It had been six months. Six months since Ian Doyle came back into her life. Came back and took what little life she actually had. A life she had slowly been rebuilding and carefully reconstructing after 7 years in deep cover living a lie. A return to normalcy, a sense of belonging, a sense of family. All the things that she never really had growing up. All the things she gave up during her time with Interpol. All the things she thought could be hers after he was captured and imprisoned several years ago.

Now she was undercover once again only she was the hunted and left feeling like the criminal. Dying would have been a better outcome for her and her team. They were her family and she had hurt that family and placed them in danger. Dying would have been a better outcome for JJ. Jennifer, her best friend, the closest to family Emily ever had. It was the best, most open relationship she ever had. Open. That's a relative term. Open was something Emily Prentiss was not. Her armor and protective emotional covering was always in place; years of careful construction going back to childhood and fortified during her career. Open really meant not completely closed off. Not completely closed off meant very small and brief displays of emotion, showing on occasions she was human.

Keeping her emotions in check was especially hard around the former Media Liaison. During the three years they worked together the feelings for the beautiful blond dominated her thoughts and tortured her soul. Emily focused daily on pushing her true feelings for the blond aside. It was difficult to do so when she also worked to ensure their friendship be cultivated into a very tight, trusting bond. She chastised herself at the fact she had allowed herself to fall in love with JJ. It became easier to manage those feelings once JJ took her post with the State Department. Not having to see her every day enabled Emily to function and maintain focus at work. Yet, she missed the unspoken understanding they always had throughout their work days. They knew when a case had delved too deep into each other's hearts and minds. When the horrors of what they saw were almost too much bare or had hit too close to home. For Emily it was always the cases involving children. For JJ it was those involving young, innocent women. Many reminding JJ of her rural Pennsylvania upbringing; where life was simple, uncomplicated. And when those difficult and horrible cases presented themselves each was available to the other with an understanding look, word, or touch. They often spent time together after cases and would assist each other in the decompression over drinks, mindless television, or just in each other's quiet company.

JJ's departure to the State Department did not detract from the time they spent together outside of work. Despite the pressures and time requirements of their jobs they continued to find time for their friendship. The kept in touch regularly through daily text messages and typically spent at least one day a week in each other's company. In her quiet moments Emily would allow her fantasies to take over and imagine what it would be like to touch Jennifer, to fully be with her, to have a life with her and her alone. Emily knew it wasn't a possibility and never considered broaching the subject despite the occasional sign or vibe she received from JJ. Those signs - casual touches, glances on the plane or across the conference table - were likely a fabrication of her own mind. JJ loved her she knew, but as a friend, nothing more. And Emily would rather have that friendship because something was absolutely better than nothing at all.

Six Months ago

Six months ago it had been JJ who met her at the café in Paris with passports, bank account details, and instructions. JJ shared the details of the plan which had been executed successfully once they found her and rushed her to the hospital after being impaled by Doyle. According to JJ, she was the only one of the team who knew she had lived. Even Hotch had been kept out of the loop. To the team and her family Emily Prentiss was dead, a funeral was held, and Ian Doyle was still at large. JJ explained they were searching for him but he had again fallen off the grid.

"We should have captured him. We should have known he was in the states before you did." she said quietly, almost a whisper. "Morgan blames himself. He said he was too distracted getting you medical assistance that he lost focus and allowed Doyle to get away." JJ took a deep breath trying to compose herself and looked at the woman in front of her.

" I'm so sorry Emily, you shouldn't have to live this way. No one deserves what you've been through. Especially you."

Emily could not make eye contact. It was too much. Sitting here with Jennifer, listening to her apologize and hearing Morgan blamed himself. It was all she could do to keep her emotions in check.

"The team will not quit until he's captured." JJ went on. "I won't quit. I refuse to quit on you, Emily. I will use every resource I have access to in order to get you back home. I know you feel you let us down, that you put us all in danger. We know you did what you did was to keep us all safe. That you never wanted your past to impact any of us."

JJ continued to look at Emily but Emily refused to lift her head. As JJ started to go on, she saw what she believed to be a tear fall to the table. She knew Emily was fighting to keep herself composed, maintaining her walls and compartments, staying strong.

