight through her bathroom window. At that moment, she was most certainly poised to open it and attempt to try to climb out of it and maybe even try to scale her house to get on the roof. Then she realized how desperate and futile that was. Her window was extremely slender and wasn't very wide or high for that matter. She could stick a leg out and that was about it.

"Oh, Lani, you are such an idiot!" she cursed herself inwardly. "You locked yourself into a tiny bathroom with an even tinier window! I should've ran into the bedroom, at least I can fit through the window in there with less problems!"

She almost shrieked when she heard a low rapping up against the door.

"Zis is so slagging ridiculous!" Hothead cursed. "Lani, for ze love of Primus, open up ze door!"

"Or I'll huff and I'll puff and I'll blow jour door in!" Random babbled.

"Nice, I'll have a thousand dollars worth of broken shit in my house now after he catches me in here…" she thought. "And those were my great grandmother's old dishes too… Mom's going to kill me if Blitzwing doesn't."

"I'll varn jou right now," Icy said imperiously, "I have no qualms vith breaking zis door down. I can do it in a moment and jou know it. I suggest jou come out now so it'll be one less zhing for jou to vorry about later." He paused. "And I vill not help jou fix it after I rip it from its hinges."

"But I'm so shy!" she debated. "I'm nervous, okay? I get nervous when I think about men of my own species screwing me… Can you imagine how I feel about you doing the exact same thing?"

"Lani, jou are only making me angrier by avoiding me, femme!" Hothead said, trying to stop himself from punching a hole through the door. "Just come out…" He forced himself to be a little civil; maybe that would get some results. "Please."

Lani felt as if this was all getting so tiresome and redundant. She figured that sooner or later, he'd get what he wanted. In all actuality, she preferred it sooner rather than later. He did say "please" anyway. Not only that, she did love him and it was obvious he felt same way. To deprive and deny him of expressing his feelings for her was a bit harsh and callous. Besides, she figured that one had to destroy their fears by confronting them face to face and head on with bravery.

"Give me a minute," she announced.

She stepped out of the bathtub while pulling the shower curtains out of her way. A little nervously, she walked over to the door where he hovered at, waiting for her as patiently as he could. Lani turned the doorknob and the lock popped open. Then she pushed it open…

"I GOT JOU NOW!" Random exclaimed triumphantly.

Before she could even see him fully, she felt him scoop her up into his arms. She flailed about a bit since she was caught off guard by this sudden snatching. Blitzwing planted a big smooch on her lips, nearly completely overlapping them. Lani yelped at this but it died down after a few seconds when she saw this was a futile effort.

A few seconds later, he drew his face away from hers and tightened his hold on her. She could feel his digits curl around her locks endearingly as he stared into her eyes. Lani pressured herself to calm down, just knowing that working up again would bring no good and only frustration and more damages.

"Let's just get this done and over with," she said anxiously.

"Vhere's ze fun in zat?" he asked silkily.

"Will this sound like dubstep?"

"Dub-vhat?"

"Never mind, let's pretend I never even said that."

Humming an unknown tune that Lani couldn't indentify, he victoriously waltzed to her bedroom. He kicked the door open, slamming it up against the wall and nearly ripping it off its hinges. When the Human woman saw this, she silently said a prayer, earnestly entreating whatever divine entity who could hear her would aid her and protect her.

With amazing gentleness, he set her down on the bed. Blitzwing reclined on his side and placed a servo on her belly. He caressed it sweetly and brought his faceplate closer to her visage.

Lani smiled at her extraterrestrial sweetheart and scratched him beneath his chin. He droned softly and cutely, almost sounding like an affectionate and hugely oversized house cat. She chuckled at this happening and set a kiss on the area where his nose would've been.

"Love me like I love jou," he grinned at her with hope and desire. "I know jou love me, Lani just as jou know I love jou."

"And you know how I feel about you, you great, big oaf," she said in a doting and non-hostile tone. "You know how shy I am too… I know I acted like a coward but…"

"Zat's alright," Icy grinned lightly at her.

