I Would Do Anything For You

by Soot

A missing piece of the account given by Frankenstein. Slashy.

Title: I would do anything for you.

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters unless they are my own (which is not likely since I have a limited imagination).

Summery: a missing piece of Walton's account to his sister.

Warning: Slash. You have been warned.

Chapter 1:

Alone. Deprived. Hollow. Inferior. Distressed. Passionless.

I was cursed and betrayed by no more than my own doing. My own knowledge entwined with my imagination and passion for fame and glory had reduced me to nothing more than a mortal man coming to terms with death which marched ever closer to my person. I sat in agony, contemplating what effects my actions would inflict next. I had sacrificed peace, justice and innocence to settle a young inexperienced mind fuelled by curiosity and glory. My father was a good man, concerned with the importances of family and my upbringing to be of the best. But alas, the thing he shielded me from with passion of that only a father could experience, was the very thing that could have saved me from decent down the road to ruin, that could have stopped me from participating in such an ungodly profession. I could have implemented my father, pointed the finger and blamed him for my misfortune, but alas again that would not have helped the dire situation that I now faced, for my dear friend Henry Clerval was indeed the next target for the brute that was my creation.

Henry, my own dear Henry! I feared for the man that was my friend. Never before had I known a man of such fragile, sensitive, yet strong of will nature, a man that could read your very mind, who put my own well being above his own. A man who nurtured and cared for me in my darkest moments, through the delirium and the relapses of my illness that I travelled through I did not travel alone. Henry was my guiding light, my friend, and I digress, my lover. Many a night he held me close and shielded me from the terror that gripped my heart and soul, for his love and tenderness for me showed me that not everything present in the world was there to dismay me. His simple but passionate love for me warmed my heart when it would be compared to little more that cold unforgiving ice.

But, fear had gripped me heart and soul for my dear Henry, so I strode about the inn room that both me and Henry had taken up residence for the night in with agitation. My eyes fell upon my person that reflected from the mirror that resided in the corner of the room. My black hair stood in sharp contrast to my ashen skin, and my eyes swam with unshed tears. My delicate thin frame trembled with cold that seeped into the room mixed with the fangs of terror and my betrayal to Henry that ripped at my chest. I began to tremble and sob with horror of the crime I had committed towards my dear friend and love when as though on queue, the room door opened and there stood Henry, my saviour and guiding light. Henry's eyes, although unintentional, pierced into my soul rendering me defenceless to him and his questioning should he have chosen to take up the task that he had done many a time before. The tears that had remained unshed created rivers down my gaunt cheeks, my hand unconsciously rose to my face as Henry closed the door and moved to me, wrapping his arms around my torso, pulling me in close to his chest.

I digress that I did not resist Henry, but instead allowed him to take charge of the situation, considering the abject pain and mental torture that I was suffering in silence which clouding much of my judgement. For Henry to know of my terrible doings may lead him to leave me frightened and alone in this life. I needed someone to trust, to lean on, and may I say … take for my own, the one last person that I could hold close and believe in. I wept bitterly into my dear Henry's chest. I gripped his shoulders tightly in fear that he should be taken from me. I felt his hands move gentally over my back sending cold shivers up my spine. I felt his heat radiate off his person and transfer to my cold, depleted body. I shivered with the difference of temperatures that met my body, but still I wept bitterly even though I was being held close by my lover.

The time passed too swiftly for me held in Henry's arms. He rested his chin often on my head as he rocked my person back and forth in a motion that was comforting. The expectations that Henry held of me giving a positive response dwindled as the time passed. I was perplexed and confused at the situation that refused to vacate my mind, but instead decided to take up residence and become a permanent fixture in the fore front of my thoughts, thus not allowing me to forget and enjoy a short time of serine happiness. Oh how it would have pleased Henry if I had been happily gay, to be able to express the happiest of emotions and memories that I had long since forgot.

