Death by Sugar: Gaara's Quest to Become Main Character
Rated T for: Language, and the continual use of coffin of crushing sand, AKA Desert Coffin (Sabakusoso), AKA Funk Coffin, AKA Sweet Coffin.
A/N: ANOTHER Naruto PARODY! By the way, if anyone read my brother's comment on my previous Naruto parody, it's not true. I wrote it all by myself...he just doesn't want to admit that I'm more SKILLFUL! Ok, so maybe I got one idea from him...but I took the initiative to write it, and he didn't. Never believe what my little brother JakFresca says, it's a LIE I tell you, LIEEEEEEEEEEE! Nah, he's not so bad...
JakFresca: are you going to tell the readers all about how annoying I am, which I am not, or are you going to write this parody?
FrescaPower: Right, sorry
JakFresca: though it's not like it's original or anything, half the lines are from Naruto Abridged anyway.
FrescaPower: That's enough out of you!(I try to shove him out of my room but fail. )
JakFresca: (Trying to keep the door open)FrescaPower doesn't own Naruto! Masashi Kishimoto Does! And she doesn't own catchphrases from Naruto Abridged either, that's from MasakoX and Vegeta! So go read something more original!
FrescaPower: Get out of my room! (I successfully shut the door on his hand) Yes!
OK, so that was a completely pointless intro...NOW I PRESENT...
Death By Sugar: Gaara's Quest to Become Main Character
One day, there was someone who had really ticked off Gaara...
"I am Gaara. Of the FUNK! And Sugar, too."
"HAHAHAHAHA! That's the most ridiculous name I've EVER HEARD! Why sugar?" said the person.
"I come from the Village of Hiding-in-the-Sugar (Sugargakure), where dentists are the kings of society. But you insulted me AND my sugar. You will die. Once I finish reapplying my eye makeup."
Gaara took out a small mirror and his eye makeup, and began to carefully reapply it. The person ran away.
6 HOURS LATER...
"All done! Now I can kill...hey, where did he go? I am so ticked off. The first person I see dies!"
"Hey there, Gaara!" said Kankuro
"Coffin of sweet sweetness! Whoops. That was Kankuro."
"Kankuro!" cried Temari
"Sweet Coffin!" said Gaara, using the short name of the attack.
Orochimaru suddenly appeared out of nowhere. "I like your style, boy join me –
"Sweet Coffin!"
"Awesome! You killed the villain! Believe it!" said Naruto
"Say that once more and you die."
"I'm not going down without a fight, Believe it! Summon...Gamabunta, the Giant Toad!"
Gamabunta appeared out of a giant poof of smoke, with Naruto standing on his head "Why didn't you summon an Asphalt Road?" asked the Toad.
"Huh?" said Naruto cluelessly
"Never mind..."
"I will have to use my most special attack..." said Gaara, making a bunch of hand signs "the..."
There was a HUGE poof of smoke.
" 'Playing Sweet Technique' "
Gaara was now a human-sized chipmunk, with cute little paws, cute little stripes, and cute puffy little cheeks.
"We must attack!" said the Toad
"Why? You can easily crush him," asked Naruto
"Yes, but...his power is something terrible. We must lead him away from the village, or his homicidal rampage will continue. Do YOU want his homicidal rampage to continue?"
The authoress stopped writing, because she realized the toad was talking to her.
"Erm...well, seeing as how this fic won't be very long if Gaara's homicidal rampage ends this soon... yes,"
"I WILL STOP YOU!"
"NOT IF I MAKE NARUTO DO SOMETHING STUPID FIRST!"
"I have a plan!" said Naruto. "Transformation Technique GO!"
There was a lot more smoke.
"Seriously, where is this smoke coming from anyway? It's ridiculous," said Gaara.
Then Gaara saw a guy with a smoke machine cowering in a corner.
"For this you DIE!" the guy with the smoke machine was no more. "Alright... where is he?"
Just then, the chipmunk noticed a gigantic pile of sugar. "Oooooo! Sugar!"
"OK Naruto, what did you d- AHHHH! The chipmunk is eating us!"
"Yep! Because I had us transform into a giant pile of sugar! Pretty stupid, huh?"
The Toad and Naruto got eaten by Sweet Chipmunk-form Gaara. Gaara returned to normal, then realized something.
"Hey, wait, now that the main character's dead, I guess that make me main character!"
"No, now I am, and I can finally make this into an emo anime," said Sasuke.
"I like emo, but I must be main character. Sweet Coffin!"
Sakura came in. "Hey, now that those two are dead, I guess that make me important –"
"Sweet coffin!" said Gaara quickly.
"Aw, my proteges are dead," said Kakashi, looking down at the gruesome sight from the book he was reading. "Now I'm main character. Crap-ckers and milk. Heh Heh, Mo-"
"Sweet Coffin."
Rock Lee walked by, holding a jar of maple syrup.
"At last, for the first time in my life, I can taste maple syrup, eh!"
"Sweet Coffin!" The sugar missed Lee and instead hit the Maple Syrup.
"You broke my syrup, eh! For that you shall pay, eh!"
"You already lost to me in volume 10. Sweet Coffin."
"Now you can be my protege!" said Master Gai, his teeth twinkling.
"I'd rather die. Sweet Coffin!"
Gaara continued his murderous rampage, killing off Iruka, Neji, Tsunade, Jiraya, Itachi, the Akatsuki Leader, the Sound Four, Kimimaro, Haku (Who had angel wings) and Zabuza (who had devil horns on his head and was carrying a pitchfork) until all the characters were killed off, except for the really, really unimportant ones, like the Rower and the Log.
"Did somebody say the Rower?"
"SWEET COFFIN!"
Alright then, never mind.
"At last, I am main character!" said Gaara triumphantly.
"Yes, but you killed off all the characters." said FrescaPower. "Now there can't be anymore Naruto. Screw this fic..."
The fic was deleted.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
But somehow, it found its way onto FanFiction anyway.
Special thanks to DrownMySoul, since one of her comments was the inspiration of Gaara turning into a chipmunk. It was not in my original draft that Naruto fought Gaara (he just got killed off real quickly) but I think adding this makes it a lot funnier and longer story.