So, I have a lot of feelings about season 4 of the 100. In general, they're good. Better than they have been. But, there was definatly two things that just BOTHERED me and continued to bother me, and bothered me so much I felt as though I needed to write a story to correct them. Those two things were how both Octavia and Jasper's arcs were handled. Octavia, by the end, I was minimally okay with. Jasper though? I just can't forgive the show for butchering him, literally. The fact that we had a character with actual PTSD (and hell, I'm surprised everyone doesn't have it) that was hinted at getting better and then they just go off and kill him? Ignore him the entire season, give him only a couple minutes in HIS OWN DEATH EPISODE WHEN HE WAS A MAIN CHARACTER? Hardly talk about his death afterwards when, goddamit, it affected (or should have) EVERYONE left? It makes me so angry, so fucking angry.
And I've been a Jactavia shipper from the start. It was a relationship, even non romantic, the writers underutilized. Both actors commented about how they liked the relationship the two had and their hope it would be played up more. But they didn't even get a chance to talk in season 4, but you know what, I think if they had, both would have gone very different ways. And they wanted to kill Jasper, so nope, couldn't have that. This is me freaking fixing that, because it's a damn shame.
Originally, this was going to be a one-shot...and then a three-shot...and now it's a 10 chap story, completely finished. Basically, it begins somewhere mid season 4, and goes AU from certain events there. It takes 3 big events from the rest of season 4 and re-writes them in this universe.
The title is taken from the Keaton Henson song 'You'. If you're looking for a good song to go and cry with, lordy this is it. It has never not made me emotional. And while I don't think ALL of it fits perfectly to Jactavia's relationship, at least at the start, the one line I took from the title really outlines what I want from this fic. I did intend for them to go romantic, but really, it's a lot and mostly about mutual healing and just working through shit together and actually talking about it.
There's certain discrepancies from the show in this fic, the biggest being the timeline. They made everything happen in like, what, a month? Two months altogether? When ALLIE specifically said like 6 months, or just less than? Even if it was excelerating, I really thought that it would be almost at least 4 months from the start of season 4 to the end, which it wasn't, so I've fixed that.
Also, I'm not mad that Octavia felt too much and that's why she was killing, but from the moment I watched it I always thought it was because she wasn't feeling anything, so that's how I've written it.
Note, just a warning, this story talks a lot about suicide, so if that triggers you in anyway, best maybe not to read. No one huge, not Jasper, ever commits suicide, and it's all off screen, but I thought I should give everyone a fair warning.
This is very Octavia and Jasper centric, but not just in them getting together, but taking time to actually look at their characters and give them change. The first arc will be between both of them equally, the second arc is more Octavia's POV, and the third is mostly Jasper's.
There's other couples in this, mostly background. Bellarke, for one, because letsbehonest everyone knows they like each other. Monty/Harper is another, because it's Jasper's best bud. In this world, this AU, there's also a little Murven...although it's not talked about in this fic, but more on that much later.
This takes place roughly around 'A Lie Guarded'. Octavia is not almost killed by Echo, but she still is in her stabby mood and isn't too keen on returning anywhere she knows. I guess this sorta is like the trip Jasper took where Bellamy went with him, but more prolonged...and just with a different Blake...
Anyway, I hope you enjoy this first installment!
Jasper wasn't sure what it was, or what even brought it on, but one day he woke up and realized that this life was...suffocating.
Not even life itself, in the very general sense, because yes- he's known that for awhile.
No, no, it was the idea of this life he was living here, in the fallen Ark, and all just plastering grins on their faces and working like little bees and trying to act like the impending doom of the end of the world (the end of the world, yet again) was some faraway fairy tale.
And frankly, he couldn't stand that anymore.
So, he decided promptly to leave. He packed a small bag...not like he had anything worthy to bring that he wasn't wearing anyway. He almost left his goggles, sitting out. It was a moment of weakness when he snatched them from the dusty shelf he hadn't touched in what felt like eons. His goggles were Jasper from another time, a happier Jasper. Having them co-exist within this happy Jasper's life was cruel. But, he'd be remiss if he left them, so he did not.
And then, he walked out of the Ark.
He didn't make a big deal about it nor did he downplay his leaving. He just strut freely, a man with nothing to lose at this point. Because, honestly speaking, he didn't.