My mind began to influence my limbs and actions beyond my control and I thrashed and struggled profusely against Henry's grip, my ravings indeed frightful to his ears. I acted as though a madman, who needed restraint and gagging. A man who needed to be institutionalised. Henry was taken aback with my spontaneous behaviour, but recovered without further delay and reacted accordingly. I can not empathise with what Henry felt about his treatment towards me, but I can not question his efficiency on controlling me in such a mad and delirious state of mind. You must forgive me on the account that I can only give very little detail on this matter since my account of what happened is littered with the absences of memories and recollection. I assume that I must have passed out in violent convulsions to only awake at irregular intervals on account of the fragments of memories that do not piece together, but instead stand on their own.

I awoke during the second night at the inn; Henry never once left my side, but attended to me in the most affectionate way for I woke in a stable yet delicate state of mind, but felt neither feverish nor cold. My cheek displayed though a large bruise of the purple and black colours. It was most tender and due to my sheltered upbringing I had felt very little discomfort of this sort. I flinched from Henry's touch believing him to have been the person to have inflicted such a wound upon me, to have struck me without a second thought and with no remorse. I feared such a happening again. Henry saw my fear spread across my expression as my accusation was formed which laid him to blame for my physical discomfort. Henry defended himself in the most direct manor with this realisation.

"My dear Frankenstein," exclaimed he "you do not possibly think that I am to blame for you injuries and present physical discomforts? I who has attended you in your time of need on many occasions, I who has sat by your sick bed and held your hand, I who has prayed for your swift recovery to a cruel and ignorant god, and I who would trade places with you dear friend for this suffering you do not deserve." Henry fell quiet momentarily to regain his composure. "My dear Frankenstein… how can you assume that it was me who inflicted such a wound upon you?" Henry's words bit and tore at my soul, and I thus returned to the sorrowful, miserable wreck, sobbing uncontrollably into my hands. Henry saw through my confusion, my remorse of accusing him, and tried a different approach. "My darling Victor," I felt strong and yet firm arms encircle my lower torso, "I would defend you against the creature that plagues your dreams to my last breath, to my body withers with exhaustion and my mind dies. Victor, I shall be the first, the last, the one who stands by you no matter the consequences. Victor, I shall not abandon you. Victor, I love you."

The thick haze that had clouded my mind for many years suddenly lifted, leaving only a fine mist of which I could see through enough to make out Henry's declaration of love and devotion to me. I had not seen so clearly for many years as emotions that had become foreign to me in the time that lapsed rushed back, swelling my heart and chest. I have not before, or since, experienced so many raw emotions that left me open and drained of energy and power. Henry lent in close to my own person to comfort, but he did not expect the situation to carry out as it so did, for as he got closer my lips met his. Henry was momentarily stunned before leaning heavily in to me to deepen the kiss, causing me to lie down upon the bed I sat.

I will not lie to you dear captain, for you have befriended me, cared for me, and I believe that you must benefit from my life's mistakes so they are not repeated in your life quest to achieve what your mind most desires. Henry's kiss had never tasted so exquisite to me, nor had his hands caused my mind to plead for more of the ecstasy of what they effortlessly brought that was so delicious to my body. His scent filled me like a fine fragrance and never before had he left me so breathless it rendered speech impossible, my lungs finding it impossible to gain the air that they desperately craved. Henry, with one kiss, had banished all thoughts of the demon that plagued me, thus opening my mind and expectations to something other than death and despair that followed me around as a black cloud would. Henry had opened a door in my mind in which laid captive the prisoner of which was my 18 year self, accompanied by only a child's dreams and memories, mine that I had believed perished the night of which I had unleashing my awful and wrong doing upon the world. The black hole that had been consuming me to only leave an empty shell of a man was vanquished for the reminder of the night as Henry taught me the physical human pleasures that I so craved to experience once more. Never before in the years of my life passed trapped in a nightmare of my making, had I felt so alive. Many say hell is life on earth, that night it was heaven.

…

I awoke next morning to a bright ray of sunlight penetrating through the room window, and I felt a deep longing for it to be summer so that I could once more feel the heat of the sun upon my worn body and allow it to fill my mind and soul with hope. But alas the days held chills that cut through flesh and bone and filled the mind with nothing more than fear and depression. I laid in the arms of Henry who held me close to his body. I fought the notion that demanded my physical presence to stay close to Henry, to keep the sense of safety and love which radiated from his soul which seeped into every corner of my own soul. As one must though, I chose reluctantly to rise from my slumber and make preparations for my departure. My departure would not include Henry for I wished to keep him safe from the fiend that tormented me so. As I untangled myself from Henry's arms Henry began to stir and awoke to find me dressing in anticipation to leave the room.

