Aster's POV of what happened between Chapter 10 and 11 of The Winter Burrow.

From Chapter 11 of The Winter Burrow:

I'd had a vicious nightmare two nights ago and disjointedly sobbed the whole ordeal in Pitch's lair into Aster's fur. Until then, I think I'd been too exhausted from the tooth box incident to work myself up that much. My memory of it is pretty hazy. No influence from Pitch, just my own issues. The crushing guilt over failing the fairies must have been festering in my subconscious, waiting for its chance to surge forward. Bunny didn't say anything to me about it afterwards, sympathetic glances aside. He's more about action than words. Baby Tooth had shown up the next day to fuss over me, and the following two nights my sleep had been dusted in golden sand.

** There's no accent when Aster is thinking to himself because no one has an accent when they're thinking in their heads, do they?

Strewth. You're an old fool, Aster. Bloody well should have left it alone for a few days yet, but you just had to open your gob.

Jack is sleeping, barely got him back to his room after that blow-up. Today hadn't been any different than the past few. Keeping things quiet, lamps turned low, and making sure Jack eats and drinks before crashing again. I know he's not a little stick thing of a winter elemental anymore, which only makes his thin figure seem more unnatural. Doesn't he eat?

I shouldn't have shaken him like that. Pretty sure that didn't leave bruises. I don't think I scared him, though I did myself. Over a hundred years and still I have a hard time reigning in that blasted temper. A grumpy old codger if I'm doing well, I know I can be resentful and mean when I get riled up, not that I ever intend to be. Pooka say what they mean and mean what they say, while Humans have a hell of a lot more nuance and somehow I'm all muddied up in between. Sometimes I regret letting the control go and accepting the shift. Sometimes…

Well. It hardly matters now, does it?

When Jackie realized I meant it about being friends he'd slumped into my arms like I'd cut his strings. I'm not used to that sort of thing. Tooth's long since backed off and Sandy's not a cuddler. North, well, he's the only one who manages the occasional bear hug and that's as much for him as me. We're both solid blokes and there have been times I wouldn't have got through without his advice, blustery bastard that he is. I've had my fair share of evenings keeping him upright too, especially after Katherine and Nightlight left. It'd been a while though before Pitch had popped back up, since we'd a proper chinwag.

It's different with Jack. He's a little slip of nothing when I hold onto him. A bit cool, but it's hardly noticeable through my fur really. The awkward little hug I'd managed earlier had become a full-blown embrace. I didn't want him flitting off on me, not after I'd nearly mucked up the whole thing.

The first time in the sleigh, I'd thought he was going to fall over. Then I'd scooped him up at the palace and carried him down, not twitching his ribs once thank you very much. He'd been rattled by it though. He's been touched more in the past couple days than, well, I'm not sure how long but I'd guess a century maybe. I hadn't got a good look at him when Tooth had hugged him, but Jack had been stunned by Jamie's embrace, for sure. Then I'd held onto him in his burrow through that localized blizzard, carried him back here, yanking him around and grabbed him again when we'd been arguing… Going from nothing to all that was probably a shock.

So maybe he'd chosen to slump against me, tired and emotionally drained, but I'd already been holding on to him then and not in any mood to let him go lest he take off. He'd probably just been giving in. Brilliant. Well, I'll be more careful about that, then. It's no way to start when he's been alone and untouchable for so long.

Except, not entirely alone apparently. He'd been living in that little frozen burrow for decades if he'd been telling the truth. Getting along with the sentinels and playing with the googies from what I can tell, though never approaching me. Had I scared him that much before? No. That can't be right. He'd never have come into the Warren at all then. Jack did seem convinced I'd have thrashed him and tossed him out. He was certainly trying to goad me into just that after Tooth left.

Bloody oath, what a cock up. He was trying so damn hard… Why didn't you ever say anything, Frostbite? If not to me, then one of the others? Course not to me, not after what I said at the North's, all riled up and not thinking about what I was saying – like he doesn't exist. He should have frozen me solid in one go after that.

And what the hell was Easter '68 about then, anyway? He never explained-

Huh.

Thought I-

Damn. Jackie's having a nightmare.

"Stop it! Stop it!" His cries carry out into the hallway as I hesitate outside the door to his room.

"I'm sorry! Please. I didn't mean to-" He sounds so bloody desperate. Edging the door open, I quietly move inside. I scan the room to check for nightmares, but Pitch's influence really is gone for now. There's nothing but Jack, tossing in the grass-lined bedding.

"Wake up, Jack. It's just a bad dream." Reaching out, I gently give his shoulder a squeeze and he thrashes.

"No!" He bolts upright, chest heaving, hands grasping wildly until one lands on my leg where I'm crouched beside him. Jack's head snaps around so fast I wince. "B-Bunny?"

"Yeah. It's me." I can feel his hand trembling. "All right, then?"

It's a bloody stupid thing to ask and I curse myself as soon as the words are out of my mouth. There's a long silence and then Jack's fingers tighten as begins to sob out an apology. I'm a little shocked at how quickly the smartass Guardian of Fun has disintegrated the past few days but isn't that just like his wintery element? Glittery white snow and ice on top, covering up all signs of what might be lying dormant underneath.

