NEARLY 100 WAYS TO ANNOY EDWRAD CULLEN!
Original List Made By: Mini Vampire Doll
Scenarios by: Me! Dracosnogger!
In these scenarios, they will be done by, of course, the Cullen's and a new one called...let's call her…Pony...sorry, I'm watching "The Outsiders" while writing these! Don't you just love both the movie and the book, the Outsiders I mean...I do!
"Prance around the house singing Madonna's 'Like a Virgin' at the top your lungs every loud when Bella is around to hear it."
Pony: Like a virgin Touched for the very first time Like a virgin When your heart beats Next to mine
Bella: Edward…who IS that? And why is she singing "Like a Virgin" so loudly?
Edward: *Glares at Pony like he's about to kill her* I don't know…but I guess we won't either…" oooh, I guess Pony has started to get on his bad side…
Running it by Charlie that Edward has been 'sleeping' with Bella for the past 2 years, at the wedding reception.
Pony: Hey Charlie! You must be real happy about Bella getting married to Edward, of all people, right?
Charlie: Yeah…I guess so, he is a nice boy…old fashion, as Bells likes to say.
Pony: Old fashion? You mean, like no big physical contact before marriage?
Charlie: Yeah, that sounds like what she described…why?
Pony: Well, has it occurred to you that, when you're asleep, Edward climbs through the window, and…sleeps with her? And, it's been going on for about…oh I don't know, about two years now?
Charlie: *eyes bugging out and glaring at Edward as he dances with bella*
3. Smear your blood all over his new car freshener. Blame it on Jacob.
Edward is walking with Bella towards his car in the morning before school, as he walks up, he starts to tense up and his eyes become as black as the night sky, by the car…you see, who else? Pony…gee, I wonder what happened?
Bella: What's wrong Edward? Did Alice have a vision…no, are you thirsty? Wha—oh, holy crap.
Edward: PONY! WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY CAR?
Pony: I DIDN'T DO IT! HONESTLY! I DIDN'T! IT WAS…IT WAS ALL JACOB'S FAULT! YEAH, JACOB DID IT! HE DID IT BECAUSE HE'S STILL MAD ABOUT BELLA CHOOSING YOU AND NOT HIM!
Edward still doesn't believe her, so she starts to run…eventually Jasper and Emmett help her all the way to school because they thought it was a cool prank…but not Edward….
4. Program his locker to—whenever he opens it to sing (LOUDLY) YOU AND ME BABY WE AIN'T NOTHING BUT MAMMALS, SO LETS DO IT LIKE WE DO ON THE DISCOVERY CHANNEL! HERE WE GO NOW! YOU AND ME BABY WE AIN'T NOTHING BUT MAMMALS SO LETS DO IT LIKE WE DO ON THE DISCOVERY CHANNEL! GET bobba NOW! And repeat. Over and over and over.
As Edward and Bella approach his locker, he leans down to kiss Bella, and open his locker at the same time, he's barely gotten towards her face when his locker starts blasting YOU AND ME BABY WE AIN'T NOTHING BUT MAMMALS, SO LETS DO IT LIKE WE DO ON THE DISCOVERY CHANNEL! HERE WE GO NOW! YOU AND ME BABY WE AIN'T NOTHING BUT MAMMALS SO LETS DO IT LIKE WE DO ON THE DISCOVERY CHANNEL! GET bobba NOW! Continually, while everyone stops and stares, Pony starts to laugh, then so does everyone else!
Edward: PONY!
5. Ask him where babies come from. Tell him he's stupid when he won't answer your question. And… 55. Refer to him as "Eddie". (this one will be a combo, I might do 55 again if you all want me to!)
Pony: HEY EDDIE! HEY, HEY, HEY EDDIE! I HAVE A QUESTION FOR YOU! WILL YOU PLEASE ANSWER IT FOR ME?
Edward: WHAT IS IT? DO YOU WANT TO KNOW HOW MUCH IT HURTST TO BECOME A VAMPIRE, BECAUSE I CAN SHOW YOU THE ANSWER IF YOU WANT!
Pony: No, I just wanted to ask you that big question…you know the one that EVERYONE wants to ask?
