Gaara's hair is in his hands. Naruto thinks he must have a fetish for hair. Gaara almost dies and Naruto can't help wondering about all these people that leave. Gaara doesn't die and Naruto is a ray of sunshine looking down at him when he wakes up. Teal eyes. Naruto doesn't want to think too much about what it really means to revive someone with your own chakra, your life force. Doesn't want to think too much about his chakra flowing in intimate parts inside of Gaara. Himself flowing in intimate parts inside of Gaara. Gaara's hair filled to the tips with Naruto.
Later, Naruto will think about how Gaara's whole body felt in his. But only much later, only when he starts to think about things.
Gaara heals, heals with Naruto's chakra still flowing inside him. Naruto doesn't see him for a day. Anxiety sits in him like boulders in water. It is this dread thing, this dark thing in the pit of his stomach. A pit. He wonders again how many people he must lose.
When he is finally allowed to enter the Kazekage's room, he enters slowly. Looking through the window streaming afternoon sunlight. He watches the sand particles of Suna dance in the light. He breathes in at the door, takes measured steps to fill the space between the door and the bed. He is walking to something, though he can't quite tell what.
He is walking to Gaara.
Gaara is small in a bed too large for him. Gaara, who is his height though leaner, is lost in an expanse of white sheets. Naruto remembers Gaara's hair in his hands. He looks at that hair now, so very red against the white sheets. He doesn't think yet about why it is easier to look at Gaara's hair instead of his eyes. Teal eyes.
"Naruto," Gaara says in that voice that sounds like a desert storm. He sits up.
"Kazekage-sama."
Naruto is all distracting smiles and enthusiasm - his default.
"Kazekage-sama? Are we not familiars, Naruto?"
Gaara is intense, like he always is. Bloodlust or no, Gaara is always intense.
"Come on Gaara, you almost died, the least I can do is acknowledge your achievement."
Naruto's smile brightens further, like it always does, eclipses the sun. The corner of Gaara's lips turn up, just the corners. The almost-smile reminds Naruto of someone else he knows.
Knew.
But thinking in past tense has never brought good luck, and so Naruto determinedly sticks to 'knows'.
"Ah. Then maybe I should thank you for your acknowledgement."
Naruto laughs. Hands behind his head, He strolls closer to Gaara. He is easing into their relationship again.
"Gaara, you're too serious. You might as well still be plotting murder."
Gaara chuckles. It is soft, and hoarse. It grates on Naruto's skin like something uncomfortable. It induces shivers.
"Kill or be killed," Gaara says with that almost-smile.
Sasuke's smile.
"I see you chose 'be killed'," Naruto says.
A beat later he hears what he has just said. Hears himself. Hears Gaara. Killed, past tense. Gaara is, in some other place, dead. Emotion rushes in Naruto. He quells it. Doesn't think about it. Shinobi die everyday.
"You say it as if I was passive, a willing participant."
"You? Passive?" Naruto laughs again, laughs himself back into the past, "Not passive. I'd say... simmering. Never passive."
He remembers the bubbling pot that was Gaara, possibly still is Gaara, and laughs harder. Remembers the boiling pot that became Gaara and laughs even harder.
He wonders if Gaara still boils that hot.
"You were scary, y'know. Really fucking scary."
Gaara smirks, more like Sasuke than ever, says:
"I know."
Naruto knows what's behind that smirk. He sits down on the bed. The pristine white sheets. On Gaara, smirks are regret, shame, pain. On Sasuke, smirks are assertion, arrogance, contentment.
"Your bed is wrong," Naruto says quietly, intimately.
He doesn't want to think about why he says that last the way he does.
"What?"
"It's too big for you. Too clean."
"Too clean?"
"Yeah. Normal sixteen year olds don't have white sheets this clean."
"They change them everyday."
"Who's they?"
"I don't know. The people who clean."
"Of course they do," Naruto says, laughing again. "I can imagine it gets quite embarrasing."
"Embarrassing how?"
"Y'know. Being sixteen. Urges. Primitive instincts and such."
"I don't think too much about that," Gaara says.
Gaara looks down and away slightly. Embarrassed? Naruto looks at him. Leans closer. Squints his eyes at Gaara. Leans closer still.
