The Right Person
by Clarinet Koko
I have no idea why I wrote this. I don't like yaoi very much, but here I am, writing yaoi. xx Even though it doesn't really end as a yaoi... anyway, it's sucky, weird, bad written, blah blah blah. At least I tried. But anyway, before you read this...
DO NOT READ IF YOU HATE REN/PIRI OR HORO/TAMAO AND LOVE REN/HORO, BECAUSE YOU WILL BE VERY VERY DISAPPOINTED AND WILL UNDOUBTEDLY HATE ME FOREVER AND FLAME ME AND YELL AT ME AND WILL WANT TO KILL ME.
Yep yep. I can't even believe I made such a crack triangle. xD I mean, just Ren/Piri is understandable, but Horo/Ren/Piri? Can you say INSANE? Oh well... Just a warning. Don't flame me about the pairing, I've already warned you.
Disclaimer: I no own Shaman King. xx I want Pirika, though, she's cute...P
-
I should have known, of course. I'd seen so many little signs that all indicated to that one thing. Why couldn't I have stopped it? If only I'd realized. If only I'd noticed. Then I might have been able to prevent the incident.
I guess it all began when we began officially 'going out', so to call it. We'd shared a couple of tender sweet moments, too, and Ren was showing so much of his new side. The side I loved and marveled.
My work at the snowboard rental shop was to blame, I guess. Not that I can really blame anything or anyone about the natural order of things. I guess we just weren't meant to be. Because, to be frank, I never thought I'd fall in love with someone the same gender. It was so unexpected... but it still felt normal, and for the first time, I think I was genuinely happy.
He had been a cold heartless killer when we had first met. Then, he turned into a guy who had simply had a way too hard childhood. During the Shaman Fight, he became my best friend, my teammate, and my rival.
After the Shaman Fight, he became something much more. My reason to live. He had told me that he felt the same, too, as he slowly opened up to me. But now that I think back, I wonder if he really had meant it. Still, we spent a few blissful weeks together. Just the two of us.
And then she came in.
Don't get me wrong; I love her. I love my sister. But I think then, just a tiny little bit, I liked Ren better. Just a small part. But I still loved her. I loved them both. She's my sister, I can't hate her. Even for what she did. Even for what she took away from me.
But I have no say in it. Because I almost took away something more precious then love from her.
Ren held no interest of her at first; she had simply skipped back into my life- and apartment- again since she the owner of the apartment she had been living at had suddenly decided to sell. I welcomed her with open arms, and she became a part of my life again, just like the old days.
I of course told her about Ren; she understood me, encouraged me. I felt then that I must be the happiest man on earth, being with the two people I love the most. But god must have thought that I had enough happiness. Slowly, my luck turned and I was sinking into the subtle trap, unconsciously dragging Pirika with me.
Ren... he would come over everyday, even before my work was over. Whenever I came home he was there, waiting.
But when she had moved back in, Ren would be awaited by someone other then me- Pirika. I know she meant nothing to him, and he meant nothing to her at that time. Pirika would just politely invite him in and chat with him while they both waited for me.
Everyday, when I came back home from work, I would find the two of them sitting at the table drinking tea, making small conversation. Ren would always look slightly stiff, while Pirika was her usual happy self, chattering away.
I never thought anything of it, of course. I never even imagined that during the time I was away, an invisible, mutual bond had been formed between them.
That was why, when I had suddenly gotten last minute plans and had to turn down Ren's offer to go see a movie, I had suggested for him to go with Pirika instead. The only thought I had then was that this would be a good chance for them to get used to each other, if by chance Ren and I got even... closer.
Ren had been reluctant at first, of course. But I insisted; I didn't want those tickets to go to waste, either. So I sent both of them to the movie theater while I had to go to work, since I had a night shift that day.
I would have never let those two go alone if I knew what that small, innocent visit would create.