Edward: Oh dear Lord, no Pony, I will not marry you! I love Bella!
Pony: Ewww, no! Why would I want to marry you? I wanted to ask you…where do babies come from? Because, I never really learned that part of health class…will you please, pretty please, pretty please with a cherry on top, tell me?
Edward: *left eye starts to twitch as he thinks about how to explain it* another few minutes go by, and still, Edward does not answer Pony's question
Pony: You don't know? Dude, I thought you were supposed to be perfect? You're stupid. I'll go ask Rosalie. Maybe SHE'LL tell me!
6. For his birthday give him a $100 McDonalds gift card, and get offended when he tells you he doesn't eat food. \
Pony: Here Edward! Happy birthday! I hope you like it!
Edward: Gee, thanks Pony, I didn't think you'd get me a gi—what did you do to it?
Pony:* Puts on her most innocent look* Why, nothing, I didn't do ANYTHING to it!
Edward: *Eyes Pony suspiciously* Okay…oh Pony, I appreciate this, but, I don't eat human food, you know that.
Pony: *Looks very hurt and is about to cry* BUT, EDWARD! YOU DON'T KNOW HOW MUCH TROUBLE I WENT TO, TO GET YOU THIS GIFT! IT TOOK ALL OF MY ALLOWANCE! HOW COULD YOU HATE IT SO MUCH!
Edward: What? NO, I don't hate it, I just—
Pony: YOU DO HATE IT, AND YOU MUST HATE ME TOO! *runs away crying*
7. Ask him why he likes watching Bella sleep. Call him a pervert.
Pony: Edward, why do you like to watch Bella sleep? That's kind of weird…
Edward; I don't WATCH her sleep, I—
Pony: YOU WATCH HER SLEEP? YOU PERVERT! GET AWAY FROM ME!
8. Replace his ringtone with 'Outta my head' by Ashlee Simpson. Make sure he can't change it.
Bella is trying to call Edward, but he won't pick up, so she goes over to his house, and asks why he won't pick up, and he says this:
Edward: Pony, I mean SOMEONE changed my Ringtone to "Outta my head" by Ashlee Simpson and now I can't change it…now I don't even want to LOOK at my phone.
Bella: What? That's so stupid, why would PONY change it? She's such a sweet girl!
Pony: *Outside of Edward's room and laughs evilly*
9. Color on all his Bella pictures with permanent to replace them
Pony: *Whistling while coloring on the many pictures of Bella in Edward's room with a red and blue sharpie drawing mustaches, beards and other stupid things on her face*
Edward: *Walks into his room to find Pony doing what is described above* PONY!
Pony: Hey there Eddie! Look! I gave Bella a makeover!
10. Ask him to be a vampire with you for Halloween.
Pony: PLEASE EDWARD! PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PRETTY PLEASE WITH A CHERRY ON TOP, OR…PRETTY PLEASE WITH BLOOD ON TOP!
Edward: NO, Pony! I've already told you 510 times this week, and yes I HAVE been counting, and I mean it! NO, I WILL NOT BE A VAMPIRE WITH YOU FOR HALLOWEEN!
*Later on Halloween night, Pony and Edward come up to the Newton's house, and Mike opens the door*
Pony: *enthusiastically* Trick or Treat! Smell my feet! Give me something good to eat! TAKE IT AWAY EDWRD CULLEN!
Edward: *He hid his face in white makeup with Rosalie's red lipstick as blood on the sides of his mouth, and now wants to kill Pony for dressing him up like this and yelling his name out in the neighborhood, and also kill Mike Newton because he's laughing, then says very unenthusiastically* If you don't, I don't care, I'll just eat you—Ow! I mean, I'll pull down your underwear!
Mike: Oh god! This is SO making the front page Monday!
MORE TO COME IF I GET GOOD REVIEWS ON THIS!
So? How'd you guys like it? Was it good, funny, hilarious, or just plain stupid, because this is only 1-10, I'll only do the rest if you, the readers and reviewers think it's funny, so please review! If you do, you can have a hug from ANYONE YOU WANT THAT IS IN THIS WORLD! :)