a.n: i know there's a lot of technical mistakes in here. if this story was accurate, i don't think snape would be a deatheater while draco was still a kid... um, and i'm not positive on how to spell snape's first name, either ... i only checked it for spelling errors, but left everything else, i liked the feel of it ... please bare with me...
paths reflecting
No one had asked him why. It was a bit odd, but no one had bothered.
And now, sitting there, looking at his teacher, on the brink of breakdown, he couldn't find the words. Anyone who knew either didn't care one way or another with how he went through his life; or they were all for him joining the 'ultimate darkness.'
Why? What a preposterous question. It occurred him that he should be able to answer that question easily, but he the explanation was stuck in his throat. Died once they saw the look on their teacher.
He'd merely come to say his farewell's, and even though he hadn't expected banner's and fanfare, he wasn't prepared for the outright disapproval he'd received from his headmaster and potions teacher. He had no idea what had made him reach the desperate level he was at now.
Jumping at anything to explain the decision he'd made.
Draco had never explained himself before. If someone had asked him, he'd simply ignore them. Or, the reason why he did something was so obvious, they didn't need to ask.
But now ...
He found himself deeply angered and frustrated. Perhaps at himself. He should've had a reason! This was a major decision! He should know right away...
And with everything he said, his bloody headmaster would have the perfect question to counter it with, until he was actually ready to give up and cry.
"Don't you -get- it?!" He demanded, the tears threatening to fall. "There's nothing -in- me! There's nothing -in- you! It's all ... it's all how someone treats you! It's all how you get raised, it's what you're taught! There's no 'right' and there's no 'wrong!' It's all just ... power, life and pain! There's nothing else! You get taught that stealing is bad, you get spanked, they tell you that you're going to go to hell if you do it again, and then you die." Draco took a deep breath and looked out the window that showed him the full moon.
"I just ... I just don't bother." He continued quietly. "I'll die, I might as well do what I want with the time I have. If no one else wants to do the same because of some misguided sense of morals, then that is their -own- bloody fault. And I won't get more sore at them then anyone else if they do the same to me."
Snape watched this all silently, then took a deep breath. Draco waited for the barrage of 'No, there is -good- in you! There is light in every dark heart! And you just have to try hard to see it!'
Instead, "That is -exactly- what I used to think." He said, crossing his arms slowly, catching Draco's immediate attention. "I used to wonder how in the world people could classify what their neighbor's did, how they could say that what they did was wrong. What they did was immoral. How they could say that they were evil. I used to think that it was all chance that they happened to believe in a certain set of values that their parents taught them. That they could just as easily have been the one that was 'evil' and 'immoral.'"
Draco watched him carefully, wiping away a tear that had managed to escape his eyelashes, the only things keeping the rest back. "So, what changed your mind?"
Snape smirked, meeting his gaze steadily. "You."
Draco blinked on reflex, and some more spilled over. He wiped them away irritably. "Sorry?"
"I saw you, when you were a very small child." Snape said simply." I saw how Lucuis would hurt you. And you would just bounce back. You were yourself. However you classify it, you were a person that wasn't just waiting to be made. The rules they were trying to teach you, the person they were trying to mold you into was not working. Because you had something in you that told you it was 'wrong.'" Snape tried to see how this was getting taken, but the younger's face showed nothing. "And I realized then, that just because a child is -willing- to let themselves be taught, to never second guess, did not mean that they were soulless.
"You were not empty, another drone waiting to be trained. You had your own thoughts, you had your own code." Snape said. "And that's when I realized that we all choose, we all decided, deep inside what we think is wrong and right. And there can be such a thing; something that hurt's others. Something that causes needless pain. Something a lot people prefer to call evil."
Draco shook his head, staring at Snape with panic-filled eyes. "No, Professor. It doesn't ... it can't ... just because I was a little bratty as a child--"
"I know you didn't misunderstand me, so I'm not going to bother to explain it again." He interrupted. "But I will ask you something. If there is no right and there is no wrong, and you believe that to the bottom of your heart, what is making you cry?"
"Frustration." Draco bit.
"Surely it can't be born of pure frustration. What's that tugging deep within you?"
"I never said that emotions don't exist!" Draco burst. "I'm sad. Right now, I feel sad. I feel sad because of something, that doesn't make anything -right- or -wrong- and -why- won't you just leave me alone!?"
Snape continued calmly, trying as hard as he could not to sound patronizing or cruel. "Is it because you may have just realized that the things that have happened to you were -wrong.- That there is actually someone to blame? That it wasn't just chance and you have the right to be mad at them?"
Draco was silent for a very long time, his mouth working, but no sound. Five tears streamed down his cheeks and he didn't bother to wipe them. Finally, he exploded. "I -hate- you! You have no idea what you're saying! You have no ... no right! You're just ... just angry that I'm going to have the power that you never got! That you're stuck here, and I'll ... I'll go, move on and be remembered! And you're trying to stop me!"
"Draco?" Snape asked calmly.
"What?" He demanded.