"Are you blushing?"
"No. I don't blush."
"Of course not, Kage don't blush," Naruto grins, "Kage are too almighty to be taken down by the red devil that is 'the blush'."
Naruto laughs at his own silliness. Enjoys himself now.
"Exactly," Gaara says, that almost-smile again.
"Never. Kage are all-powerful."
"Exactly."
"Kage are omnipotent."
"Where did you learn a word like 'omnipotent'?"
"Kage are invincible."
"You are aware that those all mean the same thing."
"But you almost died."
There is a pause. A silence. Long and drawn out. Like slow wind in sand. A sand storm is inevitable now.
"You almost died, Gaara."
Naruto looks down at his hands in the silence. They tremor. Slightly. His breath is dropping deeper, into the place where all his hard emotions sit.
"You almost died, Gaara."
The emotion. It rushes in him like it always does. Comes from the hard place. Breathing is difficult with all this fighting to quell his emotion.
"You almost died, Gaara."
He repeats it like a mantra. His name after it. Gaara. Like believing in fairies, he wills Gaara alive. Like he did, with his chakra. Chakra still running through Gaara. And Naruto. And possibly in the expanse of bedsheet between them.
"You almost died, Gaara."
He says it like he's praying. Like the hardest prayer you will ever say. He says it and his voice breaks. He says it and he chokes on it. That... statment. Like so many other words. Says it and it strangles him. Says it and he cries. Great, hulking sobs. Like losing something precious. His face in his hands between his knees. And he doesn't know how to stop. This. All this emotion. Coming from the hard place. Emotion rushing inside him.
Gaara's hand is on his back, his shoulder. Gaara's arms are holding him. Gaara's weight has creased the bedsheets next to him. Gaara does not know how to hold him like this. They are sixteen years old. They do not know how to live through the things they have lived through.
Naruto stands up. Walks out. Remembers how Gaara's body felt in his.
He walks through Suna. Thinks it's all very sandy. There is a hum that settles the desert. Stifles and silences it. He wonders where all the trees are. And the grass. Where it is. Where he knelt down, Gaara in his arms, and willed life like believing in fairies. He wonders where are all the green of life goes to in Suna. Here is only desert colour, desert sound, desert heat. Like purgatory. He wonders what it is that he is always being punished for.
Naruto walks through Suna and remembers Gaara's body in his. Gaara waking up. Teal eyes, heavy black bags. He wonders if the black would smudge off were he to trace the pattern around those eyes. Teal eyes. He remembers Gaara's body in his. Gaara's body, his height though leaner, over his. Gaara's arms around Naruto's arms. Naruto crying, like a mantra, like a prayer. And Gaara's body on Naruto's back. The muchness of it all. Emotion. Rushing in Naruto like it always does.
He walks in a circle and stops where he began. Outside Gaara's room. Breathing in at the door. Walking in, slowly. Out of embarrassment this time. His life is a loop of going back to people who always seem to leave.
"Sorry about that," Naruto says with a sheepish grin and a scratch of his head, "That was... intense."
Gaara is standing in front of his window. Still as a clone set in sand. The window is streaming late afternoon sunset. Gaara is on fire. Naruto wonders how hot he boils.
"Your reaction was very... violent."
Violent. In Gaara's voice the word sounds like what it is. It grates across his vocal chords. Comes out harsh and... violent.
"A sand storm is coming," Gaara says.
Naruto stands next to him. Watches the sun setting on desert colour, desert sound, desert heat. Like purgatory. He is aware of the space between him and Gaara. Naruto's chakra through the both of them and the spaces between them. He is aware. Intimately, intensely so.
"I can't see anything."
"This one's coming slowly. Just listen to the change of pace in the rhythm of the sand."
Gaara is intense.
"I have no idea what you're asking me to do," Naruto, grinning again.
"Watch."
And Naruto is compelled to. He watches sunset colours shade into desert colours. Watches sand lift and twist. With gradually more violence. That word. Violence. Like so many other words. Sensual as bodies sinuously twisting in and between each other. Naruto watches the sensual dance of sand. Sand whipped up into a frenzy. Hyper-conscious.
"I listen for sandstorms at sunset," Gaara says.
