I've had this one unfinished in my folder for months now and decided to get something done today and finally finish is(: I hope you like it! {major angst warning} As always, feedback is greatly appreciated and encouraged. I mean it. Talk to me people(; comments make my days 100% better

Dean was sitting on the small couch in the bunker, still only wearing the boxers and concert tee he wore to bed, watching an old Star Trek rerun. He couldn't see straight. Everything was three dimensional and his eyes felt like they were burning out of their sockets. He knew why... There was about twenty beer bottles scattered around the room and, along with that, an empty bottle of pills that he was quite certain was full yesterday. He should be dead but for some reason he wasn't. Though he wasn't dead, he still couldn't get from the couch to his bedroom to change. Whenever he stood up he felt like he would puke. And he did. Several times... He had a slight remembrance of some blood but he shook the idea off, he was fine. Always is. All he remembered from last night was a lot of beer and... Cas? He didn't know when he downed the pills... But he hoped Cas was gone by then and that nothing actually, y'know, happened between them. Not like this. Not now. Charlie should be back soon, maybe she will be able to explain everything. Dean sprawled out sideways on the couch, slowly lifting his legs onto the cushion and stuffing his face in the armrest. He groaned in annoyance, feeling like he was going to puke again, the hum of the TV causing his head to feel like it was inside a hard metal bowl that someone was repetitively slamming a hammer against. He would turn it off but he didn't have the strength to reach for the remote.

"Dean?!" Charlie's voice came from somewhere far away followed by the agonizingly loud sound of a door slamming. He realized he had fallen off the couch, he was lying on his back on the cool tile, blurred eyes trying to focus on the ceiling and failing. Charlie's voice sounded farther and farther away as he slowly blacked out, seeing a flash of red hair before drifting off.

A shrill, worried voice kept breaking through into his subconscious. He felt something extremely cold splashing against his closed eyes, it felt like cold fire attacking and engulfing his face and body. When he finally came to he was spitting out water, finding himself shirtless in the shower, Charlie was trying to hold him upright under the shower head, struggling with the size difference and muttering curses to herself as Dean swayed underneath the water, bloodshot eyes finally opening all the way and focusing on her.

"What the hell were you thinking?!" She shouted in his face, causing him to wince as the fading headache abruptly came back. The cold water was running down his face, splashing against his ears. He felt dizzy again, swaying and almost falling if Charlie hadn't kept him up as best she could. The tiny girl was barely keeping his weight up and he suddenly felt horrible. He sunk down onto the shower floor, against Charlie's protests, the cold water gathering on the floor of the shower soaking through his boxers. Charlie stopped fighting against him and let him fall into her, weak arms wrapping around her waist as he buried his head in her stomach.

"I'm sorry." He said, not knowing if he was crying or if it as the water running down his face. He felt Charlie's arms wrap around him, she was slowly rocking them back in forth in the water, trying to drown out Dean's cries.

"No more parties for a while, kiddo. With this much alcohol in you... Damn I've never seen anyone this bad before. Do you even remember what happened last night?" She asked, fingers soothing through his soaked hair.

"I'm sorry." Dean repeated. Charlie shouldn't have to deal with him like this. She wasn't his mother she shouldn't have to take care of him whenever he messes up. But truth is, he didn't even remember how much alcohol he had last night. Ever since Sam...

Dean started to full out sob, nails gripping through Charlie's soaked tank top. He felt her flinch but she didn't leave, she held him closer, this time whispering she was sorry in his ear. Why was she sorry? This was all his fault. Including Sam.

The next time he woke up he was wearing his old sweatpants that hung too low on his waist. He didn't know how he ended up with those on but he really didn't think twice about it. He was lying on the couch again, the headache was only a dull throbbing in the back of his head now. Star Trek was still on and his head was resting on Charlie's lap. She was sitting upright on the couch, one hand cradling his head, the other gripping a coffee mug filled with hot chocolate, yelling at the two main characters to 'just kiss already'. Dean sat up slowly, making sure not to reawaken his dizziness, watching Charlie's face brighten at the sight of him awake.

