Tessa was sun behind her was obscured from view by the
Institute, the glamour visible from here, revealing an old church
instead of the hidden Shadowhunter manor it truly was.

She stood at the edge of the grass, the river of silk lining the isle as wooden
chairs brought from the Institute were placed on opposite sides of it,
waiting for its inhabitants to arrive. Orchids and lilies were
intricately placed in vases and centered on nearby tables, a woven arch
interlaced with yellow roses built at the end of the silky road.

Cecily had chosen the flowers with delicate care, asserting that white was, in
fact, a mourning color for Shadowhunters. So, yellow it would be, even
though Tessa was not one of them. As beautiful as it was, Tessa didn't dare move any closer. On the contrary, she stood as far away as she could without looking the way she felt couldn't let Jem see her like this, her breathing rough and labored, lips pursed, teeth ground together tightly.

No. Jem could not see her like this. He WOULDN'T see her like this.

For Tessa knew she was behaving in an absurd manner! She was marrying a
man full of kindness and devotion who, above all, loved her so. He was
dying. Everyday the poison flowing through his blood ate away at his
life a little at a time. She owed him, for this was one of the deepest
desires that Jem had ever asked for; a wife before death who cared for
him truly.

And Tessa did. Oh, she did.

But Tessa needed air. She couldn't seem to breathe properly, inhaling a heaviness that
felt like lead sinking into her stomach, weighing her down. She sighed
deeply and straightened the fabric of her golden wedding dress. It was a
gorgeous piece, she had to admit, her arms adorned in a variety of
swirling fabrics that crawled up her arms like the runes did on
Shadowhunters. Rows of pearly beads cascaded down her arms and lined her
back,the neckline dropping into a deep V, the material made of golden
lace. She wore the pendant Jem had given to her that had belonged to his
mother, heavily laid in the burrow of her throat.

she swallowed, her eyes shifting to her future husband greeting people with
such an obvious joy it ached. He looked so happy, so dashing in his
tuxedo, the white undershirt a perfect match to his hair. He continued
to greet people and direct them to the chairs in which were now
inhabited by a few people, none of which Tessa recognized. As much as
she persisted against herself that she loved Jem with every ounce of
humanity- or whatever she may be-in her, she knew she could not give
her entire heart to Jem as much as she wanted and tried to, because
their was someone else who was treasurer of the other who
also had a tight hold on it, a piece of her soul that she could never
get back

thanks to Will.

Will.
J

ust as the name entered her mind against her better judgment, he materialized out of nowhere behind
Jem, slapping his shoulder in a future congratulatory gesture. But
Tessa knew enough about Will now to see beneath his armor of
interlocking mail, an unbreakable chain that she somehow managed to
crush into thousands of metal shards. Will wore a similar tuxedo, a
yellow flower in his pocket, a smile on his face, his eyes a striking
blue, a transparent shield hiding his emotions from everyone else,
especially Jem. Could Will really have meant what he'd said to her that
horrible and elated day after Jem's proposal? Engaged one moment and
shredded the next. Judging by the fact that he hadn't been rude or
evasive for over the past two weeks while the wedding had been planned,
he must have been telling the Will was no longer the same
person he once had been, and that fact that he had never truly been that
rude, empathic man made her want to shut her eyes and erase all of
those harsh words they had exchanged over the past.

He looked so beautiful with the sun peeking through the clouds, profiling his jawline that Tessa had
to look away.

But not before he caught sight of her.

Tessa's heart seemed to lodge in her throat as his eyes flickered towards her.
What must he think? she asked herself, but couldn't conjure an
inviting eyes did he have that her worry slipped away for
just a moment, lost in the pools of deep sapphire blue. There was no
hardness to him, no shield built to keep her out, more to lure her in, a
pain so vivid it made her want to cry.
She shifted her gaze to the ground.
She couldn't do this. Her body was being severed in so many ways. Mind to
Jem, soul to Will, heart to them both. Her body no longer belonged to
herself, but to these two men individually. She would forever love these
parabotia brothers but in different ways.

And it was then at that moment, standing there on the grass, Will's eyes she could feel
boring into her, that she finally came to a would no longer
settle for being shredded.