Naruto wants to look at him. Has the overwhelming urge to touch him. With his fingers. Graze where his vocal chords are with the tips of his fingers.
The sun sets. Night settles. They stand watching.
"I'm not invincible, Naruto. You taught me that."
"It would be nice if you were," Naruto says. Grinning.
"I'm sorry."
"Shinobi die every day. It's not your fault you're human."
"No, Naruto. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I caused you pain."
Naruto wants to touch him. Graze where his mouth is with the tips of his fingers.
"I saw you die. I guess I just worry you're not real."
Naruto senses Gaara's hesitation before a hand is on his shoulder. He turns to face Gaara. Gaara looks at Naruto with his eyes. Teal eyes. Squeezes Naruto's shoulder. Says:
"I'm real."
Naruto looks at Gaara's eyes. Teal eyes. Lifts his hand. Grazes the black under Gaara's eyes with the tips of his fingers. It does not smudge.
"I was thinking earlier that this looks like make-up," Naruto says quietly, intimately.
"It's insomnia," Gaara says.
Gaara lifts his hand. Grazes the whisker markings on Naruto's cheek with the tips of his fingers.
"Insomnia looks good on you."
Quietly. Intimately. They are still looking at each other.
Gaara says, "I want to..." He trails off. Maybe he doesn't know what he wants. Or can't articulate it with words.
"I know," Naruto says, "I want to, too."
Naruto grazes Gaara's mouth with the tips of his fingers. Feels Gaara's breath on his fingerprints. Gaara's mouth is soft. Not unlike Sasuke's mouth. He wants to taste it. With his tongue. Wants to taste Gaara's lips with the tip of his tongue.
He does.
Looking at Gaara, eyes open on teal eyes. Naruto grazes Gaara's adam's apple with the tips of his fingers. Leans in and tastes Gaara's lips with tip of his tongue.
Gaara exhales. Slowly. Like he's been holding his breath. Exhales onto Naruto's tongue, his open mouth. Naruto inhales. Sharply. Kisses him. Properly. His mouth on his mouth. Sensual as slow wind in sand. His tongue on his tongue. Naruto imagines Gaara tastes like the desert. Naruto pulls back, breathing hard. Emotion in him. Rushing as it does.
Naruto looks at Gaara. What they've just done drops in him like a boulder. A pit. Sasuke and the people that leave.
Naruto steps back. Lets go of Gaara and distances himself. There is an expanse of room between them. Room and shadow.
"I've promised not to kiss people that leave. Or die. Not anymore."
Naruto thinks he sees Gaara frown at him. Gaara walks to the door. Switches on his bedroom lights. Walks to Naruto. Says:
"I'm here. And I'm not dead."
Naruto looks at Gaara and feels trapped. Gaara squeezes Naruto's shoulder again. Says:
"I'm real, Naruto."
Gaara's voice is like a desert storm. This is not the first time Naruto thinks this. Gaara's voice is like foreplay.
"I know you're real, I guess. But I'm also leaving tomorrow. And then i might not see you for months, years maybe. And then it'll be exactly as if you left. And then I'm going to have to chase after you too. And I don't know if I can."
Emotion. So much of it. Rushing in him as it does.
"What are you scared of?" Gaara asks.
Naruto wants to immediately say 'nothing'. But he stops. Thinks about things. About Sasuke. Sasuke running away from him. Sasuke breaking what they are. Naruto chasing after him. So in love he can't even stand it.
"Was the Uchiha your lover?"
Was. Past tense. Naruto cringes away from what that means.
"Lover? Sasuke could never really be anyone's lover."
"But you were... intimate?"
"Intimate? Sasuke?" Naruto snorts at this, "We were fourteen. He was... sexy. We didn't fuck but we... did things."
"Did things?"
"He kissed me often. Walked away after. Called me a loser a lot. He touched me once. 3AM on a hospital bed. Made me come. I said to him, 'just don't walk away again'. He was out of the village before the sun rose. Like the worst kind of one night stand."
Gaara frowns.
"And me? Am I... sexy."
Naruto looks at Gaara. He feels trapped.
"Definitely."
"We are sixteen."
"Yes."
"Do you want to... do things. With me."
"Fuck."
