Ten Things I Hate About You
Disclaimer: Don't own Ten Things I Hate About You or Harry Potter.
A/N: Totally obsessed with the movie, and thought I could manipulate it somehow into the story of James and Lily. OTP always. Anyway, there have been some major changes and some minor from canon to make this story. Here they are:
-James and Lily aren't headboy and girl.
-Amos Diggory is in their year.
Is that really it? Jesus, I thought there was more. I'll give a holler if I find more. Enjoy!
"GRYFFINDOR!" The sorting hat shouted as soon as Frank Longbottom, newly transferred seventh year, had the well worn cloth placed on his head. He was met with loud cheers and wolf whistles from those who greeted him at his house table and he smiled sheepishly at them. Frank had never been one for making friends, and he didn't stay long enough in one place to do it anyway. The Longbottoms came from a long line of Aurors, and this Lord Voldemort being the biggest piece of action the wizarding world had seen since Grindewald, his parents were constantly moving to wherever needed them most at the time. For now, it was Mother England, and Frank would be attending Hogwarts for his final year.
Albus Dumbledore stood up, laughing at something completely irrelevant, and spoke over the crowd of humming voices, post-sorted. "Students, students! Welcome back for another magical year! As ecstatic as I'm sure you all are to be back at school, my duty as Headmaster requires me to reiterate a few of the rules that a certain some of you may have forgotten over summer," he said wisely, his eyes inexplicably dancing over to the Gryffindor table before looking away just as quickly.
"The Forbidden Forrest is, of course, forbidden unless you have quite unfortunately acquired a detention. Dungbombs, fizzing whizbees, horned boomerangs, and a whole other assortment of banned items are listed in Mr. Filch's office if you are unsure of the legality of the object in your possession. Congratulations again, students. Catnip, blowfish, fichus!"
The food appeared spontaneously in front of Frank and his eyes grew to the size of the full turkey laid out in front of him. He was so shocked that he nearly forgot to contemplate the oddments of his new Headmaster, Professor Dumbledore, who he had heard rumors of but had never actually seen. Someone next to him laughed at the expression on Frank's face, and stuck out his hand in greeting when Frank turned to get a good look,
"Remus Lupin," the boy next to him introduced. Frank was slightly taken aback by the horrible scars that marred his faced and disrupted the serenity of his clear blue eyes. Remus seemed to notice and blushed, letting his bangs drop over his forehead and blocking the worst of his scars from view. "You're Frank Longbottom, right? You'll be in my dorm. I suppose I can show you around Hogwarts if you like."
Frank snapped out of his dazed stupor and shook Remus's still outstretched hand. "Oh, thank Merlin, a normal guy," Frank sighed in relief to cover up his previous rudeness, "Usually I only attract the geeky kids who want to go to the library all day."
Remus's eye twitched. "Yeah, I hate the library. I avoid it like the plague," Remus laughed nervously, picking at some pudding in front of him. A pudgy boy on the other side of Frank's new friend butted into their conversation.
"No, you like the library, Moony. Didn't you say on the train here that you were going to spend every day-" the pudgy boy started, nibbling on a block of cheese before Remus elbowed him in the ribs, breaking off his sentence and making him wheeze.
"Not now, Peter," Remus hissed through his teeth, turning back to Frank with a too large smile. Frank looked curiously from the pudgy boy to Remus until Remus sighed and introduced, "Frank, this is Peter Pettigrew. Wormtail, this is Frank Longbottom."
Moony? Wormtail? What kind of names are those? Frank thought to himself.
Out loud, Frank said, "Hullo, Peter." Peter just nodded and turned back to his food.
Frank looked across the table to find a scary looking girl with darkly lined eyes glaring back at him. He gulped and looked down out of fright. Remus leaned over and whispered, "Hestia Jones. Don't mess with her. She believes she was sorted into the wrong house and tries to get house points deducted all the time. She usually hangs out with the Ravenclaw Goths. Don't talk to them either; the Slytherins aren't the only ones known to dabble in dark curses."
Frank nodded as he absorbed the information, and pointed to a handsome laughing boy surrounded by other pretty people at the table over from the Gryffindors, all wearing black and yellow robes. "Who are they, then?" Frank asked, but Remus knocked his finger down.
"Don't point at Amos Diggory. Bad things happen. He's a bit of a jerk-off really, but all the dumb girls flock to him because he's got his ugly mug in Witch Weekly all the time. General rule, don't engage," Remus warned, taking a bite of his turkey leg a little too viciously.
"Is that really a general rule or is that your rule?" Frank asked, laughing at Remus's raised eyebrows and bitter tone.
"Well, I mean, you could try it. Here, I'll do it right now. Oi, Diggory! Hey, it's me, Remus Lupin," Remus called out, waving his arms and looking like a general fool. Diggory stopped laughing immediately and looked towards the both of them in disgust.
"Don't talk to me, loser," Diggory mouthed back, smiling arrogantly at his friends who got up when the food began disappearing. Remus nodded and glanced at Frank all-knowingly.
"See? Told you so."
They got up from their own table and fell into the swarm of magical teenagers gathering at the doors to the Great Hall. Remus continued to point out people to Frank.
"Oh, those are the future Death Eaters. Scary blokes. Don't look Bellatrix Black in the eyes, mate! Do you have a death wish or something?
"That group of Hufflepuffs over there are obsessed with all things muggle. You missed it, but a few years ago, Arthur Weasley- great guy, a little unstable in the head, though- started a Muggle Awareness Club! I've only heard about it, of course, it disbanded a few years before I got here.
