Disclaimer: I do not own Big Valley or any of its characters nor am I making any money. This is just for fun.

A/N This is my first BV FF so please forgive any OOC-ness and any mistakes, I'm sure there will be more then a few. This is a Heath whomping fic because we all know we whomp the ones we love in fanficland. This fic is set around the third season.

"Talking" 'thoughts'

If Tomorrow Never Comes

Chapter One

"Nick, be careful with that. You will break the jars." Victoria scolded her, second eldest, as he plopped a crate full of jarred pickles, preserves, honey, and jams, into the back of the wagon.

"Well, it would certainly help if some people would quit yammering like old women and give a hand loading the wagon." Nick gave Jarrod and Eugene a pointed look. At hearing Nick's comment Jarrod smiled, "Why, brother Nick, are you saying that you can't do it all yourself?"

"Well if it's too much for ya Nick I could call Audra to help you?" Heath teased in his soft drawl as he came out of the house carrying a forty-pound sack of flour from the kitchen. Silas was right behind him holding some quilts and candles. Nick feigned an insulted look, "I'll have you know that I could carry this wagon, loaded to the brim, on my back all the way to the summer lodge and not so much as breakout in a sweat."

"Well, here then." Heath said as he chucked the sack of flour to his loud mouthed brother. The cowboy had not been prepared for the action, so was not able to catch the bag before it smacked into his chest with an audible thump. The weight of the bag caused Nick to stumble back a step in order to keep his balance, "Boy I'm gonna pound you into next week." Nick threatened as dropped the flour in the back of the wagon and took off after his blond brother, Heath just laughed as he dodged Nick's grasp.

Jarrod and Eugene teased and egged their brothers on, "The whole wagon eh brother Nick?"

"On your left Heath."

-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Victoria smiled at her sons antics. All of her children shared an unbreakable bond they teased, fought, laughed, cried, and supported one anther as if they had known each other all their lives. It still amazed her sometimes to think that Heath had not always been with them. Her late husband's illegitimate son, had only come, into their lives a mere three years ago.

Those first few months had been difficult to be sure. Heath was so bitter and wary of trusting them and Nick so angry and hurt and more often then not he took that anger and hurt out on Heath. At times she was not sure if Heath would not just up and ride away. How thankful she is that he never did so. Jarrod, Audra, and Eugene, all of them had been so very hurt by their father's unfaithfulness, but none more so then herself.

On top of coping with their own changing family dynamics and all the emotional upheaval that come with it. They also had to deal with some of their neighbors and so-called friends, even some of their own hired men, expressing their opinions on the matter. And in some cases acting on those opinions. They had rarely missed an opportunity to hurt Heath by throwing his parentage in his face and insulting his mother, Leah. They called her family stupid, disrespectful of a great man's memory and unchristian 'for taking in one such as him, a product of sin and flouting him in their midst.' She knew people still said and thought those things about her and her family, and she knew Heath was the one who still took the brunt of their, narrow minded cruelty.

Many people had questioned, if Heath was in fact Tom's son. But she had known almost from the first time she had seen him that he was a Barkley. Heath, was the spitting image of her father-in-law, Hiram Barkley, when he was Heath's age. Except for Heath's mouth and the shape of his eyes, something she imagined came from Leah, they looked identical.

'Hiram will be tickled pink to find how much Heath looks like him, perhaps we could visit Hiram and, Patrick and his family before winter sets in. I should speak with Heath about that.' Victoria mused, Tom's younger brother and father have been pleading with them, ever since they were told about Heath three years ago, to come out and see them so they could meet their new nephew and grandson and welcome him to the family. But it never seemed like the best time, she did not want her in-laws or Heath to be hurt or uncomfortable, as they would no doubt want to talk about Tom. Heath was only now becoming comfortable with the subject of his father. He would never have been disrespectful to them by ignoring the subject but it still would have been obvious that Heath did not think that highly of Tom and that would have hurt both, her in-laws and Heath. Heath has since, seemed to have made peace with it, so maybe it was time to take Hiram and Patrick up on their invitation.

Victoria had loved her husband, she still did and always would. How could she not love him, he was the father of her children, all of her children. Now she had five wonderful blessings even though one of those blessings had came from another woman she still thanked God for all of them. Even as hurt as she was over her husbands betrayal she could not help but to love Heath as if he had been born to her. And it was because of her love for this son of her heart, that she could not help but to curse her husband's carelessness, for not going back to see if Leah was with child, and his selfishness, for not telling her about the affair.

She often wondered how many trials and hardships could Heath have avoided, and how many hunger and worry filled nights had he endured as a child, and never would have had to, had they but known about him when he was still a baby? These questions haunted her when she thought of her own four children's happy, carefree childhoods.

Sure they had, had some rough times, like in the beginning when she and Tom had just moved to the valley and had little more then the clothes on their backs, when they lost Tom Jr. to scarlet fever at only two years old, the drought of 59, when they had lost a third of their stock to wild fires and thirst, and then losing Tom over that rail road. But even with all that the good times by far out number the bad. It tore her heart to think that Heath could not say the same of his life.

Victoria jumped when she felt a hand on her shoulder. Audra looked at her mother with concern "I'm sorry mother. I did not mean to startle you. I was talking to you, but you didn't seem to hear me."

She smiled at her daughter, "I'm sorry dear, my mind was wandering. What was it you were saying?"

"Only that we are all packed and that Gene wants to say goodbye. He is going to have to leave for Stockton in a few minutes if he is going to catch the nine a.m. train to Berkeley."

"Oh, thank you Audra." Victoria put her arm around the younger woman and walked over to the men of her family.

"Are you sure you can't stay and go with us to the lodge? Maybe just for a week or so?" Victoria asked and she hugged her youngest child. "No, I can't stay. If I want to have a chance at getting that internship with Dr. Coombe I have to leave now. Dr. Coombe is one of the leading doctors in veterinary medicine why if I were to get that internship I..."

Victoria interrupted Eugene before he could ramble on about the good doctor again and miss his train, "we know dear. You better hurry now or you won't catch your train." She pulled him into an anther tight hug, "don't wait so long before you come see us again. I love you so much and please take care of yourself Eugene, dear you have been looking a little unwell lately, and you have been sneezing and coughing, are you feeling all right?"

Eugene smiled at his mother, "I have been feeling a little under the weather the past few days," He reluctantly admitted, then continued, "and if I'm not feeling better in a couple days I promise I will go to the doctor at Berkeley."

"I worry about you not eating well and not getting enough sleep with all those long hours of studying and classes and working with Dr. James on the weekends and now with this internship it just seems like so much. It is not wise to run yourself down when you are unwell."

"Well, now that classes are over for the summer I won't be studying very much and as for the internship I'm not even sure if I will get it, so please don't worry, mother, I will get plenty of rest. And I assure you I will be back here before you know it."

Victoria smiled and kissed his cheek so she could check his temperature without him knowing it, she knew it would upset him if he thought she was 'babying him' as he put it. Satisfied that he did not have a fever, she decided to ask Nick to wire Eugene before he and Heath came up to the lodge and see how Gene was feeling. Heath and Nick would be staying behind so they could finish a few things around the ranch, then join the rest of the family in two or three days. With that settled she felt more at ease, "Well, you better go, Nick's waiting for you, have a safe trip dear and I hope you feel better soon."

Eugene got into the buggy, that Nick was waiting in, and waved enthusiastically, "Well, goodbye everyone I love you all."

Nick waved goodbye to his family as well but with a little bit more reserve, "I'll see all of you in a couple days. Heath I'll meet you at the northeast pasture so we can move those heifers." Nick snapped the reigns, and they were off.

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