Some people stopped him, casting worrying looks. He kept his answers vague enough not to incite worry but full enough to ease the minds of those that took the effort to stop him.
Where are you going? "I'm going out exploring. There's so much of the world we haven't seen."
You're coming back, right? "Oh, sure. Just need a walk."
How long will you be gone? "Shouldn't be too long, I guess."
Don't you think working on readying the ark is more important? "Everyone needs a break sometime. And if we're going to be locked in the Ark for five years, don't we deserve a chance to explore the world before it's gone?"
What he didn't tell a single soul was that he was looking for a place to die.
Somewhere beautiful, somewhere ethereal, somewhere...just. Dying here, in the grimy interior of a place that had only condemned his as a criminal and then sent him down to death, seemed wrong. Jasper was nothing if he was not a romantic.
There was some small part of him that believed in the answers he'd given the people that had stopped him, and he was glad he hadn't run into Monty. Was it shitty to intend to go off to die without saying goodbye to your best friend? Undoubtedly. But Monty would try to stop him. And god, he couldn't have that. No, perhaps it would be better to slip away, become a memory.
He did want to look at this earth properly before his death. He'd dreamed about it for so many years, spent long nights staring out of the best window for a view on the Ark when he was in space, thinking and wondering about what this place could look like.
And he was here and he hardly had a chance to do so, not with trying to survive for so long. Now that survival was not imminent to him, it felt like a whole weight lifted off his chest. There was a lack of urgency to his mission, a casual sort of bubbling feeling filling his chest.
And yes, Earth was beautiful. This much was undeniable.
It was a couple clicks from Arkadia's walls when he heard the neighing of a horse. The shadowed figure of Octavia came into view. He gave her a little nod, walking past, taking nearly no more thought to her than anyone else. Until, that is, she swung Helios around and came up next to him.
He glanced up, noting in his mind the many knives strapped to her body. Ah, well, the talks of the assassin warrior hadn't escaped him. Skairipa. Sky-Ripper. Appropriate, he supposed. But, death had never looked good on Octavia.
"Camp is back thataway." Jasper said, clicking his tongue and using his thumb to point back the way he came.
"I know, what are you doing?" Octavia asked, keeping pace with him.
"I'm on a little walk, isn't it obvious?" He asked, deadpanned.
"To where?" She asked, narrowing her eyes. Jasper shrugged, mumbling something incoherent, hoping that Octavia would offer him the same grace she had since their almost-whatever it was they had; ignoring him.
"You really shouldn't be out alone. Acid rain, you know?" She said and Jasper suppressed a sigh. She was nearly as irritating as her elder brother.
"Why Octavia, I didn't think you cared," He said honestly, staring up at her.
"Jasper," She sounded frustrated, "What are you doing?"
"Going on a walk, I told you." Jasper drew out his 'o' in told. He knew Octavia was scrutinizing him, but kept his eyes firmly planted on the path ahead of him. She continued to walk alongside him for a little more before Jasper made a noise in the back of his throat.
"Really, camp is back there." He said meaningfully. Octavia narrowed her eyes.
"How do you know I'm going back to camp?" She asked, raising her chin.
"Because you were heading that way when I first passed you?" Jasper said, "Simple deductions, gettit."
"Maybe I'm going this way too," Octavia said airily, the steady tapping of Helio's horseshoes against the small pebbles in the ground keeping time, like a death march.
"Going this way 'too'. " Jasper repeated, "I don't even know what's out this way. I don't need you following me."
"I'm not following you. I'm heading this way as well." Octavia said as though it were actually true. Jasper considered it for a moment, before scowling.
"Fine, I'm going this way then," He said, suddenly veering off to the left. Octavia continued after him, "Ha! You are following me!" He challenged.
Octavia dismounted her horse, jumping down as though she'd done it a million times.
"Fine, whatever, you caught me." She put her hands on her hips, "Is it really so bad to have someone like me around?" She asked.
"What? A girl?" He frowned at her. Frankly, he didn't want anyone with him, gender aside.
"No, a protector." She said, patting him down on his sides, unannounced. He jumped away from her sudden touch, "As I thought, not a single weapon on you! Just because everyone is preoccupied about the end of the world doesn't mean it's not dangerous. Not just grounders, but do you even remember all those radioactive beasts we came across when we first landed? Trust me, they're still around," She showed a nasty and still healing wound on the inside of her wrist, something that looked like maybe a bear but much bigger.
