A/N: I've received quite a few reviews or messages from people who tell me that the things that happen in my stories are unrealistic or even disrespectful in some cases. Of course this makes me very sad, but I do appreciate it that these people tell me this. So if this is your opinion about what I write, then I'd like you to tell me, otherwise I can't learn. I'm only 17 and despite the fact that I've been writing for over a year, still highly inexperienced with writing, so I desperately want to learn. So please, tell me what you think about this story! It will mean an awful lot, really! (and sorry if this sounded aggressive, I didn't mean to)
Disclaimer: Nothing is mine.
'I still miss you'
Jane stroked little Nicole's dark blonde hair. Though that aspect of her appearance strongly reminded him of himself, her emerald green eyes reminded him of... her.
"Daddy?" she asked, lifting her head off his chest and crossing her eyes with his. He always had trouble with looking into her eyes, but he did now. He sensed she was going to ask difficult questions, and he wanted to make her feel safe, because she was when she was with him.
"Yes?"
Despite her short amount of years, she was damn smart. That were definitely his genes, and he was glad. She wasn't naïve, she knew exactly when something was right or wrong.
Her feelings were her biggest flaw, though. She was smart, but when her feelings interfered, it could take longer for her to understand things.
It wasn't a problem for him, not at all. After all, she was merely eight. She didn't have to comprehend the meaning of life yet, she was allowed to not get some things.
One of the main things she still didn't get was death – he had tried to tell her about Angela and Charlotte, but she didn't get why they weren't here any longer.
Hate was something else she couldn't understand.
"Where's my Mommy?"
He knew it. Difficult questions.
"She's... not here anymore."
"Then where is she?"
"She... I..." He sat up and gently pushed her away so that he could fully look at her. "Do you remember when I told you about that man who wasn't really being very nice to me?"
She nodded. "Red John."
"Well, your Mommy and I... we waited for ten years before we... started kissing. But that angry man was still out there, and just before you were born, he reached out and hurt Mommy and me. He... he did something to Mommy's car, and we accidentally drove against a tree."
He paused, closing his eyes. Why did it still hurt so much? Why hadn't he learned his lesson? And why was he still the kind of person that would rather live in the past than in the present?
"Is she dead, Daddy?"
He instantly shook his head, and continued talking. "We both ended up in the hospital, but she was more injured... she almost died, then went into a coma. You were born, though, with a... well, you were born when Mommy was in a coma, and she still is."
"Why haven't I seen her yet, Daddy?"
He sighed, and pulled her closer again, burying his face in her long hair.
"Because... Do you understand that I love your mother very much, Nicole?"
She nodded.
"Then do you understand that it hurts to think that she might never wake up again?"
"I don't know, Daddy. She's not dead..."
"Would you like it if I would fall asleep and would never wake up again? I would never be able to hold you or tell you bedtime stories."
"No!"
"Well, I feel like that with your mother too. I loved her very much, but now that she's sleeping, I can't hold her anymore, or kiss her goodnight."
They were quiet again, and Jane felt her small hand reaching up to brush the golden cross around her neck. It was Teresa's. Just like her mother, Nicole always did that when she was feeling sad or a tiny bit confused. He had asked her why, and she had confessed that she didn't know. It just gave her a good feeling.
"Daddy?" She waited for a sign that she could continue, but he didn't give her one, so she continued on her own. "Can I see Mommy?"
He swallowed. That meant he had to visit her too, and he hadn't done so for years. Now that he thought about it, the last time he had been there, Nicole had been not a few days old.
"Teresa... Teresa..."
"Patrick, she won't wake up like this."
He didn't respond, just stared at her. He couldn't believe it – had Red John succeeded. He had won. Jane's little angel... was destroyed.
The doctors said that the chance that she would wake up was slim, but he didn't want to give up hope. He didn't have another choice anyway – she was the person that had pushed his life into the right direction again. She had given his existence a purpose again – loving her was what he was supposed to do.
So what would he do now that she wasn't here to steer him anymore?
A gentle hand landed on his shoulder, but once again he didn't respond.
"Patrick," an insistent voice said. The person waited longer, but Jane kept looking at Teresa. She looked peaceful, and her once swollen belly was slightly disappearing due to the tiny life inside her not being inside her anymore.
He already missed her voice. Her eyes. Her warmth, her love.
The person decided that enough was enough, and put something in his arms. He started protesting, but he instantly stopped when he looked down and saw a tiny human creature. His body went even more numb than it had been before.
"This is your daughter," the voice said, and then the person stepped between the chair he was sitting in and Teresa's hospital bed. It was Van Pelt. "And your daughter needs you."
He shook his head. She bent her knees and their eyes locked.
"Jane... Lisbon wouldn't want you to be like this. You know it as well as I do. Remember how much she tried to get you back from Red John. She wants you to move on, Jane. Do it for your daughter. If you don't focus now, you'll lose her too."
