Title: Atamagaokashii
Author: Fyyrrose
Rating: Mature
Summary: Night Head Genesis, the anime, becomes a drinking game for a pair of Soul Society's finest.
Disclaimer: NHG and Bleach are not mine, because if it was… more stuff like this would happen.
Notes: If anyone's seen NHG, this is episode 10 (I think)…The idea came to me from a forum suggesting NHG was a drinking game and it took an episode to see if it was true…below is the result. Considering I wrote this, it's not to be taken seriously! AMUSEMENT PURPOSES ONLY
Renji felt himself snicker as he prepared the shots needed for the next half hour. He figured they needed to learn the hard way, like he had, so he cracked open the bottle Matsumoto had specifically picked out. He had no doubt about what would be happening in the next hour, and he only hoped Ichigo's plumbing could handle it all.
If Matsumoto had been smart, she would have picked out a nice bottle of sparkling wine, or a smooth, yet sweet bottle of liquor; but she was a funny one. Once Renji mentioned that he would buy the alcohol, she went straight for the hard stuff. It wasn't even the good stuff she went for; it was the high proof. The same kind that was called by many names and held many different faces, but the 140 proof was as clear as day.
Silently smirking to himself, he poured the shots. The amber liquid glistened evilly from its glass. One tray could only hold 30 shots. It wouldn't matter; because it wouldn't be going to waste. The only waste would be the fact that the two best drinkers would not be able to hold their alcohol after this game.
He prepared the coffee table and lined up the shots in two rows: one for Matsumoto and one for Shunsui. Then he went back into the kitchen to set up the next tray. The second tray was filled and placed off to the side. The remaining content of the bottle was settled beside Renji ready for the refill if necessary.
Ichigo emerged with a mop and bucket, an evil glimmer to his face. Renji knew exactly what he was thinking because he was thinking the same thing: It was good to be evil.
The pair emerged with Rukia behind them. She smiled sweetly, a little too sweetly, as she told them to make themselves at home. The new arrivals drooled at the sight of the glistening ambrosia, and Renji watched as they licked their lips in anticipation.
"The game is simple." Rukia started. "We watch this week's Night Head Genesis, and whenever the name 'Naoya' or 'niisan' is mentioned you both take a shot. For the sake of clarification we will be watching the subbed version." Rukia twirled around and slipped the burnt dvd into the player. "This way no one can argue over what was said or not said. Renji will make sure you have enough …beverage to get you through the show, and Ichigo and myself will be the judge. I wish you luck."
A large brain appeared on the screen and the music started playing in the background.
"He's cute. I'd fuck him." Matsumoto commented as the brothers flashed on the screen.
"Which one?" Renji asked curiously as he looked at the older and younger brother.
"Does it really matter?"
Ichigo shook his head and took to the outer wall.
"Hey, why do they always do that? I mean the girl's skirt is obviously not regulation length and its cut just above her ass and yet we never see a panty shot. That's what I call a cheap thrill."
Ichigo's eyes went wide. He couldn't belie—no, wait. He could. Matsumoto was on to something though; he had to give her credit for that.
"Cool, they have hell butterflies too."
Ichigo rolled his eyes. It wouldn't take long.
'It is said that 70 of the human's brain capacity is left unused.'
Matsumoto started laughing, "Too bad they aren't talking about a dog's brain, 'cause then we'd have a valid excuse for what happened to your brain Renji."
Renji smiled through clenched teeth. "Can they drink yet Rukia?"
Matsumoto started laughing, "Hey Chika," she screamed at the television set, "the guy is dead and looks like he has leprosy."
Shunsui raised his eyebrows, "Did you just ask if he was a leprechaun?"
Rukia rolled her eyes and held onto the remote and her finger ready for the pause button.
"Someone please tell me he's not getting off by a woman swinging her hair around!" Matsumoto rolled her eyes.
"I guess he is by how he's loosening his tie." Shunsui answered.
"Hey, it's the wannabe porno star from before. I wonder if she knows they are secretly taping her?"
