A/N: Another tumblr drabble. Very belated reaction to the sleepover scene in The Spanish Teacher.
Dependant
"That's not fair Kurt! I mean what would you do if Blaine proposed to you today?"
He guessed it was best just to keep silent. Just to sit back down and dismiss the question the best way he could. Even if he could feel both girls' eyes on him, with that knowing, pointed look and their raised eyebrows.
It's not as if he could say anything. Say to them both, "Actually, that won't happen. Because we've talked about it. And nothing like that is happening until after college," just inviting them in to talk to something so private between himself and Blaine. There are things that he hasn't talked about with anyone else but Blaine, yet there is nothing he hasn't told Blaine. Besides, it's not as if they've gone into so much detail about it. It's not as if they sat and discussed marriage, because that would be ridiculous. Discussing marriage when you're 18- when one of you will still be in school for another year, when you both have careers to concentrate on- that would be ridiculous.
Not ridiculous, Kurt corrects himself.
Terrifying.
A year ago, when he was drowning his sorrows over a hopeless, unrequited crush on his best friend, Kurt never would have thought marriage would be a possibility in years in the future let alone in only a few years. Never thought he'd love someone so much that he would already be planning that future with them.
A year ago maybe he'd been hopelessly in love with Blaine. Kurt sometimes reflects on those times with a bitter smile because, if only he'd known what feeling like that really was. His feelings then seem like the silly schoolboy kind of crush compared to now.
And that in itself was terrifying enough. When the thought of Blaine being in love with someone else had nearly turned him into a weeping mess, he couldn't even begin to kid himself that it had only been a crush.
Marriage isn't the point. It was never the point. As someone who had always dreamed of being married, it was never what being with Blaine was about. It wasn't about rushing to get married after high school because in everything he feels- call it gut instinct, say he can feel it in his bones- he knows he wants Blaine forever, and that doesn't begin and end with a promise to cherish and hold. So, why rush? Why speed through something that isn't even the most important thing in their relationship?
Maybe he's looking at it in a different way to Rachel because even if they went back only a few months, he and Blaine wouldn't even be allowed to be married in the city where they wanted to live.
That brief exchange they'd had when that bill had passed. If definitely couldn't even be classed as a conversation. They'd glanced up at each other briefly. Eyes locking they'd eached for each other's hands immediately, almost automatically, and Blaine had squeezed and beamed, his eyes brimming with tears.
"Guess you can get married there now," he tried to laugh.
"Guess you can too," Kurt had choked out, trying so hard not to cry himself.
There's Rachel talking about how Finn is there in all her dreams of success and how she knows she wants to spend the rest of her life with him. Well he can relate to that. Blaine's always there in his. But it's different between them and Finn and Rachel. Yes, Kurt dreams of Blaine being there in the big moments of his career. His first lead in a musical. His first Broadway show. His first awards ceremony. But he also dreams of being there for Blaine's, whatever he chooses to do. Does Rachel dream about being there for Finn's? In fact, does Finn dream about Rachel being there for the big moments of his own life?
There's no worry of Rachel throwing everything she's worked for away for Finn. Anyone who thinks she'd drop all of that for Finn has got to be kidding themselves because this is Rachel Berry. And Kurt knows Finn isn't going to let her throw anything away because he loves her and wants to see her succeed. Finn sits at the dinner table sometimes just talking about how he can't wait until Rachel is this big star, seeing her win every award going.
"I'll go to every show," he tells them. "Even if sometimes I fall asleep during musicals." Kurt smiles at him because he doesn't think Finn realises that would be impossible, because when Finn is grinning like that, he can't take it away from him.
It's him Kurt's worried about. It's Finn because... why is he doing this? He loves Rachel, sure, but marriage? Now? And so soon after he found out about his dad?
It just seems too much of a coincidence.
He thinks the only worthwhile thing he has in his life is Rachel. That he has to live through Rachel because he's only Finn Hudson and what real worth is he?
Kurt wishes Finn would wake up and realise that he is Finn Hudson. Not some worthless kid with nowhere to go after high school. Not someone who needs to give up, just because the world's decided to throw some obstacles in his way. Kurt can't watch his brother take the back seat; can't let him just be the guy on Rachel's arm. Because he's more than that. He deserves so much more than that.
He's still thinking about it the next day, after the sleepover, at Blaine's house. They're curled up together and he's trying to concentrate on the film, he really is, but he can't get thoughts of Finn, Rachel, Marriage out of his head.
"Kurt, what's going on?" Blaine nudges him, breaking him out of his reverie, suddenly aware the film is paused and Blaine is looking up at him from his position on the couch questioningly. He looks down at him and strokes a loose curl out his face, sighing.
Rachel told him not to tell anyone. He promised he wouldn't.
He can't find anything to stop him telling Blaine, who listens aptly, lips parting in shock when Kurt tells him about Finn proposing. But he looks more confused than anything, brow furrowed, shuffling up on the seat so he can look at Kurt better.
"Well, what are you going to do?" he asks after a moment of silence between them.
"I'll have to talk to Finn," he sighs, rubbing his temple absently, "I can't go to Carole or Dad. It's not my place. But I can't let Finn... I can't let him think he's not worth anything."
He closes his eyes and shakes his head. When he opens them, Blaine is looking at him with such... Kurt can't even describe it. Sometimes when he catches Blaine looking at him like that, it's as if all the air is being sucked right from him. But now. Now his heart is lodged in his throat and breathing isn't even an option. Especially when Blaine's lips tug up like that. And it's because of Kurt. Blaine looks like that- smiles like that- because of Kurt.
He'd always thought in his life there would be someone there he would love, someone he'd need and depend on.
He never thought he'd have someone need and love him in return.
"Have I ever told you that you're the most compassionate person I have ever met?" Blaine smiles, leaning forward and taking both Kurt's hands in his. Kurt feels himself heat up- sure his pale complexion is betraying him right now. Cheeks feeling all too warm, he wishes Blaine would lean back a little just to give him a little room to breathe. If that's even a possible thing to do anymore. Jesus Christ, why does Blaine have to look at him like that?
"Actually," Kurt breathes, trying to get his words out, "My dad... he told me you said that." He isn't sure why he's mumbling, or looking down at their hands and not at Blaine's face, but it's probably because he's trying so hard to stop his lips curling up. Serious conversation about Finn. Stop grinning like an idiot.
"So I know you're going to go about this in the right way," he insists, giving Kurt's hands a soft squeeze. "And if you think you should talk to Finn, I'm completely behind you on that." Kurt looks up and smiles back, finding himself breathless again. Stop. Oh God. Stop looking at me like that.
"Now come on," Blaine nudges him again, grabbing a handful of popcorn and settling back into the couch. "Let's continue to discuss what a great Johnny Depp-esque pirate I would make with my eye patch!"
"Johnny Depp doesn't wear an eye patch in this," Kurt retorts, stealing some popcorn from Blaine, who scoffs in reply.
"Mmm... but could you imagine," he flutters his eyelashes, sighing dreamily.
Kurt nudges him in his arm, giggling. "Play the film, dork."
By the time Kurt gets home, he's already researched colleges in New York for Finn on his phone. Not to try to push him- that's not what this is- but a way of showing him. Obviously no one tells Finn this enough. That he's not just Finn, quarterback, Glee Captain, Rachel's boyfriend (fiancée, Kurt reminds himself, stomach twisting uncomfortably at the thought) who works at the Tire shop.
Maybe he'll need to have some words with Rachel afterwards.
A/N: I swear there was hardly any Klaine in this when I planned it. It just kind of... happened. You know, the spirit of St. Valentine's and fluffiness just sneaked in.