"I don't want to be protected," He said lamely, "I don't need protecting," He mumbled, looking at the dirt. Especially since if certain death came his way, well, he wouldn't step out of it's way.
"Jasper," Her tone was soft, nearly apologetic, "Let me do this for you." She pleaded.
"For me?" He crossed his arms, "What do you mean, for me?"
"You dove in to same me that first day on earth. I'd be dead if I weren't for you. Let me return the favor."
Jasper dragged his hands down his face.
"O, I did that to try to get into your pants," He said bluntly, "No need to repay the favor." he said. He was done acting like things weren't as they were. Octavia didn't even seem rattled by his admittance.
"Fine, then do it as a favor to me," She countered. When Jasper gave her a confused look, she continued, "Since Lincoln's death, I've only been a harbinger of death. Let me save someone, for once. I actually like you, and that's saying a lot of anyone right now." She asked. Jasper opened his mouth to also tell her the truth about his little mission, but something in him failed him as he stared at her. Although her cheekbones jutted out more and she had mud smeared across her neck he couldn't stop seeing the fresh-faced young woman that he'd been so enthralled with from the first moment he saw her, years ago on the Ark.
"Okay," he whispered, "But I don't know when I'm coming back." He said, the most honest he could bring himself about his situation.
"That's okay." Octavia agreed, "I don't think i want to go back there right now either."
It was another two hours of silent walking in a direction away from the Ark and away from Polis and for sure away from Azgeda, but onto open plains, when Octavia spoke again.
"So...why aren't you working on the Ark?" She asked, "Fixing it and all?"
"Because why do so much work when it's just going to fail?" Jasper asked, chuckling, "Why not see these rolling hills and open plains and experience the annoyance of mosquitoes the size of your palm?" He asked, swatting one away. A look of horror crossed Octavia's face.
"You know something?" She asked.
"What? Well, not definitively. Just a feeling in my bones that we're not going to survive this." He said.
"Okay, Mr. Doom and Gloom." Octavia laughed, feeling more relaxed, "Why are you the only one saying this, then?" She raised an eyebrow.
"Everyone else is so into this work they haven't a chance to think about it." Jasper held up his fingers, "We survived so many impossible events; falling from space to a planet that was supposed to be filled with radiation, mutations of creatures and lack of food, surviving hostile grounders, Mount Weather, ALLIE," He put down a finger for each event, "That's five, Octavia, five. Not to mention all the little things. To think we'd be so lucky to survive a sixth?" Jasper gave a wry smile, "Call me a realist." He said with a hint of sadness. Just because he felt his time on earth was coming to an end didn't mean he wanted his friends to have to die too. That did fill him with sadness.
"You've never been a realist, Jasper," Octavia's voice was quiet, "You, out of everyone I know, has always been so…" Her fingers clenched, grasping for the words, "I don't know, you're just not a realist."
"Maybe I've become one." He shrugged, then found the courage to say her name, "After Maya...after Lincoln...wouldn't you?"
He could tell that saying Lincoln's name was a mistake, because Octavia's whole face clouded over with a mixture between rage and sadness and she took out one of her little knives and threw it behind her as hard as she could. As it turned out, it managed to stab the tail-end of a squirrel. Octavia grabbed her knife and stabbed the tree around it a few more times, until she was spent. Jasper, in that time, had used his foot to stop the little creature from scurrying away and waited until her knife was stuck in the tree and worked it out to kill the squirrel.
It was decided. He didn't feel like dying, not today, and therefore he'd need food. Dying...it just wasn't the right time. Jasper believed in right times for things.
Octavia stared at him, confused and in shock as he used the knife to start to skin the squirrel. He wasn't useless on Earth, despite how Octavia was looking at him. He could kill and cook an animal, thank you very much. He didn't know why it was so important for him to prove to her that he could do at least this.
"Dinner?" He offered with a slow grin, looking up at her. Octavia's face morphed from her look of unsureness to something that almost resembled a smile.
They traveled on the way they were going for two days without incident of any sort, emotional or physical. They discussed light, safe topics. Maya and death wasn't talked about, just as no one said Lincoln's name. One whole half of a day was spent scaling a cliff-side to reach a river that was perfectly teal-blue, and looked like an old photograph from a National Geographic Magazine that Jasper had seen once on the Ark.