"Probably, I mean no scientist looks that hot… Just take a look at what we have to offer…" Shunsui's comment caused chills to run down their backs. That was uncalled for and unnecessary.
"That. Was. Sick." Ichigo managed to choke out.
"Of course you can't talk about the kinky sex virus; they'll have to beat it out of you with the fluffy whip that'll emerge out of no where. Duh!" Matsumoto snorted and sunk further into the sofa.
"Oh, so that's what they call it now: 'researching a viral activity suppressant.' I've got to keep that in mind the next time Nanao-chan walks in on something she should not see." Shunsui smiled sweetly as he filed that away for future use.
No one made a comment to his remark.
"I predict he's going to tie you up and fuck you silly. Although…I wouldn't mind if he wanted to try that on me." Matsumoto commented to what was playing on the screen.
Renji choked on Matsumoto's comment. He shook his head at the mental pictures flooding his head. He wasn't sure if he should be turned on or turned off. Before he could decide she spoke again, "Well duh, you're in this line of work 'cause you get to research some great pieces of ass. I envy you woman!"
"Why should she stop? She's getting paid more than all of us in the room combined, and we have yet to see a glimpse of flesh!" Shunsui complained to the television.
"You're supposed to say, 'Don't walk away from me bitch when I'm talking to you!' Then you grab her arm and force yourself on her…damn, who writes these shows?"
Rukia shook her head. "This isn't porn Matsumoto, it's Night Head Genesis."
"Whatever, it's still horrib—"
"Drink." Rukia commanded as she paused the screen.
"It's about bloody time. I was thinking of giving myself a free shot to help get me through." Matsumoto stated before she slung the vile back and swallowed it like a pro.
Rukia unpaused the screen and the show continued.
"Eww, who's the chick with a dire need of a facial?"
Matsumoto turned to Shunsui, "Possible three/foursome?"
"Sounds good to me."
Matsumoto started cackling, "Nevermind, looks like she wants to be the main star."
"I guess she figures she doesn't like to share."
"Who would? Considering the two hunky sex demons she gets to ride."
Ichigo closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He figured he better get a change of clothes ready for them. At least this way he was out of harm's way and could deter his sisters before they had a chance to encounter something they should never witness.
"You call that an attack?" The 8th division captain shouted from his position on the couch.
"Oh come on, it was only a knife, shit, come at her with something a little better than that! And that was supposed to be defensive? Shit, can I drink already?" Matsumoto complained as she reached for a shot glass only to have Renji slap away her hand. Pouting, she returned to her spot.
"At least we're getting the kinky lesbian action." Shunsui cheered as the females on screen got closer.
"Don't you get enough of that with your vice captain already?"
"At least my vice captain's lover is cuter than that." He pointed to the cloaked female trying to kill the scientist.
"Drink." Rukia didn't bother to pause the screen as the pair greedily took the shot.
"Doesn't this seem vaguely familiar? A visionary ass wipe seeking 'retribution'…or some bullshit excuse?" Matsumoto pondered out loud.
"Smart kid. Remind me to have Nanao-chan look into him when he dies."
The pair sitting on the couch roared into hysterics. "Yes, tell the kid he's going to do what he dreams, then shatter him by saying he's going to kill his parents and hundreds of other people while he's flying."
"Oh for fuck's sake," Matsumoto stood and pointed at the screen, "Who cares when the destruction of Earth will be you ditsy bitch! I mean come on, you'll be old and ugl—no wait, you already are, but who cares, you'll be dead, and if you aren't, people will thank the destruction for taking you out!" Matsumoto screamed at the television set.
"Two shots." Rukia didn't even have to mention, the pair had already taken the required amount.
"Is there supposed to be another meaning to the elephant and snake?"
"I think it means both are gay."
"How so?"
Matsumoto was fully prepared to launch into how they could be when the clank of the empty shot glasses were removed from the coffee table and her thought train had vanished.
"Renji ruined it."
Shunsui shrugged and let the thought vanish.
"Sorry lad, but you can't touch the merchandise. I think he's really a stagehand that just got on set and they ran with it."