"I'm taking all of the alcohol (and I mean ALL) out of this damn bunker or so help me-." Charlie cut off, scowl fading into a look of worry before turning over in her spot to wrap her arms around him. She sighed in relief, burying her face in his bare shoulder.

"Thanks Charles." Dean said before pulling away, catching her death glare she always gave him when he used that nickname. She rested her head against his shoulder and went back to watching one of her favorite TV shows and Dean finally relaxed against her, breathing out a yawn and lifting his feet up onto the coffee table in front of them.

"So Charles... How did I get into these pants?" He asked playfully causing Charlie to sit up and punch him in the shoulder.

"Don't even start flirting with me, you know damn right you're not my type." She said, laughing at his devilish knowing grin. She pushed away from him, laying on her back and stuffing her feet in his face just to annoy him.

"You're not my type either. How is-"

"If you mention her name, I will skin you alive." Charlie hissed, one foot pinning Dean to the couch cushion behind him. He scoffed and grabbed Charlie's foot before it could reach his throat.

"Didn't end so well, huh?" He asked, looking over at Charlie expectantly even though he knew he wasn't going to get an answer.

"So! Speaking of not your type, why haven't I seen your dreamy former angel up and about the kitchen this morning... Anything happen last night? Besides the drinking and drugs, that is." Charlie pushed on, sitting up excitingly to hear the story, but truth was, not even Dean himself knew the half of it.

"I don't know." Dean said quietly, trying to remember last night and failing miserably. He suddenly felt dizzy again and full on tripped over himself in running to the bathroom, only making it to the trashcan by the television.

"Gross! Toilet Dean! We have a toilet!" Charlie shouted from behind him, he could hear her getting closer before he felt reassuring hands on his back. Dean tried to catch his breath, feeling a little better, head still awkwardly spinning. Suddenly there was a knock at the door of the bunker and both turned their heads towards the sound.

"Since when do we have visitors...?"

"Well more like, since when do we have visitors that knock? - COME IN!" Dean shouted towards the door, his voice wavering slightly. He felt sick to his stomach again and realized horribly and a little too late that he shouldn't have invited anyone in. He lurched foreword, clutching his stomach, and threw up into the trashcan again. Charlie's hands rubbed over his back soothingly and he could hear her curse under her breath.

"What happened, kiddo?" A familiar voice sounded from the doorway, traveling towards them as Dean threw his guts up.

"It's nothing new, Gabriel. What's up?" Charlie was careful with her words. It hasn't been long enough since Sam's death and she didn't want to strike a nail in Gabe's waterworks again. There was too much to deal with Dean alone and no one wants to mess with the former archangel. Losing both his powers and his Sammy took a big toll on him and he was far from stable. Gabriel sat down on the couch, looking at his hands, his jacket collar pulled up around his ears, strands of sandy hair falling into his eyes. He took in a deep unsteady breath as Dean finally stopped throwing up and turned around, resting his head against Charlie's shoulder and looking pretty damn pathetic. Charlie wrapped an arm around his shoulder to pull him in closer as Gabe looked up from his hands.

"I was just... I was just checking up on you guys. Bad night. Looks like you two had a bad one too. Haven't heard from my little bro in a while... I could go-"

"It's fine Gabe... I understand." Dean tried to smile but ended up coughing. Charlie sighed frustratingly and looked over at the man sitting awkwardly on the couch.

"We need to get him to a doctor... The son of a bitch overdosed again." Dean could tell Charlie was freaking out on the inside even though her voice was calm and quiet. Dean moaned against her shoulder, shaking his head and saying no but she didn't seem to listen. Soon enough he was being lifted up under his arms into a standing position, Gabriel on one side and Charlie on the other. If he was any stronger he could have shrugged them off. But he honestly had nothing left in him to care.