Naruto's words are strangled by the sound of Gaara's voice. All foreplay. Like slow wind in sand.
"What are you scared of?"
"Sunrise."
"I'm not the Uchiha."
"I know."
Gaara steps towards him. Naruto steps back. Gaara frowns. They do this dance.
"I'm here, Naruto."
Naruto's name in that voice. It cloaks him like goosebumps. Like something uncomfortable. Induces shivers.
"You don't have eyebrows."
"What?"
"Sorry, I'm getting defensive."
"You can say no. Or you can walk out."
Naruto really thinks about things. About chakra and bodies and the taste inside mouths.
"Do you not want me?" Gaara asks, "Am I not desirable to you?"
"Of course I want you," Naruto snaps, he sounds defensive again. "Of course you're fucking desirable to me. Asshole."
"I will be here when the sun rises. We'll do things again in the morning."
"And after that?"
Gaara has walked him next to the door. Naruto feels trapped again. Gaara says:
"What are you scared of?"
"I told you that already."
Gaara frowns. With no eyebrows. Naruto is against the wall next to the door. Gaara holds the whisker markings in Naruto's cheek with the palm of his hand.
"What did the Uchiha do to you."
This should be the question but it isn't. This is a statement. Sure of itself. Fucking Sasuke. And trauma. And always ending where he began. Sasuke leaving. Naruto Chasing. Like the competitive streak when they were kids.
Gaara holds the door handle next to them. Turns it. Opens the door, a sliver. Says:
"Leave."
Naruto feels trapped again. Between the voice and the sliver of light from the door.
"I don't want to."
"Then stop walking away from me."
Naruto is unused to being the one being told to stay. To not walk away. Trauma. So much of it. Held down with boulders and emotion. Rushing in him. A pit in him.
Gaara frowns. Closes the door and drops to his knees. Pulls Naruto's bright orange track pants with him. Green frog boxers and all.
"What are you doing?" Naruto asks looking down at teal eyes and black bags and red hair.
"Things. I'm doing things to you."
Gaara's hands are cold on his naked hip bone. Naked. Like Naruto is. Waist down. Gaara on his knees in front of his cock.
"Do you know what you're doing?"
"No."
Gaara says that and takes Naruto's cock into his mouth. Flaccid. With a slight frown on his forehead. Naruto's head bangs against the wall behind him with the force of it. Gaara's eyes and mouth and hair on his cock. He hardens. It is instantaneous and almost painful.
"You don't have to," Naruto pants out.
Gaara pulls back, looks up it him. Naruto looks down at Gaara. In front of his cock. Hard. Straining for Gaara's mouth. Naruto shivers, violently.
Gaara swallows him down. Pauses. Goes further. Breathes in against Naruto's pubic hair. Naruto groans. Maybe he growls. His hands shake from the sheer force of wanting. To touch. That hair. So red.
Gaara sucks his cock. It is messy and sloppy and wonderful. Spit and gagging and running out of breath. And perfect. Naruto's hands hover, hesitate, next to Gaara.
"Touch me," that voice like sand storms.
And Naruto can't not.
He watches his hands thread through Gaara's hair, grips it, feels it. And he groans. Maybe he growls.
When he comes he pulls Gaara's head back. Gaara grips his wrist in place and swallows. Naruto's eyelids flutter. Watching. Coming.
Gaara's hand falls away, he pulls back, looks up at Naruto with wet eyes. His mouth is pink and wet. There is come at the corner of his mouth. Naruto watches Gaara's tongue flick out, lick. Naruto pulls Gaara forcefully to his feet and kisses him. It is messy and sloppy and wonderful. He pulls Gaara's body against his. Changes his mind. Pushes Gaara's body towards the white bedsheets through the expanse of room. He trips, stumbles. Gaara holds him up.
"You technically still have all your clothes on."
Naruto looks down, sees his boxers and track pants and shoes bunched up around his ankles. His hand lifts to scratch the back of his head. He grins. Laughs while he struggles to get out of everything. Gaara steps back, watches him with the fondness of a frown. Naruto is naked. Fully so. Gaara takes another step back, looks at him. Teal eyes and black bags infused with the intensity of lust.
