A/N: Allusion to Jekyll in here ;) Enjoy this angsty-ness 'cause I don't own Leverage
Confide in me
"Sophie why haven't you told me your real name yet?" Nate asked on a rainy afternoon
"You haven't earned it yet"
"What do I have to do to earn it Soph?" Nate knew there was a slight begging sound in his voice
Sophie looked up at him, her soft wavy bangs falling over her eyes. She tucked them behind her ear and spoke, "you went to jail Nate, that's a long thing to work off"
"I did it to save you! Whoever you may be!" Nate swallowed hard when he say the hurt look she have him
"I am me" Sophie stated simply
"Who are you? Sophie Devereaux? Kristi Connolly? Annie Kroy? Katherine Clive? Sarah Baker? Charlotte? Jenny-"
"Stop. It." Sophie demanded
Nate shut his mouth but didn't move his eyes from her. "Sophie I went to prison to save my family. My only family. And I deserve this treatment?"
Sophie have him a cold glare. "Nate I left for 6 months to figure out who I was-"
"How'd that go for you?"
Sophie ignored him. "Then you call me and tell me that you need me-"
"I was drunk for one and it was true Sophie I needed you! I still do! I'm nothing without you! I have the team, yeah, sure, whatever, but you...you complete me" Nate wasn't sure the words to use
Again Sophie ignored him. "I was already in the bloody chopper coming to save your ass! Then you get yourself shot and then-"
"DO YOU NOT HEAR ME?" Nate roared and his he slammed him fists on the table and rose to his full height.
Sophie rose to her full height and screamed back at him, "And then you go and get yourself arrested! How do you think I feel?"
"You could've come back at any time. I gave you that option and you didn't take it" Nate hissed
"So you're saying it's my fault?"
"No! I'm just saying that-You remember when I came to your place in London and you thought someone was dead? You asked me if the team needed you or if I needed you. Sophie, I needed you!"
"Relevance?"
"Dammit Sophie!" Nate yelled. "Do you know what would've happened if I didn't go to jail?"
"Go ahead and humor me" Sophie spat
"Sterling would've let me go and wipe my slate clean. The rest of you would've gone down. With some of the bounties on your heads I'm assuming a lot of you would be in jail for life and Eliot would probably be sentenced to death. I COULDN'T LET IT HAPPEN!"
The anger in Sophie's face melted away, replaced with one of pure sadness. She buried her head in her hands and fall back into her chair.
With a deep breath she regained her composer and looked up at Nate. "You don't call someone, tell them you need them, and then get yourself arrested!"
"I had just heard that damned deal from Sterling, I was drunk!" Nate defended
"I bet you didn't even mean what you said! The alcohol does stuff to people" Sophie roared in his face
Nate took the glass vase of flowers next to him and threw them across the room. CRASH. Glass shattered everywhere. "Didn't mean what I said? I meant every damn word I said and I would say it again and keep saying it even after death takes me away. Sophie, I need you! Not the team, no one, just you. I am LOST without you. When you're with me I always seem to know what to do. After Sam's death that day you came to see me, I didn't touch a drop of alcohol because I had you. But what are we now when I don't even know who you are. I only know one thing that I believe to be true about you."
Sophie was at a loss for words as his sunk in. She managed to get out 4 shaky words, "and what is that?"
"You're mom tried to get you to play the viola when you were little but you were terrible at it" The words came out harsher then Nate expected. "Sorry, I didn't mean to yell"
Sophie gasped slightly as she had never realized that slip-up. "Mum tried to get me to play viola and realized I was terrible and she took me to art museum one day and I feel in love with art."
Nate smiled at the way she spoke of her. "So I have one more question to ask you Sophie. Do you need me?"
"That's a silly question Nathan, of course I need you!" Sophie cried. She half jumped and half slid across the table as she gave Nate a hug.
"Can you confide in me then? I don't want secrets between us" Nate murmured
"You're the only person I've ever felt truly safe with. The only person I can trust" Sophie whispered
"So is that a yes?"
"Yeah can we go sit down on the couch?"
"I don't have a couch anymore" Nate said awkwardly
"Oh yeah I forgot..."
