ANTONIO FERNADEZ CARRIEDO: User Guide and Manual
CONGRATULATIONS! You are now the proud owner of your very own ANTONIO FERNADEZ CARRIEDO unit! This unit is very easy to handle, but this manual is provided to ensure your unexpected need for help should this unit meet with other units.
Technical Specifications:
Name: Antonio Fernadez Carriedo. Will respond to "Spain", "Pasiõn", "Tomato Bastard", and "Boss".
Age: 25
Place of Manufacture: Madrid, Spain
Height: 178 cm
Weight: N/A
Length: There is a reason why he's called the Country of Passion
Your ANTONIO FERNADEZ CARRIEDO unit comes with the following accessories:
One (1) Spanish military uniform
One (1) Flamenco guitar
One (1) turtle unit
One (1) bull unit (smaller scale model opt.)
Five (5) crates of tomatos
One (1) apron
One (1) Matador uniform
One (1) manual of "How to Prevent Destruction by the Hands of the Bad Touch Trio"
One (1) Spanish team football uniform (includes football)
Programming
Your ANTONIO FERNADEZ CARRIEDO unit is equipped with the following traits:
Matador: Do you have an angry bull attacking petunia's or need extra money? Well, look no further! Because your ANTONIO FERNADEZ CARRIEDO unit is well versed in the art of bull taming! The company is not responsible for any destruction caused by both bull and unit.
Spanish Tutor: Late night studying cram for the Spanish test? Your ANTONIO FERNADEZ CARRIEDO loves to teach his native language and will be glad to help you with both homework and those pesky Spanish-speaking only workers. Just be careful; he will be come very anrgy at your mispronunciation.
Performing Artist: Your ANTONIO FERNANDEZ CARRIEDO unit is a very skilled with the flamenco guitar and also a wonderful dancer. You'll be sure to rake in some money at dance competitions and talent contests!
Professional Football Player: No, you Americans. This football's soccer, and your unit will be very vexed with you if you refer to American football. Your unit's obession with this sport and will be sure to excell in any team.
Babysitter: ANTONIO FERNANDEZ CARRIEDO just adores children and children love him. Be warned, as he might start making them call him Boss, which might piss off their parents. We are not responsible for any such problems.
Removal of your ANTONIO FERNANDEZ CARRIEDO from Packaging:
ANTONIO FERNANDEZ CARRIEDO is a more relaxed and easy-going of our units, but if there was some jostling in the arrival, here are some ways to wake your unit in a safe way, if you would like to head.
1. Play the Spanish national anthem or any recording of Spanish guitar. Your unit will wake up like his normal, cheerful self and with start singing in random Spanish until you open the box, with which he will happily greet you. You are free to re-program him from here.
2. Start cutting up tomatoes by the box, ask if he wants a churro, or fix Italian food. Your unit will wake up happily and exit the box, be aware of possible sharpnel. He will sit down and eat with you, and free to re-program.
3. In your best British pirate accent, shout "The Spanish Armada has failed!" Your unit will start crying and you are free to open the box. Once he sees that you are not an English pirate, he will stop crying, hug you, and be happy. You are free to re-program him.
4. Say anything in either Spanish, French, Italian, Flemish, or German. Your unit, being friends in some way with those countries will wake up happily. You are free to re-program.
5. If you are sure that he was not jostled in arrival, go ahead and open the box. Make sure you have a tomato in hand in case he was.
Reprogramming
After successfully waking your unit, you may reprogram him to any of the following settings:
Cheerful (default)
Thickheaded (default)
Emo/Submissive
Boss Spain
Sadistic (locked)
Bad Touch Trio (unadvised)
ANTONIO FERNANDEZ CARRIEDO comes with the default Cheerful and Thickheaded modes. This means that he will be extra happy, always smiling, and late to respond to certain events. It may annoy you at times, but usually your unit is able to infect others with his easy going lifestyle.