When he brought it up, laying on a perfectly soft sand beach and dripping sweat, Octavia's whole face lit up.
"I saw that! It had pictures of snow leopards and volcanoes, didn't it?" She asked.
"Yeah," Jasper said, using his shirt to wipe away his perspiration, "How'd you see it? I mean, I know it made rounds to people-," For a second, Octavia's moodiness was forgotten, and her earnest tone surprised Jasper, although it was not unheard- she used to be like this. She just seemed more prone to a stoic personality of late.
"Bell," Octavia cut him off, excited and eyes shining, "Stars, I looked over that in forever. I mean it, days. I don't think got a chance to really look at that thing. Some part of me wished that I could keep it, if no one would notice it missing." She got a dreamy look on her face, "I haven't thought of that in a long time," She repeated, musing.
So, what they did spend their time talking about, because they did talk during those two days, was the Ark. It was something they had in common. Despite being down here for what felt like nearly a year, it wasn't something that had been talked about much. When they first arrived down, everyone was so excited to talk about everything else. After, there hadn't been long stretches of open space to discuss and reminisce.
Jasper talked about all the shit he and Monty got into. Octavia never laughed out loud, but she did smile at a lot of them or snort or snicker, and Jasper thought that to be a success in his book. She told him all about the things she heard through the vents, because under the floor was really in the vents and therefore Octavia was in a prime gossip location, but had no one to share it with. Her mom told her gossip was rude and Bell didn't ever want to talk with her about that, about people he didn't know or people he liked.
Jasper, however, was grinning ear to ear to hear about the sordid, juicy details between his former Ark-mates. And Octavia seemed a little like the girl he'd liked, as she brought herself back, fumbling over her words in a rush to get all of it out. There was a melancholy upon her smile, however. But still, Jasper wondered, maybe there was something to just talking, just having someone else listen to you that was so soothing, so reassuring. To speak and know that what you're saying, even if it was about how the lady who made bread burned her husband's eyebrows off in a fight-was making it through to someone else.
"Sometimes, I wish I was back on the Ark," Octavia said at the end of those two days, as dusk was beginning to spill over the horizon.
"What?" Jasper scoffed, "Did you spend your whole life in fear, under the floor?" He asked.
"If I was back there, I wouldn't know such heartache." She said simply, but it felt mechanical, like an answer repeated and practiced.
"You wouldn't know how to kill people, either." Jasper said, "Have I had a chance to tell you that you look badass?" He said. Octavia's fingers ran across her leather clothing, her many pointy weapons, and she shrugged.
"It's practical."
And that was the first indication of Octavia's feelings about anything unsafe, Jasper made a point to remember this.
Octavia couldn't pinpoint what made her turn Helios around to follow Jasper, or what had made her send him back to Arkadia with a note saying not to worry about her, she was going on an adventure with Jasper and would be back. She couldn't decide why she decided to write 'adventure' either, as though she was some child, some little girl living out an exciting and non-threatening dream in this world. In all likelihood, it would be dangerous. Wanting to protect him was true...Jasper was known to be accident prone and one of these times it truly would cost him his life.
Octavia wasn't ready to loose him. Maybe that's all this way, maybe that's how simple it was.
But she didn't think that was all of it. She'd been going back to Arkadia, grudgingly. It was nice to have an excuse to take off the other way with someone she did trust. One of the few. She didn't know how to explain this to him, that he was of everyone that existed in this world, maybe in a very select group of three or four people she felt at ease with.
At ease...such a quaint term, something so unappreciated. Especially in this life, of constant upheaval and worry. Since becoming the Skairipa, she couldn't remember a time she was at ease. She couldn't remember a time in her life, frankly, but something about Jasper- even with his Doom and Gloom outlook- made her feel inexplicably safe.
Which was ridiculous, because she was pretty sure he was trying to find ways to die.
Yeah, she knew. She wasn't an idiot and she was pretty good at reading people. Octavia was making it a mission to make sure he really knew what he was doing. But, somehow, since taking herself onto his journey, that hadn't been present in him.
At the end of their third day, the storms rolled in. THey found a small cave to shelter in. The previous few nights had been warm and humid, comfortable enough to fall asleep right on the ground. But tonight was different and as the thunderstorm raged on, a chill swept through the cave.