"I vould be a bit afraid too if I vas in jour position," Hothead sniggered.

"Am I going to regret this at all?" Lani wondered more to herself than to him.

"I vouldn't see it in such a negative light. Zhink of it as a great honor."

She wanted to guffaw out loud at his latter sentence. But she stopped herself from potentially offending him by kissing him.

When she did this, she incited another heavy kiss from him. Before she could brace herself from the deepness of it, she felt his arms encircle around her, pinning her against his broad frame and preventing her from attempting to squirm away. At this point though, she saw there was no turning back and she fully accepted the inevitable. She sealed the offer as she wrapped her arms around his neck…

(one ungodly, passionate, xenophilic, obscene half an hour later…)

It wasn't as horrible as she thought it was going to be. In all honesty, she expected end up becoming a paraplegic or to have her head knocked off her body. She was quite naked of course underneath the bed sheet yet she was alive and well in one piece. But to Lani's great surprise, she found herself quite sated and content. Possibly more than anything else, she was shocked to find herself anticipating the next venture. Now that it was done and over with, it wasn't bad at all. Sure, it hurt like Hell at first but it was petty afterthought as she reflected on it.

Her blissfully fulfilled companion was relaxing rather slothfully. One servo was resting behind his helm while his other arm was around her, holding her close to him. Blitzwing wasn't recharging but was relaxing peacefully with his optics shut. Now that he had expressed his feelings for her properly, he felt much more mellow and satisfied now. However, he knew it would only be a matter of time before he'd seek to intrude again.

Lani struggled in his hold, attempting to free herself. She still felt awkward and filthy lying completely vulnerable and naked next to him.

The shrunken down triple changer laughed throatily at her efforts and kissed the crown of her head.

"Jou have no plans tonight so vhere do jou zhink jou are going?" he asked.

"To at least but something on, I feel so weird," was her reply.

"I like jou vith jour birzhday suit on, Lani," Random said, licking the side of his maw. "And I vould much prefer it if jou stayed here vith me all night long. I don't plan on leaving zis bed at all tonight."

She sighed and rolled her eyes. She wasn't too keen on having her night and mood ruined over something as asinine as this. Lani glared at him a little but adjusted herself in his arm so she could get comfy.

"Fine," she said monotonously. The woman settled herself back into his literal iron grip. "I suppose I can deal with it for now."

Earlier, she loathed and was somewhat terrified with the idea of spending more time alone with him and not with Carmina and Alexis for a girls' night out. Now, she was almost relieved that things all didn't go according to plan. Things had gone wildly out of hand compared to what she desired but it ended up alright in the end.

He then grabbed the television remote on the nightstand adjacent to his side of the bed. Pressing the 'power' button on it, the black screen flickered to life. A few seconds later, a clear picture came up.

Lani narrowed her eyes at the screen, trying to identify what exactly was on the TV. She sat up, holding the sheets to her body.

"What is this?" she asked, slightly appalled by seeing all the blood that was gushing from a grotesque vampire-creature's headless neck. Her eyes widened. "What the Hell are we watching?"

"Blood Plus," Random said innocently. "I don't zhink I vant to get in Saya's vay. Zat femme is crazy and scary! I almost feel bad for ze vampires in zis show!" His sunny smile somehow (impossibly) grew larger. "Zhen after zis, ve can vatch a marathon of Evangelion and vatch EVA-01 beat ze slag out of Zeurel..!"

Lani didn't have a clue what he was even talking about. For a moment, she tuned his rambling out and she just hoped that Icy or Hothead would pop up sooner or later and ruin his obsessive plans to watch every single anime ever to hit the waves. But for now, she'd have to grin and bear with it.

Besides, wasn't love all about accepting the lover for who they were and cherish them for both their good and bad components? And that certainly included whether they were of a completely extraterrestrial yet sentient origin. As far as Lani could tell, he had already accepted and treasured her for who she was. That alone made the night simply perfect…

If I got Lani's thoughts and personality wrong and if it seems super corny, sorry...