A/N: It's the sex talk we never got to see! Peeta has been sleeping in Katniss's bed during the Victory Tour, so Effie and Haymitch have some select words for our star- crossed lovers. One-shot. Fits in cannon.
Disclaimer: I own nothing but an intense love for these characters. Enjoy!
Katniss
The scenery whips past the train windows at breakneck speed as I pick at the food my breakfast plate. Never in my life would I have thought that I would refuse a full plate of food when it was so willingly handed to me, but now I can't even muster the appetite to eat more than a couple bites of toast. Cinna, Portia, and the prep teams have gone to prepare for the day, and Effie has kept Haymitch, Peeta, and myself here in the dining room so that she can go over every minute detail of our day.
I don't listen much as she blathers away about the district we'll be visiting today- what we're to say, where we will eat, how we'll be dressed, and the exact second all of this must occur. Instead I find myself focusing on Peeta next to me. He appears to be listening to Effie attentively, nodding and smiling in time with her incessant chatter, but I know him well enough by now to know that his mind is elsewhere. I wonder what he's thinking about. These days I'm torn between feelings of guilt for kissing Peeta for the cameras, and then more guilt for taking advantage of his strong, comforting arms when I succumb to the nightmares in the dark. The line between what is real and not is so distorted that it's impossible to know where we stand.
My thoughts are interrupted when a big hand encloses mine and gives a light squeeze. "Katniss?" Peeta hisses, eyebrows raised. Now I realize that everyone at the table is silent, looking expectantly at me. Peeta jerks his head toward Effie, who wears a stern expression on her face, her hands firmly planted on her hips.
"Oh! Sorry, Effie. What did you say?"
Effie rolls her eyes exasperatedly at me. "I said it's time for you to get prepped, Katniss. Your team should be ready for you by now."
"Right, prep. Okay." Peeta releases my hand and I rise from my place at the table and follow her from the room, but not before I see Effie toss an expectant look at Haymitch as we leave the dining car.
She escorts me all the way through two cars, which is unusual for her. "Effie, I think I'm okay now. I can make it to prep by myself," I say.
"Actually, Katniss, I wanted to talk to you for a minute," she says, grabbing my arm and pulling me into the sitting room.
Thinking this is about my short attention span as of late, I cross my arms and wait for the lecture to begin. But it doesn't. On those ridiculously high heels of hers, Effie totters her way toward the couch, perching daintily upon its edge. Then she pats the seat next to her, indicating that I should do the same.
Grudgingly, I flop down onto the sofa and wait for her to begin speaking. "Now, Katniss, I've wanted to talk to you privately, woman to woman, for a while now. I think this talk has been a long time coming."
My stomach drops to my feet. Oh god, she's not…
"I know that you and Peeta are... active."
She is.
"Now I realize that you two are very much in love, but I have to tell you, it is just not proper for a young, unmarried couple like yourselves to sleep in the same bed together." I gape at her, mouthing words that will not come to my lips, completely blind- sighted by this unfounded (and entirely untrue) accusation. Ignoring my fish-out-of-water expression, Effie plunges on. "You do understand, of course, the scandal it would cause if anyone outside this train gets wind of what has been happening between you two? You aren't even fully adults yet! Think of your families- I know how your mother feels about your relationship with Peeta, Katniss, and I am confident in saying that she would quite agree with me on this."
"Effie!" I exclaim, desperate for her to stop. "I- It's not like… that between Peeta and me. We haven't… we're not active." The overhead lights in the compartment are too harsh, the air feels thick and heavy. My palms are sweating and my face is surely beet red from embarrassment, but I meet Effie's withering stare defiantly all the same.
Finally, she pats my hand, her painted mouth curling into an empathetic smile. "Katniss, dear," she says conspiratorially, "I remember what it's like to be young and in love. Wanting to express that love through physical intimacy is perfectly natural, and I know that I can't say anything to stop you from doing it… however, I do ask that you be more discreet."
I nod my head frantically, knowing that telling her the truth about Peeta and me- that we sleep in the same bed because we're both plagued by horrific nightmares every night- will get me nowhere. Attempting to explain that will only serve to drag out this mortifying conversation even longer. "Discreet… I can be discreet," I agree hastily.