When I came home that night, I found Pirika on the bed, hugging her knees with a soft, yet radiant smile on her face. I didn't what was wrong with her; maybe she had eaten too much carmel popcorn at the theaters. When she noticed me, though, I'm quite sure I saw a slightly guilty look on her face.
I should have realized then, of course. The hints were all there. And yet I just dismissed the smallest possibilities and told her to go to bed.
The scene I saw three nights later should have told me everything. But I was too dense, too stupid, lost in my own fantasy world with Ren.
"Pirika?" Her room was empty, and there was no sign of her around the room at all. Where could she have gone? Usually she told him where she would be going before living the house. Plus, it was past midnight, so it would be definately dangerous out.
I was worried, and found myself banging on Ren's door, a few doors away from ours. I needed him to help me find Pirika, and reassure me.
But he didn't answer. Figuring he must be deeply asleep, I took out the spare key and cautiously tip-toed in, planning to surprise him.
He wasn't there.
Ren and Pirika, gone, past midnight. Where could they be? Were they kidnapped?
I searched desperately around his room, looking for clues as to where he might be. Could he be hurt? Could he be lost?
And then I found it; a small datebook, hidden beneath his pillow. I felt slightly guilty as I flipped through it, looking for todays date. But I stamped it out, convincing myself that this was for Ren.
I saw it, underneath the 10th of March, a short word written in pink ink: 'Rooftop'. It was written so small, you had to squint to make it out. But I noticed that, every two days, there was a star written in the small box in the same pink ink. Could it mean something?
But anway- Rooftop? Why would Ren write 'rooftop'? There was a rooftop on this apartment; maybe he would be there? Though why he would go to the rooftop past midnight, I had no idea. He must be freezing; March was still quite cold.
I hurried out, after tidying up his room a bit. I didn't want him to notice that I'd been snooping around his stuff. He might get the wrong idea. I made sure the datebook was securely underneath the pillow before running out towards the stairs.
I poked my head through the door leading to the cold night air; and sure enough, I caught sight of the trademark tongari. I sucked in my breath, ready to yell his name out loud- but stopped.
Because I saw her. Her blue hair, the same color as mine, and her body leaning cozily against my Ren.
My Ren.
Who had his arms around her shoulder as well. They both looked way too chummy, in my opinion.
I felt anger boil through me for some reason; I think because they had made me worry so much, and yet here I find them together, meeting in secret at the dead of night! What was Pirika doing with my Ren, anyway?
I was about to call out again, when I caught sight of their face- they seemed so blissful, happy, perfect. Like the perfect pair. Like the perfect couple.
No. I didn't want to think about that. I tried to stamp out the thoughts, fill it with happier memories.
And so I left them alone for that night, convincing myself that it was nothing. That it didn't mean anything special at all. That it was just a mere, twisted coincidence.
-
I wish I'd thought more about that incident that day. Any other person would have surely made the connections. But I didn't. And I hate myself even more, for what I did when I finally did realize it.
A few days later, I decided that we three should go to the Amusement Park, to 'deepen our bonds'. I don't know what I was thinking; taking the two to a damned Amusement Park. I think I'd forgotten about the rooftop incident then, since all I felt was excited at the time. So full of hope.
I remember how uncomfortable Ren looked, and how flushed Pirika looked as I walked between them.
"Hey Ren, what's wrong?" I asked, looking cautiously into his face. He hadn't looked me in the eye for ages... well, since that movie, actually. The one where Ren and Pirika went to, just the two of them. Both had been acting rather strangely since then.
"N-nothing..." He mumbled, looking down on the ground. Why was he acting like this? It was like back when we had first met; Ren had half closed in on me now. After all the hardwork, making Ren feel comfortable with me, his reaction gave me the feeling that we were back to square one.
And what was it with Pirika? She wouldn't look me in the eye either, and for some reason her face looked... guilty. But I'm sure it's just my imagination, because what could she have done to feel guilty?
I took Ren's hand, but he didn't seem very enthuised about it at all. In fact, he almost looked like he didn't want me holding his hand.
