Title: Driftwood Blue
Summary: This is a one-shot AU of Breaking Dawn. Ever wondered why Bella and Jacob seem inexplicably drawn to each other? Ever wonder what Bella's wedding night with Edward really would have been like? I love romance, but I think I love tragic tales just as much, maybe even more, the more tragic the better.
Disclaimer: The characters, setting and familiar situations belong to Stephanie Meyer. No copyright infringement intended. I'm not making any monetary profit from this.
Rating: NC-17
Warning: It's tragic, there are definite romantic tones but it's ultimately tragic I think, and some sensual content. "Be careful what you wish for…" !
Pairings: Edward/Bella and Bella/Jacob
Word Count: 5047 before I revised it.
A/N – This is my first challenge and hopefully won't be my last, no matter the outcome. I had the best time writing this. Enjoy.
~~Driftwood Blue~~
Standing on the shores of First Beach was peaceful. The lapping of the waves of the incoming tide, the sound of gulls fighting over a piece of fish, and the smell of salt in the coolish water that washed over my feet. Every sense alive: feeling, seeing and smelling everything around me.
Then, as if on-cue a small piece of driftwood came floating past me. It was about to be washed back into the surf with the rest of the retreating wave when it decided to rest against my foot. I picked it up turning it over, examining it. I was smiling lost in thought when a familiar voice broke the silence.
"You know you don't have to do this, Bella," Billy said, sniffing.
I smiled. "You of all people know I do."
As my resolve stiffened and dug ever deeper, memories of recent events shown before me as I looked at the sun. I remembered meeting Jacob right here at my first beach party, I remember watching the fire change colors as we talked. Some people don't believe in magic, but that was magical to me...So many good and bad memories on this beach. I forced myself to watch every second, every granule, every particle of time that led up to this moment right now. It helped to remember why I'm here.
The day of August 13 had arrived. I remember this very clearly because like all brides I was a nervous wreck. What if the food isn't good? What if I forget my vows? What if I trip and fall flat on my face? But it all went well. Alice had everything planned out and everything went off without any glitches. As requested, she made it as Bella-proof as possible. Everyone was there, except for one. But I knew he wouldn't come even if I asked.
It took all summer but I had finally come to terms with getting married and when the day of the wedding arrived I had no fear, no qualms about marrying Edward. If this is what it took to be with him forever, so be it. My newly discovered feelings for Jacob would have to be locked away in a little box, never to be opened again.
Edward and I went on our honeymoon and even though he promised we would try to consummate our marriage, he couldn't bring himself to do it. I was disappointed at first, but we found other ways of enjoying each other, at least until Edward felt sure of himself enough to be intimate without killing me. The days and weeks went by. By now we were at Dartmouth living off-campus getting our new life figured out. We were in wedded bliss.
One night in October, after weeks of working up to it, the time was here. Edward finally felt strong enough to resist his urges. He got me worked up doing everything to me, everything but the one thing. My entire body was hot and aching for as much of him as I could possibly have, and I wanted all of him. We kissed without constraint, and as I looked into his eyes we both knew it was time. We braced ourselves for the unknown.
He kissed me as he entered me. I felt a pinching and sensations I had never felt before or could have imagined. He got reassurance from me and continued on. There was definitely some pain but also a feeling of disbelief. Every nuance of every sensation with each thrust felt different from the one before. I felt the moment that my hymen was torn away and there was a fresh sense of warmth.
I was euphoric in this closeness with Edward. When it was over, it was everything I hoped it would be, but then I felt something different, something not right.
I was burning, inside. At first, I mistook it for something to do with the act itself. But this hurt...really hurt. In fact, I haven't felt pain like this since…James...bit me.
Edward felt me tense up as he heard my heart race, stop, and then flutter again. He was just as surprised as I was. He asked if I was all right, what was wrong, what could he do? But there wasn't anything to do. The pain was ripping through me now causing convulsions. It took my breath away, but between spasms I managed to spit out, "Bur...burning…going…everywhere!".
