Summary: In which Atem realizes that loving a vagabond is difficult. AU. Blindshipping. Submission for the PSC Song Contest.
Warnings: Direct references to abuse from a parent, petty crimes, mentions of gun usage, language, NSFW scenes, minor character death.
This is my submission for the PSC Song Contest (and written today because, for some reason, I made this my least priority). You guys should check out the Best Puzzleshipping Story forum and read the other submissions! Based on Soap by Melanie Martinez.
(Barely edited and revised. I apologize so much that you have to read my first draft writing.)
Atem meets him in a ma-and-pop gas station that feels like a thousand miles away from any major highways. The motorcycle rumbles and roars as the stranger brings his feet to rest on the concrete ground.
"Where are you going?" the stranger asks.
"Anywhere." Atem says. "Anywhere but back home."
Atem has a yellowing bruise on his left cheek, a scar above his right eyebrow, and he must have just the right look in his eyes because the stranger gives a hefty sigh. The motorcycle sighs with him.
"Do you have a ride?"
"No."
The motorcyclist has odd eyes like his own – an unnatural purple. He isn't wearing a helmet and instead opts for frizzed, spiked hair. He has a heavy leather jacket on despite the summer heat, and his thick-soled boots tap against the concrete in thought.
"Do you need a ride?"
"If you'll take me."
The stranger gnaws on his lower lip and his gloved fingers rapt against the handle bars. He finally moves after a moment and reaches into a satchel attached to the side of the bike. He pulls out a helmet.
"I'm Yuugi. Wear this, and don't complain about wherever I take you."
"Atem Nazari. I'll wear it, but I'm down for wherever it's warm."
Yuugi's lips quirk up at that as Atem slides on the helmet. The man hops on and, after a moment, wraps his arms around Yuugi's waist. The man doesn't make too much of a protest as the engine revs and their journey begins.
"Alright, but you're gonna be pretty fucking disappointed," Yuugi says. "We're going to Wisconsin."
He takes off before Atem can protest.
Yuugi wanted cheese curds, Atem realizes, as they hit the state line that officially enters them into the Dairy State. He stops at the nearest gas station that offers food and brings out two orders of deep-fried cheese curds for them. Atem doesn't realize it as he tries the odd food until Yuugi asks,
"Do you need a ride?"
"Where?" Atem asks.
Yuugi drenches a cheese curd with ketchup and pops it into his mouth. His shoulders move in a shrug as his gaze finds Atem. They haven't talked much over the week. Atem's tongue gets caught by a cat whenever he meets Yuugi's gaze – and Yuugi doesn't seem to pry.
"It's your turn," Yuugi informs. "I picked somewhere, so now you pick somewhere. It can be for any reason. I don't judge."
Atem blinks for just a moment before realization hits him. His mouth unhinges as he finds himself knitting his brows at Yuugi. "You came here for cheese curds?"
"Fuck yeah," Yuugi replies. "They sounded good."
Yuugi is a drifter, Atem realizes. He doesn't have a destination or an ending to his journey. He's going to keep going, and drop Atem off whenever he wants to stop. Atem wants to know why Yuugi picked this life, why he has no destination – but one glance from those beautiful eyes is enough to make the question get caught in his throat.
"Alright," Atem says, and he tells himself he isn't stuttering. "I want to go somewhere warm. I want to go to Texas."
Yuugi hums at this. The corners of his mouth quirk up as he polishes off his cheese curds, and then reaches over to snatch one of Atem's. Atem doesn't bother trying to protest.
"Texas it is then."
Yuugi picks Wisconsin for the cheese curds.
Atem picks Texas for the warmth.
Yuugi picks Colorado for the mountains.
Atem picks California for the sunshine.
In Texas, as Atem tries on cowboy hats, Yuugi asks if he needs a ride. Atem says yes.
In Colorado, as Atem studies the mountains, Yuugi asks if he needs a ride. Atem says yes.
In California, Atem is sunbathing beside the motorcycle, and Yuugi hasn't asked him if he needs a ride yet.
Atem doesn't count the months/weeks/days/however long its been since he signed himself off to the stranger. He measures days by the sun, and time by the states they pass through as they go to their destination. It's fall now, he realizes, as he judges the air. He can feel it – and he can see the Starbucks from here that's selling Pumpkin Lattes.
He still doesn't know anything about Yuugi, not even his last name, but he knows some rules he learned along the way.
"We're going to run out of money eventually," Yuugi told him. They're on their way to Texas, and they took a small detour into Chicago. Yuugi is filling up the motorcycle's tank. "When we do, we'll try to find some easy jobs. If we can't, then we're fucking Robin Hooding it. We don't steal from the weak, poor, and anyone else who obviously needs it. We target the rich."
Atem can only nod because it seems like a good rule, and he can't complain to the guy giving him a ride.
"Safety is important above everything else," Yuugi told him. They hit the state line for Colorado and take a break alongside the road. "Robbers, traffic accidents, or whatever else. Don't talk to strangers. Don't get in weird cars. Don't fight when someone with a gun wants your wallet.
Atem doesn't complain. He nods because it seems like a good rule.
"Final thing," Yuugi says. They're about to enter California, and they bought a hotel room for the night. It's a little two-star motel with a cracked bathtub and cable television. "If you get all emotional, don't tell me. I'm not a shoulder to cry on."
Atem doesn't like that rule. He doesn't nod. Yuugi doesn't care as he almost swallows a hamburger in one bite.
