I'm a little nervous about posting this fic, because it's actually T for a reason, which doesn't happen often for me - usually it's just "rated T for paranoia". But anyway, I had this idea and it would not let go of me, so I just had to write it.

This was definitely a bad idea.

Feliciano was on his third beer by now, and Ludwig was regretting ever having listened to Gilbert. Hey, West! You have to come drinking with me sometime - oh, and bring Feliciano too, why not? Why had he ever thought that listening to his deranged brother was a good idea?

"Hey. Hey." Feliciano was poking him in the knee. "Hey Ludwig."

Ludwig sighed and tried to ignore Gilbert's loud, out-of-tune singing from the other side of the bar. "What is it?"

"If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together." Feliciano burst out laughing and took another gulp of beer.

It took Ludwig a moment to process what had just happened, and then his first thought was, Great, he's drunk already.

"Hey Ludwig." Another poke.

"What?"

"Are you tired? Because you've been running through my mind all night long!"

Ludwig sighed and rested his forehead against the bar. Across the room, Gilbert was still singing at the top of his lungs.

"DISCO POGO, DINGALINGALING, DINALINGALING -"

"Hey Ludwig!"

" - ALLE ATZEN SINGEN!"

"WHAT?"

"Do you come from Tennessee, cause you're the only ten I see!"

Ludwig groaned. Right, that settled it. He was not drinking another drop this entire evening. Someone needed to keep an eye on Feliciano, and Gilbert would definitely not be helping.

"Hey. Hey, Ludwig, hey." Feliciano didn't even wait for acknowledgement this time. "Are you lost? Because heaven is a long way from here." Again the laughter.

Well, it was going to be a long night.

.

.

About half an hour later, Feliciano was arguing with Gilbert about something or other, and Ludwig was looking for an escape route, when Feliciano glanced over.

"Hey, Ludwig." He inched closer. "I must be a snowflake, because I've fallen for you."

Ludwig couldn't even bring himself to sigh this time - but there was something different. The other times, Feliciano had been grinning widely, and laughed at the end of each line as though it were all a big joke. This time, there was a sort of gleam in his eye, and the angle of his smile and the tilt of his head - as well as a slight slurring of his speech - told Ludwig very clearly that he wasn't joking this time.

Well, crap.

"Feliciano, you're drunk." It was the only thing he could think to say.

"Oh, I'm not drunk." The chair legs scraped against the ground as Feliciano moved closer. "I'm just... intoxicated by you." The last three words were carried on a whispered breath, and this combined with the way Feliciano looked up from beneath his eyelids as he said this made Ludwig's stomach turn into knots.

"Feliciano, we should really be going home now -"

"Why?" Feliciano grinned and scooted even closer, practically sitting in Ludwig's lap. "I think we're fine the way we are." And somehow, his hand found its way onto Ludwig's thigh.

Ludwig, frozen with horror, came to a decision. This was not Feliciano. This was not the sweet, innocent Feli he knew so well. The alcohol had replaced him with someone completely different.

And God help him, the sensation of Feliciano so close, so unbearably close, was making him slowly lose the ability to think.

"Unless you'd rather go somewhere more private..." That was definitely a purr in his voice.

"No." The word came out with more force than Ludwig had intended. Feliciano pulled back slightly - but only slightly.

"Mmm, no need to be so negative." He ran a finger down the side of Ludwig's neck, sending a thousand volts into his brain, then leaned forward and whispered into his ear, blowing warm breath against his skin. "You do realize you're extremely attractive. I'd take you in a heartbeat, you know. I'd have your babies any day."

Ludwig tried to move, to run away, to somehow escape the warmth that was spreading through his face, and he realized that Feliciano was straddling him, pressed against him, pinning him in place and he couldn't think, couldn't say anything.

"What do you think?" Still that whisper, so silky and seductive and it wasn't Feliciano, it wasn't him at all. "Do you think I'm attractive? Do you like me?"

Yes, Ludwig wanted to say. I do, actually, more than you realize, but it's when you're laughing and smiling and have flowers in your hair, not like this - he wanted to say that, but his voice had been effectively taken away from him.

