A Thousand Paper Cranes
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I never saw the point to making a thousand paper cranes to grant a wish, it was illogical, not to mention it was back breaking work, and yet here I find myself making paper cranes in earnest, alongside my small canary Tanpopo, after my eight hundredth one I found my hands cramping up, and even so I refused to stop, although I didn't really believe my wish would be granted, I still hoped, that my earnest wish could reach Watanuki. The only person who had cared enough for me to stay by my side despite the fact that I brought bad luck to all those who came near me, and I find myself worrying about him. I hadn't seen him since I had gotten word that Yuuko had died, not a trace; it was as if he just, disappeared. I asked people, and they didn't seem to remember him, all aside from Doumeki who had been his best friend.
It was not long after that I found out that he could no longer leave Yuuko's shop like he usually did he had foolishly promised to wait for her return, and because of it I could no longer see him, for I didn't need to be there, as Doumeki needed to. Consolingly the small canary on my shoulder chirped sadly, it read my thoughts, she was another thing I needed to thank my April fool friend for, the gift of a friend who couldn't be affected by my bad luck. It made me sad that this was all I could do, stretching I touched the scars that ran from the base of my skull to my back, the scars I had received to save him, scars that I would carry for the rest of my life. No matter what, it was worth it in the end. I looked to my over flowing table filled with paper cranes varying from big and small, in all colors, I still had a long way to go. Gently I picked one up despite my aching fingers, there was so much hope built up in such a small crane.
Although I hadn't really believed in things like these maybe if I wished for his happiness through these, I would be able to repay him in some small and miniscule way. I looked out to the window, it was raining, and it reminded me of many things. Like the day, Doumeki and Watanuki came to my doorstep and asked for something I was wearing. I smiled at the memory, I had been slightly shocked at their words, but I was more amused at the way my funny friend twisted and contorted, trying to explain himself.
I pulled down my white ribbons and handed it to them, asking, "Is this alright?" Doumeki merely thanked me while Watanuki went off on another one of his rants. The only difference now though, was that the moon was out, shining through my small window. It reminded me of the small pipe fox that liked to accompany Watanuki, it was so cute. I wondered how he was doing, would I ever see him again? And if I did would he be the same as he had before? I don't know and the thought of it worries me. I didn't want him to change without me to watch him. And yet here I was, I wasn't by his side; no I didn't have that privilege. I wasn't someone who could protect him, at least not like Doumeki could.
Even so, I missed him, it was a selfish wish on my part, but I knew that Watanuki and his happiness were greater than my own needs. Although Doumeki had told me nothing of our friend, I knew that something was wrong, and it worried me. Despite, Shizuka's bland face I could still see the lines that etched his face, and I've come to find that I can't stand it too much anymore. I will be living soon, to start my life, the only things of Watanuki that I could have were the memories and Tanpopo, but that didn't mean that I would lose contact with them. I plan to be a photographer, and I would take pictures of the world, and send them to Watanuki so that he may see what I see.
For a moment longer I looked up at the moon, it seemed so far away, just as Watanuki is, and just as Yuuko was. I find myself asking the same questions, like 'Why did you have to leave Yuuko-san?' 'Why did you leave this entire burden on his shoulders?' 'How was it fair, that I am the only one left out?' I stopped myself turning back to the slips of paper; tears were beginning to well up in my eyes. I knew it was best for me to just smile, smile like there was nothing wrong. That way he wouldn't be hurt by my tears, I knew that Watanuki cared too much for his friends. It made him a fool, but it was something everyone loved about him.
I wondered that if he cared any less whether he would be happier, whether he wouldn't suffer for so long, and I wondered how long would he suffer, I knew that he was tied to that shop, and because it lived forever, how long would he live? I knew that he would remain there until Yuuko came back, but how long would that be? On that note I returned to folding the paper cranes. A couple hundred to go, tiredly I rubbed my eyes, Tanpopo chirped again asking if I was ok. I smiled, petting it gently on the head before placing it on its little perch. "I'm ok don't worry." It chirped concerned but did nothing further but watch me as I resumed forcing my fingers to make the necessary folds to make a paper crane.
It was my turn to grant a wish, a wish dedicated only for him.
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I walked through the streets slightly groggy my eyes were blurring; I had somehow managed to pull and all nighter and make all of those paper cranes. My hair down in their usual curls to hide my scars, my high collared jacket shielding my neck from the light, on my shoulder held a big string of paper cranes. I looked to the sky; it looked like it was still going to be a rainy day. I wondered if my string of cranes will be ok, I sighed, I guess this was one bag that I would have to do without.
Tanpopo, cuddled next to my cheek, I couldn't help but smile at her soft feathers, her warmth, and her kindness that was so much like Watanuki's. I approached the empty lot knowing that I wouldn't see the shop; even so I still wished that I could see it. I wondered if he could see me, and if he could what sort of face was he making? I wanted to see Watanuki, but I knew that even he couldn't let me in. Even so I gently laid the bag down, it was clearly labeled for him, I knew that Doumeki would find it and bring it in for Watanuki, a letter of my goodbye as I would travel the world.
I was leaving today… Lovingly I held onto the bag just a little bit longer, my phone rang, it was the alarm I had set for it. Taking one last look at the empty lot I left, the rain was beginning to fall, and it wonderfully covered my tears, I didn't bring an umbrella, in the collar of my jacket my small avian friend hid herself from the cold rain, singing to me as if to cheer me up. Even then the tears wouldn't stop falling. I know that I'm not leaving him forever, but I know I'll miss him, and with my grief the rain fell just a bit harder, as if it were a mercy.
I wondered if it was the Ame Warashi that Watanki like to talk about, the one with red hair in a goth loli dress. I wondered what she was like, but I knew she wouldn't approach me just as she didn't on that day Watanuki had take my hair ribbons. Like all of the youkai, they knew to avoid me; I knew that my strange powers affected them greatly whether they were around me for long or not.
Maybe that was why none had ever threatened me despite my close affiliation with a tasty being like Watanuki. At very least he wouldn't have to worry about me being nabbed by some big bad spirit. At least I wouldn't be a burden to him like I was most people. Slowly as time progressed and I cried my tears, the sun began to make its way through the clouds. After a few minutes more it was sunny out, and with the dissipating clouds, I let my tears retreat to the inner sanctum of my mind. I had to smile, I had to be smile. Enough for even Watanuki to feel it, it was the reason I had made those cranes in the first place, if only for his happiness, just as he had tried so hard for mine. With the sun I began to smile, at first it faltered, but I remembered I had to be happy enough for two, despite the curse that had been placed on my shoulders since birth.
But despite this curse, I needed to smile, like he would have wanted me too, and I was supposed to be a sunflower after all, it was my name. I looked to the blue sky, smiling brightly as was my trademark banishing any darkness that tried to invade my heart. I am a flower after all; I remembered the funny way Watanuki called my name. It made me smile all the more; it reminded me who I was to him, and how I had always acted in front of him. I would remember to remain that way for him, no matter how much time passed, as his flower in the sun, Himawari, his beloved friend Himawari-chan.
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I don't know why but every time I write an xxxholic fanfic I manage to make it sad somehow, maybe it's because it's a oneshot… Either way to those reading my oneshot threads… thanks for reading…
Disclaimer: I own none of this anime or mange what so ever