"Frankenstein, what possesses your mind to think that you're suited to the present weather of this country?" Henry's face mimicked the curiosity of a domestic cat among other expressions.

"What do you mean? Is the sun not out and shining from the heavens? I am to wear a coat and not just trousers and waist coat to keep the chill at bay. Dear Henry, I beseech you, enlighten my present confusion and inform me of what you mean."

"Look outside." Henry smiled a heart warming smile that would reduce the most frozen hearted of men to participate in this doing. I strode quickly across the wooden floor to the window, my fingers furiously working to button my shirt and waist coat. I looked out between the thick curtains onto England's landscape which during the night had been covered by a thick blanket of white snow. My eyes fell knowing that I would not be departing that day. I turned back to Henry to voice the thought that had crossed my mind.

"Henry, do me the honour of telling me how you acquired such knowledge?" Henry smiled broadly of which I admit annoyed me somewhat. "I require the need to smile, tell me what is so amusing." I replaced my jacket into its position covering the shirt and waist coat and stared at Henry who had still made no effort to rise from the bed.

"You sleep surprisingly deep Victor." Henry replied. "I awoke in the duration of the night to small yet continuous clicking sounds, pebbles against glass if I am not mistaken. You continued to sleep through this happening so I chose not to wake you. I looked out into the night which was as black as ink, so consequently saw nothing, apart from the thick snowflakes that came to rest on the window. Once I had retreated back to the bed, the sound did not return, as though I was not the one to respond to it. Extraordinarily peculiar I must say, but nothing to fear, some lad trying to find his sleeping beauty no doubt."

"Yes, no doubt." I commented quickly, the image of my creation returned to my minds forefront. I do not intend to tell you though that I fretted upon this occurrence for the remainder of the day, but instead persuaded Henry to rise and spent the day deep in conversation concerning literature that he found most fascinating.

…

The weeks passed effortlessly in the presence of my dear Henry, but I must confess that I transgressed across the line on many occasions, for while I lived in abject happiness and fulfilment, my creation was never far away. A week into our predicament of being trapped at the inn, Henry decided upon climbing from our room window and out onto the snow blanketed landscape. I was still very weak at the time so I reframed from entering the freezing existence outside the inn and took to leaning from the window so able to call to Henry, thus the consequences were Henry throwing snowballs at my person. I was particularly excited that day and obtained much satisfaction watching Henry playfully teasing me in the snow below. I was not to enter the snow blanketed land for it may lead to hypothermia and my confinement to bed for many weeks. So, for many hours I sat at the window clothed in many layers watching dear Henry.

I knew Henry was good with children due to my brother being several years my junior. William was always popular with Henry and they spent many hours together playing while I was locked in study. I had forgotten this till I witnessed Henry with many children from a village not far from the inn. They played contently for hours and I found that I watched as a mother would. I knew already that I had a feminine side more than most men due to my lack of masculinity, a gift as well as a curse of being an academic.

Henry, in an attempt to draw me out onto the white landscape for a short time set the children upon me, having them beg and plead for me to join them for a short while. Reluctantly I joined them after minutes of the children's begging starting to annoy me slightly. I left the confines of the room and entered the landscape upon which my friend was and I spent many hours upon my better judgement to remain inside.

My better judgement seemed more of a reoccurring thought that I continuously dismissed. I was accepted as one of the group as Henry had and found many members of the group tugging at my sleeve or scarf to receive my attention. The children who had ascended from the village found our foreign accents peculiar to their ears and amused themselves greatly by listening to both Henry and I talk for we knew enough of their language to speak it fluently. We amused them further by speaking in our native tongues, which each time we finished received applause. My personal attention seemed much in demand among them and I was asked to tell stories of adventure and romance. My stories seemed widely enjoyed for as one finished another was demanded, of which I obliged without complaint. None of the stories that I spoke of were of mine, but instead stories of my imagination. Of my being in England, I had learned of the traditions and myths such as that of Saint George the dragon slayer, so for this particular instance I spoke of knights, mythical beasts and fair maidens. Much to my amusement, even Henry seemed captivated by my stories and demanded another when one concluded.