"Marauders. I'm in with them. James Potter and Sirius Black mostly just boss me and Peter Pettigrew around. I let 'em because they're my best friends, so what other choice do I have. They're loyal to the end, we all are, and you'll fit in with us just fine. Pull a few pranks, hex a few Slytherins, all in good fun. However, you should try to stay out of James's way. Don't get on his bad side," Remus said proudly, and it was obvious to Frank that these boys were tight knit as it were. He would have a hell of a time trying to fit in.
All of the sudden, Frank caught sight of the most beautiful girl he had ever laid eyes on. As he watched, she tucked a bit of her short brown hair behind her ear and laughed lightly at something a pretty blonde girl next to her had said. Frank pointed to the girl a few staircases below him and asked Remus, "Who is that beautiful creature? I burn, I pine, I perish."
Remus grabbed Frank's shoulders, seeing as his state of shock almost caused him to topple over the railing as the staircase moved. He peered over to see the girl that Frank was so fixated and quickly pulled back, snorting in disbelief. Without a word, he pushed Frank up the stairs to the Common Room.
"Alice Prewett? Not a chance, my friend, not a chance. She may be a beautiful creature, but her friends are psycho. One in particular, really, but take Marlene McKinnon for example. Pretty girl, right? Nice laugh? Yeah, well she's not laughing when she beats a bludger at your head. Not a pretty sight. Alice's friends are super protective of her, and she lost her mum when she was really young. Her dad is crazy about her dating, even though she doesn't live with him. It's weird. Don't want to get involved with that. She's pretty hot, that's true. Not very deep, pretty conceited, but decently attractive."
Frank sighed and rubbed his hand across his forehead exasperatedly. "So, basically, what you're telling me is that I don't have a chance with the one normal girl in school because she doesn't date and all the others are off their rockers?"
Remus thought it over, sticking his tongue out of his mouth as he stopped in front of a portrait of a fat lady in a pink dress. "Yeah, pretty much," Remus agreed as Frank groaned. "Unicorn tails," he told the painting, and the portrait swung out, revealing a tunnel that they crawled through in order to enter the Gryffindor Common Room.
"Well, I think otherwise. I know I can get Alice to date me. You wait and see, Remus," Frank declared with a goofy grin. Remus shrugged his shoulders as if to say 'Your funeral mate', and they began crossing the room to the dormitory stairs. That is until Frank felt a sharp pain in his forehead as someone collided with him. They both fell to the floor, reeling in pain.
"Remove head from ass, then walk, moron. Your eyes are strategically placed so that you can see where you go, not ogle girl's breasts. Men," the girl grunted, heaving herself off the ground and rubbing a blooming red spot on her head as she stormed out of the room, her brilliantly red hair flying out like a cape behind her. Admittedly, her shirt was rather low cut, and Frank's eyes were a little bit concussive, and they might have wandered over to the girl's chest on accident, but that was no reason to be so rude!
Remus sighed sympathetically at him, holding a hand out to Frank to help him off the floor. He said, "Tough round of luck, Frank. You've just had your first encounter with Lily Evans, heinous bitch and Alice Prewett's best friend. Yes, she's always like that."
Frank groaned in dismay and rubbed the goose egg forming on his head with the heel of his hand. "You're kidding," Frank said in denial, "That devil is my angel's best mate? What? Why?"
Remus laughed as he helped the possibly concussed poor fellow up the stairs to their dormitory. Frank winced with every step.
"They've been best friends for years. It used to be Snape, one of the Death Eaters, Alice, and Lily, but now it's just Lily and Alice. Don't know if I've mentioned this either, but Alice can't date anyone until Lily does. It's some stupid rule that Alice's dad came up with once she and Lily started to hang out more and Mr. Prewett saw Lily for the freaky little prude she was. He's a bit protective of Alice, have I mentioned? This is our dorm," Remus added, pushing open the door and allowing Frank to enter first. Frank moaned and threw himself down on the empty bed, ignoring the three other boys in the dorm who stared curiously at him.
Remus cleared his throat and introduced 'The Marauders'. "Everyone, this is Frank. Frank, the one on the left of you is Sirius Black. The bespectacled git smoking the cigarette is James Potter, and you've already met Peter," he announced grandly.
"What's wrong with him?" A sharp, barking voice of Sirius Black asked quizzically. "Oi, Prongs, pass me the cig."
"He's met Lily Evans, hasn't he? Poor bloke ran into her headfirst. She just about tore his head off before he even got a word in edgewise," Remus explained sadly. The other boys nodded in understanding. "On another dark note, he seems to have taken a liking to Alice Prewett.
Frank sat up to gauge the Marauders' reactions. Sirius and Peter seemed to know where he was coming from, but James looked utterly disinterested, gazing at his wand as tiny red sparks flew out of it periodically.
"Sorry to hear that, Frank," Sirius apologized, taking a drag of the fag and handing it back to James.
"You know what I heard, though?" Peter bounced excitedly on his bed. "She's looking for a tutor in Potions!"
Frank grinned broadly and bounced off of his four poster, his wand pointed at the ceiling and emitting gold sparks of excitement. "Perfect!" he celebrated, shaking Peter's hand roughly and causing the poor boy to jerk around like a rag doll.
"You're skilled in Potions, then, Frank?" Remus asked amusedly, sitting down on his own designated four poster.
Frank shook his head but didn't lose any enthusiasm before declaring, "No, but I can learn to be excellent!"
He was met with a roar of laughter, even from James Potter.