"We expect contact from you once every month using a disposable cellular phone. You will need to purchase one for each contact. Dial this number and simply state one of the following and hang up." JJ provided the phrasing. "If we have a message for you we will find you based upon your credit card use. You must make a credit card coffee purchase at least once a week and return to that same café the next day. We will locate the coffee house and will contact you there on the following day if needed."

" There is a cell phone in the envelope. Keep it with you at all times. We will only use it to contact you in a dire emergency. Otherwise it is not to be used. There is also a safe address listed. Only go there if you believe you have been found out by Doyle or any of his team."

Emily nodded her understanding still not looking at JJ. She knew if she looked up she would lose all control and the tears she had been holding back would fall uncontrollably.

JJ continued to look at Emily not sure what more to say. She loved Emily and while she never led on, she always felt what they had was more than friendship. In the last year JJ began to realize she cared more deeply for Emily than simply that of a friend. It wasn't until she took the post at the State Department that she realized just how much she cared for her. That is also when she began to picture herself with Emily. Once she realized the feelings were more than friendship JJ's attraction to Emily grew by the day. JJ had been with women before, but when she joined the BAU her personal life took a backseat to the job and she never really dated. Because Emily was always so guarded it was impossible to fully get a sense for what she suspected were feelings that went beyond friendship as well. Like Emily, JJ never wanted to do anything to jeopardize the friendship by pushing the issue. Thinking back it was probably very odd that neither of them ever spoke about their love lives or dating. In fact JJ couldn't recall a time when either of the ever really brought up the subject. Sure, if they were out they would play along and flirt with the occasional guys who might buy them drinks or ask them to dance. Garcia used to joke that if either of them got married they would have to disclose the fact that they came as a package since they were seemingly inseparable.

As they both sat there at the cafe unsure what to say, JJ and Emily each recalled the Saturday before Emily learned Doyle was free and looking for her.

6 months and one week ago

It was a Friday night. Emily and the team had just wrapped up two back to back cases, both of which involving children. The most recent had landed Emily in the hospital. She had been beaten badly by the Unsub when she was able to trick him into letting the six year old girl he held captive go. The case ended as well as they could have hoped, however, Emily had several cuts, bruises, and a mild concussion. Morgan had reached out to JJ while waiting for Emily at the hospital to to let her know what her friend had been through. JJ figured Emily would want some time to herself when she returned, so she planned to drop by on Saturday and allow her to have her Friday night to relax and unwind on her own. She texted Emily and told her she was glad she was ok and that she would drop by with coffee and pastries in the morning.

While on the flight back Emily couldn't help but think about the last several days. Oddly her thoughts weren't on the fact she had come dangerously close to being seriously hurt or killed. She was consumed with thoughts about JJ. While being kicked around by the Unsub during those 15 minutes between freeing the girl her team kicking in the door was JJ. Emily consciously decided she needed to be strong so she could get home to her friend. And as she sat in the plane thinking back to those moments earlier in the day she knew she had a moment of clarity. She needed to tell JJ the truth and take the chance that maybe JJ felt the same way. The next time she might not be so lucky.

When they landed in DC a large smile crossed Emily's face as she read JJ's text. Try to get some rest tonight. I'll be by with coffee and your favorite sweet treats in the morning. Glad your ok, I've missed you these last two weeks.

'Tomorrow I tell her.' Emily thought.

That night Emily's dreams were full of nightmares. Usually she could put all of the horrors of her job aside and pack all the ugliness into one of her compartments. She had been physically hurt before. This was not her first physical run-in with an Unsub. She could always get past the situation or the case pretty quickly. Not tonight.

The nightmare's that would sometimes come were even more lifelike than usual. She was back in the basement with the Unsub only JJ was with her. Rather than Emily, it was JJ being beaten while Emily stood there helplessly without her weapon. In the dream Emily couldn't move, her body seemed heavy and all she could do was watch while he continually beat JJ. There was blood splattered on the walls from the continuous hits to JJ's head. At one point JJ mouthed 'help me' and looked at Emily with those big blue beautiful eyes that were rife with fear. Emily wanted to come to her aid but she could only sit and watch helplessly. Then she did the only thing she could do; she began to scream. She kept screaming, screaming JJ's name.