"Here let's go sit on my bed" Nate smiled and pulled out of the hug. He gave her a chaste kiss before leading her up to his room. They sat down on the bed, both of them propped up against the headboard.
"I lived with my birth mom until I was about 8. I ran away and went to go live with this lady. She wasn't a foster mom and she didn't adopt me...but I loved her, more then my birth mother. I met her when I was about 6, she saw me on the streets one day and comforted me. Every Friday I would go see her and she would tell me these fantastic stories about riches and princesses." Sophie felt tears start to swell up in her eyes
"Why would you run away?"
"My birth mother hated me. She abused me" Sophie paused. "And she was an alcoholic"
Nate looked her in her eyes. "That's why you tried to get me to stop drinking. You wanted to save me"
Sophie started crying and just nodded yes. Nate brought her into his arms and comforted her by petting her hair.
"I'm sorry Soph. I never wanted to hurt you with my drinking"
"I never told Mum my real name because it carried a lot of painful memories. My new mother understood why I didn't want her to know my real name. She called me Sophie Devereaux. Sophie after her mother and Devereaux after her grandmother."
"What was her name?"
"Elena Triavan" Sophie smiled
"Wait that's one of the greatest female grifters of all time" Nate stuttered out
Sophie looked up at him. "She taught me everything she knew. Mum passed away when I was 17 leaving me with her large estate and all her fortune. Grifting had become something I loved to do, the thrill was addicting."
"Can you rewind for a second and tell me more about your birth mother?" Nate asked
"Her name was Jenna Carlisle, died at the age of 32. When I left she was only...30. I didn't have a father, she-" Sophie clenched her eyes shut and tried to form words
"Sophie it's okay take your time" Nate whispered to her. After a few minutes Sophie finally was able to form the words.
"She killed him one night while they were arguing. I was 8 at the time. My older sister and brother tried to save him, but Mikkie got in the crossfire and died too" Sophie started crying again as the painful memories became clearer and clearer in her mind.
"Sophie I'm so sorry" Nate had started crying too
"Don't cry, Nathan. I don't need your pity" Sophie cupped his cheek with a weak hand
"Not pity Soph, I just can't stand to see you cry"
Sophie let out a heavy sigh and continued. "Jordan was thrown into the wall and got a concussion. I was huddled in the corner with my stuffed bear, crying"
"How old was Mikkie and Jordan?" Nate breathed. He knew how hard this was for Sophie.
"Jordan was 10 and Mikkie was 12. Me and Jordan both ran away and we went to live with Elena. Once Mum died Jordan left to for collage in hope of keeping her mind off the death. She was never one for grifting and started working at an art museum in Stilton"
"Is that why you never stole anything from there?" Nate raised an eyebrow at her
-FLASHBACK-
Nate sat at a small cafe across the street from the Stilton Art Museum in Britain. A very popular, very expensive Degas was being showcased that week. He expected to see Sophie and had convinced IYS to let him go there. Just as the thought floated through Nates mind the seat next to him was suddenly occupied.
"What a pleasant surprise" Nate said not bothering to make eye contact
"It's quite wonderful weather here in July, isn't it?"
Nate ignored her question. "You after the Degas?"
"No. I'm here to visit" And that wasn't a lie
Nate just looked over at her. "Oh please Sophie don't even try. I know you have a soft spot for Degas and this museum isn't nearly as tough as some of your other runs."
Sophie quirked an eyebrow, that man payed to much attention. "May I ask what you're doing here?"
"Making sure nothing gets stolen from the museum" Nate pointed to it across the street
"There's a much bigger showcase going on at The Louvre. Shouldn't you be there smart one" Sophie smirked
"No they put Jim on that"
"Well you should go home to your wife and son because you're wasting your time here" Sophie patted his cheek lightly
Nate just gave a slight smile. "It was nice seeing you Sophie"
"You too Nate" Sophie smiled back. Before she knew what was happening he had leaned down to hug her. Sophie hugged him back great fully but soon pulled away. They both walked off in separate ways and only when a stranger on the street asked Nate for the time did he notice his watch was missing. Nate just smiled.