"Wait... Where's Cas?" Dean managed the question, starting to worry why he still hasn't seen the former angel who is usually messing around the kitchen in the mornings.

"Sorry Dean, haven't seen him since early this morning as he was going out the door." Charlie muttered as the pair managed to drag him passed a very confused Kevin Tran and Crowley playing some odd form of poker in the dining room and out of the bunker with a distant hello boys from Crowley and a traditional fuck you from Gabe. He hasn't had the best management of his anger lately... And Crowley, in a way, had been connected to Sammy's death. Even so, Dean still blamed himself, so he wasn't about to try pathetic revenge on the recently soulful king of hell.

Charlie had snatched Dean's keys from the counter on the way out and was now in the process of starting the impala as Dean lay in the passenger seat, head swaying and eyes beginning to shut on him again. He continued to argue that he's had worse and shouldn't be going to a damn hospital and they really need to find that damn fallen angel, but no one listened. He wished Cas would come back. Apparently the impala wasn't starting at first because Charlie started freaking out, cussing it out as though that would help.

"Fuck! Gabe can you put the key in, my hands won't stop shaking. I can't-"

"It's fine sweetheart... I got it." Gabe grabbed Charlie's hand to stop the shaking before starting the impala. That was another odd thing about Gabriel lately. Ever since Sam his 'kiddos' and his 'sweethearts' were no longer sarcastic or witty. Dean began fading away again, hoping every time that maybe this time he wouldn't wake up and then cursing himself on even thinking of leaving Charles in this state...

"Okay okay... I'm good. Gabe, you don't have to come, I got this."

"No... I'm coming. Charlie, you aren't okay, almost as bad as Dean. I owe it to S-" Gabriel stopped short, trying not to even think of the name.

"Please, I can handle this, I have to handle this, you need to..." Dean couldn't stand it anymore and tried reaching over and grabbing Charlie's hand comfortingly but by the time she turned to him his vision went out for good and everything went completely black.

He woke up in a small hospital bed, blinding lights causing his head to feel like it was on fire. He felt like shit but that wasn't anything new... Dean managed to lift his head up a little to notice that the doctor wasn't in the room but Charlie was, chair pulled up to the bedside and head resting on his lap. She was fast asleep, dark circles formed under her eyes that made her look so much older than she was. Fuck... This was all his fault. She was the only reason he's still alive (for many different reasons than just the one) and all he's doing is bringing her down with him.

Dean slowly picked up his hand and moved the stray red hairs out of Charlie's eyes just as the nurse slipped in the door.

"So you're finally awake." She said brightly, smiling that weird full teeth smile that all nurses have and looking incredibly too happy to be at work. Especially in this hell hole. "Your girlfriend here put up a big fight to be in the room. I would say she's just good with her fists but really she's just... Persuasive." The nurse joked as she started messing with something on the computer. Dean smirked, his hand still resting on Charlie's hair because he couldn't get up the strength to move it. Anyway, he's always liked her company. The girlfriend thing was pretty funny though, Charlie should have known only family would be let in the room but must have spaced out and said their usual coverup... Girlfriend. If only she said 'sister' and she would have been let in without the fists and the flaring. But there was no point now, she was here and she was sleeping.

Dean had fallen asleep again sometime after the nurse explained all the lesser important things about him and pills and alcohol and oh yeah... Don't do it again. The usual speech he's come to memorize. It was a miracle Charlie and Cas hadn't teamed up and started an intervention yet. Of course, everyone is still torn apart about - well about - never mind. He had woken up again to Charlie lifting up his eyelids and poking his cheek continuously. He liked her better when she was sleeping...

"The things I do for you, Winchester." She said smirking. Dean sighed, rolling his eyes as he managed to sit up. "You have a visitor." She continued and winked before jumping off the side of the bed where she had been kneeling, and walking out the door of the hospital room just as Cas made his way in. Great... What's it going to be this time? Maybe he'll just skip the arguing and shaming and punch me already... Dean tried not to make eye contact with Cas but it wasn't that easy when he was actually genuinely pleased that he came. Cas didn't look angry or upset or really anything at all. Dean couldn't read the expression on his face for the first time in years and it made him uneasy as the former angel walked over hesitantly and sat on the edge of the bed, dipping it down slightly which caused Dean's legs to slide against his side. Dean went to twiddling his thumbs and messing with the plain hospital sheets awkwardly as Cas just continued to stare at him before speaking up.

