Disclaimer: I don't own MMFD or the characters.
"You know what, Rae? You can be a right knob head at times! If ya don't want me around then just say!" Finn shouted at Rae.
"Fine!" she retorted, her voice rising quickly with her temper. "I don't want you here, so go! Get out!"
He fell silent and just stared at her for one long moment, his mouth hanging open, and shook his head the way her mum always did when she was disappointed in her then he quickly turned and left.
And she was alone.
She felt cold right down into her bones and she couldn't stop the shivers that began to make her teeth chatter even though she had her thickest hoody on. It was just one of those days, Rae knew. One of those awful days where everything felt wrong; she had no energy but it was hard to fall asleep, she didn't want to speak to anyone but she didn't want to be alone and the larder seemed to be calling her name, begging her to binge even though she felt sick to the pit of her stomach.
It's wasn't Finn's fault, he hadn't done anything wrong but even though she knew that Rae couldn't help herself from lashing out and taking her awful, dark feelings out on him.
She considered running after him, taking him into her arms and whispering "sorry's" and "I love you's" into his ear until those angry lines on his forehead had disappeared and he was smiling that crooked smile he kept only for her. She really wanted to do that but she felt totally exhausted and scared that he would just tell her to get lost and that he could do so much better than a fucked up, fat girl like her.
So instead of even trying she all but dragged her tired, aching body down the hall to the cupboard where her mum kept all the sinfully tempting things that Rae knew she shouldn't eat.
As she scanned the packets of crisps, biscuits, chocolate bars and cakes she told herself, "Don't take too much. There's a difference between snacking and binging and you don't binge anymore."
But the pile in her hands just grew larger even as the words still spun round her mind on a loop.
I don't binge anymore. There's a difference between snacking and binging and I don't binge anymore.
When she got back to her room she quickly made her way through four packets of crisps, two cupcakes, a mars bar and a galaxy caramel. Even when she began to feel full and sick from all the sugar she couldn't seem to stop herself from cramming the food into her mouth until it was all gone.
She looked around at all the empty packets next to her and burst into tears. She felt so ashamed of herself and was certain she could feel her body getting fatter by the second.
Feeling so full up that she feared she might puke she curled up into a fetal position and wished for sleep to come and just put her misery on pause for a little while.
Rae woke up feeling completely disorientated. How long had she been asleep for? Were her mum and Karim home from the shops yet? And who the hell was that lying flush against her back?!
She slowly turned round in the person's arms and was both relieved and confused to be faced with a sleeping Finn. He had come back to her.
The next thing she noticed was that all the food wrappers were gone from where they had been scattered all over her bed. She glanced over to the waste bin in the corner of the room and saw that they were all in there; he had tidied them away for her. She blushed hotly with shame at knowing that Finn had come in and seen how much she had eaten while at the same time love and gratitude for the sleeping boy bloomed in her chest because he had seen the remnants of her disgusting little meltdown and had stayed with her.
She watched him for a while longer, just taking in how peaceful he looked. He seemed almost childlike, Rae thought. All the barriers he put up in public were gone and he looked completely vulnerable. Rae felt overwhelmed with pride that he felt comfortable enough to let down his defences around her. It was the ultimate gift.
Running her index finger gently over his cheek, Rae began to say Finn's name softly to wake him up.
He groaned as he began to waken and blinked open his sleepy, dark eyes. She could tell the moment when things came into focus for him and he noticed her because a lazy smile began to stretch across his face and he pulled her closer to him.
"Hi," he murmured, his voice scratchy from sleep.
"I'm sorry for being a total cow," Rae told him sincerely. "It's just been one of the bad days but I know it's not an excuse to be horrible to you."
"No," he replied softly. "I know things are still hard for ya and you're still just tryin' to get better. I should have known and not gotten angry with ya. It's not your fault, Rae."
She offered him a small smile and admitted, "I'm really glad you came back."
Finn tucked a strand of Rae's hair behind her ear as he told her firmly, "I shouldn't have left in the first place an' I promise I'm not gonna do it again. Next time I'm going to stay with you even if we just sit in total silence because I just need you to know that I'm here for ya. I want to help you get better, Rae. You're my best friend."
Rae opened her mouth to express her gratitude to him and how much he meant to her but all the emotions she was feeling were clogging up her throat and her eyes were stinging. She couldn't make a sound for fear that she would just start crying again. So instead, she leaned forward and pressed her mouth to his. She poured every ounce of feeling she had into the slide of lips and tongue and hoped that he'd understand.
When they broke apart for air Finn pressed his forehead to Rae's and quietly said, "I love you too, Rae."
a/n: If anyone has tumblr my url is jinglebellblaine