In an effort to make both of my most loved ones in ease, I suggested we go and get some ice cream. However, they seemed extremely zonked out as they barely listened to me. Giving up trying to catch their attention, I went to go buy some for us three myself.
When I came back with three cones in hand, I witnessed another ultimate clue to their relationship. Both were staring at each others eyes with longing, not noticing anything else but each other... and the scene I saw at the rooftop came flooding back. The perfect couple, the perfect pair.
I convinced myself, yet again, that it was nothing, that there could be nothing between the two. Nothing at all.
-
I am so stupid. The truth was right there, right in front of my eyes. And yet I chose to ignore it... yet again. Every time, I run away to the happiest thought, running away from reality. And what had that brought up? Nothing; nothing but pain, guilt, sorrow.
I climbed up the stairs, heart pounding. I was headed to the rooftop, because for the first time, I was beginning to feel at unease, and insecure. Which was a first; I trusted Ren with all my heart. He couldn't be having an affair with my little sister!
Feeling a sense of dread, I cautiously opened the door to the rooftop yet again, scared of what I might see.
The truth was right there, staring me at the face.
Oh, it looked innocent at first. The two were talking silently, and I couldn't hear a word even when I strained my ears. No touching, and none of the closeness I saw last time.
But the next thing Ren did shattered my heart, and confirmed all of my suspicions. I never felt so betrayed in my whole entire life. I believed in him. I trusted him. Yet what was he doing behind my back?
Ren had suddenly grabbed Pirika, tilted up her chin, and kissed her desperately, passionately, lovingly. I had never seen him so desperate; even at the height of passion between us, he never showed so much fire.
It was eating me inside as I watched them helplessly, unable to do anything.
To give Pirika her credit, she protested at first; but Ren was holding her so tightly, as if he never wanted to let go of her. Why? Why was he doing this to me? Couldn't he have told me earlier about him and Pirika? Why did you make me find out about it like... this?
Pretty soon, she gave in and was kissing him back passionately.
I guess when Pirika began kissing him back, the fact that Ren might possibly love Pirika more then me began to sink in.
And slowly, I felt anger boiling through me. Anger because they had betrayed me, tricked me. Was Ren just playing with me all along? Or was it my fault, for leaving them alone before my return from work, or sending them off to the movies alone?
Before I knew it, I had jumped on Ren, my fist slamming into his face. He looked surprised as he let go of Pirika and tried to defend himself. "Wha- H-Horohoro?"
I didn't reply; instead, I punched him in the jaw again, kicking him, hurting him in any way I could. Ren was desperately trying to stop me, trying to reason with me; but I didn't listen. I wasn't listening. All I knew was that he had betrayed me. And all I could do to relieve myself was by hurting him physically.
"Oniichan! Stop!" I heard Pirika yelling at me from afar, and I felt her hands tugging from behind, trying to pull me away from him.
And then I made the biggest mistake ever.
I flung her off, not thinking of the consequences. I was blinded with fury, I didn't notice that I had shoved her too hard.
-
I hate myself. What have I done? I'll never forgive myself for what happened next.
"AAAHH!" I stopped at the familiar scream, and I finally realized who I was, where I was, and what I was doing.
"PIRIKA!" It was Ren. He flung me off with newly found power and dashed towards Pirika, to save her...
...from falling down to her death.
That's right. The fence was as good as useless as I pushed her down the side of the roof, 9 stories high. Because I was too blinded by... what? Love? Anger? Fury? That hardly mattered. The only thing that mattered then was Pirika.
But it was too late. Ren desperately tried to catch her hand, but it was as good as useless. She was falling, falling, falling.
And it was my fault.
I killed my little sister.
-
I deserve to die. I became too lost in that foolish thing called love. I lost sight of everything around me. And I had to pay for it. But my little sister paid instead.
I saw Ren sitting at the visiters room, burying his head in his arms. I had never felt so guilty and lost. I didn't deserve him. I didn't deserve Pirika.