Among telling stories, I was pleaded with to participate in childish games such as hide and seek, snow ball fights and producing snow angels in the snow. The snow had ceased and the winds had died down during the night before which allowed much of the days activities to be participated in. Among these goings on, I found that I was profusely stalked by a group of girls of 10-13 years of age. This greatly amused Henry once more and when I told him to repent his imprudent comments he reacted by smirking which delighted the young females that had taken a liking upon him instead of me, of which I was not envious since I was able to manipulated them to tease and stalk Henry and constantly engage him in conversation.

The day wore on quickly and twilight ascended upon us. Both Henry and I waved the children off and stood and watched them with fascinated curiosity. Once they were gone, I felt emotional pain of which was home sickness. I missed my father, my younger sibling, my dear cousin Elizabeth, but this pain vanished, dissolved in metaphorical water of which was love as Henry's arm wrapped around my waist and pulled me close to him. I removed his arm promptly in case of being seen and shivered as the temperature continued to descend past the point of which water would freeze and into the minuses. Darkness over took twilight and soon there was no longer the abundance of light to see by as there had been an hour previous. As Henry and I retreated back to the inn, a dark figure stood silhouetted against what little light was left of the day. This figure caught my eye and as I turned to look upon it, it descended from upon its sky lined perch and made its way to us swiftly without much effort or exertion. I stood stunned, my mind unable but mostly unwilling to process the information that my eyes as receptors gave. I feared the worst as my realisation struck that Henry was stood behind me instead of inside the confines of the inn.

My creation stood before us, his grotesque form hidden beneath a large black hooded cape. I felt my mind submit to panic and confusion being once more in its presence. Henry moved to my side, gazing upon the form unable to tear his eyes away, my only assumption for the reasoning of this is that Henry fell captivated to its mystery considering the beings gigantic structure. My creation stood silently gazing down upon us. I could deduce very little from the beast apart from the soul ripping knowledge that I had stopped from what I had supposedly come to England to complete for it. I stood and waited for the beast to proceed with the first move, I daring not to antagonise the beast further.

"Are you to finish the task asked of you Victor?" the beast demanded of me. Henry stepped forward in defence of me while my mind fought to gain much needed space for thought.

"Do not speak to Victor Frankenstein is such a manor you clocked figure! You shall not make demands of him of which he is by your view pledged to complete. You are not worthy to be in his presence. I order you, be gone!" My creation is understandably not unaccustomed to receiving such comments, and thusly stepped forward closing the gap between him and Henry Clerval. I witnessed the happenings and instinctively stepped in front of Henry, my love for him controlling my thoughts and actions beyond the limits that my audacity would have allowed me in such situations. Henry's chest was against my back, his heart pounding against his chest and his breath coming in gasps.

My creation retraced his footfalls and became motionless a small distance away. "Hear this Victor Frankenstein; you are to suffer greatly if the task I set upon you is not complete." With this the beast turned and left, darkness engulfing him, leaving both Henry and I stood motionless. Precipitation in the form of large snow flakes began to descend from the heavens once more.

…

The realisation that Henry was now known to the beast and was not just paranoia created by my own imagination made me sick to my stomach. There was now no possibility that Henry was seen but not thought off as a way to blackmail me into participating into the demons doings. In the inn room once more Henry interrogated me about the event. I felt a responsibility to him as a friend and as a lover to tell him the truth, but the burden of what I had done would be too great for him to know off and the possibility of Henry leaving me weighed heavily on my mind. He was the only one who relieved me of the horror and remorse of my life's work. With him my innocence from youth surfaces once more, my animalistic obsession with revenge upon the beast becomes recognisable to my eyes. With Henry I am not disillusioned, but instead able to think clearly, to pave a new path of thought which may have lead to an alternative ending. But this is not so with the not to future death of my dear Henry. I lied to him that night, saying that I had made an enemy at Ingolstadt before his own arrival, and that he must have lived local to have found me once more. I bluffed coincidence, Henry accepted, but I could see that he did not believe me. Henry knew what fragile state of mind I was presently in and did not wish a relapse of a nervous illness upon me, so left me be. Henry exited the room for a short while. I did not know the reasons for his departure and assumed the cause rested on me alone. I laid beneath the many covers on the bed and cried myself into a deep and troubled sleep, the beast plaguing my dreams but not allowing me to wake up so to be temporarily relieved of its doings. No matter if my eyes were open or closed, the beast and its doings were present, and there was no escaping them. I was trapped in a trap of my own construction.