"It's not acid rain," Octavia let out a sigh of relief as a bit of the water flicked onto her skin and there was no sign of burning.
"How fortuitous." Jasper mumbled, munching on the handful of berries they'd found this morning. He had shown great skills in survival thus so far, so she figured he would have been able to survive even if she hadn't shown up, until he nearly ate a handful of poison berries. At first she thought maybe this was it, until she pointed the fact out to him, and he dropped them, cussing like a madman and stomping them into the ground. She'd almost giggled, but retained that feeling, and instead shown him a very similar looking berry that was not going to kill him, and he'd taken all they could find.
Now, he offered a handful to her, his eyes gazing past her to the storm outside. He just looked...natural.
"Here I thought you'd be disappointed," Octavia turned to him, ready to level with him. Jasper raised an eyebrow at her.
"Disappointed it's not death-causing rain? Weird that I'm not sad, sure." Jasper chuckled at her, shaking his head, smiling in such an ease she almost believed him. She could see how no one else saw the darkness in him, lurking beneath the surface, whispering to him. She could see how Monty and Bellamy and Clarke just pushed it aside because when he said things like this it was easy to believe his plans were just a trick of the eye to them.
Octavia wasn't satisfied, for his eyes traveled out to the rain, and she truly looked at his face, it had a hint of something, not completely uncaring. It was... longingly. She knew. She still wasn't sure how to deal with this information. She hadn't in the months before this come across a person where she wanted to keep them alive instead of keeping them dead. To say her world was flipped would be an understatement.
The thunder and lightning and persistent rain continued through the night, sending gusts of chilly air wrapping around their little cave, snuffing out the fire. She tossed and turned on her side of the fire, wishing she had Helio's saddle blanket. She usually used that on cold nights, but it was bulky and without a horse to carry it, it wasn't worth dragging behind her.
"Are you...cold?" Jasper's question came from the other side of the cave.
"You're awake," She said out loud, "Are you cold?" She asked back.
There was an awkward moment where neither of them talked. Then she heard Jasper mumble something to himself before getting up and crossing the cave. She stiffened when his arms slid around her stomach and she found herself pressed to his chest.
"We both know you'll never admit weakness," He mumbled, and it could have been a comment to her or an aside to himself, "Is this...okay?" He asked.
Octavia considered her question. A couple thoughts hit her.
First, that he was considerate enough to ask if this was okay. But how did she define okay? What was okay? Did she ever know what okay was?
Second was that no, this made her feel uncomfortable. If she was choosing this, she'd like to be the one in control, the 'big spoon' as it were.
But then she thought that maybe she was only uncomfortable because it had been so long since someone was touching her like this; a gentle touch. Friendly, even, not even necessarily romantic. A touch that wasn't death, that wasn't war, that wasn't pain. And it was uncomfortable because she realized how long it had been since she wanted this, that it felt so nice to be touched like this that her gut reaction that when things were good were to self-destruct.
Her fingers were clenched up near her chest and she felt Jasper's hands absently rub along her knuckles and her throat constricted. She was glad it was dark and that he couldn't see her face because she bit her lip so hard it broke skin and her eyes welled and she didn't want him to see how much this was affecting her.
"O? I can move back-," He began to detach himself when she said nothing.
"No," The forcefulness and sharpness surprised even her, "No, no...this is...good. This is okay."
Maybe this is what 'okay' and even a little better felt like, she considered. It reminded her of Lincoln and she didn't try to shove away her thoughts or shove away Jasper, but instead let herself be overcome by it all. Jasper's forehead found a place to rest right at the crook of her neck, his breath becoming steady as he started to drift into sleep, his fingers still absently making circles on the back of her hand.
It was warmer like this, she couldn't deny. The heat generated by both of them was a thousand times better than the numbing chill that was threatening to make her teeth chatter before, but there was something more, something not even...sexual or romantic, which is only ever how she might have viewed this before. Something just pure...safety. Protectiveness. She was supposed to be protecting him but here Jasper was again, the white knight that he didn't know he was, coming to her aid.
Strangely, she didn't hate it. She might kick in the balls of anyone else that tried to do this for her, but with Jasper, it felt natural. He wasn't looking for something from her, neither was she. They were friends, they always had been, and she was bound determined that they would be until his death. It was so rare, she mused, to find a friend on earth, a good one, that one should grasp those closely. She grabbed his hand that had been slung across her chest and pulled it close to her, locking their fingers together.