He realizes he really doesn't like the final rule on their first night in California. Yuugi shakes him awake and presses the helmet in his hands.
"Come on," Yuugi whispers. "I want to show you something."
Atem pulls the scratchy motel blankets off him. He's still in his pajamas, but Yuugi shoos him out the door before he can even think about changing. He gets on Yuugi's motorcycle tired and blurry-eyed with the helmet still clutched in his hands.
"Dummy," Yuugi murmurs as he takes the helmet away from Atem. The man slides it on his head and snaps the visor down.
"You still need a helmet," Atem remarks as Yuugi climbs on. He wraps his arms around Yuugi's waist and rests his covered head on Yuugi's shoulder. This has to be a dream.
"Nah," Yuugi says. "Not enough money for it."
"Rule number two," Atem replies as the motorcycle revs. "Safety is important above everything else."
He can almost hear Yuugi blinking, and then a soft chuckle. "Fine. Remind me to in the morning."
Atem sees blurs of colors and cars and signs as the motorcycle takes off. They drive through the heart of some city with a name Atem doesn't care about. Yuugi stops for red lights and follows the speed limit. They have to be an odd sight for people awake at this hour.
There's a point where the city dies and nothing but country begins. The roads become dirt and trees replace street signs. No more buildings come into his sight, and Atem can finally look up and see the moon.
Yuugi brings the motorcycle to a stop, and the engine dies down. They're somewhere in the country with no roads or buildings around them. Atem gives a soft hum and slides the helmet off, running his fingers through his hair to tame the mess. It won't be long until his hair looks like Yuugi's.
"Why?" he asks. He slides off the bike as Yuugi reaches into the side satchel to pull out a blanket.
"I found this the first time I came to California. Figured I'd show you," Yuugi says with a shrug. "Do you wanna head back?"
Atem shakes his head, and follows after Yuugi as he begins to walk. They don't travel far from the motorcycle when Yuugi flares the blanket out and spreads it on the ground. Atem picked it out when they made a pit stop in Arizona. It's a bright red, Aztec patterned blanket that feels rough on Atem's skin as he lays back on it. Yuugi joins him not too long after.
And his next breath gets caught in his throat.
Stars. So many beautiful, beautiful stars. They're free from the smog of the city and allowed to shine uninhibited. Some are pure white like in cartoons, and some are a gentle blue. He can pick out constellations, and at the same time, smell the fresh earth beneath him. It's beautiful – and something he never bothered to look at throughout their journey.
"It's beautiful," Atem says.
"It is," Yuugi responds. Atem chances a glance and finds the man's gaze fixed on the sky. Yuugi raises his hands and rests them beside his head. Their littlest fingers brush, and Atem does his best to not disturb it. "I love the sky."
"You mean the night sky?"
Atem watches the man shake his head, nose scrunching up. "No. I love everything with the sky. Sunshine. Rain. Thunder. Stars. Tornadoes if I'm in a safe place."
"Seen a lot of those?"
"Tornadoes? Yeah. Grew up watching them."
"Where were you born?"
Yuugi tenses for just a moment before a sigh passes through his lips. His shoulders move in a shrug. "Oklahoma. I was born during a F-4 tornado. Typical."
"What made you want to travel?"
It's too much information, Atem guesses, because Yuugi doesn't respond. He continues to gaze into the night sky. Atem's forgotten all about it at this point. He's too focused on Yuugi gnawing on his lower lip, and how his hands become fists.
"I was born in Florida," Atem says.
"No wonder you keep picking fucking hot states," Yuugi murmurs. "How did you get all the way from Florida to Kentucky?"
"Drove. Stole my dad's car until it broke down. It was a piece of shit. Then, a lot of walking and hitch-hiking."
"Where's your destination?" Yuugi asks. "Where do you want me to drop you off?"
Atem falls silent because all the wrong words are building on his tongue. He knows his response, and he almost opens his mouth up to say them, but snaps his jaw shut just as quick. Yuugi won't appreciate the words, and he'll cut off their adventure before it even begins.
Atem will just need to give it a little more time. Just to make Yuugi a little more comfortable with him. He can do that.
"I don't know," Atem replies. "Whenever I feel like it, I guess."
Yuugi accepts this as such with a nod, and Atem forces himself to look back at the sky. A soft sigh passes through his lips as he stares into the dull, boring sky.
Soon. He just needs to be gentle.
Yuugi asks him after some time in California if he needs a ride. Atem says yes. Yuugi picks North Dakota.
"I wanna see Mount Rushmore. Maybe we'll find a secret map and a hidden treasure in it," Yuugi coos.
He bought a helmet the morning after the stargazing. It's black with bright silver facets and blue flames down the center. It's too flashy for Atem's tastes. Yuugi says it makes him look cool as fuck.
It costs some money, and Yuugi begins a hunt in the heart of California.
"Look for expensive shit," Yuugi says. "Gucci purses, heels, watches, the entire shebang. Pick-pocketing ain't hard as it seems. Just watch me. You're smart enough to catch on."
Yuugi seems to have plenty of experience under his belt. He guides Atem to a busy street filled with people from streetwalkers to movers-and-shakers. Some people have shoes with holes and dirty hair, and some have gold watches and talons for fingernails.
The man watches for a few minutes before he gestures to a man. He's tall – so much taller than Yuugi and Atem – with blue eyes narrowed in disgust as he talks into his phone. His suit is pure white, and a black wallet juts out from the pocket. A boy with pure black hair walks along side him and smiles at strangers.