…

My world stopped the moment I looked upon poor Henry Clerval's dead, lifeless body. My intentions to keep him unseen, unnoticed, safe, all had been shattered. I felt something die inside me that day, the untimely death of my dear Henry making resurrection impossible. My last recollection of this day is my body submitting to violent convulsions which racked my body wickedly and without remorse. Without my dear Henry by my side, I was forever changed, my bitterness engulfed me and revenge upon the beast that committed this act was the only thing in life that was left that I was sure about. After this point, the innocence of youth was forever gone, leaving the bitter, empty shell of a man you see before you now.

…

Frankenstein looked at me from his seat, his eyes swimming with unshed tears with the memories dragged to the fore front of his mind, his soul ripped open and laid before me to judge. "I was wrong to keep Henry so close to me. I was his friend, lover," his voice cracked and I saw before me the raw, broken man that was Victor Frankenstein, "I killed him." Victor whispered. His eyes fell from me to the floor, waiting for a judgement to be passed by me. How can I explain this dear sister? How can I describe what I beheld in front of me, the broken shell of a man who possessed a beautiful yet tortured mind? If only you could be here by my side, as a fine women who is capable of love and compassion. You, my dearest sister, do not judge men on their actions and thus perfect to comfort my friend in his time of need. But, alas, you are not here, so I proceeded alone, to comfort the broken man before me anyway that I would consider the best.

When I looked back to Frankenstein, I noticed that his eyes were back on me, his face melancholy. "Do you find difficult to speak to a man of a homosexual nature?" Pain filtered into his fine features, "Do you see me as a sexual deviant?" His eyes dropped back to the floor and his breath became harsh and laboured. "I have lost my last friend on this planet?"

"Oh no my dear friend, I do not judge you on such actions of the heart." my voice must have sounded like a fine violin to his ears because he brightened immediately, the pain that had clouded his features vanished momentarily. But as fast as his sorrow had cleared, it had returned, shocking me at the extent of his mental stab ability.

"Dear Walton. You but merely tell me what I wish to hear. You sympathise with me and for that I am grateful, but what you say is not true. The acts that I have committed are sins, both with my creation and with Henry. I do not fancy myself a religious man. It is a rare gift that I have acquired from the extent of my knowledge that allowed me to create the atrocity that I did. But the point remains…" I had to interrupt for I saw the man spiralling down into depression once more. I have seen this wonderful man relapse into illness when on the verge of recovery and thus I feared for his well being and sanity.

"I did not intend to upset you by my words, but do understand that they are true, and not the lies that you believe me to have conceived for your benefit." Frankenstein became physically uncomfortable with my words, flexing his fingers and his gaze resting in no one place for long. I took in the sight before me and considered my next words accordingly. "Victor," his attention became directed at me once more, "do not fool your self into thinking that the untimely death of Henry Clerval was of your doing. Please do not let the event weigh heavily on your conscience. You held Henry close to your heart, you never wanted harm to befall Henry, and you forget that you defended Henry in the face of danger. Never once forget that it was Henry's choice to stay with you, your efforts to push him away futile, his love for you knew no bounds. Victor Frankenstein, you did not kill Henry Clerval." With my speech ended my dear sister, Frankenstein rose his hands to his face and his breath once more became laboured. My heart went out to him. He had endured more than a man should have to in one lifetime and I stood outside my cabin listening to him weep, keeping the inquiring men aboard the ship at bay.

And here I leave this account for today as I won't push the poor Victor Frankenstein to divulge any more knowledge until he deems the time right to do so. His pain affects me deeply as it would a close brother, so for now, I shall let him rest in peace and attend to him only when he requires it. So for now, I bid you good bye, my dear sister.