It was a cold night in Brooklyn, so cold that it crept through all the little cracks in the brick walls of the loft. The day had been exhausting and the cold didn't help raise his mood. His phone ringing in the middle of the night didn't either. He knew who felt the dire need to talk to him at exactly this moment. And she was someone you better not keep waiting.
Sighing he rolled around and answered. "Yes?".
Silence greeted him. Just like every night.
"Hi", a slightly trembling voice said. His eyes widened a fraction. This was new.
"Hi", he nearly sighed and mentally slapped himself.
They hadn't talked for ages. Not since the divorce papers had been signed by Serena and himself. Their marriage had been awkward and short-lived and their separation resembled more of a soap opera than real life. Since then he had moved back to the loft, had the occasional chat with Nate and Vanessa but otherwise kept far, far, far away from the Upper East Side. Not because he feared meeting Serena – frankly, they had had their fair share of break-ups and the awkward there-afters; he could deal with that – what he couldn't deal with was facing her without the excuse of being married or even in a relationship. He didn't know what stupid thing he would say or do.
"Good. You're not asleep". No excuse for calling so late. Not from the Queen.
"I was", he admitted truthfully, "but I know better than to keep you waiting".
He could nearly hear her smile. "I am watching a movie, you know".
"Oh really? How comes, it's the middle of the night!". That was a rhetorical question. He knew what was wrong. It was the same thing that made him get up in the middle of the night, sit at his typewriter unable to write anything. Regret.
"It's just a really cold night. Dorotha has gone home already, Henry is at Nate's and ...", she trailed off, unsure of what to say concerning her husband.
Dan also knew that she was alone. She wouldn't call him otherwise. But he still asked. "Where's Ch - ".
"It's 'Rosemary's Baby', you know. I don't know why, but I just felt like watching it again", she interrupted him quickly, not wanting to hear him say his name. "It's not like I'm thinking about old times or reminiscing or something, I just wanted to see some actual film culture. Something other than Final Destination the thousandth or another Selena Gomez flick."
She started blabbering. He loved when she did that because she still managed to say something intelligent. Also it was simply adorable.
"Of course you aren't", he simply answered. "Why should you? You're living the life you always dreamed of, right next to your prince of Manhattan". He didn't know why he said it. Why he brought Chuck into the conversation he had longed for since a time that felt like forever. It must have been the annoying light of the full moon that shone directly through the tall windows. He couldn't help but still feel bitter for losing a fight he should have won.
She kept silent. He almost feared he had scared her off or offended her and that she would just hang up on him. Surprisingly, she didn't.
"He's not here. He's never here. I know that he loves me and Henry and that he would never be unfaithful to me, but still, he's never here", her voice nearly broke and Dan only then realized how tightly he had clenched his fist. "And if he's here, it's as if he's not really there. As if … I don't know. But I don't want to feel invisible for the rest of my life".
It was his turn to keep silent. What did she expect him to say? What to do? He had meant what he had once said – that he would love the child of another man if it was for her. And he still meant it. But did she want that? Or did she just want a shoulder to lean on? Did he really have the strength to be that shoulder and nothing more, to again put her before everything else?
"Do you want me to come over?", he asked before he knew what he was doing. His body had obviously just made his choice.
He heard her hesitate. "It's okay. That wouldn't be fair to you".
Silence stretched out between them until Dan found his courage. "Is it just that or are you afraid what would happen?".
"I'm a married woman, Humphrey", her defenses were up again and strengthened with spikes. "What would people think?".
He scoffed. "Since when does Blair Waldorf really care about what people think?"
"It's Waldorf-Bass now, you know. And I just can't … Henry is my everything. I can't lose him", she said growing angry.
"Oh, I know that but I greatly appreciate the reminder", he hissed acidly.
"And now, please excuse me because I gotta call about a dozen people to forget about ever punching your number in my phone, Brooklyn", she hissed back and he could totally picture her tossing her hair back and turning on her heel like she had done so many times in high school. It made his heart swell and his throat run dry.
"Blair", he said hurriedly before she could hang up. "You don't to live like this. Maybe it's not worth it".
"Maybe the world isn't ready for a Waldorf-Bass divorce, yet", he could hear her tears and it stung. He wanted to punch some sense into that Basstard. "I mean … what if I lose everything?"
"Blair -", but she had already hung up. Her last question still resounded in his head and would probably haunt him for the next weeks. One phone call was all it took to shatter his resolve of over 5 years. That he would never grovel again at the feet of one Blair Waldorf. But was it still groveling when she was already lying on the floor, bruised and broken? Sure, it had been her choices that had her led her to this fate but who was he to judge? He had known that chances with Serena were slim to non-existing and he had still tried.
Running a hand through his unruly curls, he lay back down on his bed. She had sounded so sad and lonely. So unlike the girl he had come to love. He knew he was helpless. "What if I lose everything?"
"You'll always have me."
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