"I'm sorry." Dean whispered, his voice hoarse as hell and kind of pitching upward at the end making him sound as pathetic as he felt. Cas just looked down at his hands and didn't say anything for a long time and Dean was really starting to question what the hell happened last night. He had a pretty good guess though... The problem was asking without sounding ignorant.

"Did we-"

"No." Cas moved his eyes back to Dean, his voice soft but threatening in a way. Worried, definitely worried. There's always been something between them, always, but they never actually took the time to figure it out so things were always a little too awkward and they were always a little too close. Friends. Right? "It's my fault, I should have stayed with you knowing you'd pull another stupid ass stunt like this. I swear to my father Dean Winchester, you will be the death of me." Dean was taken aback, trying to read in between the lines and failing horribly.

"What... Happened?" He barely whispered. It had to be something. It had to. Cas has gotten angry at him before but not in this way. This was different.

"Nothing... Happened, Dean. When I got to the bunker yesterday I found you sitting on the couch with a few beers, already looking pretty close to wasted as always. I went over to talk to you. That's all."

"That can't possibly be all." Dean argued, voice raising and making it crack hoarsely, starting to get annoyed to say the least. Cas shifted uneasily, cheeks looking slightly flushed and beautiful as always. Get it together, Dean. Friends. Just friends.

"You were uh... You were talking about someone in particular and you got pretty emotional after almost drowning yourself in alcohol even though I tired to take it away from you. I tired to bring you to bed but of course being as stubborn as you are you protested and pushed me away like you do to everyone else, so I just decided on keeping an eye on you. That was until..." Cas paused, fumbling with the sleeves of the hand-me-down jacket of Dean's that he was wearing, sneaking glances at Dean's lips and looking lost. Dean sighed and attempted kneeing him in the back but ended up swinging both legs at him in barely a nudge. Cas opened his mouth to answer just as Gabriel came strolling in with a sarcastic smirk plastered on his face even though his eyes were missing their usual light. Dean rolled his eyes and nudged Cas again for help. He understood and slid off of the bed before reaching out his hand to Dean and pulling him up also. Dean still wobbled when he tried standing up so Cas decided on wrapping an arm around his waist. It was a good thing they didn't put him in one of those ugly backless hospital gowns...

"How ya feeling, kiddo? Just got your stomach pumped, wonderful huh?" Dean found himself leaning more into Cas when his head started to swirl a little, legs feeling unbalanced. He should be used to all of it by now, but this has been the hardest hit yet... Must have been the pills. Without much more than a sarcastic remark, and the signing of a few papers, they made it out to the impala. Gabe insisted on driving since Cas made it seem like he didn't want to leave Dean's side. Which oddly enough was true even though the fallen angel wouldn't admit it to himself. Dean didn't mind, he's always felt better when Cas was close. Safer. Charlie had met up with them in the parking lot and took her place in the passenger seat, already ranting about some hot nurse she knocked into. By the time they made it back to the bunker Kevin was out doing God knows what and Crowley was left unoccupied and staring at the blank TV screen with a glass of scotch in his hand. He didn't so much as lift an eyebrow when the whole circus came in. They weren't of importance to him.

"You should really get out more." Gabe said sarcastically, knowing damn right that Crowley was stuck in here and couldn't leave. Well he couldbut he'd most likely be killed just walking one step out the door. Going from being king of hell to a useless human wasn't the greatest transition for the grumpy Scottish ex-demon. There was a fuck load of demons wanting to kill his ass so... Not the greatest idea to go outside. At all.