"Loaded," Yuugi whispers. "That's the one I want."
And Yuugi almost gets killed.
He leaves Atem, but the other trails a few paces behind him. He watches Yuugi's shoulders swing from side-to-side to avoid running into others. He's fast – and Atem almost loses him. It's like he's a fucking ghost.
And then he sees him. Yuugi is close to the rich target, and this time he doesn't swing his shoulders to avoid him. He steps to the side and walks head-on with his gaze focused on something else. The kid walking next to the target sees him first, but can't say anything in time.
Atem approaches – just a few steps – as Yuugi runs head-on into the target. He can't see if Yuugi got what he wanted or not. It was too quick, too fast for him.
It wasn't fast enough for the target.
Yuugi gives a quick apology and continues walking, but the man's face twists and he grabs Yuugi by the crook of his elbow before he can even pass him.
"Where the fuck do you think you're going with my wallet?" the man says – hisses even. The phone drops from his hand and the kid almost dives for it to catch it.
He says it loud enough for it to boom among the crowd. People slow, and Atem speeds up. Yuugi speaks and shrugs. Atem can't catch his words in time as he begins to break out from a walk to a run. The target reaches into his pocket and something silver catches sunlight-
A gun. It's a fucking gun, and it's pointed right at Yuugi.
It doesn't matter if it's just a threat. It doesn't matter if this fucker really wouldn't shoot him. It doesn't matter because a gun is pointed at Yuugi. All that matters is that Yuugi is safe.
He slams into the dude with a full shoulder right into the man's chest. They both fall, but Atem's faster. He snatches the gun out of the man's hands and picks himself up. The other swears and almost grabs him, but Yuugi takes him by the elbow and pulls him along.
They run – and they run for a long time. Sneakers and combat boots slapping against the concrete as the sun sets and night begins.
Yuugi collapses against a side of a building in an alleyway, his chest heaving. Atem joins him and follows the same motions. Sweat drips down his brow, and his hands shake. He pocketed the gun somewhere along the way. Yuugi still has the wallet clutched in his hands.
And the words build up on his tongue again.
They burn his tongue now with their sickly sweetness. Is this the right time? Is this the moment where he tells Yuugi No-Last-Name from Oklahoma that there's something more than just companionship.
Yuugi looks at him, and for the first time, a wicked smile takes over his lips. It's beautiful and dark and perfect – and the words only burn worse.
"We fucking did it," Yuugi heaves. "Good job, partner in crime."
He won't ruin this perfect moment – that beautiful smile – with words. Atem swallows them and beams at his friend/companion/crush.
"Partners in crime," Atem remarks. "Aibou."
Yuugi raises a brow, and a laugh falls from his lips. "You making fun of my race, jerk?"
Atem gives a chuckle of his own, and he brings his sleeve up to wipe his brow. The sweat dries and leaves a sticky feeling that he tries to get rid of. Yuugi doesn't look much better with his bright red face and sweaty brow.
"Nah," Atem says. "Family liked Japan. Learned a few words along the way."
"You were fucking rich?"
"Blood money," Atem responds. "Mafia. Dad liked drugs, money, and took training tips from the Yakuza. Wasn't happy that I wasn't the strong son he asked for."
Yuugi slides down and finds home on the dirty concrete. Atem joins him, and watches as Yuugi pops the wallet open and begins to count the cash.
"Fuck him," Yuugi remarks. "You and I are together now, Other Me."
Atem's eyebrows knit together as a confused chuckle falls from his lips. His heart picks up speed again, but this time it isn't from running. His patience is paying off. It has to be.
"Other Me?" he says.
"Yeah," Yuugi replies as he looks up. "You look like my fucking shadow. Be happy I didn't name you Yami."
"Yami no Yuugi," Atem coos as he raises his hands towards Yuugi. He wags his fingers and makes a soft 'oohs' as he does. Yuugi snorts at him.
"You're fucking dumb," Yuugi says. "We got, like, a five-hundred bucks here. You wanna get something to eat before we head back to the bike?"
"Anything besides another burger joint. How about Taco Bell, Aibou?"
"Does Taco Bell sell burgers?" Yuugi says. "Then, no."
They sell the gun later to a shady pawn shop – and earn a couple hundred more bucks. They earned a big fast food dinner after that.
They fuck in Utah to the sound of thunder.
It starts as rain begins. Motorcycles and rain doesn't mix, the two realized, so they find the nearest hotel. It's a rather nice one than Atem has grown accustomed to. He raises his brow at Yuugi as he brings the bike to a stop out in the parking lot.
"Hey," the man says. "It's worth it. I think there's a pool here anyways."
It's an empty hotel with barely any workers because who the fuck gets a hotel in Utah? Not normal people. A lady presses a room key into Atem's hands and winks at him. Atem doesn't respond to it as he follows Yuugi up the set of stairs.
They got a room with two beds and a view, and if Atem is going to be honest, the view could use some work. The dark gray skies made the entire city look rather sad.
But, the beds are rather nice, and Atem collapses in one the second they reach it. He can hear a soft laugh from the other side of the room as Yuugi sits on his bed. There's some movement, and Yuugi turns on the television. Atem hears Big Bird talking, and Yuugi's soft curse as he goes to change the channel.
"Nah, Aibou," Atem says. "It's all good. I love Sesame Street. That vampire dude is my favorite."