After that, there was a simplicity to their companionship. Instead of making everything more confusing, that night erased away any barriers between them. Their laughter and chatter was lighter, their stories more revealing (but, still certain topics they stayed away from) and even if they hadn't slept curled up into each other like that one night they no longer slept as far away from the other, but instead with only a foot or two between them.
Jasper realized, also, in this time he'd had multiple chances to kill himself, but hadn't. He'd found an excuse at every chance. It would have been so easy to just submerge himself in that water, the fast current, and let it sweep his battered body away. It would have only been a second to let himself take one step too far off that wide cliff and tumble forward. And the rain, had it been acid rain, would have been extremely painful but also something. Octavia was wrong; he hadn't been upset it wasn't. He was upset that she thought he'd be upset and the fact that he was relieved it wasn't. Another way out.
For a second, he considered maybe traveling with Octavia was holding him back, but that was dismissed almost in a violent sweeping motion. Person here or person not here, it didn't matter. If he was truly devoted to this, he'd make it happen. He could have offed himself inside the Ark, with all those people, in many easy ways too...but none of those felt right. Just like none of these did either.
The fact that nothing felt right was concerning him. He wondered if it ever would, or if his death would feel just as lackluster as moments in life had been.
But then...then, there were other moments.
They'd camped out near the sea, and there was something soothing about the crash of waves. He'd enjoyed his time on Luna's barge before everyone died, and he could tell Octavia was thrilled to be near the water too. It went without saying, but it reminded her of Lincoln and their plans. She smiled at it now, instead of crying.
There was a collection of large, smooth black stones leaning against one another that made a perfect sleeping pit for them, just big enough for two people to sprawl out, protected from wind and rain and easy to see if any attackers came their way.
They hadn't come across a single grounder in their journeys. Although most grounders were terrified of Octavia and she was a master at hiding and stalking, Jasper still thought it was odd and their luck wouldn't stay like this forever. And while protecting his own life didn't seem as inviting, protecting Octavia's was. Not that she needed it, but the thought he could just be standing there absolutely useless and she could get hurt did make him frown. Coming without a weapon, despite all his best laid plans, indeed was ill-thought out. He turned his gaze back to the horizon from trying to start a fire and his grin widened.
"Octavia!" He called, "Come here!"
Octavia nearly tripped over herself to come to Jasper, knives in her hands, poised. She'd taken off most of her armor. It had been a couple nights ago, oh maybe three or four, when she'd stopped pretending that it was comfortable to sleep in so much leather and stripped down to a pair of short-shorts and a sort of sports bra type thing. Jasper had admired her sculpted stomach once or twice, or admired her muscled arms, but he understood it was more for comfort. He wasn't looking at her or this trip in any sexual way, at least not right now.
"What? Where's the problem?" She asked.
"The...sunset…" Jasper trailed off, stiling a laugh at her 'war-face', "It's really pretty."
"Jasper, we've seen like a thousand sun-sets," Octavia growled, stuffing the knives back into her bra- which Jasper thought could not be comfortable.
"But look at this one," Jasper said, coming over and swinging his arm around her shoulds, pointing her in the right direction.
He could see Octavia's face, ready to argue with him or tease him, but her face slowly cooled into a look of awe.
"Oh," She whispered.
"Yeah, oh." Jasper nodded, and settled them into a sitting position. It was true, there had been many sunsets they'd enjoyed, Jasper mostly. But this one...this one took the cake. It was just so bright and there were so many colors. Jasper had a small thought that if Clarke were here she'd be jealous because she'd want all those colors to paint with. And there was nothing standing between them and this sunset; no trees, no mountains...just the endless ocean and the sun melting into the constant current.
At some point, Octavia leaned in, setting her head on his shoulder. He was brought back to Mount Weather, when they sat in the painting storage room and they both cried. He remembered how she'd comforted him, but after when he tried to comfort her at Arkadia about Lincoln she only lashed out.
Well, he didn't blame her. If someone had tried that so close after Maya's death, he'd be upset too.
"I yelled at you," Octavia whispered, and somehow it seemed they had come to the same thoughts, "You were just trying to help." She gave a long sigh. It was as close as she'd come in the time together, and days were becoming muddy it it seemed like it might have been close to two weeks, to talking about Lincoln. She wasn't angry, she just seemed pensive.