"I have perfect 'right.' Let's see, according to my old set of morals, if what you do has to do with my life, I'm given automatic right to say and do whatever I want. Even if it does clash with the other's boundaries." He said, standing from his desk and moving over to the trembling boy. Perhaps it was a bit much to ask him to just rework his entire life system in one minute.
"Let me appeal to the more rational side of your being." Snape said. "There's an empire built, an empire that exists only for -one- person's wants. -One- persons greed, one person's faults and weaknesses. How long will that empire last? How long can a group of people stay under that one person's spell?"
"Generations." Draco said easily. "Just think about all that laws other groups have led. They're still in place, and they're long gone."
"The only reason they're still around is because other people have managed to make use of them." Snape said. "Voldemort's empire is just his way of having his life, as you thought. According to your logic, all he has to worry about is all that happens when he's alive on this plane. And then, only what makes him happy. How can you be satisfied working for somebody else's pleasure?"
"What do you want from me?" Draco finally asked, looking and sounding exhausted beyond mortal comprehension.
"I want you to be able to gain wisdom from my experience. I don't do this often, as I feel it's best to experience life on your own, but there's nothing to learn from the path you're taking." He said. "There is power. There is the illusion of importance. But there is too much pain and suffering along the way."
Draco bit his lip so hard, Snape thought he was going to draw blood. "So, you think I'm just like you, then? You think that I'll learn a better way, see the light?"
"No, actually, I don't. You are different from me." Snape said. "Because I know that if I was standing there, when I was at this decision, I wouldn't've been wise enough to make the right choice."
Draco looked at him for a very long time, and Snape stood. Thoughts raced in his mind that he couldn't even begin to understand, he just felt so tired... If everything Snape had said was true, all those nights where he desperately tried to pound down the irrational hurt and the anger ... He'd been right all along?
"Good night, Professor." Draco said finally, and turned to leave. Snape waited for the door to close before slumping in his chair, tired.
"Lords, what a stubborn child." He breathed, rubbing his forehead, trying to relax himself uselessly.
"But what an excellent job you did, Servus." A deep voice said, and Snape didn't even bother to look up to meet Dumbledore gaze, as the old man had finally taken off his cloak.
"I suppose." Snape said to the old wizard.
"You two are more alike then I'd ever thought." Dumbledore said, folding the cloak over his arm slowly.
"But I am not going to ask him to do anything else." Snape said stiffly.
"Of course not." Dumbledore said, sounding a bit surprised. "We have more then enough disguised Death Eaters."
Snape nodded. "If you don't mind..."
He nodded. "Good night, and good job." Dumbledore said once again, before turning to leave Snape in peace with his thoughts.
a.n: *grins widely while holding out bag* now, give me reviews.
paths reflecting
No one had asked him why. It was a bit odd, but no one had bothered.
And now, sitting there, looking at his teacher, on the brink of breakdown, he couldn't find the words. Anyone who knew either didn't care one way or another with how he went through his life; or they were all for him joining the 'ultimate darkness.'
Why? What a preposterous question. It occurred him that he should be able to answer that question easily, but he the explanation was stuck in his throat. Died once they saw the look on their teacher.
He'd merely come to say his farewell's, and even though he hadn't expected banner's and fanfare, he wasn't prepared for the outright disapproval he'd received from his headmaster and potions teacher. He had no idea what had made him reach the desperate level he was at now.
Jumping at anything to explain the decision he'd made.
Draco had never explained himself before. If someone had asked him, he'd simply ignore them. Or, the reason why he did something was so obvious, they didn't need to ask.
But now ...
He found himself deeply angered and frustrated. Perhaps at himself. He should've had a reason! This was a major decision! He should know right away...
And with everything he said, his bloody headmaster would have the perfect question to counter it with, until he was actually ready to give up and cry.
"Don't you -get- it?!" He demanded, the tears threatening to fall. "There's nothing -in- me! There's nothing -in- you! It's all ... it's all how someone treats you! It's all how you get raised, it's what you're taught! There's no 'right' and there's no 'wrong!' It's all just ... power, life and pain! There's nothing else! You get taught that stealing is bad, you get spanked, they tell you that you're going to go to hell if you do it again, and then you die." Draco took a deep breath and looked out the window that showed him the full moon.
"I just ... I just don't bother." He continued quietly. "I'll die, I might as well do what I want with the time I have. If no one else wants to do the same because of some misguided sense of morals, then that is their -own- bloody fault. And I won't get more sore at them then anyone else if they do the same to me."
Snape watched this all silently, then took a deep breath. Draco waited for the barrage of 'No, there is -good- in you! There is light in every dark heart! And you just have to try hard to see it!'
Instead, "That is -exactly- what I used to think." He said, crossing his arms slowly, catching Draco's immediate attention. "I used to wonder how in the world people could classify what their neighbor's did, how they could say that what they did was wrong. What they did was immoral. How they could say that they were evil. I used to think that it was all chance that they happened to believe in a certain set of values that their parents taught them. That they could just as easily have been the one that was 'evil' and 'immoral.'"