"Hey! Is she feeling up the rat?" Matsumoto choked.
"At least she's using protection."
"A rubber glove is not protection."
"In the end, it's all latex." Shunsui smirked.
"How in the hell did she change that fast?" Matsumoto asked a few moments later with the change of scenes.
"How fast can you get ready if it's a last minute booty call with two hot guys?"
"Point taken." Matsumoto winked. "But this is one thing I would be faster at."
"It's not the only thing…" Renji muttered under his breath and luckily he wasn't caught or he would have suffered some damage.
"What girl in her right mind would give a guy flowers?" Shunsui shook his head over the developing scene.
"To a gay guy? Renji you like flowers right?" Matsumoto licked her lips and gave him a Cheshire smirk.
"Well, of course, you're not supposed to give a guy flowers; you're supposed to give blow jobs and wild rides!"
"Drink." The pair looked up and saw the subtitles. Neither complained, but took the welcomed burning sensation.
"Can we just skip this part, it's really boring."
Rukia glared daggers at the other female. "This is part of the plot. I just can't fast forward because something is building. Are you always so quick to get to the climax?"
Rukia couldn't understand why they were laughing until she replayed the thoughts in her head. Then she placed them in a context the others would immediately interpret, and she proceeded to blush. She turned to the screen. At least someone here tonight would enjoy the little plot this show offered.
"The woman's right. The moment she stops having sex is the moment she stops making money. How can you allow that big bro?" Matsumoto's fingers inched towards a shot glass and freedom.
Before Renji could remove her fingers, she pulled them back. "You cheap ass show! You'll show us the porn stars but you won't let us see the deed?"
"Maybe he's lacking?"
"Wouldn't surprise me with a pompous attitude like that. Oh wait, Renji should know the answer to that one. Is it true?" She turned to Renji waiting for an answer.
"That is my brother we are discussing." Rukia glared in shock and outrage.
"Who said anything about your brother? I was merely asking Renji a question." Matsumoto managed to purr out before Shunsui burst into hysterics and caused Matsumoto to follow.
"Work? I think Shunsui does more work than this guy…and this is without adding the stuff he gets Nanao to do!"
"You wound me Matsumoto." Shunsui held his hand over his heart in a show of hurt.
"Oh can it. We all know it—Okay, I want a pair of fucking scissors to snip off those fucking butt ugly, pink roses. They seriously have to go."
"'Bout time!"
"Drink."
"You didn't have to remind us. We are glad to oblige!" The pair clanked their shooters together and swallowed it down.
"Drink again."
The pair couldn't reach for the shooter glasses fast enough.
"Dri-"
"We know." Matsumoto cut her off. She wiped her mouth with the back of her hand. She could feel its soothing warmth flood her chest.
"Again." Rukia stated and simply pointed to the subtitles.
Renji smirked to himself. He knew that not too many people could take eight shots of a 140 proof in under 15 minutes. They should be feeling something—at least. Or rather, he hoped.
Matsumoto held up her hand to stop Rukia's counting. They each grabbed their shooters and slugged them back. The glass made a hard thud on the wooden coffee table. Renji scooped them up and readied two more shots.
Another shot went down, another clang was heard, and two more shot glasses were cleared and lined up.
Another. And another. And another.
"Double whammy. Double shot." Rukia paused the screen and watched on as the pair took their shots.
"'Sa'bout time we get'ta drinkin'" Matsumoto smirked and handed the empty shot glasses to Renji. "Keep 'em comin' boy."
Shunsui handed another shot glass to Matsumoto who slugged it back. "These are easier to swallow every time."
"Can't be the worst thing you swallowed."
"You got that one right." She stated as she looked directly at Renji who was now averting his eyes and hiding the rising blush to his cheeks.
Another 'Naoya' and two more empty shot glasses. Followed by another 'Naoya' and two more clangs of empty shot glasses on the coffee table. Then another 'Naoya'.
"I think this guy has some issues he needs to work out." Matsumoto complained as she tossed Renji her empty shot glass.
"It's all in the name of brotherly love."