"YEAH WEST, GET SOME!"

Both Ludwig and Feliciano jerked back slightly. Gilbert was standing right next to them, flanked by Francis and Antonio and holding yet another beer. He grinned. "Oh, don't mind me, just pretend I'm not here."

Feliciano frowned absently at Francis and Antonio, swaying slightly. "When did you two get here?"

"Gilbert texted us," replied Francis. "He told us about the pickup lines and how you two might actually be getting somewhere. We arrive here and what is it we find?" He grinned. "Much more than just pickup lines, I can tell you."

Antonio grinned. "You are so cute together! Wait until I tell Lovi -"

"I wouldn't do that," warned Francis. "Well, at least make sure you're not in the blast radius when he explodes, and that you're well out of his throwing range."

Antonio shrugged. "I've gotten rather good at dodging, being near him all the time."

Gilbert nodded. "Good thing, too." He returned his gaze to Ludwig. "You'll maybe want to put extra locks on your doors once Lovino finds out about you and his brother. I mean to say, he does have the mafia..."

"Look, I didn't ask for this." Ludwig struggled futilely to get out from under Feliciano, who had lost interest in the conversation and decided instead to focus on Gilbert's fluffy yellow chick. "He's drunk and I can't -"

"Drunk? Even better!" Francis pulled up a stool and sat down. "So many interesting things happen under the influence of alcohol. The inhibitions disappear. People let out secrets they've guarded deeply in their hearts. Love blossoms in the strangest of places. I can't wait to see how this turns out!"

Gilbert exhaled noisily. "Can you two just screw already?"

"WHAT?"

"My ears..." Feliciano whimpered.

"What did you just say?" Ludwig tried again to stand up, without success. "I cannot BELIEVE you just implied that about us. We're just friends, and -"

"Just friends?" Gilbert raised his eyebrows. "Let's see: you sleep in the same bed, you blush like a little girl whenever you mention him, he practically lives at your house, he's always hugging and kissing you..."

"Cultural differences," hissed Ludwig.

Gilbert grinned widely. "Sure, sure, you keep telling yourself that." He appeared to think for a moment. "Wait, actually, don't; it'll keep you oblivious for longer."

"We'll just leave you alone now, okay?" Antonio supplied. "Call us when you've gotten to first base."

They disappeared into the crowd.

Feliciano blinked, shook his head slightly, then turned back to face Ludwig. Immediately, the slow, devious, seductive smirk appeared on his face once more, and he moved in so that their lips were almost touching.

"Now... where were we?"

Oh God, thought Ludwig, here we go again.

.

...

.

As soon as Ludwig woke up, the memories of the previous night hit him like a tidal wave of disjointed fragments.

Feliciano... he was drunk and he started trying to... oh God.

Ludwig turned his head. Feliciano was right there next to him, snoring away peacefully. This was fairly normal, but in light of what happened last night, it sent Ludwig's brain into panicked overdrive.

We didn't... did we? There's no way - oh God oh God this is a major catastrophe...

Then he looked down and realized he was fully clothed. Well, that was a relief.

As the panic faded, he realized he was overreacting. He could remember last night more and more clearly, and no, they hadn't done anything of the sort.

But all the same.

Ludwig tore off the covers, ran out of the room, and rushed downstairs. Gilbert, Francis and Antonio were sprawled on the couch, and Ludwig stopped dead. Great, something else to deal with.

Striding over to the couch, he grabbed Gilbert by the collar and shook him. "Gilbert! Wake up!"

Gilbert's eyes opened somewhat. "Ow. Hey, no need to shout. I have a hangover, you know."

"Tell me," Ludwig hissed in his face, "why you ever thought it would be a good idea to bring Feliciano drinking with us."

Gilbert's eyes widened. "Are you kidding me? You should completely do that again! Only this time," he added, "don't just sit there gaping like a fish, do something."

"Do something?" Ludwig couldn't believe his brother was saying this. "Like what?"

There was a slapping sound and Ludwig turned to see that Francis had just executed a perfect example of a facepalm. "You are so oblivious." He lowered his hand. "It's not so much do something as do him."

