"The beginning of love is the will to let those we love be perfectly themselves, the resolution not to twist them to fit our own image." Thomas Merton

Reid leaned against the doorway to the bedroom he shared with Morgan watching him pack his bags for a two-day trip. Rossi was interviewing a serial killer in Vancouver, Canada for his next book and needed someone to accompany him. Blake was spending the team's vacation week with her husband; Hotch was in New York City with Jack and Beth; JJ, Will, and Henry were visiting LaMontain relatives in Louisiana and he was defiantly not taking Garcia. This left Morgan and Reid. Morgan volunteered while Reid had made other plans. Reid's friend Ethan was in town for a near-by jazz convention and was planning on paying Reid a visit.

"I'm going to miss you," Reid said with a sad smile while he watched Morgan zip up his garment bag.

"I'll miss you, too, Pretty Boy." Morgan dropped his bag on the bed and met Reid in the doorway. He cupped his lover's face in one hand and rested the other in the small of Reid's back. "But remember, it's only for two days. Your friend Ethan is coming to visit, too, so at least you won't be lonely."

Reid bit his lip nervously and looked away. Morgan's brow creased with concern. "Spencer, what's wrong."

"I, um," Reid stammered. "I canceled with Ethan. He's not coming over."

"What? Why?"

"There's something I need to tell you." Reid paused for a long moment and then continued. "You know that Ethan and I used do date a long time ago."

"Yeah, and I trust you to hang out with your ex because I know you ended things on friendly terms and are still good friends."

"You remember the case in New Orleans six years ago, right?"

Morgan nodded; he was confused but patient.

"And you know that I was dating Gerald Huffinger at the time."

Morgan sighed. "Yes, I remember that jack ass well. Now will you please tell me what's bothering you?"

Reid took a deep breath and held it for a few seconds. When he let it out, his confession came out with it in one jumbled word. "IcheatedonGeraldwithEthan."

Morgan could not hide the shock on his face. "You did what?"

"I cheated on Gerald with Ethan." Morgan opened his mouth to speak, but Reid cut him off before he had a chance to get a word out. "I never loved Gerald. As soon as we got home from the case, I went to him and told him everything. I broke up with him because obviously my heart wasn't in it." Reid took a breath to steady himself. "Gerald was even willing to forgive me and try to work things out but I wasn't willing to because, again, I never loved him and I didn't see myself ever truly loving him. But I love you, Derek. So why should I even put myself in a compromising position?"

It was silent in the bedroom for a minute or so before Morgan spoke. "So you're afraid if you let yourself be alone with Ethan, you would cheat on me?"

"No!" Red objected quickly. "Not really, I just… I would never cheat on you, Derek. I love you more than the oxygen that keeps me alive and that's why I refuse to even put the temptation in front of myself. I would NEVER cheat on you. I would rather break my plans with Ethan and even give up his friendship completely than so much as give myself the chance to destroy what we have spent the last four years six months and eleven days building together!"

Again the room fell silent. "Derek, I understand if you leave for your interview with Rossi this morning and never come back because you can't trust me anymore now that you know I have a history of infidelity. I just had to come clean to you because if I-"

Reid's sentence was cut off when Morgan suddenly wrapped his arms around him squeezing him to the point where it was difficult to breath. "Spencer I won't leave you," he assured. "The fact that you canceled with Ethan and even told me about any of this is proof enough that you want to be an honest person and a loyal partner. I believe you when you tell me that you love me. I believe you when you tell me that you would never cheat on me."

"For a moment when you didn't say anything I honestly believed you hated me."

Reid didn't think it was possible for Morgan to tighten his hold around him, but he did. "I could never hate you. I love you, Spencer. On a cellular level I love you." Reid chuckled nervously at Morgan's use of scientific terminology. "Part of loving someone is trusting and forgiving them."

Morgan wanted so badly to show Reid right then and there how much he truly loved him, but just then there was a knock at the door. Morgan huffed in frustration and released his hold on Reid. "That would be Rossi."

"I'll get the door," Reid volunteered, "You finish getting your things together like I told you to do last night." Reid gave a playfully sarcastic smile before he left to answer the door.

Reid opened the door for his friend, greeting him politely and stepping aside to allow him to enter.

"Morgan's almost ready," he informed Rossi, habitually using his lover's surname in the presence of another team member. Even though the team had known about their relationship practically before they did, it was just one way they kept things in their working life professional.

"I am ready, actually." Morgan entered the living room carrying a suitcase in one hand and his garment bag slung over his shoulder in the other.

"I'll be in the car. I'll let you to say goodbye in private." Rossi winked teasingly at the couple before going back outside.

"Spencer, I want you to consider an alternative to your meeting with Ethan."

Reid gaped at Morgan in wide-eyed shock. "What?"

"Just hear me out. I would never expect you to give up your friendship with Ethan, especially now that you know I still trust you. So instead of meeting at the house in private, maybe you could meet somewhere public like a shopping center or restaurant or even his convention. That way you can still play ketch up while avoiding a 'compromising position' as you called it."

Reid nodded thoughtfully. "I'll think about it. And thank you."

Morgan smiled widely. "For what?"

Reid hugged Morgan as best he could with luggage in the way. "For trusting me, for loving me, for forgiving me, and for letting me see Ethan after everything I've told you."

Morgan dropped his suitcase on the floor and gently brushed his knuckles across Reid's cheek. "Spencer I do love you and I do trust you. Now hiving said that, I can't be sure that I trust Ethan, so if you do decide to meet with him, take your gun. Please?"