It was a miracle how she was still alive. She had landed on the nets used to cover the trash, so she some how managed to not break her neck.
Relief had flooded through me when I first heard that she would probably live; but then they told me that she had a concussion, a broken arm, and a broken leg. Not to mention bruises all over the place.
They also told me that she was still in a dangerous state, that if she didn't wake up in 24 hours she might not make it after all.
I wish I'd fallen, instead of her.
"...Ren..."
He didn't look up.
"I-I'm sorry..."
Silence filled the room. And then he spoke up. "Sorry? What are you saying sorry for? It's my fault; I cheated on you. I kissed her. I led you on. Of course it's not your fault!" He snapped, and I was shocked to see that for the first time in my entire life, I saw Ren crying. It also hurt me, seeing his black eye, his bruising face... That I'd been the cause of all of it.
He wasn't sobbing hysterically or anything, like Pirika did every once in a while. Just... tears. Trails of tears on his cheeks.
"Ren..."
He sighed, finally looking up at me with eyes filled with sorrow, nothing like his usual slightly cynical eyes. "What do you want, Horohoro? I'm sorry, I apologize. But I can't do anything about it. We can't do anything about it." Ren dropped his head in his hands again. "Nothing..."
It was true. And that was the sad truth. We couldn't do anything... except wait. And pray that Pirika would be okay.
"You know, Horohoro," He surprised me, suddenly speaking up. "I really did mean it when I told you that I loved you. You were the first person besides my sister and mother who I liked and loved so much..."
"Then I met your sister. You know I never thought of her more then your little sister at first. Did you know we always talked a little everyday before you came home? Well, the more we talked, the more I began to like her- because she made me feel warm and special inside. Like you. But it was a different kind of feeling... I'm sure you'll get the same feeling, too, Horohoro, some day, when you find the right person."
I swallowed hard, listening intently. So it was the conversations they had before I came home that effected them so much. I didn't know whether to resent the fact, or just accept it.
"I kissed her for the first time at the movies. I told her I loved her. That's where I went wrong, I guess. I shouldn't have kissed her. I should have told you beforehand. But I felt guilty, so I didn't tell you. Pirika seemed to feel guilty, too, and she didn't agree on our relation at first."
"So we decided to meet every two days at the rooftop, and maybe talk over about what we should do about our future. But when we did meet up there, I guess I got a little too caught up, and the only important thing then was the present. I should have restrained myself. I'm so sorry, Horohoro..."
Ren gave me a pleading look, but I couldn't face him. I felt ashamed. I think I got the feeling Ren had been talking about... How the only important thing then had been the present.
I doubted his words that someday, I'll find the right person again. Couldn't he understand that he was all I needed? But I didn't deserve him. I don't deserve anyone.
He seemed to read my mind. "You will find the right person. It just takes time... and that person usually appears from somewhere very unexpected. But make the right decisions, Horohoro."
It seemed funny, hearing those words from him. I would have never believed he could say stuff like that, back during the Shaman Fight. But I guess he changed... Because of me? Or because of Pirika?
I didn't want to think about it. I didn't want to think about anything. I just wanted to die.
"I'm going to go see Pirika."
Ren didn't say anything again as I headed towards her room.
"...I'm sorry..."
His two words made me want to cry, too.
-
Three months since that incident. Life was back to normal... Or as normal as it could get. I drifted through life, feeling oddly numb and empty as I coolly watched everything speed past me.
Pirika was getting better... except for her broken bones, she was her usual happy self. But she seemed to be a different person as she smiled so happily, whenever she was with him.
I guess it shows that we really are family: we both have the same taste in men, as confusing as it may be.
"Hi oniichan, how's it going?"
Nowadays, I could barely bear to look at her. The guilt remained intact, even though they both told me so many times that they were to blame, not me. But I was the one who pushed her off. Ren didn't push her off. Pirika didn't push herself off.
