Just a little drabbly drook on Tonks' thoughts when she's asked, "Do you see Bellatrix when you look at your mother?"
Disclaimer: Again, J K Rowling owns all, I own naught, except for my very own Comet 260. That's right, be jealous Harry Potter, you and your silly Firebolt!
People ask me from time to time. I don't mind really, or at least I try to act like I don't mind. The fact is, I really try hard not to think about it at all.
"When you look at your mother, do you ever... well... mistake her for Bellatrix, I guess is the right word?"
The question is innocent curiosity. I get that. I just don't get why people feel the need to ask someone like me, who's been through things they'd care not to remember, a memory jogging question like that. If they really think the answer is so obvious, why do they need to ask? When I look into my mum's eyes, do I see the woman who once kept my as her prisoner, sadistically enjoying every second of my suffering? I have to answer them honestly.
"No."
It's not what they want to hear. I can always tell. The way they suddenly adopt a sheepish posture, or get that little pink tinge in their cheeks as they look disappointed and try to change the subject abruptly. Why would anyone be disappointed about that? I know I'm bloody happy that I don't see my tormenter every time I look at my mum!
But there's more to that truth, and I refuse to share it with my friendly interrogators. They would be too scandalized, too horrified, and too twistedly delighted by my answer. I know my mum better than most. Know her in an instinctively intimate way, a bond only a child and mother can share. When I see Andromeda Tonks, I see my mum. That's all.
It was when I was imprisoned, when I lay convulsing under the coursing spells of hatred at the feet of Bellatrix Lestrange that I looked up into her face and, just once, saw my mother leering down at me. And that is an image that I will never be able to escape.