Atem looks up in time to see Yuugi roll his eyes, but a smile on his lips anyways. He's been doing that more – and Atem appreciates it more than anything else this world could offer him.
Yuugi gets bored, because the man can't sit still for more than five minutes unless they play a game, and he moves. He slides off the bed and paws through his small bag of things. All Atem knows is there's some clothes in there, and maybe a few wallets from the rich that Yuugi needs to sell.
"Let's go swimming," Yuugi says. "I saw a pool."
Atem buries his face in his pillow and gives a sound of protest. Yuugi doesn't react to it as he slaps Atem's leg.
"I don't have trunks," Atem replies.
"Neither do I. Come on, we can wear boxers or something. It's not like anyone is gonna watch us. There's only, like, two workers in this entire damn hotel."
He thinks about denying, but the idea of Yuugi in boxers is enough for him to push himself up. He goes to answer, and gets a towel that smells of heavy detergent thrown at his face.
"Let's go!" Yuugi cheers. "A swim sounds beautiful right now, Other Me."
And Atem follows because he can't imagine not doing so. He pads down the stairs and follows Yuugi without question as he leads them to a small shower room right outside the pools. Yuugi strips his leather and denim pants. Atem tries not to stare.
"Hey, slowpoke," Yuugi remarks as he tosses his shirt towards Atem. The other catches it in the nick of time. "Hurry up!"
Atem strips, and by the time his pants slip off his ankles, Yuugi is already out the door. The young man leaves the shower just in time to see Yuugi jump into the water with a scream. He goes under for just a moment, and breaks through the surface with his hair stuck to the sides of his face.
"Get in here!" Yuugi calls. "Do it before I drag you in."
Yuugi gives him that smile again. That big, beautiful smile that finally brings light to his eyes. It's enough to make Atem's heart skip a beat and enough for him to run for the pool.
"Cannonball!" Atem yells. He jumps, and tucks his feet just in time for the water to hit.
Somewhere under the waves, the words find Atem again. They taste bitter on his tongue because they feel like he's running out of time. He's missing his chance to tell how he feels. He needs to say it before it's too late.
No. It's not like that. It's not like that at all. He's being careful, trying to tiptoe around Yuugi. Atem won't ruin their adventure no matter how much it fucking hurts to swallow the words down. He needs to stop before the words begin to control him.
He comes out of the waves with a gasp. Yuugi gives a light splash towards him.
"There you are!" Yuugi calls. "I thought you'd never come up."
Atem splashes him back. "I always show up fashionably late."
Yuugi throws him a smirk. "You gonna show up fashionably late when I beat you in a splashing contest?"
The cheesy line makes him pause long enough for Yuugi to lay a big splash on him. Atem spits the chlorinated water from his mouth and makes a gasp towards Yuugi.
"Betrayer!" Atem calls. "I thought you were my Aibou."
"I am," Yuugi remarks with that same smirk. He's readying himself to give another splash. "I'm your Aibou who loves to win, Other Me."
And it begins. They splash and laugh and throw cheesy remarks. Yuugi dives under the waves to avoid Atem's splashes, and Atem jumps for Yuugi whenever the man tries to rebut him. It's a perfect, uninterrupted game as lightning flashes through the windows. Atem can't hear the rain or even the thunder at this point.
And then Atem gets close to Yuugi.
Yuugi pauses in mid-splash as he moves his gaze to meet Atem's own. They breathe in perfect harmony as Yuugi raises a hand to rest on the side of Atem's face. His pale thumb ghosts across Atem's dark skin.
"Hey," Yuugi breathes.
"Hey."
Yuugi leans up. His lips brush against Atem's. It's careful – testing the feeling before he dives in. Atem doesn't push and instead holds still until Yuugi presses his lips fully into Atem's own. The young man can feel his breathing hitch and he brings his hands up to rest on Yuugi's hips. The other man gets aggressive with his actions – fast.
It's a blur from there. Atem remembers grabbing their clothes just in time before Yuugi yanks him upstairs. It's a mess of memories on how they get to their room with gentleharshcareful kisses and touches.
It's all a blur until they get to the hotel room. Atem's mind committed every memory from there and they burned into his brain.
He remembers falling back onto the bed. He remembers Yuugi climbing on top and already pulling and his boxers. He remembers the fact they didn't say a word to each other as Yuugi brought his kisses down his neck and nip at his collarbone.
They fuck to the sound of thunder, and Atem has never felt so perfect.
Atem wakes up the next day to Advil, water, and a fully-dressed Yuugi who asks if he wants fast food or breakfast from the hotel.
"The food here looks okay," Yuugi remarks. "But, I'm still slightly worried it could kill us."
Atem blinks. His eyebrows knit together as he tries to understand. They did do what they did last night, right? That wasn't just a wild dream?
He catches the slight purple mar sticking out from Yuugi's shirt. Nope. Last night wasn't a dream.
And those words – those fucking beautiful words – stain his mouth again. They crawl across his teeth and he has to bite his lip to keep them from spilling out. Yuugi frowns at his silence and moves his shoulders in a shrug.
"I dunno," he says. "We can eat here if you want. Can you move okay?"
His lower half definitely fucking aches. Atem nods in response and leans over to snatch the medicine and water off the nightstand. Yuugi nods at him and moves back to his task. He snatches their clothes that Atem dropped the other night off the floor, and he picks out Atem's.
"We need to get you more clothes," Yuugi mutters. "We both need more fucking clothes."