"...Oh, oniichan, please. Look at me, will you?"
Reluctantly I raised my eyes, met by Pirika with her hands on her waist. "Look, are you still beating yourself up about that? It's not your fault, okay? It was an accident, and it's noones fault."
I cracked a smile. "Yeah..."
I had kept on telling myself that, trying to convince myself that everything was okay. But the guilt never left me alone. That night haunted my dreams, my mind, and I knew it would haunt me forever.
The door opened again, this time Ren entering our room as he hugged Pirika from behind. "You okay?" He murmured against her hair.
She responded by rolling her eyes. "Of course I am. Why are you guys always so worried about me? There's nothing wrong with me. Just a few handicaps, but nothing permanent. So you can just stop treating me like a porclain doll."
Ren seemed to notice me for the first time. "...Hi Horohoro." He mumbled, looking away slightly. We had a rocky relation now, since the rooftop incident. We couldn't just go back to the time we were just best friends. Not that easily.
"Oniichan, I invited a friend over, is it okay?" She asked, a mysterious smile appearing on her face. "I think you know her."
Right on cue, the doorbell rang as Pirika quickly escaped from Ren and rushed towards the door.
"Remember Tamao?" She asked happily as she led her friend towards the living room.
I just gave her a polite smile. "Hello, Tamao."
Tamao gave a shy smile, blushing slightly. "I-It's nice to meet you again, Horohoro-san."
For some reason, I liked the way she said the name. Although it was probably because she put a 'san' in my name, which no one really bothered putting. Probably.
Ren, however, was looking at Tamao confusedly. "I thought we were going out today, Pirika..."
She gave another one of those innocent smiles. "Oh! I'd forgotten... I'm so sorry, Tamao. Do you think we can go to the mall some other time? Will you stay with Horohoro for today? I mean, you did come a long distance..."
Oh. Great. She was trying to pair me up with someone, was she? I could see right through her 'I'm so innocent' act. I sighed and glared at Pirika. "Pirika. What are you thinking?"
"What do you mean?" she asked innocently. "I'm just asking Tamao to stay over. Won't you? We'll go to the mall tomorrow at the morning."
She blushed in response. "I-I don't mind..."
Argh. What was Pirika trying to do to me, dammit, setting me up with a girl who's had a crush on Yoh for the longest time?
"Oh, thank you so much, Tamao, I promise we'll go tomorrow. I swear."
And then they left, like it was nothing, leaving me with a girl I barely know alone. Ren did give me a confused glance before departing with Pirika, who was grinning like an idiot.
There was silence as Tamao stood there awkwardly, looking lost. Well, I have to entertain her for a day, don't I? I knew those two wouldn't be back for a long time.
"Well, why don't you sit down?" I said gruffly. Well, what was I supposed to do? I've never been stuck in such a position before. It didn't help how Tamao looked like she'd rather be anywhere then there, blushing hard.
There was silence again as I tried to think of what to say. But surprisingly, it was the shy girl who broke the silence.
"...Are you hungry?"
I blinked. It was near lunch time, but I never thought... oh, screw it.
"Maybe. Why?"
"I-if I can borrow your kitchen, I can make something... would you like to help me?"
I blinked again, trying to take in what she had just suggested. Cooking lunch with Tamao? I would have never imagined such a thing would happen. "Well... why not?" The words were out of my mouth before I could think it over.
But when she gave me a small, unsure smile, I felt a warm, fuzzy feeling... a very pleasant feeling.
I'm sure you'll get the same feeling, too, Horohoro, some day, when you find the right person.
I gave her a soft smile back. I guess he was right... you just have to find the right person.
Owari
-
-
Haha... told ya this story is insane. xD At least I warned you, didn't I? Not my fault you decided to read this. Oh well, review if you'd like. I'll be expecting a whole bunch of flames. Just please don't give me a lecture on how this is impossible and is a totally crack pairing. Because I KNOW it is, and I only wrote this cause I felt like it. o.o;