"Teresa..." He didn't look at the baby anymore, couldn't stand doing it. In that moment, nothing made sense in his mind anymore, and he blamed the baby, even though he knew that this tiny life hadn't done anything wrong. If she hadn't been in Teresa's belly, it wouldn't have made her survival chances bigger. She would probably be in the same state as she was now, but his mind wouldn't listen.
Why did this girl survive and Teresa didn't? She wasn't dead yet, but this was hardly living. What was he supposed to do with this girl? Love her like he had loved Teresa? Because he knew that wouldn't be possible.
Van Pelt sat down beside him and put a hand on his back between his shoulder blades.
"Patrick... does she already have a name? The doctors need a name."
He continued staring at Teresa, whom he could see now. He couldn't... he simply couldn't. He couldn't go on without her, it was done, his life was over now.
The baby in his arms squirmed a bit, then started crying. His eyes shifted from Teresa to the little girl.
He lost it.
He cried with the girl, lifting her and kissing the top of her head, again and again. Her cries became softer until they completely disappeared.
He wasn't alone this time, and he realized it now. Last time, both his angels were taken from him. Now, it was 'only' one, even if he would probably never get over what had happened to her. But he had a daughter left now, and he had found his new purpose. Van Pelt was right, his daughter needed him. He wouldn't let her down. He would show her what he couldn't show Charlotte – infinite love and loyalty.
Charlotte would have grown up with a lying and deceiving father – he was a better person now. And he would be a better father as well.
This little girl was his last chance. And he might as well take it with both hands.
Van Pelt's hand softly rubbed his back in soothing circles, waiting until he stopped crying but it took him over an hour to calm down.
"Nicole..." he whispered when he had found his voice again, cuddling the little girl even closer to him. "Her name is Nicole."
"I..."
"Please, Daddy. I want to meet Mommy."
He placed a lingering kiss in her hair, and already felt that feeling he hadn't felt for eight years – he was about to cry.
"Okay, Nicole. We'll go and see Mommy."
~...~
The nurses were surprised to see him – after all, he hadn't been to the hospital in eight years. He found that a lot of nurses that had treated Teresa had been transferred to another unit or had another job entirely. Only two nurses worked on the division Teresa was lying on.
Their smiles dropped as soon as they had seen him. He had aged, definitely, but it was obvious that they had still recognized him.
"Mr. Jane?"
He sighed, and nodded.
"Where have you been all these years?"
He shrugged. He wasn't in the mood to talk, he probably would never be in this hospital. Nicole squeezed his hand, and then cuddled into his side, slipping his arm around her shoulder.
That was when the nurses noticed her. They stared at the girl, then at Jane, and pressed their lips into thin lines.
"Oh please, stop it with the sympathy. Just show me where Teresa is."
They didn't do anything for a minute, then one of them started moving and walked down a corridor. Jane and Nicole followed her. The nurse pointed at a door, then walked away.
Nicole was giddy with excitement – Jane felt his blood run cold. He saw Teresa's pale face and that was it. The tears he had been holding all day long, ever since Nicole had started asking questions, spilled. She pulled him inside though, and then ran to the bed.
He reluctantly walked further inside. A nurse was just checking on Teresa's vitals, and looked up at him.
"And who might you be?"
Jane glared at the woman. How dare she-
He swallowed the guilt away. She had all reason to ask that. He hadn't visited Teresa in years, nobody knew who he was except for the two remaining nurses from that time. This was a young girl, she couldn't have known who he was.
"Teresa... she was... is my girlfriend... and my daughter's mother."
The girl instantly looked ashamed, but finding there was nothing she could say, nodded discreetly and left the room. Nicole had in the meantime pulled up a chair and stood on it, studying Teresa. She was short for her age, just like her mother.
Jane walked around the bed, still reluctantly, to stand at the other end. He looked at Nicole first, who brushed one of Teresa's cheeks. Then he looked at Teresa herself.
She looked exactly like he had left her, only a little bit older. Not much, though.
His hand reached out, totally involuntarily, and brushed her cheek like Nicole had done.
"She looks like Snow White."
They were quiet for a while. Nicole then bowed down and kissed Teresa's forehead. "Mommy is beautiful, Daddy."
He sank to the floor, almost hitting his head against the bed.
His little angel... was not going to wake up again. He was sure of that. He had lost another of his angels. And it was his fault. He had started a relationship with her, he had made her pregnant, had made her an even bigger target of Red John. He had made the killer angry with his attempts at moving on, and Jane should've known that it simply couldn't end well. He wasn't meant to experience happiness anymore, but he had been stupid and naïve, believing that maybe, just maybe, he could have a short taste of it.
Well, that was what had brought Angela and Charlotte six feet under the ground and Teresa in this horrible hospital bed, forever asleep.
