Summary: AU. Castiel suffers with OCD, and he's very needy of love and attention. He flinches from everyone but Dean, and Dean tries his best to help him, but at times finds it too much to cope with himself. Please R&R!
Disclaimer: I don't own Supernatural or its characters.
A/N: A little angsty, shouldn't be much longer than ten chapters, and plenty of emotions in between. Hope you like!
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I'm With You
Chapter One
Dean Winchester climbed into the car to drive home from work, back to the house he shared with his lover Castiel Novak. He'd known Castiel his whole life, from them both being preschoolers and he knew that Castiel had suffered a traumatic childhood. Now, they were twenty-five years old, living in their home town of Lawrence, Kansas in a gorgeous house, close to their families.
Castiel's brothers, Gabriel, Jimmy and Balthazar all lived close by, as Dean's parents and younger brother Sam did. Castiel was the only one out of the Novak family who had suffered truly because of the childhood, since he was seen as the most beautiful of the boys, their father had decided to keep him close. Too close. Because of how damaged he was, Castiel couldn't work a job, so Dean was the one who brought the money into the house, but Castiel's share of his father's money kept them living comfortably.
Dean's thoughts were broken by the sound of his cell phone going off, knowing full well who it would be. He checked the caller ID. Yeah. It was Castiel. Pulling over to the roadside, he answered the phone.
"Hey, baby." He said softly, hearing a sob on the other end of the line.
"A-are you coming home?" Castiel asked, "There's a storm coming...I can feel it..."
"I'm on my way, Cas, okay?" Dean said softly, "I forgot to call you, I'm sorry. Don't be scared, I'm on my way."
"I love you, Dean." Castiel sobbed, "I missed you today."
"Yeah, I missed you too, honey." Dean replied, "I'll be home in ten minutes, alright? I love you too."
"Goodbye, Dean."
"Bye, sweetheart."
Dean sighed and scrubbed a hand over his face, starting the car up and getting ready to pull back on the road. As the first lightning flash came, Dean sighed, trying not to worry as the first rumble of thunder followed it. Castiel would be a wreck when he got home.
Sure enough, Dean got through the door and found Castiel curled up by the coffee table, panting for breath as he went through a panic attack. Dean looked around the apartment, seeing that Castiel had been on his tidying and cleaning spree again. Everything was in alphabetical order, height order or in order of colour.
The tape measure was on the table which probably meant that Castiel had been arranging the furniture again, and there was a bottle of antibacterial hand gel by the kitchen sink. Yes, it seemed it'd been one of those days.
"Cas!" He cried, running to his lover and kneeling by him on the floor, "C'mon...C'mon, baby, I've got you...Breathe. Breathe, breathe slow..."
He pulled Castiel up to rest against him, back to chest, taking deep breaths for his lover to follow. In and out. Nice and calm. And sure enough, Castiel began to calm down, his gasps for breath becoming tired sobs as he pressed back into Dean's arms.
"I've got you, baby..." Dean soothed, "Atta boy...nice, deep breaths."
Castiel calmed himself before standing steadily, going to the front door and opening it and closing it three times. That was another little tic of his. He sighed with relief, still wheezing slightly as he turned to Dean, walking towards him and holding onto him for support when his legs felt too weak to hold him up.
"Hello, Dean." He whispered, "Thank you for helping me. I love you."
"Hey, Cas." Dean replied, kissing his head, "I love you too, sweetheart."
They made their way to the bedroom, getting settled on the bed right opposite their huge window. Lightning and thunder followed, Dean keeping Castiel safe in his embrace as he cradled him close. He constantly whispered to him that it was okay, that he was safe and nothing was going to hurt him.
Storms. They reminded Castiel of the times he was dragged into his father's room, how his father would touch him and kiss him to comfort himself, both over the loss of their mother and of his fear of storms. That was one thing his father was frightened of. Storms. They reminded Castiel of the first time his father returned the sexual acts he was making Castiel do to him. He remembered the words so clearly.
"All work and no play makes Cas a dull boy."
When Dean and Castiel had first watched The Shining together, Castiel had totally freaked out, which had scared all of their friends but Dean the most. Dean had never seen Castiel so scared in his whole life, and he knew that it went beyond just being scared of the movie. But Castiel had been traumatised. Every time there was a storm, his father used to take him into his room and make Castiel do whatever he was in the mood for, before he'd hold Castiel down and return it.
The frightening thing was, that Castiel began to become dependent on his father holding him, and he began to need his father's attention more. One of the nights that Castiel had been taken to his father's room, the two had been on the mattress, 'making love' as his father claimed it, when Castiel had held his father close to him and kissed him gently on his shoulder and neck, actually moaning as his father continued to move inside of him. He'd actually smiled at his father after that night.
But Balthazar had caught them the following occasion, and he'd absolutely flown off the handle at their father. Castiel had gone to counselling, but developed so many problems after, and the first time he'd been intimate with Dean, it actually saddened Dean by how experienced he was.
He'd just turned eighteen when he first slept with Dean. But Dean found Castiel to be a needy lover, and to be very needy of him in general, and if it were anyone else, Dean would have let them go, but Castiel was truly traumatised and it wasn't his fault that he was so needy, and so obsessive, and plus, Dean just loved him way too much.
So, Dean continued to hold Castiel through the storm until it passed, getting showered as his lover made dinner, only to find everything in that room lined up in alphabetical order.
Dean and Castiel lay in the dark, as they usually did when they made love. Castiel preferred it in the dark, since it seemed so familiar. Probably because that was how it used to be with his father. Dean held his lover close to him, sighing as Castiel began to move his hips gently, brushing his erection with Dean's.
Dean's legs were in between Castiel's, who was almost straddling him, and the two of them were holding each other, Dean kissing Castiel's shoulder as they began to grind slowly. Dean ran his hands up Castiel's back, turning his head to kiss his lips deeply. Castiel sat himself up, as Dean did, watching his lover rest back on his hands before Dean took him in his mouth. The sound that escaped Castiel's lips was absolutely amazing and Dean felt himself grow even harder at it.
But after quick preparation, Castiel guided Dean into his body and cupped his lover's face, kissing him gently.
"I love you, Dean." He whispered as he began to move his hips.
"And I love you, Cas." Dean replied, "With all my heart."
"I love you."
"I love you."
The words repeated themselves. Castiel said it a lot during their lovemaking as usual. He couldn't help it. The words would just come out like a mantra, and Dean returned them every time. Dean met Castiel's movements with his own, the two of them kissing deeply as they always did, breaking apart to look at each other before leaning back in for more.
As time moved on, they changed position, Dean now in between Castiel's legs and continuing to move languidly. The 'I love you's were still being exchanged, but Castiel's eyes were becoming tearful, and Dean, as he always did, just held him close and kissed his cheek gently.
"It's okay." He whispered, "I've always got you, Cas, it's alright."
Castiel sighed and held Dean through to the end, happy to lay in his arms after until the next morning.
-TBC-
Hope you enjoyed!
Thanks for reading so far!
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