"Real funny, dumbass." Crowley muttered without even glancing in Gabe's direction. "How's that bitch of yours? Oh, I forgot... He's dead." Gabriel just shrugged his shoulders with that same sarcastic smirk he always wore that looked slightly more broken than usual. He wasn't all there, not anymore. Dean thought he was just going to turn away and not bother with Crowley, but he watched as the anger clouded Gabriel's eyes right before the former archangel strode over to harshly yank Crowley up by his collar, the glass of scotch shattering on the floor.

"Don't you ever talk about him like that. EVER." Cas was about to try an break it up but Dean held him back, Gabriel deserved some closure.

"He didn't even love you, do you realize that? After all that you've done, did you truly believe he could actually love you? That anyone could-" Gabriel lost it, cutting Crowley off mid-sentence by punching him straight in the mouth before throwing him down onto the tile floor, kneeling over him and repetitively messing up the newly soulful demon's teeth. Cas had had enough and pushed past Dean, running over to try an pull his brother off of Crowley.

"Gabe-"

"I love him." Dean could hear the sobs in Gabriel's voice and walked over to help Cas. They managed to each grab one swinging arm and pull Gabriel away but Crowley was bloody as hell, face disfigured and eyes starting to close. "... And you took him away... You took him away from me. Fuck you. Maybe you're right and maybe he didn't... But that doesn't even begin to change the fact that I sure as hell did love him and he's gone now. Because of-" Dean called for Charlie to get the poor bastard out of this room as Gabe finally broke down and hid his face in Cas' shoulder. Charlie must not have heard him so Dean nodded his head towards the bloody mess on the floor before gesturing to the sobbing mess in Cas' arms.

I've got this Cas mouthed and smiled darkly, hugging his arms tighter around his brother and resting his chin on his shoulder. Dean frowned and began helping Crowley up off the blood-stained floor. They weren't much of a family. Not since Sam. Not ever.

Later that night Dean was laying on his bed, staring at the ceiling and feeling out of place without his usual company of alcohol when Cas came into the room, quietly knocking on the door to gain Dean's attention.

"Look at that, my angel finally figuring out the act of knocking..." Dean smirked sadly before falling back against the mattress, sighing stressfully and rubbing his eyes.

"I am no longer an angel Dean. And you're a mess." Cas said softly and Dean just rolled his eyes and a stuffed a pillow over his face. It was true though, he probably still looked like shit after what happened last night and now had Crowley's blood stained all over his white button down shirt.

"I am perfectly fine, thank you." He muttered sarcastically into the pillow and could practically feel Cas' eyes burning into his side. The bed dipped slightly as Cas sat down on the edge of it, clearly getting ready for one of his 'talks' that almost always lead into one of their 'arguments', followed again by another talk. Sam used to joke that they bickered like an old married couple.

"Dean you're not fine... Sam-"

"Don't. Just don't even start this now. Sammy's gone, Castiel. I can't get him back and I can't stand living without him but that doesn't change the fact that he's gone and I am having an extremely bad day. Did you get your stomach pumped today? Did you forget everything that happened the night before even though what you forgot may or may not be important to you? Are you the main cause for your best friend's exhaustion and sleep deprivation from having to deal with you and your problems because you don't know how to live life without your brother? Did you just have to drag the bloodied-up former king of hell out of the room before your dead brother's fallen angel boyfriend could finish him off? Are you as fucking stuck as I am right now, not able to take the easy way out because I can't leave the people I love that are also dealing with this in their own ways. I mean, take Gabriel for instance, it wouldn't be right for me to just- I can't just leave- I have to watch out for Charles and Kevin and I know damn right Sam would have wanted me to watch out for Gabriel too, no matter how much of a dick he is. I just can't. And I..." Dean paused, watching as Cas maneuvered so that he was lying down next to him, eyes glistening but not actually wet, face unreadable. "I-I can't leave you. Cas. So yeah, I'm- I'm pretty much stuck." Dean finished in a whisper, turning on his side to look at Cas before looking down at his hands, unable to hold his gaze without breaking down. Cas moved closer and softly wiped away some escaped tears with the sleeve of his jacket. For anyone else that would be considered weird but for Cas it was normal, he was just always trying to fix Dean no matter how broken he was. And he was slowly running out of bandages.