"What?" Naruto says, "Why're you just looking at me?"
"I like your body," Gaara says. With such deadpan simplicity.
"I hope so," Naruto says with a laugh and a grin.
"Do you want me to take my clothes off?"
Naruto takes a step towards Gaara.
"Can I?" Naruto asks. Watching. Wanting.
Gaara doesn't say anything. Watches Naruto stand in front of him. Watches Naruto pull off his black shirt, black pants.
"So," Naruto says, undressing Gaara, "What have you done?"
Naruto is watching skin get revealed to him. Like watching a new jutsu for the first time, he is in awe. Of the smooth expanse of pale skin. Of battle scars. Of shoulders and arms and chest and stomach.
"I've slept with someone before if that's what you're asking."
"A girl?"
"Yes. And a boy."
Naruto looks at him. Raises his eyebrow. His hands paused on Gaara's chest.
"I don't believe you."
"Why not?"
"You're... so... Gaara."
"People seem to find that desirable."
"Of course they do," Naruto says with a grin.
Gaara steps out of his pants and Naruto traces the pattern of his hip bones. Gaara is hard. Naruto grips Gaara's cock with one hand, strokes slowly. Gaara exhales, like he's been holding his breath.
"So, how many people have you been with?" Naruto asks, Gaara's cock still hard and smooth in his hand.
"Enough."
"Enough for what?"
"Enough to know what I'm doing."
Naruto's hand is moving painfully slowly. Gaara is breathing deeply.
"I don't know, you said before you hadn't gone down on anyone before."
"I hadn't."
"And now you're telling me you know what you're doing."
Gaara holds Naruto's neck with one hand, looks him in the eyes. Smoulders.
"I can show you."
Gaara is intense. Possibly with murderous intent.
"Gaara, you're too serious."
Naruto laughs and kisses him. It is slower, languid. Naruto imagines Gaara tastes like sand. His sand a second skin. Naruto pulls Gaara closer. Feels his skin on his skin. Naruto feels himself melting into so much skin. His hands go around Gaara's body. Feel the muscle of his shoulder blades, feels his spine, his ass. Two palm fulls of flesh and he lifts Gaara.
Attempts to anyway.
Gaara struggles. Pushes his hands away. Steps back.
"What are you doing,"Gaara asks with his frown.
"Lifting you," Naruto says, reaching for him.
"Why would you do that?"
"I want your legs around me."
Gaara pauses, says, "I want your legs around me."
"No way."
"Why not?"
"You're smaller than me."
"No I'm not."
"Yes you are. Look at you, you're short and thin."
"We're the same height. And I'm lean. And so are you."
"I'm still bigger than you."
Gaara watches Naruto. Looks for something in him. In his body language. Gaara turns around and walks to the bed, sits down on the edge, watches Naruto again.
"Naruto, have you been with a boy?"
Naruto feels trapped again. Naked and watched. Like prey. The thought makes him uncomfortable. Induces shivers.
"Um. What do you mean by 'been with a boy' exactly?"
"You know what I mean."
"Not technically."
"Not technically?"
"Not penetratively."
"I like that you're a virgin," Gaara says in his voice.
"I'm not a virgin!"
"You know what I mean."
Gaara is still watching. In his intense way. Definitely with murderous intent.
"Hypothetically,"Gaara says, "how do you want me?"
Naruto grins.
"On your back with your legs spread open for me."
"Hm. I've never let a man inside me."
"Why not?"
"I've never trusted anyone enough to want to."
"You trust me?"
"Implicitly."
"So do you want to."
"Maybe,"Gaara says lying on his back with his legs still over the bed, "but not tonight."
"Fuck."
Naruto walks to him. Lies on white bedsheets next to Gaara, looks at the ceiling. The linen is cool on his skin. Gaara is next to him, a clone turned to sand. Naruto is aware of the chakra and chemistry in them and between them. Intimately aware. Hyper-conscious.
"And you?" Gaara asks, "Do you trust me enough to want to?"
"You know I trust you. I've just never thought of you topping me," Naruto says with a laugh.
"What have you thought of?"
Naruto turns his head. Gaara is watching him. Teal eyes, black around them. Intense. Like when he launches an attack with murderous intent.