Draco watched him carefully, wiping away a tear that had managed to escape his eyelashes, the only things keeping the rest back. "So, what changed your mind?"
Snape smirked, meeting his gaze steadily. "You."
Draco blinked on reflex, and some more spilled over. He wiped them away irritably. "Sorry?"
"I saw you, when you were a very small child." Snape said simply." I saw how Lucuis would hurt you. And you would just bounce back. You were yourself. However you classify it, you were a person that wasn't just waiting to be made. The rules they were trying to teach you, the person they were trying to mold you into was not working. Because you had something in you that told you it was 'wrong.'" Snape tried to see how this was getting taken, but the younger's face showed nothing. "And I realized then, that just because a child is -willing- to let themselves be taught, to never second guess, did not mean that they were soulless.
"You were not empty, another drone waiting to be trained. You had your own thoughts, you had your own code." Snape said. "And that's when I realized that we all choose, we all decided, deep inside what we think is wrong and right. And there can be such a thing; something that hurt's others. Something that causes needless pain. Something a lot people prefer to call evil."
Draco shook his head, staring at Snape with panic-filled eyes. "No, Professor. It doesn't ... it can't ... just because I was a little bratty as a child--"
"I know you didn't misunderstand me, so I'm not going to bother to explain it again." He interrupted. "But I will ask you something. If there is no right and there is no wrong, and you believe that to the bottom of your heart, what is making you cry?"
"Frustration." Draco bit.
"Surely it can't be born of pure frustration. What's that tugging deep within you?"
"I never said that emotions don't exist!" Draco burst. "I'm sad. Right now, I feel sad. I feel sad because of something, that doesn't make anything -right- or -wrong- and -why- won't you just leave me alone!?"
Snape continued calmly, trying as hard as he could not to sound patronizing or cruel. "Is it because you may have just realized that the things that have happened to you were -wrong.- That there is actually someone to blame? That it wasn't just chance and you have the right to be mad at them?"
Draco was silent for a very long time, his mouth working, but no sound. Five tears streamed down his cheeks and he didn't bother to wipe them. Finally, he exploded. "I -hate- you! You have no idea what you're saying! You have no ... no right! You're just ... just angry that I'm going to have the power that you never got! That you're stuck here, and I'll ... I'll go, move on and be remembered! And you're trying to stop me!"
"Draco?" Snape asked calmly.
"What?" He demanded.
"I have perfect 'right.' Let's see, according to my old set of morals, if what you do has to do with my life, I'm given automatic right to say and do whatever I want. Even if it does clash with the other's boundaries." He said, standing from his desk and moving over to the trembling boy. Perhaps it was a bit much to ask him to just rework his entire life system in one minute.
"Let me appeal to the more rational side of your being." Snape said. "There's an empire built, an empire that exists only for -one- person's wants. -One- persons greed, one person's faults and weaknesses. How long will that empire last? How long can a group of people stay under that one person's spell?"
"Generations." Draco said easily. "Just think about all that laws other groups have led. They're still in place, and they're long gone."
"The only reason they're still around is because other people have managed to make use of them." Snape said. "Voldemort's empire is just his way of having his life, as you thought. According to your logic, all he has to worry about is all that happens when he's alive on this plane. And then, only what makes him happy. How can you be satisfied working for somebody else's pleasure?"
"What do you want from me?" Draco finally asked, looking and sounding exhausted beyond mortal comprehension.
"I want you to be able to gain wisdom from my experience. I don't do this often, as I feel it's best to experience life on your own, but there's nothing to learn from the path you're taking." He said. "There is power. There is the illusion of importance. But there is too much pain and suffering along the way."
Draco bit his lip so hard, Snape thought he was going to draw blood. "So, you think I'm just like you, then? You think that I'll learn a better way, see the light?"
"No, actually, I don't. You are different from me." Snape said. "Because I know that if I was standing there, when I was at this decision, I wouldn't've been wise enough to make the right choice."
Draco looked at him for a very long time, and Snape stood. Thoughts raced in his mind that he couldn't even begin to understand, he just felt so tired... If everything Snape had said was true, all those nights where he desperately tried to pound down the irrational hurt and the anger ... He'd been right all along?
"Good night, Professor." Draco said finally, and turned to leave. Snape waited for the door to close before slumping in his chair, tired.
"Lords, what a stubborn child." He breathed, rubbing his forehead, trying to relax himself uselessly.
"But what an excellent job you did, Servus." A deep voice said, and Snape didn't even bother to look up to meet Dumbledore gaze, as the old man had finally taken off his cloak.
"I suppose." Snape said to the old wizard.
"You two are more alike then I'd ever thought." Dumbledore said, folding the cloak over his arm slowly.
"But I am not going to ask him to do anything else." Snape said stiffly.
"Of course not." Dumbledore said, sounding a bit surprised. "We have more then enough disguised Death Eaters."
Snape nodded. "If you don't mind..."
He nodded. "Good night, and good job." Dumbledore said once again, before turning to leave Snape in peace with his thoughts.
a.n: *grins widely while holding out bag* now, give me reviews.