We both realized what was happening, but there was nothing that could be done. I felt it intensify in my belly and it became unbearable. It hurt too much to even scream, all I could do was grunt and cry. I could feel the coldest, hottest fire burning me from the inside, spreading down into my hips and into both legs, while at the same time inch up into my chest. But once the liquid death seeped into my heart everything went black.
The last thing my human ears heard was Edward calling my name. It sounded like he was in a tunnel getting further, further away. Then, his voice was gone.
After the transformation was complete, Carlisle broke the news to me. I already knew it, but I needed to hear him say it. I'm Vampyre. I was shocked, not at hearing this, but how I felt about it. I was mortified. In some way I felt violated, betrayed. This is not how it was supposed to happen. I wasn't ready to say goodbye to my family yet. I never got to say goodbye.
Feeling resentful, I looked in the mirror for the first time and saw my hideous eyes. I couldn't see my new sparkling beautiful skin or anything else, just the eyes and the want, the need, behind them. I was hungry and I knew for what. Thoughts of draining a creature for its blood revolted me. I was disgusted with myself.
Edward was inconsolable, so I asked Carlisle how this happened. He explained that vampires have an infinitesimal amount of venom that lies dormant during sex. It must have been my blood that catalyzed it. It attacked my bloodstream the same way a bite would. I was angry, but not at either of them. How could I be? As far as we knew this was unprecedented. Edward and I had been in uncharted territory since day 1. Nobody could have known this would happen. The damage was done.
Even if I could have hid it from my parents I just didn't see any point in pretending all was well. So it was decided that Edward and I would have to fake our deaths, and soon. Dad is very thorough but so are the Cullens. Money fixes many things.
It was finally here, this part of my life that I had been picturing in my head since I first offered myself to Edward, and yet I'd never been more miserable. I just had no idea how much this was going to hurt.
In spite of Edward's warnings, I went to my funeral. The Cullens did an expert job of looking as distraught as my parents. Carlisle insisted on closed caskets. The bodies in the caskets weren't ours, he provided for that too. Being a newborn they couldn't trust me, but I just had to see my parents one more time even from a distance. We stayed as far away from our families, and the pack, as possible. I felt more empty inside than ever.
We couldn't stay not even if we wanted to. The tribe, of course, knew what happened. Billy had been regretting this day since he found out about Edward and I. None of the wolves approached us, but Billy did. He recognized me even in our disguises. Edward warned him to stay away for his own protection. Billy was fine with that because he didn't want to get close to me, even he must have felt the change in me. He came to warn us. The pack agreed to allow for this one day, one day in which to say goodbye. After that…
I didn't see Jacob anywhere. I really hoped to see him once more. When I asked about him, the look on Billy's face was one of shock and outrage. I don't think he saw me as Bella anymore, all he saw was a monster. His look seemed to suggest confusion about how I dare be concerned with Jacob now. How could I explain it to him, when it doesn't even make sense to me?
He calmed himself down enough to say, "Jacob knew you'd be here. And knowing what you are he couldn't bring himself to see you like this, or face your parents' grief." He looked away from me suddenly trying to hold it together.
Of course Jacob stayed away, of course. This was the very thing he was so worried about all those months. My newly developed vampire mind was able to think of 20 million things by the time Billy spoke again. He expressed regret and his condolences for my parents' loss. I wanted to hug him. I made a motion to try, but Edward held me back. I was crying, inside, in my cold dead heart, but my perfect vampire eyes wouldn't release the tears.
Billy's expression told me he understood my pain and frustration. He nodded at me, suggesting he did. He had to get back to Charlie. "Take care of him, Billy, for me. Tell him I love him, tell mom too, please."
It was the only goodbye I would be allowed to give. Billy would come through. I wanted to cry, I wanted to feel tears leave my eyes. It doesn't seem right, not being able to cry.
(Flash forward eight months)
It was summer again and Edward and I were coming back to Forks. With luck, except for a few chosen members of the tribe no one would ever know we were there.