He tosses the clothes towards Atem. The other doesn't bother to catch them as he chugs down the medicine and sugary sweet words.
"So," Yuugi says. "We can leave today for North Dakota. I think the storm finally died for good. We should get there in, like, a few days."
Atem can swallow those words – the confession – but he can't swallow the other set of words. They come rushing from his throat and leave his lips before he can stop it.
"Aibou," Atem starts. "About last night-"
Yuugi snaps his gaze towards him, and the look is all Atem needs for him to catch his lower lip. Yuugi gives a soft sigh and shakes his head.
"Don't worry about it, Other Me. Don't tell me how you felt, or any shit like that, okay? Just let it be."
Atem nods, and Yuugi moves again. He rounds his bed and heads for the door. There's some mention of getting Atem breakfast before the door slams behind him. Atem only watches the door with an empty glass clutched so tight in his hands that his knuckles became white.
"Goddamn it," he whispers.
Yuugi needs to be treated gentle with careful whispers and soft remarks. He can't have feelings shoved onto his hands. Not now. Not when they barely know each other. He's still Yuugi No-Last-Name from Oklahoma and born during a tornado, and he's still Atem Nazari from Florida with a drug lord dad.
Not yet. It's not time yet.
Atem shoves back the covers and goes for the bathroom. He walks with a limp – and he tries not to think about that as he slams the door shut behind him. The man moves without thought and snatches the complimentary toothbrush and toothpaste off the counter. He slathers toothpaste on the brush.
He needs to get rid of these words – these feelings. It would only be for a little while. A few more weeks, a couple months, and he can confess. They'll be closer then. They will be.
Atem shoves the toothbrush into his mouth and scrubs his tongue. He presses down with all his might and scrapes to get the sugary-sweet taste out of his mouth.
Yuugi just fucked him. That's all it was. It's not important because Atem had boyfriends before. This is far from his first time. It's not important – and not special. What's wrong with just a nice, little escape from the real world?
(It stings. It fucking stings. That's all it was to Yuugi. He didn't want to even talk about last night. Was it that fucking terrible? Is it so fucking terrible to be a normal being and feel things? God, does he even want anything to do with Atem besides another warm body?)
There's tears. He has no idea where they came from as he scrubs his gums. They bleed. Atem doesn't care because he can still taste the words. He needs to – has to – scrub them out.
(What if he tells Yuugi how he feels? What the fuck happens then? Yuugi will cut him off, and drop him wherever they are. It doesn't matter if they're in North Dakota looking at presidents' faces, in California stealing wallets from blue-eyed pricks, or in Utah fucking – Yuugi can end their journey whenever Atem breaks the final rule.)
Atem spits toothpaste now stained a light pink. His entire mouth aches as he hits the tap and fills his mouth with water. The young man tilts his head back and gurgles it until he chokes, and spits the water out.
(He won't be able to hide this forever. He won't be able to keep swallowing and brushing away the confession. It will only end when he says the terrible words, and ends his journey with the most beautiful man Atem has ever met.)
"But I'll drag it on for as long as I can," Atem breathes.
They kiss in a changing room somewhere inside North Dakota.
Atem can taste frost on his lips. He misses the heavy sunlight of California as he shudders and wraps his arms around himself.
"Shit," Yuugi says. They stopped at another gas station for fuel. There's signs all over the doors saying the workers are armed – and believe in the Second Amendment readily. That doesn't make Atem feel any better as they peer out the window and watch the duo.
"Hm?"
"We'll need coats," Yuugi says. "It's way too cold here."
"Like winter coats?"
Yuugi moves his shoulders in a shrug and he gives a hum in response. "It depends on wherever you wanna go, I guess."
Atem doesn't know. His mind has been too focused on the beautiful look in Yuugi's eyes to even begin to think of another state to visit.
"Eh, we might as well," Atem says. "We'll have to go soon though. The sun's about to set."
Another ride – another set of miles of Atem clinging to Yuugi's waist – and Yuugi finds them a store. It's independent with no brand names or recognizable features. Camouflage patterns decorate the outside, and Atem sees those signs again.
"This place is worse than Texas," Atem remarks as he pushes the door open.
"Nah, Other Me," Yuugi responds. "There isn't a place worse than Texas."
The workers don't bother them as they head for the coats. Some of them are thin, and others thick with fake (Atem hopes it's fake) fur. Yuugi goes for any that promise leather and warmth. Atem goes for any that promise the fur is fake, but will still keep him warm.
"Other Me," Yuugi whispers. His breath ghosts across Atem's ear. Atem shudders from it and freezes somewhere between picking out a coat. "Come with me."
Atem follows as Yuugi tosses a jacket over his arm and leads him to the changing area The empty store allows them some privacy as they slip into a room, and Atem locks a door behind him.
He turns around right before Yuugi is on top of him. They're lips smash and teeth click, but Atem melts into it. Yuugi brings a hand up into his hair and guides him down just a bit. The inch in height is just enough to be a bitch.
Yuugi's lips find his neck, and Atem lets out a shaky breath as his knees go weak. The man's hips press against his own and Yuugi uses it to his advantage.
"Aibou," Atem groans. "Not here."
Yuugi makes a soft sound of protest and pulls back. His lips are puffed up and face red. Atem can't be much better off. The man flashes him a wicked grin and takes his hand.
"Alright. Let's go."
They buy the coats they had. They must have gotten a weird look from the cashier.