Effie nods happily, her curls bouncing atop her orange wig, and then glances around as though checking for eavesdroppers lurking in the brightly lit sitting room. When she seems satisfied that no one else is in the vicinity, she rummages through her small handbag, coming back with a tiny white object pinched between her perfectly manicured fingers. "What is this?" I ask as she places it in my palm.
"That," Effie says, rising from her perch on the couch and filling a glass of water from the bar in the corner of the room, "is a birth control pill. It will keep you from getting pregnant."
Again, I'm rendered speechless in shock. My escort returns with the glass of water and places it in my other hand. "It's good for a whole month, but we'll have to see what we can do about getting you a full prescription once we get to the Capitol…" she trails off, looking at me sympathetically and misinterpreting my silence. "Surely you don't want children yet, Katniss? At least not until you're married, and I'm sure that's a long way off. Trust me, it's better to be safe now and worry about the grown-up stuff later. "
I barely resist snorting at her words. Apparently murdering children and having sex do not qualify as "grown- up" activities in her world, but I see at her kind expression and hold my tongue, merely nodding in agreement. Effie pats my hand again, and then marches toward the doorway. "Now take that pill, and hurry off to prep. We're already late for our big, big, big day!" she calls over her shoulder.
When the door closes behind her, I don't move a muscle, glaring instead at the tiny white pill in one hand and the glass of water in the other. Thinking about the implications.
I should throw it down the drain. It's not like I'll need it, anyway. Things with Peeta are complicated at best, and I'm nowhere near ready for physical intimacy, as Effie so poignantly calls it. But then my mind drifts to thoughts of Peeta- of his long eyelashes and strong arms and warm body, of his courageous acts in the districts and his unflinching love for me, and I think… maybe. Maybe someday.
Quick as a flash so I don't lose my nerve, I wash the pill down my throat with a gulp of water.
Just in case.
Peeta
I'm starting to get seriously worried about Katniss. She's barely touched anything on her plate all week, and now she's starting to resemble the starving little girl I found crouched under the apple tree all those years ago. No amount of expertly done make up can truly hide her lifeless eyes and hollow cheeks, at least not from me, but maybe that's just because I know her face so well.
This trip is wearing on both of us, and I wish more than anything that I could just make it stop. Stop Effie's relentless tide of "manners this" and "conduct that." Stop the show we've been putting on every day. Stop this train right now and get off.
In the back of my mind I hear Effie begin to lay out our schedule for yet another day in another district. Katniss is gazing blankly out the window, clearly not taking in a word of it. I guess it's up to me to listen to our escort for both of us.
"… and then after you're presented with your plaques, you'll have time to change before dinner at 7:00 with the mayor and his wife. They have two children, Magnus and Briar; don't forget those names, now, that would be bad manners, right?" Effie pauses to look at us and I give her a nod and a smile. Satisfied, she continues, "We'll be there in about and hour and a half, so Katniss, you should probably head off to prep now. Goodness knows your team has quite the amount of work to do with those bags under your eyes! Katniss... Katniss?"
Katniss is still staring off into space, completely oblivious to Effie's lecture, so I grab her hand beneath the table and give it a squeeze, whispering her name in her ear as I do so. It seems to jerk her from her reverie, and she looks around expectantly. I incline my head toward Effie, who looks extremely annoyed that Katniss had, in fact, not been hanging on her words.
The two women leave the compartment and I'm fixated on the back of Katniss's retreating figure until the door swings shut behind her. Not wanting to be left alone with Haymitch, who looks more sullen than ever, I begin to rise from my seat.
"Hold it!" he barks at me from across the table.
I fix him with a curious stare. "What?"
He holds out a crystal bottle of dark, amber colored liquid- the finest scotch the Capitol can provide. "Want a drink? Trust me, you're gonna need it."
"Haymitch, it's 9:30 in the morning."