Charlie was sick.
Edward had warned me I couldn't see him because of the treaty and Charlie couldn't find out about us, but I insisted. I wouldn't go to him if I felt he was going to be okay, but if he was dying, not Edward or an entire pack of wolves could keep me away. I mean so what if Charlie does know what I am if he's dying? At least he wouldn't be alone and he would die knowing I'm still here (in some form) and would be with him till the end.
Flying our way to Forks gave me some time to think about what we had to do about the wolves. The treaty was Very specific; we couldn't come back to the area for ANY reason or risk being hunted down. It made little difference the way in which I was turned. Point is, they simply couldn't trust us. But I was going to say goodbye if it killed me, and it just might.
Our plane touched down in Seattle and we got to LaPush as fast as possible. We needed permission from the pack before going further. We pulled up to Jacob's home. But we only heard one heartbeat inside. It was Jacob. I realized then that Billy must be with dad at the hospital. He was in worse shape than I feared.
I didn't know what to expect, I didn't know how Jacob or I would react to each other. He walked outside to meet us and the look on his face suggested: hesitation, anger, hurt. Edward was watching both of us closely. He didn't want any altercations, but he would gladly tear Jacob apart if he tried to hurt me.
We got closer, and then something changed…in Edward. He stopped and looked down as if he just got some bad news. I immediately thought of Charlie and demanded to know what he must have heard Jacob think. But all he said was, "NO, it's impossible!"
Edward wouldn't budge.
"We're leaving!" he growled.
"No, we can't, not yet!" I screamed.
Dying to know what was going on I turned back to Jacob and was about to lay into him when I saw the most amazing thing ever. It wasn't sad news at all. Jacob was smiling, at me. He was smiling my smile again. Like always, I couldn't help myself. I was so happy to see him, ecstatic really at this reception that I ran toward him. This caught Edward by surprise and he reached for me a little too late. Jacob ran off the porch and within a moment we were hugging and laughing, he was picking me up, twirling me around.
His grip was the tightest grip he'd ever given me, yet it didn't hurt, didn't take my breath away although I had none to take. I hugged him even harder but let up when I heard him grunt. He was finally a little more breakable than me! How funny is that?
He finally put me down and I looked into his eyes which were filled with tears. "I've missed you!" he said. A wave of warmth flowed through me for the first time in forever. I immediately put my hand to his face to wipe away a fallen tear and his head leaned toward my touch. It was amazing, this feeling was just so amazing. I felt like I'd come home. He didn't hate me like I feared. He was hugging me like he hadn't seen me in years. My Jacob.
He looked like he didn't want to let go, like I would fall into an abyss if he did, and I couldn't stop hugging him too. He was so warm, I always loved how warm he was and feeling it against my ice-cold skin, I loved it even more. It's never been clearer to me than right now, being apart goes against all reason.
I realized we were being watched. I had completely forgotten about Edward.
Realizing myself again, I took Jacob's hand and we walked back to where Edward stood, still glaring at us. I realized how awkward this was but I had given up my family, my friends, my life - for Edward. He would just have to deal with my friendship with Jacob, it was the least he could do. But even so, I expected some kind of exchange between them and I was prepared to stop any fight that broke out. I braced myself.
Edward growled, "You unbelievable bastard! How could you do this?"
I was confused. Who was he talking to? Edward knows how Jacob feels about me, why was he so surprised?
"I couldn't help it Edward, you know that. You've been in the entire pack's heads, you know how this works." Jacob said finally.
"What? What is it?" I said.
"He imprinted on you, Bella," he said with disgust.
"What!" I looked at Jacob and he looked at me unphased.
"I'm just as surprised as you are," he said to me.
"I don't understand," I said. "How could he have imprinted on me? He's seen me thousands of times in two years and he's never imprinted before?"
"You were never a vampire before," Edward explained. "He must not have imprinted on you before because you were human then."
