Damaged Goods
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.
Rating: PG
Warnings: unbeta'd, spoilers for last few chapters, hints of pairings.
Summary: Does it define who she is?
--x--
Hinata is a worker.
As there is another significant message from the executive office, she follows through with whatever task she's been assigned. It's service work, they say, to be a kunoichi and fight for her village. With glazed eyes, she simply nods, smiles and continues the duties, because that's all she strives for. To help. To be become better. Her hands are not scarred like Kiba's, from kunai grazing his skin over the years, but she is quiet and stealthy. There are no balanced words that come from her mouth like Shino's, but she offers a hand when they pack up and leave again. The color of her eyes stay the same, unlike Naruto's emotional ones, flashing vibrant reds or transparent blues with feeling. It is not her feet that step forward from the crowd, ready to defend at life's cost first, but her cousin, Neji's.
But this is all right with her, for it is all right with everyone else. No one complains, no one tells her otherwise. Though it is not her goal, she's fine with being a good worker.
Hinata is a good sister.
Scoffs and sighs seem unnaturally loud in her ears as Hanabi passes by, her thin and short hair drifts with her. It doesn't bother her, not anymore at least, when her sister assumes to be the heir of the family. It doesn't hurt (anymore) when Hanabi laughs as she trains alone in a field nearby. She'll stand at the sidelines, watching her with scrutiny. Afterwards, Hinata returns, sweaty and tired, and Hanabi talks; her mocking words filled with pride. She closes her eyes and listens anyway, because that's what sisters are supposed to do: they listen. To her sister, this is simply a day closer to be official heiress to the clan. It's fine, really. Because when Hanabi comes back each time from the academy and cries, asking why no one likes being her comrade, Hinata engulfs her in a hug and says they don't know what they're missing.
Sisters, to Hinata, laugh and cry with each other. Nevertheless, sometimes, she wonders why she continues to shed compassionate tears, or smiles each time Hanabi says something she thinks is funny. But that's simply being a good sister.
Hinata is a good admirer.
The blonde's motives are always pure; Naruto's done more for this village (the world) than anyone else she knows. Scars cover his skin, telling stories of nobility and love for his people. And she wanted to show him she could do the same. His movements are abrupt and impulsive, but he knows what he's doing, knows what is right for everyone else. People didn't listen to him before, but she did. She listened as his words carried fierceness and passion and Hinata desperately wanted to tell him how she believed every single thing that was forced its way out of his mouth. Now they listen, not just her. But that's fine. She told him how she felt, once. It was in the heat of battle, she believed she would never get the chance again; the confession slipped through her lips that she loved him. Hinata thought she would die that way, but her journey hadn't ended there. Now she stands idly by, supporting him still.
For a moment, she thinks about how unfair he loves another that causes him pain and hurt. Yet, as his eyes turn towards his love and they glint with the very strength Hinata has longed for, she thinks she's just fine being the admirer.
Hinata is a good friend.
Fingers trace circles on Kiba's back as he grits in pain. Another poisoned knife has cut him by the enemy, so the medics are working hurriedly to extricate from his body. It's excruciating, she can see and she tries making it better, holding his hand and whispering it'll be all right. Because that's what she's supposed to do. When Shino asks how is her day, she answers and asks him how his is. As Naruto walks by her, he invites her to eat with them; when he can't pay, she offers money. Hugs seem so foreigner to her, but Sakura and Ino are seemingly accustomed to the gesture and with no consent, they grasp her frame in a warm embrace when a battle is over. Closing her eyes, she wraps her arms around them. As Tenten laughs, Hinata will laugh with her.
It's easy to be a friend, she thinks. But she doesn't speak about her troubles, like the others seem to. Her lips twitch only once before she decides against it because, well, she's being a good friend. It doesn't mean they will.
Hinata is a good daughter.
Since a child, she's been told things of obligations and hardships of which she has been born into. No one asked her if she would be first born and receive the title of heiress, but they all assume she desires it like nothing else. With the utmost passion, she's wished to deny it and push it back towards her father, where it has been for years. Her father shows no sympathy and he turns a blind eye towards these troubles. But it's okay. Hinata deals with these duties. She remembers her father told her she would never be a kunoichi worthy of the clan. At the age of six, she didn't understand this. But it was a challenge and she trained and trained within her room until she couldn't recall any more movements fit for a shonobi. He's asked things of her and she's followed through with them. He tells her to run messages to others and she will until her feel blister and begin to bleed and she'll have to bandage them for tomorrow. He doesn't like her hair, he's told her once. So she grows it like her cousin (Neji), because then maybe he'll like it. But he doesn't seem to notice, and she doesn't say anything about it.
Fathers are to love and she questions, only once, what that love is like. Is it soft and quiet? Is it compassionate? Or loud and fierce? However, she tells herself it doesn't matter and waves it off because daughters don't question their fathers.
Hinata is a good comrade.
She tries hard not let her friends get hurt in the crossfire, so she defends them with everything within her. She's memorized each kind of strategy laced with defenses and she knows she'll practice them full-heartedly. For her comrades, she will cross miles of lands to protect, pretend to be somebody she's not just to ensure their safety. Shino said once that she's good at that and Hinata likes to hear it. She fulfills her duties for them, taking all she can to offer them security. Her hands strain as she carries extra weight for them, but it's worth it because it's what she wants to do for them. They all don't notice her bated breath but she notices theirs. Hinata makes friends with all her comrades; they are all she knows to protect.
Vaguely, she thinks about the times when she hasn't been rescued all those other times, when she needed them and they never came. She remembers bleeding and having to limp back to the village to have medical assistance and her comrades were not there. Nonetheless, she forgets it as they smile at her the next time and she's ready to help all over again.
Hinata is a good cousin.
Neji never laughs, nor does he ask her how she is doing. He is not her friend, but family and that's just fine. Being born into a family where he is a protector, she stands straight as he's next to her. No longer must he follow her places, but it's become habit and she doesn't tell him to stop. He's filled with dutiful callings and she realizes it's part of him now; he'll defend her out of not only obligation but of necessity. When he tells her to stand closer so that she'll be safer, she complies. It's not a problem, though. Neji is a good man now and has grown out of the bitter child from before. He speaks of ideas to change their corrupt clan and she listens with a smile. She likes his ideas, and says she'd help any way she can.
Cousins aren't normally like this, but she thinks there's an exception to everything. Not every cousin has to defend the other with his life and she pretends it's not that big of a deal, because being a good cousin to Neji means allowing him to follow through with his responsibilities.
She wonders if all these things make her a good person. It's enough to be told what to do all your life, but there's a line where desires and duties meet and she feels she's only crossed it once. Her eyes don't sparkle with tears like Sakura's as Naruto hurts himself again. You'll never hear yawns or sarcastic remarks from her like you would from Shikamaru. There won't be any outbursts like Lee offers everyday. Emotions will barely flicker across her face any longer and she thinks that's a good thing, maybe.
With neutral features, Hinata walks in the field of short, dying grass as Neji follows after just a few steps behind. Lazily, she drops on her back and watches clouds go by in the gray sky. His form sits next to her, his gaze passionless, fingers digging into the dirt below. She turns her attention to him and asks him a question.
"Who am I?"
"Who we want to be."
--x--
a/n
--x--
End story.
This has been in my head for...years, actually. At least the idea. My view on Hinata is a bit vague, but I imagine she would please everyone just because she believed that was right. Strangely, I'm not even a fan of hers. Neji is in there because I love him THIIIISSS much.
Enjoy.