Reid nodded. "Of course. I love you Derek."

"I love you too, Spencer. With all of my heart."

WIANWIANWIANWIAN

It was the day after Morgan had left and Reid already felt lonely. He had thought a lot about the last conversation that'd had and the more he thought about it, the more he felt Derek was right. Reid was just about to reach for his phone to call Ethan to ask him to meet him later at Nelsons, a semi-fine dining venue near the convention hall, when he heard a knock at the door. He instinctively reached for his gun, which was hidden in a holster on the arm of the couch. "It's open!" he called to the unknown visitor. The door swung open which startled Reid slightly. In the doorway stood a tall, lanky, bearded man dressed in tight jeans and a lose v-neck t-shirt. Proudly displayed in his right hand was a bottle of some cheep brand of whisky.

"Ethan!" Reid shouted in shock. Within seconds he regained his composure and stood up form the couch where he was sitting. "Ethan, I told you we couldn't meet in private."

"Oh, come on now, Spencer. What do you think is going to happen?" The musician asked in a playful mocking tone.

Absolutely nothing because we are NOT staying here alone together, Reid thought. "I was just about to call you. I was thinking we could go somewhere. There's a cultural exposé downtown. There's food, entertainment, art…" he let his sentence trail off. "Listen, I told you why I didn't want us alone together. I thought you respected that."

Ethan sighed with disappointment. "Is this you boyfriend's rule or is this because of your own paranoia because of what happened last time?"

"I told you that I don't want to…" Reid huffed in aggravation. "Promise me that you will respect the fact that I am in a deeply committed relationship and I will let you stay just for an hour or so."

Ethan drew an "X" over his chest with the hand that wasn't holding the alcohol. "I promise. Now can I come in?"

Reid rolled his eyes and smiled slightly. "You're already in, Ethan. Close the door."

Spencer slumped back down on the couch and picked up his cell phone.

"Texting your man?" Ethan asked casually as he went to the kitchen to help himself to two shot glasses.

"His name is Derek, and yes. I told him you weren't coming, and he has a right to know there's been a change in plans."

"Ethan showed up at the house a few minutes ago. I swear I did not plan this. I let him stay and made it clear as crystal that nothing will be happening. Is this okay or would you rather us not be here?"

"Does he know about us?" Ethan asked, returning from the kitchen with two double-shot glasses and the whiskey. Liquor was part of their routine when they met together. Of course, so was sex, and Reid had made it clear that wasn't happening.

"He knows that we were together a long time ago, yes."

Reid's phone buzzed with a text.

"Not sure how I feel bout him showing up when u told him not 2. That's on him, not u. If u 2 stay that's ok just be careful."

Reid sighed with relief that Morgan was not angry, at least not with him.

"Thank you. I will. I love you."

"Don't tell me you have to text him and check in like a teenager." Ethan flopped down on the couch he opened the whisky with a "pop."

"I don't have to, I just want to let him know what's going on. He…" Reid hesitated.

Ethan finished Reid's sentence. "He knows about us having sex in New Orleans while you were with Gerald?"

Reid nodded silently. His phone buzzed again with another text.

"Love u 2"

"You're too tense, Spencer. Have a drink." Reid accepted the drink with a considerate smile, but he was determined not to get drunk. Intoxication leads to lowered inhibitions, Reid reminded himself. And lowed inhibitions lead to bad choices.

He had defiantly learned that lesson the hard way once before.

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Five and a half hours and half a bottle of whisky later Reid found himself in a position that he never wanted to be in: Drunk and alone with Ethan with his guard completely down. Every so often Morgan would text to check on him, Reid would always respond immediately.

"Havin fun?"

Ethan let out a groan when Reid tried to text back. "Can't this guy just leave you alone for half a second? Last I checked you were a grown-ass man!"

"He's just being cautious," Reid defended his lover. "Given our history can you really blame him?"

Ethan shrugged and downed another shot.

"I'm going to go call him." Reid stood slowly; knowing that the effects of the liquor would surly hit him hard the moment he stood up. He was right, but he was balanced enough to walk a semi-straight line to the bathroom. Reid dialed Morgan's number from memory.

"Hey, Spencer, what's up? Everything okay?"

"Yeah just fine."

The sternness in Morgan's voice came as a shock to Reid. "Spencer Reid, you are DRUNK!"

"I know," he apologized in a slur. "I'm sorry."

"Why are you drunk, Spencer? Why on earth would you get drunk? You know what, that doesn't matter. He needs to leave. NOW!"

"Okay I'll tell him. Love you, Derek."

"Spen-"

Reid hung up and cut Derek off.

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Morgan didn't know whom he was angrier at: Ethan for getting Reid drunk, or Reid for letting him do so. "Why are you drunk, Spencer? Why on earth would you get drunk? You know what, that doesn't matter. He needs to leave. NOW!"

"Okay I'll tell him. Love you, Derek."

"Spencer, wait, stay here for…Spencer? Spencer!"

Morgan practically slammed the phone down on the bedside table.

Rossi asked from the small desk across the hotel room, "What was that all about?"

Morgan shook his head in a stunned silence, barely hearing and not acknowledging Rossi's question.

"Derek," Rossi's use of his given name was meant do draw his attention.

"How could I have been so stupid?" Derek asked more to himself than to Rossi.

"Care to share?"

"No!" Morgan exclaimed. He grabbed his cell phone and stormed out of the hotel room, slamming the door behind him.

"Alcohol is a very patient drug. It will wait for the alcoholic to pick it up one more time."
Mercedes McCambridge