It didn't make sense, but nothing about this world, this world of monsters and magic, made sense. I couldn't have been more shocked and yet I understood now. Jacob and I have always had this undefinable connection. Even before Edward and I were a couple. And how else could Jacob stand to be this close to me, and even more astounding - be happy to see me like this? Likewise, I should want to rip his throat out, but I didn't feel any differently towards him, in fact I loved him even more. Even his smell didn't bother me like it should. It didn't matter. No explanation was good enough and none was needed. Did it really have to make sense? Love is love. I've known for a while that Jacob was always meant to be in my life in some way, and now he always will be. Always.
But the drama would have to wait. I came here for only one thing, Charlie.
Jacob filled me in on his condition on the way to the hospital. Dad's cholesterol has never been good. After the funeral he became even more of a recluse, going even more downhill in his health. His reason for trying died with me. When he had his first heart attack the doctors thought they caught it in time, but it was just the beginning. He had a stroke not long after, and also came down with pneumonia. It was just one thing too many.
Jacob felt sure he could sneak me into the room to see him. They were just keeping him comfortable now. The doctors didn't think he had much time left. Edward stayed in the waiting area while Jacob came into the room with me. Inside, I found Billy sitting with Charlie. Billy was deep in thought as he sat next to his best friend and fishing buddy of 30 years. Billy actually looked relieved to see me, only for his eyes to lower again. "It won't be long now," he said as he left the room.
I sat next to Charlie hearing his failing heart. Even his smell was different. Animals give off a similar smell...when they're dying. I made it just in time.
Jacob never left my side. I told dad I was here but he never woke up. A couple of hours after that he let out one last, long breath, and never drew in another. I sensed him leave his body as I kissed his hand, holding it to my cheek. The nurse eventually turned off the machines. Jacob stood behind me holding my shaking shoulders. I could hear him sniffing and smelled his tears. Oh, how I wished for my own tears.
Edward was waiting outside. Of course he knew everything. As I walked past he reached out to me but I jerked back. "Leave me alone!" I growled. I just couldn't face him.
I didn't want to think this, I could never ever say it, but I hated him. I hated that everything I ever loved was taken away from me. And I hated myself for being stupid enough to want this. Who in their right mind would want this?
I couldn't even conceive of going home with him. Every time I looked at him I would remember Charlie exhaling his last, all because of me. Living with my own guilt was hard enough, I couldn't live with Edward's too.
Jacob told the pack everything, including imprinting on me. Although still not fully trusting me the pack trusted him. They let me remain, but only in his charge at all times until they figured out what to do next.
While I stayed with Jacob in his house, Billy stayed at dad's to field all the calls, flowers, mail, etc. He broke the news to everyone, received visitors, everything. Everyone loved Chief Swan. I would have gladly taken on all of these things if I could. Billy was my angel.
Edward didn't dare try to talk to me or force me to leave with him. The day he left he was sitting in his car. I told him I needed time. He nodded and said, "I'm sorry, Bella. I'm sorry for everything," and drove away. The look in his eyes expressed more than his words ever could. I didn't know it then, but that was the last time I would ever see him.
Billy planned dad's funeral but let me make all the decisions. I was glad to be able to do this much at least. I was too distraught to go to the funeral, too emotional to try. I was sure I'd blow my cover. Jacob wanted to stay with me but I asked him to go. Charlie would have loved that.
For the next three weeks Jacob was very attentive, which isn't unusual for him, but even more so. He was worried about me. I wasn't talking much at all. I was hungry, but I wouldn't hunt.
I was laying in Jacob's bed for a change; I don't rest anymore but wandering around the house I just found myself there. I had thought everything to death. I couldn't think anymore when Jacob came in and asked, "Can I get you anything?"
"My humanity? You don't happen to have that lying around, do ya?" I smiled weakly.
He giggled, "No, silly. Besides I don't think you ever lost that. You're still the same ole Bella."
I flew off the bed, got in his face and said, "No, I'm Not! I'm A Monster, just like you said I would be!"