Atem climbs on the motorcycle, and Yuugi presses his lips into his own before helping him slide on his helmet.
They end up in some motel with no name. Atem doesn't recall anything until his back hits the blankets, and Yuugi is on top of him again. Atem kisses without thinking because they're back to that night in Utah and his heart is swelling from emotion-
(Emotion that Yuugi doesn't feel. Yuugi thinks of him as just a good time, a partner with no strings attached, a play date with no consequences. He doesn't feel what Atem feels. He doesn't feel that toe-curling, heart-hammering feeling Atem gets when he just talks to Yuugi. He doesn't get clammy hands when they look at each other, and doesn't feel butterflies in his stomach when they share a new memory together.)
And – as Yuugi unbuttons Atem's shirt – Atem is back in Kentucky. He's back at that no-name gas station with a yellowing bruise and no money to his name. He's back to Yuugi asking him if he needs a ride.
Then he remembers Wisconsin. He remembers mooing at cows and popping deep-fried cheese curds in his mouth. He remembers not even being able to talk to Yuugi because he's too beautiful for Atem to even consider the option.
Texas. The heat, the sand, the fact he's opening up. He talks to Yuugi with no real information being shared. Dumb jokes that get soft chuckles, odd jobs for gas, and a cowboy hat that Yuugi gets him.
They went to Colorado next. Beautiful mountains that paled in comparison to Yuugi. The warm flutters started then, and that was the place Yuugi finally told him his first two rules.
California. The last rule. A starry sky. Running away from a rich prick. Aibou and Other Me.
Utah. Water on his skin. Yuugi and him fucking on a creaky bed. Atem scrubbing his teeth until he saw blood.
North Dakota. A ma-and-pop gas station. Winter coats. Making out in a changing room. Where the confession comes out.
"I love you."
Everything stops. Yuugi freezes, the cold stops chilling Atem's bones, the world pauses on its axis, and time ceases. All he can hear is Yuugi's soft breathing as he snaps his head back and looks at Atem in the eye.
"What?"
It's breathless and broken and cracked. It's all Atem needs before the dam cracks and words come flushing out before he can stop them. He can't even think – consider – them.
"In California, you asked me where I wanna be dropped off. I wanna be dropped off wherever you wanna go. I want to stop traveling when you do, keep traveling when you want to, and follow you wherever you go. I don't care where it is. Fuck, I don't care if we start traveling around Europe for all I care. I want to travel with you. I love you."
And there's a moment where Yuugi is silent. Maybe he will smile at Atem. Maybe he will have a realization that he loves Atem too, and they can finally be what Atem wants to be. They can travel together as more than friends – more than fuck buddies. They can be something special.
Yuugi's face twists up. His eyes become dark. He shakes his head. Atem blinks, and Yuugi is off him and on the other side of the room.
"No," Yuugi whispers. "No, no, no. You can't love me. You can't."
(For a moment, Atem wants to take the words back. He wants to grab them out of the air and shove them right back into his mouth. He wants to make Yuugi forget he ever said them.)
And then he remembers Utah – and he remembers a toothbrush stained pink with his blood.
"I'm sorry, Yuugi," he whispers. "I can't keep fighting this. I can't keep trying to pretend. I love you – and that's all there is to it."
Yuugi's face twists in such a way that Atem has never seen before. The man doesn't crack under pressure. He doesn't bend or break under the gaze of a cop, and he doesn't look away when he needs to say the truth. He's strong. He's crafted out of titanium.
"No, no, no," Yuugi whispers. "Why did you have to say it?"
He's not strong right now. He looks ready to break with a panicked look and shaky hands. Atem frowns and moves. Yuugi flinches.
"Aibou?" he murmurs. "Are – are you okay?"
"Take it back," Yuugi says. "Take it fucking back."
Atem flinches as well and stares down at his hands for just a moment. He snatches his shirt off the floor and slides it on. Yuugi collapses against the corner of the walls and caves in on himself. His hands are shaking too much.
"Aibou, I'm sorry. I can't help what I feel," Atem whispers. He moves off the bed and moves towards Yuugi. His movements are slow – careful.
"I told you," Yuugi says. "You're not supposed to tell me how you feel. Can't we pretend? Can't we pretend these feelings don't exist?"
Atem pauses a few steps away from Yuugi. His heart stops in his chest in a stuttering halt, and his breath catches in his throat. Those warm butterflies come to life in his stomach again.
"Do you love me too?" Atem asks.
Yuugi takes in a deep breath that gets caught in his throat. His next one comes out as a shudder as he claps his hands in his hair and pulls at the strands.
"I won't say it," Yuugi replies. "I won't fuck you over, too."
Atem comes closer to Yuugi, and reaches out to take the man's hands. The other doesn't protest as he takes them in his own and holds them tight.
"Talk to me," Atem says. "Tell me what's happening. Why can't you love me too?"
There's a long pause. Yuugi takes deep breathes to cool himself, and he flexes his fingers around Atem's before gripping them tight. Atem returns the grip.
"I can't tell you," Yuugi says. "I need to show you."
"Show me? Why-"
"Do you need a ride?"
Atem pauses. There's so much more gravity in this, he realizes, as Yuugi raises his head to look him in the eye. There's no backing out from this when he answers. He can either stop now and be left in North Dakota – or follow Yuugi until the very end.
"Yeah," Atem says. "I could use a ride."
"We're going to Oklahoma. Right now."