"Tell me,"Gaara says in his voice. It induces shivers.
Naruto looks up again. Everything is charged. The expanse of the room, the bedsheets.
"I've thought about your body. Lately, I've thought about your body under your Kage robes. I've thought about the colour of your skin, the feel of it, the taste of it. I've thought about touching you. A lot. Thought about where you might like to be touched. About how you sound when you're being touched. Thought about you hard for me, wanting me. What you might taste like in my mouth, what you might smell like. Wondered if you'd let me lick you, if you'd like my tongue inside you. Wondered if your back would arch, if you'd push back onto my tongue. Thought of fingering you, you fucking yourself on my fingers while I watch. Wondered if you'd be silent or screaming. Hoped for screaming. Begging. You begging me to fuck you. My cock in you. Thought of fucking you. A lot. Really just hard and deep and... yeah."
Gaara is breathing deeply next to Naruto. Naruto is hard. Like so many wank fantasies about teal eyes and red hair.
"You've thought in depth about this."
Naruto laughs. Breathlessly. Choked.
"Yeah. I have."
"We've rarely seen each other in two years."
"I know. You're a lot sexier than I imagined. A lot more intense, too." Naruto pauses, says, "Did you think about me?"
"Always."
"What about me?"
"Who you were. How you changed me; how you changed everybody."
"That's nice and all," Naruto says, grinning, "but that's not what I meant."
"I know what you meant."
"So you didn't think about me like that? You don't find me attractive."
"Everyone finds you attractive, especially now."
"I want to know if you find me attractive."
"I find you very attractive."
"Enough to lie on your back and spread your legs for me?"
"Maybe. But not tonight."
Naruto huffs out a sigh. Says:
"Maybe it's better this way. At least the sun can rise and no damage will be done, right."
"There's already damage," Gaara says, "I knew that the second you hesitated in the doorway before coming in this afternoon."
"Maybe. But it'll be better than other times."
"What did the Uchiha do to you?"
"Sasuke? Everything. Nothing. The asshole."
"You would have let him inside you?"
Naruto looks at Gaara. Gaara is still watching him, intensely. Naruto looks up at the ceiling again. Says:
"Probably."
"Why him?"
"Apparently I fall in love with assholes."
"Am I an asshole?"
"Definitely not."
"So you'll never fall in love with me?"
"What - Your question is very... intense."
Gaara sits up, folds his legs under him on the sheets. He looks down at Naruto. Grabs his chin, turns his face towards him. Watches him. Says:
"You like me."
"Of course I like you," Naruto is flustered by the intensity, the muchness of it all.
"You know what I mean."
Naruto yanks his chin back to look at the ceiling.
"I know," Naruto says, "It's fucked up all my wank fantasies. Last night I dreamt I was making love with you. How am I supposed to jerk off to that,y'know."
"Do you want to make love with me."
A silence. Like sand muffles. A thrum of something charged.
"Maybe," Naruto says, "but not tonight."
He turns to Gaara, grins, sits up, faces him. Gaara is almost-smiling again.
"Do you want me to go down on you?" Naruto asks him.
"No. We should sleep."
"I thought you had insomnia."
"I do. Force of habit really. But you don't. And your team is leaving early tomorrow."
They sleep to the sound of sand settling. Sand whispering to the gravitational pull of the desert. Gaara's skin is warm next to Naruto's skin. Naruto feels like that sand. Gravitationally pulled. To Gaara.
"Hey," Naruto says, falling asleep, "get you dick away from my ass."
"No," Gaara says and presses closer.
Naruto chuckles his way into sleep and dreams he is a wind dance with sand particles in the Suna desert. He wakes up after 4AM, his cock in Gaara's mouth and Gaara's wet finger in him. His body tenses. But then Gaara crooks his finger in the most deliciously deliberate way and Naruto groans and his body contracts with the force of the sound. His back arches and his head tips to look at the wall behind his head and he is blinded. Three fingers later, stretching burning pressing, Naruto is a mess of liquid want. Sweat, spit, pre-come. Gaara is on top of him, Naruto's legs spread for him, whispering in his ear:
"You want me to fuck you. I want you to do the begging. I want you to ask for my cock. I want you to beg me to fill you and fuck you and come for you."