"I- I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean for it to happen like that. I didn't mean for anything-" He's shaking his head and leaning towards me. I don't want to push, but I have to wonder if Jack would ever ask for what he needed. He never had before, had he?

"Shh." I lay a gentle hand on his head and slide it over his hair. It does the trick because the tension in his body uncoils immediately and I've got an armful of him again. "Yer working yourself up, Frostbite."

"I'm sorry." Yeah, definite theme there. "I didn't listen. I was so selfish."

"Jack-"

"They should hate me. I don't know why they don't." Jack's hands are fisted against my chest like he's trying to keep himself from clinging.

"Who should hate ya?"

"The fairies." His voice is almost a whisper now, laden with misery. "I mess up everything. Pitch was right."

What?

"Pitch is a lot of things, but right usually isn't one of'em." Comes out a little harsher than I'd intended and Jack stiffens. I take another deep breath. I'd gone back to meditating after making sure the Warren was secure. Hadn't been keeping up for a while, mainly because I'd been avoiding most people and using the work as an outlet. That's going to have to change, I expect.

"He was right about me." What had Pitch said to him? "I always get things wrong. Even my memories showed me that. He knew everything I was afraid of and he knew I'd screw up because of it. That I wouldn't be strong enough. You were right. You shouldn't have trusted me."

Jack tries to pull back and, despite promising myself earlier that I wouldn't, I refuse to let him go. Not like this.

"No, I wasn't. I was an ass." I squeeze him gently and then loosen my hold, dropping my arms down around his waist so he doesn't feel trapped. "We should've let ya explain."

"Explain what?" Jack keeps his head down so I can't see his face, but he doesn't try and move away. "That I'd abandoned the fairies and lost Baby Tooth because I was listening to Pitch and desperate to get my memories back?"

"No. That you'd been lured into believing anything that monster said. We've known him a long time Jack. I like ta think we'd have understood." Hoped I would anyway. I hadn't been in the best place right then. North would have. "Where'd ya go afterwards?"

"Antarctica. He followed me. He wanted me to join him, but I didn't listen to him there, I didn't!" Jack's fingers clutch at my ruff and for a moment his voice is fierce and defiant, until he deflates, sagging against me. "I'm sorry."

"S'all right." I run my hands down his back in what I hope is a soothing manner. "I'm not mad. No one is."

There's a long silence before he replies.

"Should be." He sniffles sleepily. Jack's all cuddled up in my arms now, head shoved up under my chin. Been a long time since I had someone like that, not that I'd spent much time on personal matters when there'd been a war on. He's a pretty bloke though. I'd certainly gained an appreciation of human beauty since I'd been living on Earth, more in the past couple centuries. Jack wasn't an instant source of ire anymore and I was able to appreciate his form. Maybe I'd ask him to sit for a drawing if he'd ever stay still long enough.

His breathing evens out and I know he's fallen back to sleep. I'll have to talk to Sandy about tending his dreams. Jack needs his rest. Tooth said he'd be mentally worn ragged. Better report to her too just in case. Hmm. There's an idea. Tooth must have pinned the wings of that wee mad fairy that had been following Jack about to keep her away this long. A visit would probably do him good. Prove to him that no one's holding a grudge.

I carefully shift Jack back into the hastily made bed. He murmurs and curls in on himself. I indulge myself for a moment and just watch him, my eyes well adjusted to the dark. When his hands twitch nervously I remember. Finding his staff where it's rolled across the floor, I tuck it into his arms and can see him relax a little when his fingers curl around the wood.

Now to find Sandy.

I can't remember ever having the golden dream sand drifting through the Warren, but it's a relief to see it now. Jackie'll sleep more peacefully with Sandy watching over his dreams.

His nightmare had been another revelation and a fresh new reason to despise Pitch Black, who's far too good at pinpointing weaknesses and pushing just enough until you break. It's a wonder Jack didn't cave entirely to him after Easter. One mistake, that's all it was. Every other time I thought he was going back down and take the easy way out, he somehow defied all expectations and came through. How can he think so little of himself when he's shoved the opposite right in my face?

He was the one who made Jamie believe, even. Why he hasn't gloated… He's all talk, that's what he is. The little dag jabbers on but he's clearly not as carefree as he'd like us to think. Easter '68 was a bloody disaster, but he hadn't left it like that. He'd been back, keeping the leavings of the storm from becoming more dangerous than they already were. I'd noticed. It makes my nose itch thinking about it, trying to reconcile this Jack with one that could have whipped up that blizzard, even if he had regretted it.

Hrm.

Mates. I may not understand all his pranks and fun times business that well, but I can be a friend. I won't let Frostbite keep punishing himself either. He's a Guardian now and we'll treat him like we should have done from the beginning.

I can't even mind his little winter burrow much, being so out of the way. Might be nice to have some company. We'll have to sort it out. He's not told me nearly all I want to know yet, but I won't push. He's been through enough upheaval the past few weeks. I'll let him bring it up. Jack's been here for decades and not harmed so much as a blade of grass until this whole memory thing, so that deserves some trust I think. Not like I haven't made my own mistakes in all this.

Yeah, I better settle down and meditate. Something tells me I'll need to focus more than a little on controlling my emotions if Jack's going to be staying here.