"Do you want to know what happened... Last night?" Cas asked softly, his voice uneven and more raspy than usual. If Dean didn't know better it would sound like he was crying. But Cas didn't cry. Ever.

"Cas you don't need to-"

"...Yes, I do." Cas interrupted softly before leaning in the rest of the short space between them and catching Dean's bottom lip between his own so softly that it hurt. Dean didn't pull away, instead he wrapped his arms around Cas' shoulders to pull him in closer, deepening the small kiss so quickly and desperately as if he were in the middle of the desert finding water for the first time. And, in a way, he was. But Cas pulled away too quickly, leaving Dean to chase after his lips pathetically.

"So... We did?"

"No, Dean."

"Then... Wh-what was that?" Cas was silent for a while, Dean's forehead still pressed against his, trying to even his breathing again as Cas' silence tempted him to try for another kiss.

"It's... That's what I wish I would have done, but didn't." He whispered and began to brighten up when he saw Dean's old smile return to his face. "And it's what I would love more than anything to continue doing as long as I get to see that. I've, umm... I've missed your smile, Dean." Cas looked down, blushing a deep red and causing Dean to smile wider, the act seemingly unfamiliar. He reached over and lifted Cas' chin up to kiss him again, slowly, gently and long past due.

"Dean."

"Hmmm?"

"As long as you're 'stuck' here-"

"Cas, not now... You're ruining the mood-"

"To which 'mood' are you referring?"

"There... It's gone. That was the mood, Cas." Dean smirked against his lips and pulled the former angel on top of him, kissing him more deeply and hiding his laughter at Cas' constant state of confusion towards the human race, which he was now apart of. He reached up to tug Cas' borrowed jacket of his shoulders and barley got in down his arms before Cas interrupted him again.

"Dean..."

"Jesus, Cas... What is it?" Dean laughed and pulled away, smiling up at Cas and waiting patiently for him to finish his sentence while pulling the jacket off the rest of the way in one swift motion and smirking as Cas acted oblivious to its removal.

"As I was trying to say before, if you truly do feel 'stuck' here with no way out... Just know that I'll always be stuck here with you and I don't tend on taking the easy way out."

"You are my easy way out." Dean whispered, leaning up to sneak a small kiss on Cas' jawline. "You are my amazing, beautiful, gorgeous, distraction." Cas smiled but chuckled softly, hiding his face against Dean's shoulder to stifle his laughter before pulling back and barely brushing his lips over Dean's teasingly.

"Drop the compliments and just kiss me already, Winchester."

Charlie smiled to herself when hearing the laughter coming from the room next to hers, followed by some... other sounds. Gabriel was sitting Indian style on the floor next to her, both of them watching one of her all time favorite movies ever. Harry Potter. Gabe had already seen all the Harry Potter movies a few times with thanks to his boyfriend, but he had asked Charlie if they could possibly re-watch all of them tonight. Charlie didn't question him, she knew his reasoning and wanted to do anything in her power to help. She found herself focusing a lot on that lately... Helping her boys. And yes, they were her boys.

"I guess it's finally happening. You owe me fifty bucks." Gabe said nonchalantly and Charlie quite literally growled at him.

"I never said it wouldn't, mister. I've been routing for them this whole time. Because of recent events it just sort of happened... faster than I was previously expecting."

"Fine. I'm just glad they're happy." Gabriel smiled and turned back to watching the movie, resting his head against Charlie's shoulder and yawning. "...but you still owe me."

"OH COME ON!"

"A bet's a bet."

But neither of them really cared much for the bet. Nor did they pay much attention to the movie. Both had one thought circulating their minds that they would never get to say or do.

I can't wait to tell Sammy.