L sat watching Light Yagami on his monitor, whilst thoughtfully building a sugar cube tower. It was Saturday, so headquarters was empty and everyone was at home enjoying the leisure time with their families. Suddenly, Light called out to the solitary detective, and L turned on the communication device.
"Yes, what is it, Light-kun?"
L noted the drool dripping from Light's mouth. He watched the drool for a few moments, imagining it as melted vanilla ice cream and started drooling himself.
"I just wanted... to see you," Light said, barely able to speak, but L was too busy imagining his lips as strawberry jelly.
"Pardon me, Light-kun? I didn't quite catch that," L mumbled monotonously, trying to shake himself out of his Light-induced daze.
"I want to see you," Light growled out in frustration. "It's not fair that you always get to see me and I never see you."
L considered this. "And why does Light-kun wish to see me?" he asked.
"I just told you!" Light yelled.
L frowned, then he sighed and hopped to the floor. "Very well, Light-kun, I will be there in a minute." After all, he was feeling rather hungry.
He shuffled down the hallway and opened the door to Light's room, yet someone stood in the doorway. It was Misa, wanting another getting-nowhere obsessive date with Light. But L ingeniously thought around that. He held a knife to Misa's neck, and Rem came running to save her.
L smiled hollowly as Rem arrived. It was quite creepy. "Oh, Misa-chan?" he asked, lowering the knife. "Why is this Shinigami, whom you know nothing about, coming to save you?" He took a step forward. "You must indeed be the second Kira!"
Light frowned. "And how can you, L, see the Shinigami?"
"I can't," L replied dryly, "But you just told me that it's there."
Rem grew tired of Light and L's jabbing and knocked them aside, and they fell to the floor in a heap. Then Rem reached to grab Misa. They ran out the door.
L got up slowly, looking at Light's deep red lips. He tried to bite them off in a long, nibbly kiss as Light was waking up out of his slight coma. Light hung on L's every move… until L slapped him. And walked away.
Light pleaded, "What did I do wrong?"
L, in his usual monotonic voice, replied, "Your lips lied to me. I thought they tasted like strawberry jam. They don't."
As L walked away to finish his sugar tower and maybe snack on some real strawberry jam, Light sank to the ground. "Nooooo," he yelled.
"You know," he said slyly, recovering a bit, "If you're interested, my penis tastes sort of like a lollipop."