"Daddy?" Nicole whispered in his ear, and one her arms wrapped around his shoulders.
"I'm sorry, Nicole. I'm so, so sorry. I should've taken you to see Mommy before, you deserved to know who she is and what she looks like, but I was too selfish. We'll go to Mommy more often now, okay? Every day, if you want to. Oh god, Nicole..."
He cried in the crook of her neck, and the poor girl didn't know what to do.
"Daddy... don't cry..."
He shook his head, and brushed her hair.
"I love you, Daddy. And Mommy too."
That moment, beeps started filling the room, and they both shot up. The sounds were heard from the nurses' station though, and people ran inside.
"What did you do?" the young girl from moments before asked. Jane shook his head, looking at Teresa.
"I didn't do anything," he said, not once facing them.
Jane brushed Teresa's cheek, and suddenly, her eyelids fluttered. She didn't open her eyes but it was proof enough that she was suddenly waking up.
He grabbed her hand, and she squeezed it.
"Teresa?"
She murmured something, then her eyes shot open, accompanied with a loud gasp as she returned to their world again.
Jane instantly pulled her into a tight hug, ignoring what the nurses were telling him. Nicole jumped on the bed at the other side, and did the same as Jane did.
Teresa pushed them away slightly though. She was looking confused and disorientated, but then she crossed eyes with Jane and her confusion left her.
"Patrick," she breathed. Nicole had grabbed her hand, and Teresa turned her head when she felt the girl squeezing.
Teresa's eyes went wide with shock. She looked at Jane again, who simply nodded, smiling. She took a while to let that information sink in, switching her gaze from him to Nicole and then back again.
"What... what happened?" Teresa asked, her voice weak.
"Red John happened," Jane answered. Her short intake of breath was indication enough that she knew what he meant with these words.
"You were in a coma for eight years, Teresa."
She closed her eyes, briefly, then opened them and tears instantly left her eyes.
"I... I was... and this... our daughter?" Jane nodded again. Teresa pulled Nicole's hand closer, consequently pulling the girl to her body.
"My baby," Teresa whispered. Nicole was looking a bit uncomfortable by the hug her mother engaged her in, but didn't pull away. "Oh god, my little baby."
Jane joined them, kissing her lips softly, letting his tears spill shamelessly.
The nurses were utterly confused now. What had happened here? A woman who had been in a coma for eight years, hadn't given any indication she could recover any time soon, had suddenly woken up. Something they wouldn't be able to explain.
"I... I don't even know your name," Teresa whispered as she kissed Nicole's forehead and brushed her cheek.
"It's Nicole," the girl answered, smiling.
"Nicole..." Teresa looked at Jane, and he was smiling, too. They had discussed baby names sometimes during her pregnancy, and she had dropped a few suggestions with the name Nicole. He had used it, of course. "You're beautiful..."
"She takes after you," Jane added. Teresa rolled her eyes, but smiled at him anyway.
"I missed out on all the fun," she whispered. Jane shook his head.
"No, the fun is yet to begin, now that you're here."
She swallowed. "I..."
He smiled softly. "We made as many pictures as possible, Teresa. The team, and me."
"But I can't hold her anymore... not when she was a baby..."
He shook his head.
"It's okay, Teresa, you don't have to say anything."
"No, I... why did I wake up now?"
She was the first one who had dared to ask that question, even though it had crossed some other people's minds.
"I didn't visit you for eight years. Nicole and I never went to see you. Maybe you... you sensed that she was here and decided that now was the best time to wake up and see your daughter?"
The nurses nodded and left the room. For now, that was the best explanation.
"I love you, baby girl," Teresa whispered when she looked at Nicole again. "And you," as she focused on Jane's face. She kissed both of them, then lay back in the bed and slowly closed her eyes. He quickly checked her heart rate monitor, but found it still beeping regularly.
"Teresa?" he asked. She groaned softly.
"I just want to sleep now."
"You've been sleeping for the past eight years."
She opened her eyes and he saw tears in them. She was exhausted, he instantly saw it in her complete expression.
"Please, Patrick."
He nodded, and kissed her forehead.
"I love you, Teresa."
She smiled softly as she fell asleep. Nicole kissed Jane's forehead like Teresa had kissed hers. She swung her short arms around him and pulled him down as she lay down next to her mother.
They faintly noticed a doctor checking Teresa's vitals – the man nodded, a faint smile on his face as he watched the little family reunited. He didn't say anything, but raised his thumb, indicating Teresa was doing fine, at least for now.
It was a true miracle, one that would haunt the hospital staff for a long time – not the Jane family, though. They were already glad they could hold each other, knowing that all three of them would wake up and be alright.
Their little family was finally complete again.
A/N: Sorry if the medical stuff isn't accurate - I'm becoming an English teacher, not a doctor ^^
Let me know, though, what you thought about this story!