I've never felt anything as utterly amazing as being with Squall. Not just having sex with him, but every part of our complicated, sometimes contradictory, relationship. We'd never, ever intentionally hurt each other - I'm talking gunblades and duelling here - over something personal. But give us Hyperion and Lionheart, and ask us to fight, and we will, and damn near kill each other while we're at it, and we won't ever even be mad at each other. And all the while, still loving each other as much as ever, too.

It amazes, and maybe scares, me that Squall can seperate love from duty so easily, too. He never likes it when I'm sent on long missions for SeeD - but when I'm the best candidate for the job, he sends me with no regrets. And he can keep signing reports, no matter what I do, with a single mindedness that completely astounds me. Damn, if I were him, I wouldn't be able to resist me for a minute, judging by his reactions to me when he's not working, anyway. But then he can completely push duty aside and think only of love. Of love and of being with me.

I'm not like that. Love, and whatever duty I feel, overlap. I take orders from Squall, which is my duty, because I respect him and believe he's right - and that's love speaking, not blind acceptance of what my leader says.

I think that if I were to... become a sorceress's knight all over again, he'd have no reservations in killing me. If it happened to him, I would fight to save him but I wouldn't - couldn't - kill him. And that's the truly scary thing. He would kill me without even a flinch. Though, knowing my Squall, he'd feel guilty for it after.

Not that I am angry at him for that. I'm no one's puppet, and I've told him time and time again that if I ever become a sorceress's knight again, he's allowed to kill me, asked to, in fact. I never want to be a puppet again, and I think I would count it almost an honour to die on Squall's blade.

And sappy as it sounds, and as ridiculous as I know I am saying it, Squall is my life. I wouldn't be alive if it weren't for him. And every minute we spend together... well, it's like heaven. Better than heaven. I wouldn't be any happier if I were dead because there's no Squall in heaven. Or hell, as is more likely for me.

I couldn't be happier than this if I was in heaven. Partly because I would have to be a good boy up there and not have any more fun.

Mostly because my life, or maybe I should say death, couldn't be complete without Squall.