Ludwig clenched his teeth. "I already told you idiots, NO WAY. You've got it all wrong -"

Gilbert shook his head. "No, you've got it all wrong. Seriously, you had the perfect opportunity and you didn't take it! Little Feli, in your lap, practically begging you to -"

"SHUT UP!" Ludwig had had enough, and the words began pouring out of his mouth on their own. "Okay. Say maybe you're right. Say maybe I'm interested I being more than friends -" what in the world was he saying? and now a triumphant grin was spreading over Gilbert's face "- although it's such a muddle that I have no idea really. Even if that were true - just - that wasn't him last night, all right? The real Feliciano is sweet and innocent and that's what I love about him -" He immediately regretted his use of that word. He'd meant it entirely - well, mostly - in the platonic sense, but Gilbert and Francis's eyes lit up at the word. "And if I ever wanted to get to that level with him -" what was he saying? What was he saying? "- I wouldn't want it to be like that, with him not even knowing what he was doing... I'd want it to be... real." His voice broke from the strain of carrying so many outrageous statements, and he really really wanted to take it all back, to say he hadn't meant it, except... in a way, he had.

Francis grinned even wider. "Well! Ludwig, I'd never have guessed you were such a romantic. It's rather adorable, really. Feliciano is lucky to have you."

"Well, I wouldn't go that far -" Gilbert began. "I mean, he's oblivious and awkward and clinically incapable of fun, but if Feliciano is into that sort of thing -"

"Shut up," hissed Ludwig again. "Look, I - I didn't mean that, okay? I don't know why I -"

"Oh, come on," Gilbert overrode him, looking bored. "You're a rotten liar, West. Admit it, you just basically confessed that your undying love for Feliciano is pure and true and transcends anything immediately sexual -"

"Ve - what happened last night?"

Ludwig turned around slowly to see Feliciano, wearing an oversized button-down shirt and too-short shorts, rubbing his eyes sleepily and blinking up at him - innocent, adorable, angelic and with no trace of the seductive flirt he'd been last night. Ludwig couldn't stop staring - after seeing him like that, it was something of a shock to have him back to normal.

"I have the worst headache... I think I might be about to die, and I can't remember anything... Is this what a hangover feels like?"

Gilbert flashed his ever-present grin and swept an arm around Feliciano's shoulders. "Welcome to our world, kid."

"And why won't Ludwig stop staring at me?"

Ludwig snapped out of his trance, feeling his face burn.

"Well..." The grin on Francis's face was not a good sign. "It's probably because of what happened last night."

Feliciano winced and put a hand to his forehead. "So what did happen?"

"You got drunk and started flirting with West," Gilbert informed him before Ludwig could say anything. "Really sexy flirting, too..."

"Hmm? That's funny, we're just friends... Owwwww." Feliciano rubbed his temples. "My head really, really hurts."

Just friends. That hurt Ludwig a little inside. Then his brain frantically started looking for reasons why it hurt, and found only one, the possibility of which he refused to consider.

"Just friends?" Francis had the same thought, and raised his eyebrows. "That's funny, seeing as Ludwig just confessed his undying love for you..."

But whatever interest Feliciano had ever had in the conversation had gone. "Great," he murmured absently. "Does anyone have Advil?"

"Feliciano -" Ludwig decided he couldn't let it go, even of Feliciano appeared not to have noticed Francis' remark. "I never said anything like that, okay?"

Feliciano blinked blearily. "Said what?" He turned to go back up the stairs. "I'm going to go sleep... And find some aspirin..."

He disappeared from the room, and Ludwig felt an inexplicable sensation of frustration and defeat.

Gilbert sighed and rolled his eyes. "I swear, you are the most oblivious idiot I have ever encountered."

And at that moment Antonio, still sprawled on the couch, awoke with a snort. "Tomatoes?"

Both my friends, when proofreading this, said that normally this would turn into a lemon. Ah well. Number one, I don't write that stuff; number two, I share Ludwig's opinion that it doesn't mean anything if one of them is drunk.

Anyway. I'm super proud of this, so PLEASE REVIEW, don't just fave and run! I get an average of about five faves and alerts a day, but five reviews a month. So please, review!