He reached for me, placed his hands on my shoulders and said, "You could never be a monster to me, Bella!" The hurt in his eyes was apparent. Cutting myself down cut him down too. He loved me so much, even now. Especially now.
Without thinking another thought, before I could think of something to stop me, I put my hands on his ribs and pulled him close, and kissed him. He returned the kiss wrapping his arms around me. I could taste him on my lips and tongue, when he hesitated. He pulled back to look at my face. I saw the look in his eyes change. We realized for the first time we didn't have to hold back anymore, or be careful. Just do what was natural.
Without another word, he pressed me to him devouring my lips, moving his kisses to my chin, down my neck, then back again. His fingers weaved through my hair pressing me to him, kissing me harder. The air around us had changed, all I could smell, all I could see, touch, taste was Jacob. My arms held him close to me squeezing his body to mine, wanting desperately to be closer. I could feel what was about to happen and I didn't care. We kissed for what seemed like an eternity, yet still nowhere near long enough. Within an instant we tore our clothes off and he was laying me down on his bed. He hovered over me, his eyes were roaming over my exposed skin, my breasts, my stomach, kissing me everywhere his eyes lusted on.
As he was looking at me, I was memorizing him; his shoulders, his arms flexed as he hovered above me. I ran my icy fingertips down his perfectly chiseled chest and slid them across his nipples. The intake of breath and the look of ecstasy on his face thrilled and excited me. He moved his powerful body between my legs, we simply couldn't wait.
I breathed hard in anticipation, a habit I thankfully never lost. Jacob made me feel human again for the first time in a long time, maybe ever. I wrapped my legs around his body drawing him into me.
He didn't need to be gentle with me anymore, but he was so gentle. Feeling him move within me excited me beyond belief. We moved slow at first to savor it, then fast, then slow again. I had wanted this for who knows how long, but never allowed myself to think it. This felt perfectly right. I was again in uncharted territory but it didn't seem to matter. We made love for what seemed like hours, nothing mattered more to me than this.
I was in the throws of it when I couldn't help myself, I couldn't stop it...I had my lips on his neck, kissing him, licking him. He was groaning and moving into me. I could feel his pulse quicken, I could hear his blood surging just a centimeter away. I was suddenly…hungry. I bit him. The smell and the taste overwhelmed me. I wanted more. He flinched from the pain, but he never resisted me. I'm stronger but he could have gotten away if he tried. He succumbed. He continued to ravage me while I fed on him. It seemed to excite him as it did me. He wanted me to feed more but I didn't take more than I needed, the wound healed up fast. He kissed me as we came together, even with his spilt blood remaining on my lips. Heaven couldn't possibly be sweeter than this.
Afterwards, I lay there naked next to him. I never wanted to move, I never wanted to leave. Jacob is immortal too. We'll never have to be apart again. He was sleeping now, snoring his little snore.
Some time later that night, his snoring grew quiet and his breathing became shallow. It was almost like he was strangling. I tried to wake him but he wouldn't wake up. His heart had slowed to a crawl. I began to panic. I didn't know what was happening. I did everything I knew to do but he was slipping away. Jacob was dying. Even the wound that healed earlier opened up again and was seeping blood and what looked like foam. We had only a few heartbeats' time left. His body had been trying so hard to fight off the venom but it was no use, it was just too much. I was screaming to him, but he couldn't fight anymore. He let out his last breath in the early morning hours, as I lay next to him kissing him. He was gone.
Kissing his eyes, I could taste the salt from the tears that had welled up. I just lay there again, curled up next to him, my whole body holding his. I didn't move all night or all day the next day. I was weeping, again, in my cold dead heart. For hours I screamed trying to make the tears come but they wouldn't. Not even now.
A few days pass and I came to First Beach. There are so many memories here. I found myself smiling as I pick up a little piece of driftwood. I was contemplating throwing it onto the beach, but I figured its just trying to get back to its home, find the rest of its family. Who am I to get in the way?