"Brotherly love my ass." Matsumoto snorted.
"Yes, you are correct. Brother will love my ass." Shunsui corrected. The pair burst out laughing.
"That's sexual bribery!" Matsumoto shouted at the screen a moment later. "Hey Renji, are you taking notes, if you're not, you should be!"
Rukia gave a stern look. "That is my brother we are talking about."
"Like I told you before, you're assuming I'm talking about your brother."
"Then if you're not talking about my brother, then who are you referring to Matsumoto?"
"Ishida of course." A seductive grin plastered on her face.
Renji and Rukia started choking while Shunsui started howling in laughter.
Before anyone could comment Matsumoto supplemented. "You should test him out and make sure he has working parts before the 12th division gets a hold of him. You know how the captain hates defective things."
The show continued on in the background as the heavily liquored pair were too busy laughing over that last comment. Rukia was the only one really paying attention to it. What she was really doing was looking for another opportunity to tell them to shut up and drink.
Finally she got her chance.
The pair looked hesitantly at the amber liquid before quickly gulping it down.
"That doesn't look like flour. That looks more like Juu-chan's happy powder. See, it has the same sparkle!"
"Now that's what I call a happy drink." Matsumoto commented when the pharmaceutical cabinet was found opened and empty. "I'd take one to go."
"See, it's Juu-chan's happy powder. Wow they get it in a bottle; he gets his in a clear bag."
"That's it?" Matsumoto's eyes were glazed over as the ending credits appeared on the screen. "That was a fun game, but next time, try for something a little more challenging."
Shunsui stood. He wasn't able to keep his balance much. Then he started singing.
Ichigo flew into the room. "Rukia, take him somewhere other than here. He'll wake the neighbors."
Rukia crossed her arms, "And just where am I supposed to take him?"
"Drop him off in the middle of the town square for all I care…he just can't stay here. I'm sure his vice captain is used to caring for him…"
Rukia sighed and escorted the now drunk captain back to his residence. She would drop him off with his vice captain and she would search for a pair of new 'victims' for the next week's episode. Of course she couldn't literally drop off a drunken captain; Nanao could be quite scary. She was especially scary if you dropped off a drunken captain on her doorstep.
Meanwhile, Matsumoto was still sitting on the couch looking up at Ichigo. "You're kinda cute for a kid." Matsumoto reached up and grabbed in between his legs. Before she could say much, her eyes widened in surprise. "Not so much of a kid, now are you?" She crept her way up to his zipper and started to unzip his pants.
"What are you doing?"
"I wanna take this puppy for a test drive."
"You're not doing anything."
Matsumoto shoved him and he fell over the now clean coffee table. "Why do all the guys get to have the fun?" She demanded as she slid on top of him. "I won't bite too hard. I promise. I promise you'll be screaming in the end. All you need to do is sit back and relax. I'm sure this is the first time you'll be in the driver's seat so let the expert guide you."
Ichigo fought the drunk female and struggled to get her off. If he didn't, he'd have to explain to more people than he could count. With a final shove he managed to get her off but only for a second before she tried to attack his mouth. She was able to get her mouth on his lip before muttering, "I think I'm gonna be sick."
"Not in my mouth!" Ichigo screamed as he helped Matsumoto get up.
She stood and suddenly her hand covered her mouth and her face was starting to look a pale shade of green. He ushered her into the bathroom and her head managed to make its way to the toilet bowl.
He left her hugging the ceramic god and went to find his second partner in crime. "I thought they would have at least lasted a little while longer." Ichigo crossed his arms and leaned against the entryway watching Renji pouring the unused shots back into the bottle.
"I think that was a perfect success." He flashed Ichigo a smirk.
They could hear the sounds of retching from where they were. "Next time, you're on bathroom duty."
Renji gave him a salute before tightening the cap. "So who do you think Rukia will convince next?"
"I have no idea. I just wish them luck. How long is this series anyway?"
"Twenty four episodes. Twenty four very long episodes."
The pair remained silent and the only sound that could be heard was Matsumoto's puking from down the hall.