Atem lets out a breath. No turning back now.
"Okay."
They move across states with only stops for gas, food, and sleep. They sleep in two bedroom hotel rooms. Yuugi doesn't talk much when they do. His gaze is too focused outside with a harsh look on his face.
"I haven't been back there for years," Yuugi tells him. It's two in the morning, and they're in Kansas. Yuugi doesn't sleep. Atem stays awake with him.
"How do you feel, Aibou?"
"Don't ask me that."
"I did anyways. Just humor me a bit, okay?"
There's a long pause of silence. Atem's eyes slide shut, and for a moment, he dreams of hotel rooms with terrible paint jobs and a motorcycle with rust. He dreams of a beautiful, broken man with purple eyes and calloused hands.
"I'm scared."
Atem opens his eyes and finds Yuugi standing in front of a window. He's fully dressed in his leather. They shed their winter coats and Yuugi puts on his old leather jacket. It's worn, and he could use a new one.
"Scared of what?" Atem presses.
"Everything," Yuugi says. His voice is just above a whisper. It rasps and breaks and pauses between words. "People, memories, ghosts, you."
"Me?"
"You terrify me."
"Why?"
"Because you're the best thing that's happened to me so far, and I'm going to fucking ruin it just like I ruin everything else."
Atem pauses. He takes in a breath and pushes himself up onto his elbows. His hair is mussed and wrecked, eyes open just a bit. He exhales morning breath and inhales stale hotel air.
"Why did you pick me up that day?"
"You needed a ride."
"Have you given others a ride before?"
"No."
Atem raises an eyebrow, but from his angle he can't see the reaction on Yuugi's face. He can only see crossed arms, a straightened back, and wild hair full of frizz and damage.
"Why me then?"
"I saw you," Yuugi says. His voice is growing soft again. Atem leans in to hear him. "And it was fucking everything those stupid television tells you. Something at first sight. Something that made me want to take you anywhere you wanted to go."
Atem's heart – unlike his brain – understands his words and picks up its speed. That warmth returns to his stomach and a stupid, tired smile crosses his lips.
"Do you still feel it?" Atem asks.
"Is that even a question?"
Atem shrugs. "I guess not."
Silence fills the room again as Atem settles down into the blankets. He pulls the bright-red Aztec patterned blanket over him and presses his face into the pillow. Sleep is greeting him like an old friend, and Atem can't deny it for much longer.
"What's holding you back then?" Atem pries.
He almost misses the response. He's somewhere between sleep and awake as Yuugi approaches him. A hand ghosts across the side of his face, and it's enough to jar him into a more awake state. He opens his eyes just enough to find Yuugi's gaze.
"What's waiting for us in Oklahoma. The fact that when I show you, you'll finally get enough sense and leave me for good. You'll forget me even though I can never forget someone as wonderful as you."
Atem falls sleep before he can even think of a response.
Kansas comes and goes with only mild The Wizard of Oz references. They leave with Atem declaring he is Dorthy and Yuugi is totally Toto – or the dude made of tin.
Oklahoma hits. Yuugi's entire posture changes on the motorcycle. He hunches and goes too fast for Atem's liking. The young man can only grip Yuugi's waist tighter in response as he tries to gaze over the cities. They drive through the early beginnings of the town, and stop somewhere along the way for one last pit-stop.
"We're only a few miles away," Yuugi breathes as he places the nozzle inside his bike. "Are you ready, Other Me?"
"Are you?" Atem asks. It's not said in a rude way, more soft, more gentle. He's ready to take a break if Yuugi needs it. He's ready to back off and let Yuugi get some air before they rip the cover off the man's life.
"I don't know," Yuugi says. "I really don't."
"We can stop-"
"No," Yuugi cuts in. "We can't. We have to keep going."
The look in Yuugi's eyes is enough for Atem to snap his jaw shut and nod. Yuugi pays the gas, and runs a hand through Atem's hair as he stops beside the motorcycle.
"Atem?" he murmurs.
Atem – lost in the sensation of a hand carding his hair – can only give a soft hum in response. His eyes are shut with a smile on his lips, and he doesn't see Yuugi until the man's breath ghosts across his face.
"One last kiss," Yuugi tells him.
And he presses his lips against Atem's own. It's everything. It's a mix of emotions that's so brief to the point where Atem can only begin to figure them out before Yuugi pulls back. Yuugi smiles at him. It's not one of happiness – it's of regret – like he lost Atem already.
He slides Atem's helmet on and snaps down the visor.
Oklahoma brings warm air and a graveyard.
It's a newer one with fresh stone paved paths and heavy gate made of iron. Yuugi slides off his motorcycle, and he waits for Atem to join his side before he walks. Atem tries to hold back questions as Yuugi leads him into the graveyard.
"This is why you can't love me, Atem," he says. "And this is why I can't love you."
He stops in front of a grave. It's a bit older than the rest with wear from years of weather. A single finger points to it as Yuugi slides back and Atem moves closer to read the engravings.
Anzu Mazaki. 1993 – 2011. May she be forever remembered and missed.
"She was beautiful," Yuugi says. "Brown hair. Blue eyes. She loved to dance and play my stupid games with me."
Oh. Oh. Realization slaps Atem across the face, and some kind of sadness fills his throat. He reaches out and brushes his fingers against the scribed words.
"What happened?"
"She fell in love with a fucking idiot," Yuugi replies. "And the idiot fell in love with her. He was too weak to defend her when she needed it the most."