JJ had let herself in when the brunette did not answer her door. She figured Emily must be in the shower or still asleep. When she entered the house she heard something in the bedroom. Assuming Emily was still in bed watching television she made her way to the kitchen to get a plate for the goodies she bought at the bakery. As she approached the cupboards, she heard what was clearly Emily's voice. She was yelling and sounded like crying. With a hand on her weapon JJ ran upstairs and carefully pushed Emily's bedroom door open.

JJ opened the door to find Emily wrapped up in her sheets screaming into her pillow. She was was in a full sweat and her legs were thrashing wildly. JJ ran over to the far side of the bed, sat down, and tried to gently wake her.

"Emily, it's JJ. Em it's me. Wake up sweetie, wake up. It's just a dream." JJ gently shook Emily at the shoulders.

"No, no. Stop. Please let her go!" Emily shouted. JJ reached out and brushed the hair from Emily's face.

"Emily, it's alright, it's me JJ. " JJ continued to stoke Emily's hair and within a few seconds Emily opened her eyes.

"Emily it's ok, it's me, JJ. It's just a dream." JJ said softly while she stroked Emily's hair.

"JJ?" Emily looked up breathing heavily. "Wha…what time is it?"

"Emily, it's 9:30. I let myself in when you didn't answer the door." JJ said keeping her hand in Emily's hair.

Emily looked around, blinked a few times, and caught her breath. She remembered the dream. She was embarrassed JJ found her like this and was now acutely aware of how close JJ was to her. Of how she smelled and the feel of her hand in her hair. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, leaning a bit into JJ's touch. JJ put her other hand on Emily's and began to rub the back of her knuckles. Emily kept her eyes closed for just a few more seconds, enjoying the feeling of JJ's closeness wanting it to continue. She opened her eyes only to find JJ's blue ones staring into hers full of fear and worry.

"Emily, what were you dreaming about?"

" I… I don't remember." She lied. She couldn't tell her. Couldn't tell her about the dream. And in that split second decided she could not tell JJ about her feelings. JJ was a concerned friend, nothing more. All the will and bravado from the night before around telling JJ the truth was gone. She needed her friend and knew her friend would always be here for her. She couldn't afford to lose that. She needed to have JJ in her life and was willing to have her any way she could. It would be better than not at all.

" I can't believe you don't remember. It sounded so vivid. Are you ok?" asked JJ.

"Yeah, it was just a dream. Not sure what about. Must be the concussion messing with my head." Emily forced a bit of a laugh as she said it.

JJ became very aware of the fact she still had her hands on Emily. She wanted desperately to pull her into a an embrace and hold her. In fact JJ was so overcome with the need to pull Emily closer tears welled up in her eyes. Emily noticed the emotion in JJ's eyes and immediately got up, breaking contact with the blond. She did not want JJ to feel sorry for her.

"Sorry for the scare."

"It's ok. We all have those dreams. I'm not surprised after the last few weeks you have had." Fact is JJ was a bit surprised. She had never seen Emily look ...

well terrified.

"Let me take a quick shower and I'll be right downstairs. I assume you have coffee and pastries as promised?" Emily asked with a grin.

"Of course. Goodies as promised." JJ replied.

"ok, gimme 5."

"Sure take your time, Em." JJ answered and got up off the bed. " I'll see you downstairs."

JJ walked downstairs wondering how easily Emily seems to turn on and off her emotions. One minute she looked like a very scared little girl, then the next like nothing ever happened. That type of behavior was nothing new, although this is the first time JJ actually thought Emily looked scared.

Emily rarely opened up. Sure she was caring, loving, and the best friend JJ ever had but she never fully let on about her fears or concerns. JJ sighed. 'Maybe I'll push her a little bit. Maybe I can get her to talk. She clearly is not dealing well with the last few days. If she would talk about it maybe she can put it past her'

Emily finished her shower and quickly got dressed. She was still cursing herself for letting JJ see her that vulnerable. Then she laughed at the thoughts she had last night about telling JJ her feelings. Clearly the hit to the head was having an impact on her ability to think clearly. 'Sure Prentiss why don't you risk the best relationship you have and tell her you love her. Hey JJ, thanks for coming over and waking me from this awful dream where I was watching you get your ass kicked while I did nothing to help you. I really appreciate the coffee. By the way I'm head over heels in love with you and have been since the day I met you. I hope we can still be friends." Emily shook her head and made her way downstairs.