Paul was carrying Billy in his chair down to the beach. I didn't have to turn around to know who they were. I was expecting them. I wanted to face the sunlit water, to remember the warmth.
"You know you don't have to do this, Bella," Billy said, sniffing.
I smiled. "You of all people know I do."
I threw the driftwood back into the water to let it go where it must without any more interference from me.
I could hear the boys assembling the bonfire, it was going to be a big one.
I knew only too well how they must have been feeling, because I felt the same. I reached down into the water and lifted my wet hand to my face, lining my lids and letting it drip down my cheeks; smelling, kissing my fingers and tasting the salt. I was ready.
Without another word, without turning around, I held my arms out and closed my eyes. The pack tore me limb from limb. I didn't feel a thing. The sun was the last thing I saw.
That's all I know, that's all I can tell you. Billy will fill you in on the rest.
...To Whom It May Concern...
Bella wanted me to finish the story for her, the parts she would never know anyway.
She said she didn't know her venom could hurt the wolves…no one had ever told her that. I don't think anyone could have known that. As much as it kills me that my only son is gone, I am 100% sure these last few weeks with Bella made him happy, the happiest I've ever seen him. I don't hate her, although at the time I did. She told me what she was planning on doing and I didn't fight her on it. I didn't argue. I called the boys and we arranged to meet at First Beach at sunset.
As we arrived, the boys began gathering driftwood for a fire. She insisted it had to be driftwood. I didn't know why. Paul placed me on the beach beside her. We never looked at each other, just the water and the fading light. I took a glimpse though. The sun had peaked through the clouds and her sparkling, glittery skin shown through. She was absolutely beautiful. She was looking down at a piece of stray wood, and was smiling, and for a moment I saw the little girl that used to play with my kids on the beach. Bella really was in there.
This choked me up and tears began to form. Feeling for her and feeling bad for not trying harder to talk her out of it, I tried to reason with her, but her mind was set. There wasn't anything left to say.
I saw her reach down into the water and place some on her face, to simulate tears I could only imagine. Legend has it vampires don't cry. She kissed her fingers and this act made my own tears fall.
She stepped back out of my line of sight and readied herself. I couldn't watch. Hearing it was bad enough; the snapping, the horrible tearing and breaking. It'll stay with me forever. The fire was burning high into the sky now, parts of it turning a blue color from the salt, a driftwood blue. The boys placed what was left of her onto it and let it burn. I forced myself to watch this at least. It was done.
One year later, Sam and I went out on my fishing boat, not to fish...for a service. He unscrewed the jars for me, I sang a prayer for the dead for both of them, and poured both sets of ashes into the ocean, keeping only a small amount of both in a little pouch I keep around my neck.
Sam said tearfully, "It's such a waste, Billy. I'm so sorry."
"Don't be. They're together now. The only way they could be."
~~The End~~
A/N: This was my first entry in my first contest. I just recently found out that I placed second in the Fan-Voted category of the Summer's Most Tragic Hour Challenge! That's pretty cool! I've learned a lot from Bella, the do's and don'ts and I've tried to make her be someone I can at least somewhat relate to, faults and all. I don't fault Jacob or Edward for loving her, you can't help who you fall for. But mostly I've learned quite a bit from my fanfiction readers, not just from Driftwood Blue reviews but from my other story as well. I want to thank the ever vigilant readers out there (you know who you are) not just for voting but for their input and criticism both good and bad. Your advice has made a difference. I would like to thank the contest sponsors/judges for holding the contest but mostly I want to thank the readers for giving Driftwood Blue a chance. There are currently 170,000+ Twilight stories, and for anyone to spend time reading mine is humbling. I appreciate it more than you know! I hope you enjoyed this story and don't forget to comment on both this and my other story "Waning Moon". Cheers and Goodnight!
Visit my Facebook page and Like or just say hi ! ! www(dot)facebook(dot)com/pages/Joanne-Swift/148134398561300?v=wall&ref=sgm