"Aibou-"
"I dropped out of high school and just left. No notes. No goodbyes. I couldn't – I can't – handle my fucking mistake. I'm so weak."
"Aibou-"
"You can't love me, Atem. You can't. I have too many fucking emotions for you to handle. I'll make you weak just like I made Anzu weak."
"Yuugi!"
Yuugi pauses and snaps his head up. There's tears in the corner of his eyes, and Atem reaches out slow to rest a hand on the side of his face. Yuugi allows it and shuts his eyes. Atem doesn't mention the tear running down the side of the man's face.
"You're not weak. It took a lot for you to tell me the truth," he says.
"Other Me, I-"
"Having emotions – thoughts, feelings, and just being fucking human – doesn't make you weak. It's okay to feel. It's okay to confess, and love, and just be happy. There's nothing wrong with just being who you are. Whoever Yuugi No-Last-Name is."
Yuugi chuckles against his tears, and he brings his hands up to wipe the corners of his eyes. "Mutou. My name is Yuugi Mutou."
"Nice to meet you, Yuugi Mutou," Atem says.
"Nice to meet you too."
Yuugi takes in a deep breath and lets it out slow. Atem's thumb runs across Yuugi's cheekbone as the man regains his emotions. He's staring down at the ground and looks up at Atem.
"Do you need a ride?"
Yuugi doesn't ask this. Atem's rough voice comes out instead with his gaze transfixed on Yuugi. The other pauses and frowns at him.
"What do you mean?"
"I've been following you around all this time, Aibou," Atem says. "Allow me to lead you. Let me give you a ride. Or, well, let me guide you while you drive."
Yuugi snorts, but it's soft with no malice behind it. He's silent for a moment before his shoulders shrug. "Alright. Where do you wanna go?"
"To the countryside of Oklahoma. Will you follow me?"
"I have to at this point, right?" Yuugi replies.
Atem gives a shrug of his own and a soft smile at Yuugi. He moves his hand away from his face and instead takes his hand. Yuugi doesn't pull back as Atem moves forward. There's only a slight pause as Yuugi looks to Anzu's grave. Atem follows his gaze and gives a soft sound in response.
"She loved you just as much as you loved her, Yuugi," Atem says. "I can sense that – and I know she never blamed you despite what happened. She would still want you to be you."
"You didn't know her," Yuugi replies with a bit of bitterness slipping into his tone.
"I didn't," Atem says. "But I can sense it. She sounds like she was wonderful, and I know she would feel that way."
Yuugi's silent as Atem guides him from the graveyard. He slides on Yuugi's helmet and slaps the visor down.
They drive through the heart of the city. Atem stares at blurs of street lights, signs, and bright lights. His arms wrap tight around Yuugi's waist as the city fades into the suburbs. The suburbs then fade into the countryside. Bright lights are replaced by only the moon, buildings interchanged for trees, and the smell of fresh dirt hits him instead of that usual city smell.
Yuugi parks and brings the engine to a halt. Atem slides off, removes his helmet, and goes for the satchel right away. His hands dig inside the bag until it hits rough wool, and he pulls out a bright-red Aztec patterned blanket. Yuugi follows as he leads him a few paces away from the bike and spreads the blanket out. He lays down, and Yuugi follows.
The night sky is beautiful. Bright white-blue stars, swirls of purple and black, and Atem can pick out the constellations while smelling the fresh dirt underneath him. He moves his gaze over to Yuugi. Yuugi must feel his gaze, and he does the same.
"It's beautiful," Yuugi murmurs.
"Not as beautiful as you, Aibou."
Yuugi gives a soft snort and shakes his head. "You're a cheesy idiot."
"But I'm your cheesy idiot."
There's a pause again as Yuugi ponders over his words. Atem reaches out for Yuugi's hand while he thinks. Yuugi doesn't pull away and instead grips his hand tight.
"I don't know if I can," he whispers. "I don't know if I can talk about things again, or if I can be open again."
"It's okay," Atem replies. "Just – no more hiding. No more denying, no more pretending those emotions don't exist, and no more games. I love you, and I want to travel with you. Not run away from what we feel and think."
"I'm not going to be perfect," Yuugi protests.
"Neither will I," Atem retorts. "But we'll learn together. I believe in us."
Yuugi takes in a deep breath, and his gaze turns back towards the sky. Atem watches the emotions run across his face and tries to decode them. There's worry and fear and some sort of hope as he finally looks towards Atem and gives him a smile-
"I love you," Yuugi says. His voice is soft and careful – as if the world might break if he speaks too loud.
"I love you too, Aibou," Atem replies as he leans in. He presses his lips against Yuugi's own in a soft manner. No aggression. No lust. Just some form of gentleness as he pulls back and flashes Yuugi a smile.
Yuugi returns it, and that big smile only widens as he asks, "Do you need a ride?"
"Yep," Atem responds. "I do."
"It's your turn to pick. Where do you wanna go?"
Atem gives a long hum and stares down at the intertwined hands for just a moment. He studies the ripped hangnails on Yuugi's hands and the dirt packed underneath fingernails on his own. He flexes his fingers and tightens his grip. Yuugi returns it.
"Wherever our hearts take us, I guess," Atem responds. "So long as you're with me."
Yuugi leans over to kiss Atem. His lips taste sugary sweet, and the taste doesn't burn his tongue like the words did.
For the first time in a long time, Atem feels free.
End