My mentor just shrugs and sloshes a generous amount of the drink into his own coffee mug. "Fine. But don't say I didn't warn you. Now sit down." I obey and wait for him to begin speaking, but he doesn't. Instead, he reaches into his pocket and thrusts something at me from across the mahogany table. When I glance down, a little foil packet rests in front of my breakfast plate. Instantly, I feel my cheeks flood with heat. "Know what that is, boy?" Haymitch says.
Of course I know what that is. Every boy in Panem- Capitol and Districts, merchant and Seam alike- knows what that tiny package holds. "Yes," I say, defiantly.
"Know how to use it?"
"Yes! Of course I know how to- why are you giving it to me, anyway?" I ask, flustered.
In lieu of a response, Haymitch takes a long pull from his coffee mug and then fixes me with a watery stare. Several seconds of uncomfortable silence later, he says, "Effie told me you've been sleeping in the girl's room." My jaw drops, and my cheeks flame with further embarrassment. I didn't realized that anyone had noticed.
"Well… yes, but-"
"But nothing," Haymitch snaps, taking yet another drink. "Look, I promised Effie I'd do this, now don't make it more difficult than it has to be. You're sleeping in the same bed as that girl, and I'll be damned if she ends up pregnant. I don't need miniatures of the two of you running around. I can barely handle both of you as it is."
Oh my god. Well, Haymitch is certainly right about one thing- I wish I had that drink now.
"But Haymitch, it's not real. You know that! This whole thing- our entire 'relationship' is a lie! I heard Katniss screaming the other night, so I went in her room. I went in there to drag her out of nightmares about the arena and the mutts, and god knows what else! When she finally fell asleep… I couldn't leave her," I groan, putting my face in my hands.
"Every night this week?" Haymitch questions, his eyebrows raised in skepticism.
"I.. I," I stutter, for once at a loss for words.
My mentor leans forward on his elbows to level me with his glare, which is surprisingly steady for someone who has downed half that bottle of scotch since the beginning of this conversation. "Look, kid, I'm only going to say this once, so pay attention. That girl in there-" he points in the direction of the door through which Katniss just left- "looks at you like the fuckin' sun shines outta your ass. Like you're the only person in the room. Like you're an oasis in the middle of the damn desert, and maybe if you stopped wallowing in self-pity, you'd be able to see that."
"But-" I interrupt, but he holds up his hand to silence me.
"I know, I know, 'it was for the games,'" he mocks, throwing back the rest of his drink. "But trust me, it wasn't. Sweetheart doesn't know what she wants, but it's definitely not her damn 'cousin' back home. Take it from me," he says, reaching down beside his chair and coming back with an entire box of condoms, "she'll realize it at some point, and when she does… just be safe." He tosses the box to me, and I catch it, still half- shocked, half- mortified at the unexpected direction of this conversation.
I hurry to leave the room as he pours yet more alcohol into his mug and as I close the door of the train compartment behind me, I distinctly hear him mutter, "damn kids."
Shuffling down the hall as quickly as I can without attracting suspicion, I keep the box of condoms out of sight under my arm. Once I reach my room, I lock the door behind me and fling myself on the bed. My mind keeps replaying his words: "She looks at you like the fuckin' sun shines outta your ass." Haymitch, eloquent as he is, must be wrong. I don't know who Katniss loves, but it certainly isn't me. She clings to me in the dark because I'm the only one here that understands. If we were back home, who knows which pair of arms she would seek? She comes to me because I'm her only option.
But then… I remember how she snuggles up against me in the mornings when she thinks I'm still asleep. How soft and warm her body feels pressed against my own. How her hair tickles my cheeks and how her breath fans gently across my face in her sleep. I still love her, no matter how often I try to convince myself otherwise. I know that will never change. Maybe… maybe someday she'll feel it, too. I give the box one last searching look, and then tuck it deep into the drawer of my bedside table.
Just in case.
A/N: As with any fanfic writer, I love getting reviews. If you've ever written a fanfic before, you know that even one review can brighten your entire day, so please leave a comment and tell me what you thought. I'm also on tumblr: ofpearlsandshoelaces . tumblr . com Now the only question is... why did Haymitch and Effie have two readily available forms of birth control on the train? I'll let you figure that out for yourselves. *wink wink*