As she got to the bottom step she saw JJ at the kitchen table. Blond hair spilled gently over her face as she was looking at her blackberry. As Emily approached she noticed the pretty blue button down shirt that was unbuttoned enough to get a glimpse of JJ's ample cleavage. 'Oh my god she is gorgeous. What I could do to her on that table." Again Emily shook her head

JJ looked up and smiled. " Everything ok?"

" Yeah, much better. The shower helped. I probably shouldn't have had that glass of wine when I got home last night. Concussion plus alcohol is probably not the best combo, huh? So what are we doing today? Lunch, shopping, a movie? You've probably had a busy week too. How about you pick and I buy. I'm so happy it's finally Saturday it's my treat!."

JJ just stared at Emily, blue eyes looking intently into Emily's. JJ didn't say anything, just looked at Emily for what felt like several minutes.

"Hello? JJ, you there?" Emily joked waving her hands.

"How do you do it?" JJ asked quietly.

"Do what?" Emily raised her eyebrows.

"How do you always mange to turn it off. To pretend none of this bothers you? To always have the strength to move on and put the horrible things you see and experience behind you? I mean you were beaten not 24 hours ago, clearly did not get a good nights sleep and now you want to talk about movies and shopping? "

JJ went on. " I know for both of us just spending time together, in the company of someone who understands is usually enough. I get that because I know talking about means re-living it. But my god, Emily. It's not healthy. Can't you once just let your guard down and let me in? Really in to help you. You do it for me. You are always there for me."

Silence.

"Emily you don't have to put on this front all the time for me. I know what this job does to people. I've never seen anyone so able to flip the switch like you can."

By now Emily had turned away from JJ and was staring out the window. After a few seconds she replied. "I guess I just compartmentalize better than most. I've been this way my whole life. Taught myself at a young age to control my emotions and to simply move past things. It's how I deal. I don't really know any other way."

JJ didn't respond. Emily didn't dare turn around. She knew JJ was right but she knew if she let herself think about the last few weeks, combined with her feelings for JJ, she would fall apart. And if she fell apart there was no telling what she would say. So she stood there staring out the window not saying anything trying very hard to keep her emotions in check. She sighed and rubbed her head to help maintain that composure

She didn't hear JJ get up but after a minute or so, she felt JJ's hand on her shoulder. Emily didn't react at first but then JJ began rubbing her back gently. Emily tensed but after a bit she relaxed to JJ's touch.

"I know you prefer to be strong. It's who you are and what makes you so good at your job. We aren't on the job right now. Emily you don't need to go through life alone and not talk to anyone. Look we've known each a long time. You can trust me, you know that right?"

Emily nodded. JJ's soothing voice and touch were undoing her and it was becoming very hard to maintain her composure. Tears had formed in her eyes and she was fighting mightily to hold them back. Not just because of what had happened this week, but for all the feelings she had kept bottled inside for the young blond.

"Emily turn around."

Emily slowly turned around but kept her head down.

JJ put her fingers to Emily's chin and gently nudged her head up. As she looked into Emily's eyes she saw the tears welling up there. She again saw a vulnerability she hadn't seen before. If JJ ever needed a gut check to validate how she felt about Emily she got her answer right now. He eyes were drawn to the brunette's lips and she wanted nothing more than to kiss her. To kiss the pain away and to give her a promise to always be there for her. Instead she put her hand on Emily's cheek and with her thumb wiped the first tear that had escaped from those beautiful brown eyes.

" Emily you are my best friend and I love you. You mean the world to me and it kills me to think you might be hurting and are too proud to talk to me." JJ stopped and again wiped Emily's cheek.