Jasper swallowed, unsure on what to say. He and Octavia...they always ended back together, in some way, in some form, friends or otherwise. Though their fling, however short, had fizzled out because of Lincoln and left with the question hanging in the air, he looked back and realized out of everyone, she was the only one who never treated him like he was ridiculous after Maya's death. And she always was friendly to him...possibly the only person she was friendly to.
As the sun's last rays were snuffed out and darkness fell, and the fire Jasper had set flickered and crackled, Jasper nudged Octavia off him.
"Remember in Mount Weather, way before all of that, when you told me the best way to kill someone?" He asked.
Octavia looked up at him, watching him brush off sand from his jeans.
"Yeah?"
"You know, it was such a simple command. So easy, so effortless. But I've never forgot it." He tapped his head, "Teach me more."
Octavia's face broke and she snorted behind her hand, "You're not serious."
"I totally am," Jasper said, clutching his heart in faux-offence, "C'mon, but seriously. Teach me how to be badass."
"You're already pretty bad-ass, Jasper." Octavia said, tilting her head, "I don't know many people that can make a bomb out of nothing."
"Raven can," Jasper dismissed with a snort.
"Or someone that can pull off as many pranks as you," She raised an eyebrow.
"Monty can...well, we're a team, but," He shook his hands, "Fight me." He said, getting into a stance. This just made Octavia laugh harder, "What?" He said, tensing his shoulders.
"You would die within an instant if you went up against someone like that," She said, making a motion with her finger to his entire body.
"It's not that bad…" Jasper muttered, and Octavia raised an eyebrow and shot out, knocking him onto his back in three seconds flat. He wheezed as his body hit the ground unexpectedly. He blinked, his vision coming back to see Octavia standing over him with an absolute shit-eating grin on her face.
"Told ya," She said, "Now, c'mon-," She said, offering her hand. Jasper reached up, and then trying to pull a fast one on her, started to drag her to the ground too. Whether or not she anticipated it, she was quick to respond and hand Jasper with his face to the sand and her straddling him in a time he didn't think possible.
"Oww," he groaned and Octavia's laughter vibrated through his body.
"See?" he said, straining his head, "This is why you gotta teach me to fight. I'm useless."
"You really want to learn to fight?" Octavia seemed genuinely surprised by this, although there was a current of something else there, something he didn't understand.
"Yes." He said with a firm nod.
"Fine, get up. Seriously, no tricks." She said and he followed her instruction, "Now, this," She motioned to herself, "Didn't just happen overnight. Weeks and months of instruction."
"Well, it's not like we have a time-table to get back. Just before the end of the world, right?" He asked, raising an eyebrow.
"Well, I suppose." Octavia furrowed her eyebrows, "Fine...okay, first thing's first…"
By the time she announced it quits for that night, Jasper could already feel the tingling aches all over his body. He liked keeping fit on the Ark, to an extent, and he hadn't felt so pushed in a very long time. It was an ache of a familiar friend.
As they ate their dinner of some sort of half-land, half-beach creature Octavia had speared, she talked to him in Trigedasleng. It was quiet at first, she quietly mouthed the words of a song until it became a quiet whisper. Jasper had never thought the grounder's language to be particularly pleasing to the ear, but when Octavia said it, he picked up on the soft falls of the language, the little things.
"It was a lullaby Indra taught me," Octavia murmured, laying down on the sand, "Some of it is untranslatable to english, but that's what makes it beautiful. The translation she gave me doesn't have a true feeling of the weight of it." She said, turning to him, "It's about the agony a mother carries to love her children. I told Indra I wouldn't know what that really felt like, or how that I ever saw how it should have. My mom...I loved her, but it was hard for me to connect with her. And when she died, it was sad, but I spent so much time in the ground that I…" Octavia swallowed hard, "Indra told me it could work for a father too. It makes me think of Bell."
"He'd do anything for you," Jasper agreed.
"I fear I've left things on such bad terms with him. I blamed him for Lincoln's death," Octavia's face furrowed and her voice only hitched slightly.
"He knows you love him."
There was a moment of long silence before Jasper spoke, and Octavia's head spoke up to hear him say a string of words that also was not English.
