Once again if you have not read City of Lost Souls please do not read this as it is based off of a spoiler.
Anyway, this story is based off of the song Come Wake Me Up by Rascal Flatts. And just to throw out the all so loved disclaimer: The characters are not mine they are Cassandra Clare's and the song is not mine it is Rascal Flats, only the story itself (the idea) is mine. Hope you enjoy my first story completely based on Malec.
Alec stumbled into his room with a half drunk bottle of vodka in one hand and an unopened one in the other. He didn't know how he had managed to make it through the Institute without waking anyone, or without breaking anything. After getting kicked out of the fourth bar that night he decided to call it a night, not because he thought that that was the best idea but because he was temporarily banned from all of the others he went to.
With a great sigh Alec collapsed into a chair in the corner of the room and looked at the window located right by it. Now that he had made it home the shame was slowly creeping up on him, like it did every night that he went out to try to drink his troubles away. Much to his dismay, however, he couldn't seem to get enough spirits into his system tonight to make him forget. Determined to still try, Alec tipped up the open bottle of vodka and emptied the rest of burning liquid.
It didn't work though; instead of getting closer to the numb feeling he so desired memories he longed to forget started to plagued his mind. Memories of Magnus. Memories of them. All the feelings that Alec had worked so hard to try to bury started to bubble back up to the surface. This angered Alec and in a sudden moment of rage he hurled the empty vodka bottle at the wall where it shattered and resulted in broken bits of glass raining down onto the floor.
Alec opened to the bottle in his other hand and took a long swig, he didn't even notice the burning sensation as the liquid slid down his throat. He didn't understand why he couldn't get the memories to fade away completely like he usually could. It had never been this hard to drink them in oblivion. With a tired sigh Alec took another long swig and decided he should just give up, there would be no forgetting tonight.
On pure whim, a whim that he would most likely regret just as much as the amount of liquor in his system, he decided to welcome the wave of emotions and memories that were just waiting to swallow him up. If they weren't going to go away then he wouldn't lose to them by trying to keep fighting a battle it didn't seem he could win tonight. Taking another deep breath, Alec slunk in the chair even more and draped his arms over the sides of the chair, letting the bottle of vodka just kind of dangle in his fingers.
As Alec let the walls keeping his emotions at bay crumble apart and his sadness and pain didn't slowly trickle through him, but rushed at him at full force, making it hard to breathe. With a trembling breath, Alec allowed the memories to take over him. Memories of Magnus's voice, of Magnus's lips kissing his own, of his touch, his laugh, his love. Alec could feel the tears running down his cheeks as he remembered moments that made him the happiest, moments that made his heart sore with happiness. Like when he had made his way to Magnus's apartment and asked him to go out with him and it had ended up in Magnus kissing him and then him kissing Magnus before he left, or when Magnus first told Alec he loved him. There were so many memories and they were tearing him apart.
Every memory Alec possessed good and bad, played through his mind and with those memories came a burning sensation that spread through his entire being. This burning however wasn't the comforting burning of alcohol, but the kind of burning that accompanies pain and heartache. It was almost unbearable. Slowly, though, the pain turned into longing. This was almost worse in Alec's opinion, because with it came hope, hope that took hold of Alec in its claws and wouldn't let go. Alec didn't know how many times he had dreamed that the last few weeks had all been a nightmare and that he would wake up to Magnus by his side. But then Alec would wake up and the dream turned out to be just that, a dream, and he really was living in the worse nightmare he could imagine.
Alec kept his eyes closed and allowed himself to believe for a while that he his reality was the nightmare and that the dream was reality. He knew that when he opened his eyes again that the true reality would sink in and he would be consumed with heartache all over again, but he didn't care. He was tired of fighting and if he couldn't make his love fade then he would pretend that Magnus still loved him and that nothing had happened.
Slowly, Alec sank into another reality, a reality that only existed in his dreams, a reality where he found himself in Magnus's arms and kissing Magnus and hearing Magnus's laugh and feeling his touch. It was a place where Alec knew no pain, the only time he truly knew know pain and it wasn't just numbed. A place where he was still happy.
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Magnus turned the tv up higher, even though he wasn't paying it any attention; he only wanted to try to drown out the sound of Alec's voice from his mind. No matter how hard he tried it seemed he couldn't get the sound to leave his head. Discouraged, Magnus lit his last cigarette and pressed the palms of his hands into his eyes, as if the action would force out the sounds.
Magnus let out a shaky breath and ran his hands through his hair. He could feel the pain starting to overwhelm him, but he was too tired to even care. Giving in to the heartache, Magnus allowed his tears to fall freely and for his mind to wonder into dangerous territory. He thought of Alec. Of his beautiful, loyal, brave, Alec, who was no doubt asleep as Magnus sat in his living room crying as sleep avoided him. How Magnus wished he could just fall asleep, it was the only time when he wasn't plagued by thoughts of his blue eyed Shadowhunter.
The burning sensation of grief started to spread throughout his being and Magnus wished even more that he could just fall asleep. He was tired of pretending that he was fine, that his heart hadn't been shattered into a million tiny pieces by his own hand. There had been so many times when Magnus thought that perhaps he would call Alec, or even stop by the Institute, and tell Alec that he forgave him. But Magnus would always shake the idea out of his head and continue with his suffering.
Magnus stood up and made his way back to his bead room and flung his body down upon it. Closing his eyes tightly, Magnus allowed himself to travel treacherous waters and he welcomed the thoughts that this life he was living was all a dream and that any moment Alec would walk through the door and lay down beside him and wake him up.
Rolling over to his side, Magnus opened his eyes and sighed. He had seen Alec many times walking through the city with his parabatai, or his sister, or even a combination of the group of people that had for lack of better terms became Alec's friends. Magnus had seen no anguish his Alec's eyes, heard no sadness in his voice. Alec seemed as if he was not plagued by the same pain that Magnus was, that he had easily moved on in life. More tears threatened to fall from Magnus's eyes as the thought of Alec not needing him anymore made the pain in his chest grown even stronger. Even with this knowledge, Magnus knew that if for some reason Alec were to appear at his dear tonight he wouldn't be able to not forgive him.
Finally, to Magnus's relief, sleep did find him and with it the comforting blanket of numbness from the heartache and anguish. But it couldn't take away the sounds of Alec whispering his name in throughout the night or the hope buried deep down inside the core of his very being that this really was a dream and he would wake up from it.
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In their dreams they found each other. Still deeply in love with one another and still willing to spend every moment they had together. It was what they remembered their reality to be, sparks at the others touch, pleasure in hearing the other whisper their name, the feeling of still being hungry after every kiss. They dreamed that the nightmare they were living was just that, a nightmare, and that they were awoken to the other still by their side.
When morning did come, and their paradise vanished, they were once again filled with anguish and left to their own vices.
I do hope you enjoyed it, even though it is a bit saddening. But I heard the song and I instantly thought of Alec and Magnus and how they were handling their post breakup. Once again, please tell me what you think.