Emily's composure was waning. JJ said she loved her. It was the first time she said it even though they had been friends for so long. She swore she saw a flicker of something more than friendship when JJ spook the words. She wanted to pull JJ into her arms, to feel her close. She felt JJ could see right through her and see all the love that she had for the blond. She opened her mouth but nothing came out.

JJ sensing Emily's discomfort pulled her in for an embrace. "I'm here for you. Always. Don't ever doubt our friendship. I love you Emily Prentiss. Whether you like it or not you're stuck with me."

With JJ's body wrapped tightly around her, Emily completely came undone and allowed herself to cry in JJ's arms. She cried for all the emotional weight that she had carried with her for so long. She knew she shouldn't but she couldn't stop. JJ's arms around her felt so right, so safe. At some point they sat on the couch still embraced.

JJ held Emily as tightly as she could. Her neck was wet with Emily's tears. She never ever thought Emily Prentiss would allow herself to let go. It felt so right to hold her, so natural to be in her arms. She put her lips to Emily's forehead and kissed her gently. JJ scolded herself silently for even thinking selfishly about how it felt to hold Emily. Her friend needed her support and she didn't need to be distracted by her senseless fantasies of the life she really wanted with Emily.

Emily eventually pulled away and wiped her eyes. She looked at JJ and her big blue eyes held all the promise of love and friendship she had just articulated. Emily felt loved, and even if it wasn't the love she wanted, it was love nonetheless.

"Thank you." Emily whispered. " Jen, everything you said… I.. I feel the same and I'm here for you too. Always."

Jen. That sounded so nice JJ thought.

"Promise me you will always tell me when your compartments get too full. Deal?"

Emily nodded. " I promise. But I can't always promise I will always talk about it."

JJ smiled. "I'll take that promise. "

Emily looked around the room unsure of what else to say. She found herself staring at the floor cursing how weak she was for allowing so much of her emotions to surface in front of JJ. Sensing that Emily was extremely uncomfortable, JJ smiled and jumped from the couch. " Well I guess we need to start with breakfast since the coffee is probably cold by now."

Emily laughed. "Breakfast sounds great. I can't remember when I ate last"

"Em, afterwards how about we just hang out and watch some movies and order in some pizza? Let's try to do as little as possible today. Sound good?"

"Sounds like a great plan to me." Emily said as she got up.

As planned they spent the day simply hanging out and enjoying each other's company. Conversation was kept light but that's what both of them needed. They each had the quiet comfort of sitting next to each other the couch. Emily fell asleep halfway through the movie and ended up with her head in JJ's lap. Emily slept for almost two hours while JJ gently brushed her hair with her hands. JJ knew she shouldn't, but could not help herself and hoped Emily wouldn't think anything more of it than a friendly gesture. Emily woke up to JJ's light stroking and couldn't help but think it had been the best sleep she ever had.

6 Months ago

As both woman thought back to that Saturday they knew they couldn't afford to reminisce too much longer. Sitting here too long would be dangerous. Emily had still not lifted her head.

"Do you have any questions? Is there anything else you need?" JJ asked not wanting to say goodbye.

Emily shook her head and whispered. "Thank you. I'm sorry you had to do this."

"Please do not apologize Emily. None of this is your fault."

Emily finally looked up. JJ reached over and placed a hand over hers. Tears were streaming down JJ's face at this point.

"We will get him and you will come home. I promise I will do everything to make that happen as quickly as possible. It's not like best friends grow on trees." JJ gave a weak smile.

Emily offered a smile and allowed a tear to fall. She wanted desperately to tell JJ everything she felt but she just couldn't. " You have given me more than you will ever know Jennifer. The last three years would have been miserable without you in my life. I love you. "

JJ let out a small sob. Emily had never referred to her a Jennifer. She wanted to tell Emily how she really felt, not knowing when or if she would see her again. But Emily had much bigger problems at the moment. JJ didn't want to add to the list of things Emily had to process.

Taking a deep breath and giving Emily's hand a gentle squeeze, " Good luck. Be safe."

Emily stood up and looked intently into JJ's eyes trying to silently say everything she felt. She reached out and gave JJ's shoulder a firm squeeze then she turned and walked away. JJ watched her leave and watched the person she loved most disappear into the darkness.