-END OF FLASHBACK-
Sophie gave a small laugh. "Yes Nate, that's why"
"So you never told me your real name"
"Before I tell you let me explain some more background on it. Jenna never called me by my real name, not once. It was always some kind of mocking name like 'Helen Keller' or 'Bitch' or 'Retard' or something like that. I was very close with my father, he loved me very much. He was the one that gave me my name and I didn't tell Mum when I was younger because it reminded me so much of him at the time. It was right after his death and I couldn't handle the pain it brought me. Nate, my real name is Gina Carlisle" Sophie finally said. Those few words took the burden of a thousand tons of her shoulders and she almost felt giddy with relief.
Nate whispered the name to himself a few times letting it roll off his tongue. "Gina Carlisle"
"I'm still Gina, I always feel a compulsion to help abused kids or keep someone from drinking. That's something that will never be Sophie's."
"Gina, Sophie, whatever. I still need you. I still love you" The words escaped Nates lips in breaths
Sophie just smiled at him. "It took you long enough. And I love you too"
Nate leaned down to kiss her slowly and gently. Sophie snared her fingers in his tangled hair trying desperately to deepen the kiss. Nate pulled away though. He tilted her chin up and moved her hair out of her face so it splayed out on her right shoulder.
"That's enough for one night Soph. I know you feel some amount of relief from telling me everything but I don't want you to do something you'll regret. If you still feel the same way tomorrow night then I promise I will" Nate whispered
"You're right Nate, as much as I hate to admit it" She gave him a small smirk. "Can I at least stay here with you?"
"You're right love, let's go to bed. I don't want you driving home at this late hour." Nate loosely grabbed her hand and started moving off the bed.
Sophie blushed at his protectiveness and the fact he had called her love. "You know it's only 10" Sophie teased
"You can't hate me for wanting to be with you" Nate gave a sheepish smile
"You're right I can't" Sophie smiled and jumped on his back. He stumbled a little bit at the suddenness but then supported her legs, which she had hooked, around his waist. "What am I going to wear?"
"You can barrow some of my clothes but I don't know if they'll fit"
"I don't care" Sophie kissed his cheek
Nate felt his ears get hot and gently let her down. "Umm yeah you can wear umm..."
Sophie grabbed one of his t-shirts and sweatpants. "This'll work"
"Ok well you can just go lay down I'm gonna go brush my teeth and stuff."
"See you in a bit" Sophie smiled and got into the bed. The idea of sleeping in his bed and being covered in his scent was maddening. After what seemed like one minute Nate came out of the bathroom wearing his undershirt and boxers. Sophies eyes went wide. Nate just chuckled.
"Whoa"
"So should I start calling you by your real name?" Nate asked as he got under the covers
"You remember what I said in the graveyard?"
"You killed her Nate, you and your silly little crusade" Nate repeated
"How did you remember that?" Sophie was taken aback by it
"Because I knew you were about the leave me"
"What I meant was I was no longer the ruthless grifter I had been when I was younger. We're the good guys now. But I wouldn't be Sophie without Gina, if you think about it. I wouldn't be who I am today, but who knows who Gina would've been. You can call me what you want, I still remain the same" Sophie spoke the last words with conviction and pride
"You will always be Sophie to me because that's who I fell in love with."
"You fell in love with a ruthless grifter?" Sophie gave him a quizzical look
"I did and I love how you are now. But don't forget that a part of Gina still lives inside of you. Sophie is who you are, or at least who you've been for most of your life. Whether you want to let go of Gina or keep her close is up to you, and only you" Nate spoke from his heart and Sophie could hear it in his voice.
"Why did I leave? You-you've made things clearer for me in an hour conversation then in 6 months of traveling"
"You can't heal completely when you're lying to everyone" Nate said simply but gently
"And now I can start. Thank you Nate, for being there for me and letting me confide in you" Sophie whispered sweetly
"You're welcome Soph. Now let's get some sleep"
"Mmm goodnight Nate, I love you" Sophie murmured
"I love you too Soph" Nate whispered. They both quickly drifted off into a deep sleep, the connection between them stronger then ever.
A/N 2: Right now I am working on 3 other multi-chapter fics and this is a story I wrote a while ago. Anyway I will not be posting them until I finish them so that the updates will be quick.