Emo/Submissive is unlocked by locking ANTONIO FERNANDEZ CARRIEDO in a room with either a ARTHUR KIRKLAND unit or a JAKOB VAN PIEPER unit. Your unit has a history where these countries have bullied him into submission, and your unit will become despondent within minutes. To get your unit out of this funk, find a LOVINO VARGAS or FELICIANO VARGAS unit and stick them in with him. This will get your unit back to his cheerful self.
Boss Spain mode in unlocked by either calling him your boss, sticking him with gullible children, or keeping him around a LOVINO VARGAS unit for too long. He soon will want everyone to call him Boss and will become very attached. To get him off, knock him into Emo/Submissive mode and then return him to his default.
Sadistic mode is locked, and hidden for a good reason. Sadistic mode comes about when told that England is weakened, stuck with France and wine for too long, or reminding him of his glory days. This will make him into a very dominating man who will force you to do things. To get out of this, remind him of the fall of the Spainish Armada and he will start crying instantly. To stop him crying, offer to get him a tomato.
His last mode is unadvised, if you want to keep your sanity, or want to save bail money. The Bad Touch Trio is locked and can be unlocked by bringing together a ANTONIO FERNANDEZ CARRIEDO unit, a FRANCIS BONNEFEY unit, and a GILBERT BEILLSCHMIDT unit. This mode will instantly unlock and further instruction is provided in a side manual in such cases this does happen.
Relationships with Other Units
FRANCIS BONNEFEY: Despite their history, these two units are close to each other and are really good friends. If you want to have a relationship between these two, don't worry. FRANCIS BONNEFEY is a unit who expresses his love blatantly and ANTONIO FERNANDEZ CARRIEDO is mostly oblivious to what's going on. Thier relationship can be very public.
GILBERT BEILLSCHMIDT: Despite bad blood between their countries, they are really close friends. A relationship is possible, but it is harder to find one without a FRANCIS BONNEFEY unit.
LOVINO VARGAS: Your unit simply adores this unit, but the same could not really be expressed by the other. A relationship between these two is expected if they stay together long enough.
ARTHUR KIRKLAND: This unit and your unit have a history of tension and battles, creating a rift between the two where ANTONIO FERNANDEZ CARRIEDO can become very depressed. A love-hate relationship could form from this union, however...
Cleaning
Your unit is perfectly capable of cleaning himself, but may extend an invitation to bathe with him. Do not accept.
Feeding
Your unit can cook for himself, but he likes to eat other's cooking as well. His main diet does consist of tomatoes, so invest in those.
Rest
Your unit likes to sleep whenever he wants, and let him do so.
Frequently Asked Questions
Q: My ANTONIO FERNANDEZ CARRIEDO unit is crying for no reason and he won't tell me!
A: Your unit is probably crying about how LOVINO VARGAS is so mean to him and won't answer his calls. Just hand him a plate of tomatoes or churros, or offer to play football, and he'll forget about it completely.
Q: My ANTONIO FERNANDEZ CARRIEDO unit is trying to teach me Spanish, but he keeps yelling at me in incoherent Spanish and I'm still learning!
A: Well, we told you to be wary of mispronouncing Spanish words. He is very upset with you and this can only be cured by saying it right. Just listen to him and keep guessing.
Troubleshooting
Problem: Upon opening the box, instead of the normal ANTONIO FERNANDEZ CARRIEDO, there is a Spanish man in 1600s clothing and holding an axe.
Solution: Uh oh. We accidentally sent you CONQUISTADOR SPAIN by accident! This unit is a handful, very forceful, and more demanding. He will try to impose nearly everything he can, and will not listen to anything you say. He also speaks only Spanish. We advise to send him back, as he will try to kill people he deems not worthy, and we will send the normal model immediately.
End Notes
With proper care and love, your ANTONIO FERNANDEZ CARRIEDO unit will prove to be a most loyal and cheerful friend/lover. Have a great time with your unit!