He turned to her, grinning.
"What in the world was that?" She asked, shaking her head.
"Italian," He replied cheekily, "That meant 'you're beautiful, my dear'." He said and when he saw a blush creeping up Octavia's cheeks he felt his own face blush and hurried to add, "I learned it on the Ark, with Monty. I mean, it's a dead language now. We only learned pick-up lines to impress chicks, like that one."
"Oh!" Octavia said, nodding in understanding, "I mean, it did sound impressive. Did it work?"
"Can't say," Jasper sucked in through his teeth, "Not long after we had it down pat, we were sent off to the sky box." He said, making a wizzing sound and a motion with his hands forward.
He rolled over onto his stomach, "Did it work on you? Were you entranced?" Jasper questioned with a waggle of his eyebrows and a ridiculously low, sultry, joking voice.
"I dunno, what else you got?" Octavia asked, raising her chin and smirking.
"I don't know if you want to hear the others," Jasper winced, "That is the only PG one we knew…" He trailed off, coughing.
"Oh my god, like what?" She demanded, punching his shoulder.
"Oh, you know...one about slamming you up against the Ark wall and pleasuring you, another about taking you home and making you forget everything but my name…" He said, looking down and rubbing his neck, "I mean...they sound very romantic in Italian."
"I cannot believe that you were going to try to pick up girls like that! What if one actually knew what you two were saying?"
"Look, we were like 16 and incredibly horny." Jasper held up his hands, "And like I said, Italian is a dead language. We only took it as an extra to our courses and mostly we just looked up stuff on own own." He twisted off a leaf stem and threw it into the fire, "And all that and I'm still a virgin," He sighed.
Octavia nearly spit up part of her dinner, "But you and Maya-,"
"When the hell did we have time? We had just as much time as you and Lincoln did!"
"Well…" Octavia strung out the word and Jasper looked positively red in the face.
"Ah, hmm, good to know someone has their priorities in order." He slumped back on the sand, covering his face.
"Priorities?"
"I'm 18 so I'm still incredibly horny all the time, obviously." Jasper said, mumbling to the side, "Probably just like you are…" He trailed off.
"I just replace it with rage and killing," Octavia said and for a second Jasper didn't know how to interpret the comment until he turned and saw a smile on her face.
He gave a small grin in return. He was pleased that apparently nothing was off-bar for them. Apparently any topic wasn't too far, even Maya and Lincoln's names had been said and they were both still alive. And when Maya's name had been brought up it wasn't a sharp knife wound, but just a dull pain. He just...missed her. Didn't ache over her, but it was a sore spot, a soft fleshy cut on his side that only poked it when someone bothered it. Most of the time, he realized especially within two weeks, he didn't think about her too much anymore.
He wasn't sure if this was offending her memory of if she would have wanted him to move on.
Octavia was really quiet for a long time. "Once again, I'm really sorry about what I said. It was the same...Maya and Lincoln. You were trying to help and I didn't let you in, I didn't let anyone in."
"You're doing it now." Jasper pointed out, finishing off his dinner, "I think i'm going to hit the sack." He said, standing. Octavia nodded, and he went into their little rock safety space, curled up and chuckled. He whispered one of his dirtier Italian pick-up lines under his breath, a memory he hadn't thought about in ages. It was, in all, a good memory. And he realized he'd been enjoying his time with Octavia, greatly. But enjoying things and being happy were non synonymous, or so he tried to convince himself.
That night he dreamed of Maya. She held his hand, kissed his cheek, and told him to let her go.
So, already, we have a little bit of healing. But they're a VERY long way from fixing anything, clearly.
My plan is to update every 5 days, since every week just seemed to far time in between since I already have the thing finished, and five days seems right. I have other plans after this story specifically! I sorta plan for this to be a group of my own in-universe AUs. There's this, which is very formulaic in the way I wrote it, and goes up until the end of season 4, so it's all drawing from source material. Then, after this will be a longer mutli-chap Jactavia that's all original ideas about the five/six years in the bunker. Also in the universe is a Murven 5/6 years on the Ark, with a shorter one-shot before that getting to it. I might also do a short Bellarke in this universe, but idk, we'll see.
So please review if you liked this! I know it's sorta a rare-pair but I know you're all out there and it would mean the world to me if you showed me you enjoyed this as much as I enjoyed writing it!