Naruto is a mess of liquid want. Sweat, spit, pre-come.
"You're filthy," Naruto says, voice strangled.
"Ask me."
Naruto puts an arm to his mouth, bites down on it, tries to refuse. But then Gaara rips his arm away and presses the three fingers inside him right against that spot in the most deliciously deliberate away. And Naruto tries. But in the next moment he is blinded and begging. Begging to be fucked. By Gaara. The way Gaara wants. And Gaara does. Fuck him. Naruto can't believe the pain at first. Clenches his inner walls, wraps his legs around Gaara and holds him still.
"Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. This really fucking hurts."
"Relax -"
"Fuck you. You relax. You've never done this before. This fucking hurts."
"It'll get better."
"How do you know?"
Naruto is pouting, sulking. Gaara grips Naruto's cock and strokes. Looks Naruto in the eyes. Smoulders at him. Says:
"I'll make it better. But if you keep clenching like that I'm going to come and you'll never let me fuck you again. So, relax."
And Naruto does. Relax. In slow degrees. But Gaara's voice is Gaara's voice, and Gaara's eyes are Gaara's eyes. And how can he not. Relax.
And Gaara does. Make it better. When he moves inside Naruto and they fall into a rhythm. He makes it so much better. Naruto is almost glad he begged. They fuck and it is hard and deeper and faster. Faster and more. More and right there. Right there and -
"Fuck. Don't stop."
Naruto watches Gaara come above him and he is in awe. Like seeing a new jutsu for the first time. Naruto grips his own cock and comes. So incredibly hard. A dream of a sand dance in wind infused with Naruto's chakra comes back to him.
They breath hard. Like when they fought that first time. Both of them at their ends. Slow. Close to a death.
Gaara collapses on him, shifts slightly inside him. For the first time, Naruto thinks about what it means to have someone inside you. So within you so as to almost become an extension of you. Connected at chakra points and bringing each other to the brink of a death and back. Like believing in fairies, willing each other back to the living.
"Don't move," Naruto says and he knows this is damage, "Stay inside me."
Gaara doesn't move. Stays inside Naruto. They listen to each other breath in the expanse of room and bedsheet. Gaara tilts his head to look at Naruto. Gaara smirks, says:
"Did it get better?"
Naruto laughs. Loud and harsh. Kisses Gaara like they have time and no tomorrow. No today. Which, he supposes, they don't.
"You're dirty," Naruto says, "It's sexy."
"I'm glad you think so."
"Your voice is sexy. It's like someone grated sand across your vocal chords."
"That sounds painful."
"But you make it so sexy."
Gaara says, into the skin of Naruto's neck, "Next time we see each other, I want you to make love to me."
So much damage. And Naruto doesn't want to think about all the ones who have wrecked him, and the others who will wreck him still.
When the sun rises on sand particles through the window, Naruto puts his clothes back on. Gaara is naked in the expanse of white sheet, small in a bed too large for him. Naruto sits on the edge of the bed. Wants to cry. Doesn't.
He says instead, "Don't die." And walks out without looking back.
He walks out and he knows he is damaged. Again. People who always seem too far out of reach. He wonders why he is fated to want impossibilities.
Stupid fucking Sasuke.
Gaara is red hair and teal eyes and so much skin. They are standing in front of hundreds. Naruto wants to punch him, or kiss him, or strip him naked and fuck him right there on the sand. He is torn. Ripped. So much damage.
Gaara's sand whispers intimacies against Naruto's hand, bringing it up to meet Gaara's already outstretched one. Naruto thinks of their chakra points connecting and Gaara's chakra flowing inside of Naruto. Gaara inside of Naruto. Like so much delicious filth and night befores. Naruto's hair filled to the tips with Gaara's chakra.
So much damage in teal eyes and black bags. Naruto thinks of Gaara's whole body in his.
Naruto prepares himself. Looks up at Gaara. Grins like rays of sunshine and so much false enthusiasm - his default.
Like believing in fairies, Naruto wills Gaara's chakra inside him through the connection of their fingertips. Naruto turns around and walks to Konoha. He feels Gaara's eyes on him. Teals and black bags. So much intensity. Naruto doesn't look back.